What a Duke Dares (43 page)

He resisted the need to touch her. “The strange thing is that I’ve known for years, even if I only just acknowledged it.”

She sighed. “You speak in riddles.”

“Cowards often do. And I am a coward. I’ve recognized that too.”

Inevitably the time had arrived when he must jump. He prayed that he’d live to tell the tale. He expected his voice to shake, but his words rang with conviction.

He launched himself into space. “I know what I want, Pen. I want you to love me.”

Since she was eight years old, Pen had imagined Cam asking for her love.

Except this scene wasn’t quite right. In her fantasy, the words were different.
I love you, Pen. I will always love you.

Although she saw what it had cost Cam to speak, his demand didn’t inspire her to declare eternal devotion. Instead, it made her feel tired, as though a great weight pressed down on her.

In the last six months, she’d lost a brother and a beloved aunt. Once or twice, she’d nearly died herself. She’d shouldered Harry’s troubles. She’d struggled to cope with becoming a duchess when she’d never aspired to the title. She’d always wanted Cam. She’d never wanted to be the Duchess of Sedgemoor.

Most crushing of all, she’d denied everything she knew to be true and married Cam.

Whatever physical pleasure she’d enjoyed, her soul had starved since their marriage. She had a grim feeling that her soul would continue to starve, even if she confessed her love, even if he trusted her again, even if he forgave her for this latest scandal.

“Did you hear me?” His expression was wary, almost like he expected her to throw herself out the window.

Pen realized that she must stare at him as if he spoke a
foreign language. She supposed that when Cam spoke of love, that was true. “I did.”

He stepped toward her. When she backed away, his face contracted with anguish. “You’ve got nothing to say?”

She bit her lip. He was so handsome, especially now when his self-sufficient air crumbled to nothing. She couldn’t doubt that he’d changed in the last weeks. The problem was that he hadn’t changed enough. She came to realize that he never would.

“You can’t make someone love you,” she said dully. If she’d learned one truth, it was that.

His jaw firmed. “I can try.”

“There’s no point. Just let me go.”

The slashing black brows lowered. “Do you want to leave me?”

She’d fled to Europe to escape Camden Rothermere. Right now, she wished she’d stayed there. “Yes.”

He slumped back onto the flimsy bed and stared blindly ahead. “Have I done so much damage?”

Her stupid, stubborn heart wanted to reassure him. But hard experience had taught her that every step in his direction meant another step deeper into pain. “No, I have.”

He didn’t look at her. “I know I acted the complete ass about Harry, but, hell, Pen, I’ve acted the complete ass before and you’ve forgiven me.”

She reminded herself that she did the right thing. “Don’t you see, Cam? While we’re together, there will be another scandal and another. Every time, you’ll lash out.”

He turned to her, stricken. “I promise I won’t.”

“That’s not a promise you can keep,” she said sadly, twining her hands together.

He straightened. “I won’t give up.”

She sighed, wishing this was over and she could go
somewhere dark and silent to grieve. “The whole world knows that we’re an unsuitable match. London’s perfect gentleman and harum-scarum Penelope Thorne.”

He stumbled upright and this time when he advanced, he didn’t stop. “I don’t give a rat’s arse what the world says.”

Shock paralyzed her. “Of course you do.”

“No, my sweet, misguided wife, I don’t.” He placed his hands on either side of her head, caging her against the wall.

Her voice shook. “You’ve devoted your life to proving that a Rothermere can be a man of principle.”

“Rather I’ve wasted my life,” he said bitterly.

Bewildered, she stared at him. “You’ll rise above this scandal. Especially if I’m in Italy and you go back to being society’s ideal.”

“If you run away to Italy, I’ll follow.”

“Why would you do that?” She’d been afraid that if she touched him, her resolve might weaken. Now she pushed at his chest. Even a blow to her head couldn’t addle her like Cam’s nearness. “For heaven’s sake, stop looming.”

Desperation tightened his features. “Will you listen to me?”

She almost wished he’d retained his imperturbability. She still had no idea why her decision to leave touched not just his pride, but some deeper level. “Cam, if I stay with you, it will only sully the family reputation.”

To her relief, he lowered his arms. He remained too close for comfort, but she didn’t feel quite so surrounded. “Pen, I’ve come to realize that no man of character lives by someone else’s leave. I’m not responsible for my parents’ behavior. It’s time to say I’m Camden Rothermere, take me or leave me.”

Now that she observed him more closely, he did look different, as though he’d sloughed off a demon or two. Despite
everything, she smiled. If he broke free of the old scandals, she could only rejoice. “Cam, if that’s true, I’m happy for you.”

“A man of character also stands up and says this is the woman I’ve chosen.”

Regret bit deep. “You didn’t choose me.”

To her surprise, he smiled. “Now who’s a fool? Of course I chose you. I think we were meant to end up together from the day we were born.”

“You only married me to prevent scandal,” she said miserably.

“I don’t care about scandal.” His voice lowered to a deep rumble that vibrated in her bones. “I care about you.”

She stiffened. “It’s not enough, Cam.”

“I’ll convince you that it is.”

“I’ll be in Italy.”

His gaze was unwavering. “If I have to go to the ends of the earth, I’ll court you as no woman has ever been courted. I’m going to win your love.”

“But why?” she asked frantically. “This can’t just be vanity.”

The frown returned. “Pen, don’t you understand what I’m saying?”

Vehemently she shook her head. “You’ve always treated love as the enemy.”

His laugh was harsh. “Love was terrifying.”

Confusion still fogged her mind. “Of course love is terrifying. If it’s not terrifying, it’s not love.”

Another harsh laugh. “So terrifying that I still run like a coward.”

“You’re not a coward, Cam,” she said woodenly, tiring of this bewildering conversation. Lack of sleep must make her stupid. Or Leath’s blow.

“Mere words frighten me.”

When he grabbed her shoulders, she started. “Let me go.”

“Not yet. Not until you hear me out.” He was ashen and the hands on her shoulders trembled. A muscle twitched in his cheek, always a sign of deep emotion.

“Cam—”

He spoke over her in a hard voice. “I love you, Pen. I love you more than I ever thought I’d love anyone in my misbegotten life. I love you so much that you make me shake. I love you so much that you have the power to consign me to eternal darkness if you leave me.”

Amazed, speechless, devastated, disbelieving, Pen stared at him. Her heart stopped beating. Even in dreams, she’d never imagined that he’d say anything like this.

“You’ve brought me to this pass. It started years ago. Before I proposed. Before the world’s longest wild goose chase to find another woman I wanted to marry. My affliction has only worsened since I found you again.” His voice cracked as the words tumbled out. “I know your gift for love. I’ve seen it over and over again. I covet that love for myself. I humbly ask for the chance to become the man you want.”

Cam was made to command. She couldn’t believe that he loved her enough to beg.

“Please, say something. Even if it’s to send me to the devil.” His hands clenched on her shoulders before, with an apologetic gesture, he released her.

“Do—” She swallowed to release the scratchy words. “Do you mean it?”

“Damn it, of course I mean it,” he said roughly. He reached for her, then reconsidered. That truncated, defeated gesture sliced at her heart.

“If you don’t mean it, I’ll never forgive you,” she said in a rush.

“You have no reason to give me another chance, but if you do, I promise to make you happy.” His eyes burned into hers. “Put me out of my misery. Tell me there’s hope.”

She blinked away tears. Despite the anguish and violence and drama, today turned into the best day of her life. She caught one of the hands he bunched at his sides. “I don’t understand how this happened.”

That muscle still flickered in his cheek. “I’ve loved you for weeks. But I’m such a novice to love, it was only when you leaped between Harry and Leath that I could admit to myself what you really mean to me.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as if he relived the horror. “You’d die for the people you love. I realized that I’d die for you. It’s as simple as that. Once I accepted that, everything else made sense. Please, Pen, all I ask is one word to say that it’s not too late.”

She felt buffeted by his astounding confession. Not yet happy. Not yet secure. But as she met his gaze, she believed him. Tears won the battle and started to fall.

“Don’t cry, Pen. Please don’t cry.” Shaking, he cupped her cheek.

“Cam—” Too choked to speak, she raised his hand and kissed his knuckles. A kiss of homage. A kiss of gratitude. A kiss, above all, of love returned. “You’re wrong. You are the man that I want.”

The confession was so low and so weighted with tears, she didn’t expect him to hear. But he went instantly still. “What did you say?”

Dazzled, she gazed at him. “I said I love you.” She sucked in a shuddering breath and finally confessed her oldest secret. “I’ve always loved you. You. Only you.”

She saw hope leap, then subside under confusion. “But when I asked you to marry me—”

She twined her arms around him and kissed him with all
the love in her heart. His lips answered with an unspoken question. He wanted to believe her, but he didn’t. She’d felt the same when he’d said he loved her.

Reluctantly she broke the kiss. “Of course I said no. How could I bear to live with you every day and know that you’d never return my love?”

The green eyes flared and his lips curved in an exultant smile. “You have such pride.”

“So do you.”

“I should have damn well realized that I loved you when the thought of you drowning made me want to die too.” His eyes darkened. “Pen, I’ve hurt you for so long. I had no idea. How can you forgive me?”

She returned his smile with a joy that washed away regret and bitterness. “Say you love me again.”

“I love you.” He still pronounced the words as if they scalded. Staring at her like the most precious jewel in the world, he cradled her face between his palms.

“You don’t sound very certain,” she said shakily, at last sure enough to tease.

His smile widened until his face blazed with brilliance. “I love you, Penelope Rothermere.”

“That’s better.”

It was. The declaration resounded like a fanfare.

“You love me.” He sounded like that was a miracle. “You love me. And I love you.”

Pen was so happy, she felt like she’d swallowed the sun. She was so happy that she couldn’t stop crying. They’d come so near to losing one another.

With a wordless groan, he dragged her into his arms. She felt more a part of him at that moment than in all their nights of unfettered passion.

“So we get a happy ending after all,” she whispered just
above where his heart thundered. The heart that he’d finally unlocked and presented to her. She’d never take that for granted. Never.

His embrace tightened almost to pain. “I’ll always love you, my darling.”

Curse these tears. She couldn’t stop weeping all over him. “You’ve got some catching up to do.”

“Give me the next fifty years to adore you and we’ll be equal. You know how I hate to lose a contest.”

“I look forward to that.”

“So do I,” he said fervently. “Now let me take you back to the Bear and Swan where I’ll prove my devotion.”

“That will make an excellent start,” she said huskily.

They’d journeyed their whole lives to reach this point. They’d been through the storm. Now they found safe harbor.

After the years of wandering, Penelope finally came home.

Epilogue

Fentonwyck, Derbyshire, December 1828

P
en stirred from a doze to find Cam sitting on her bed in the shadowy room. He gently stroked the hair back from her face and smiled when she opened her eyes. A smile so full of love that she curled her toes under the blanket. Even now, months after the revelations in that squalid Liverpool attic, she marveled that her dreams had come true.

“Good afternoon,” she said drowsily, smiling back.

“Good afternoon to you.” He kissed her with a sweet thoroughness that set her toes curling again. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a grumpy elephant.” She let him help her up against the pillows. “Your son stays awake all night and he expects me to keep him company.”

Cam laughed softly. “My daughter is troublesome just like her mother.”

The friendly argument over whether their baby was a boy or girl had continued for months. In Liverpool when Pen had
said that she might carry his child, she’d spoken true. Soon after they’d returned to London, morning sickness had set in. Then for a few blissful months, she’d felt marvelous. But in the last weeks, she’d just been uncomfortable and exhausted.