Whale Song (26 page)

He grinned. “The new t-shirts for my team?”

Blushing, I took a healthy gulp of champagne.

“
Tell me about your job,” he said.

I shrugged. “It’s challenging. Sometimes a client has a specific vision and if we’re lucky, we’ll see the same thing. What about you?”

“
I’m a marine biologist.” He stared at me. “Like your father. In fact, it was all those trips with your Dad that did me in. How’s he doing anyway? I hear he’s getting out this month.”

“
In two weeks,” I said quietly.

I didn’t want to discuss my father with anyone―not even with Adam―so I changed the subject abruptly.

“
Do you ever go back?”

He nodded. “All the time. I work at the marine station sometimes. Mostly I work in Vancouver though. Don’t you miss the Island? We had some great times there. Remember ‘Ape Man’?”

“
Mr. Foreman―who could forget him? Yeah, those were good times.” I sighed wistfully.

The depths of his yellow-gold eyes captured me. Leaning forward, he touched my hand. “I haven’t forgotten, you know.”

“
H-haven’t forgotten…what?”

He stared at me for a moment. “Have you ever gone back out, on the water?”

Speechless, I watched his tanned hand caress mine. His thumb lightly traced the underside of my palm.

“
You should, you know.”

His voice and his touch sent a shiver up my spine.

I yanked my hand away.
He’s a client. Nothing more.

We ate dinner in partial silence, broken only by awkward chitchat. After dessert, I took out my notebook and pen.

“
Do you have a name or do you need ideas?” I asked matter-of-factly.

“
No, we have a name already,” he said. “But we want something more visual. Maybe a graphic with the team name.”

“
What’s the name?”

“
The
Sidney Sea Wolves
.”

I knocked over my champagne glass. I had seen that name somewhere.
The park!
The day that Goldie and I had visited Nana in the hospital.

Thinking of Nana made me remember something else.

When Wolf walks by her…

“
How strange,” I murmured.

“
Is something wrong?”

“
I saw you,” I admitted. “At the park last week.”

He nodded. “I know.”

I looked at him, surprised.

“
I saw you sitting by the fountain,” he said. “I recognized Goldie, but I wasn’t sure if it was really you. So I called her.”

I swallowed hard.

Now everything made sense. Adam showing up at the agency―requesting me personally.
But why?

I was afraid to ask.

After we finished dessert, he drove me back to my tiny bungalow. Unlocking the front door, I nudged it open and started inside. I felt a hand on my arm, detaining me, pulling me back gently.

Adam spun me around to face him and his golden eyes gleamed possessively as he lowered his head. His hand slid under my hair and cradled my face.

Then he kissed me…slowly…seducing my very soul.

It was nothing like the kiss he had given me when we were teenagers. This time, it was full of unleashed passion, hot and yearning. For a second my mind and body responded as if it were the most natural thing to do.

“
Do you remember?” he murmured against my lips.

I pulled away, shaking, not wanting to think back to that time. The time when my life was turned upside down. Nothing good could come from remembering. Adam was part of past memories―memories I needed to push aside.

“
Do you remember when I first kissed you?” he persisted.

I pushed past him, shaking my head. “No, I don’t remember anything.” Without looking at him, I closed the door.

“
Sarah?”
he called.

I cursed under my breath.

“
I remember, Sarah.”

I leaned against the door and pressed a hand to my lips.

“
Some things are meant to be forgotten,” I whispered.

A hideous two-headed beast from hell was torturing my mother, ripping her to pieces. I reached out to save her, my fingertips grazing hers, but I couldn’t grasp her hand. I heard her horrific screams of terror as the creature tried to push her off a rocky ledge.

Sisiutl.

“
Don’t look at it!” my mother screamed.

I knew that if I glanced at Sisiutl I would be turned into stone, so I gave my mother my undivided attention. I shrieked in terror as Sisiutl whipped its body at me, hurtling me at my mother’s feet. I gazed up into her wolfish eyes and she howled in despair.

Sisiutl slithered closer. “Sssarah. Look at me.”

Exhausted and beaten, I surrendered to the beast and stared it in the eye. It held me captive, alone and afraid, in its vicious glance. Then the creature’s shape shifted. A man’s form emerged.

“
Daddy?”

“
Sarah, look at me,” he commanded in a husky voice.

I saw my father―his familiar face―turn to me. Something long and thin dangled from his hand. He held the remains of Sisiutl’s tail. He watched me with a sad expression on his face. Then he whistled and my mother leaped safely from the ledge to the ground below, her body transforming into a silver wolf.

“
Are you ready to remember?” the she-wolf asked.

The tail in my father’s hand slowly transformed―into a long electrical cord. My father handed it to me and I stared at it.

Panting, my wolf-mother crept closer to me, closer to my father. She peered at me, her wolf eyes begging me to remember.

“
Remember…”

A hospital room flashed in my mind. Machines and strange noises invaded my thoughts. The smell of death lingered in the air and I found myself back in my mother’s hospital room― a child once more.

My father stood by the door. His angry face made me cringe.

“
I promised her, Sarah,” he screamed at me. “But I can’t let her go! You just don’t understand―”

“
Of course I understand,” I cried. “I love her too!”

I awoke from that dream, sweating profusely. Even my hair was soaked. In my lonely bed, I gasped for air and tried to quiet my racing heart. I didn’t sleep for the remainder of the night. Instead, I crawled from my bed, put on a pot of Chai tea and sat in the shadows on the bedroom floor with the shoebox full of memories in front of me.

An hour passed before I finally had the courage to tear the lid off the box. I removed the silver wolf necklace, the eagle feather and the Sea Wolf totem pole that Chief Spencer had given me so many years ago. I recalled everything he had told me that night.

Your mother’s spirit and Wolf will guide you.

I reached inside the box and pulled out the whale sculpture that Adam had given me.
To remember your mother,
he had said so long ago.

Next, I removed the wolf statue that Goldie had given me.

Placing my treasures together on a small table, I leaned up against my bed and sighed with resignation. “It’s time.”

I picked up the wolf pendant and thought of every incident where a wolf had come into my life. How ironic that Adam was the instructor of a team called the
Sydney Sea Wolves
.

I fastened the chain around my neck. Closing my eyes, I thought of the yellow gleam of a wolf’s eyes―Adam’s eyes.

I heard a drum beating hypnotically.
Puh-pum! Puh-pum!

Chief Spencer’s words echoed in my mind.

When Wolf walks by her, she will remember…

I thought of every wolf I had seen over the years. From the time I’d left Bamfield to that very moment, I had been haunted―
hunted
―by them.

…
when she is ready to see him.

“
I’m ready now,” I sobbed as tears burned down my cheeks.

I cautiously opened the floodgate. At first, the memories approached slowly―like unwelcome visitors. I recalled the day my mother had woken from her coma. I remembered her whispered, desperate plea.

“
Let me go, Sarah.”

Finally I remembered.

Everything.

Matsqui Institute waited impatiently for me like an old haunt, ravenous for its next sacrifice. It was surrounded by a ghostly mist and looked deathly dreary in the depressing thunderstorm. Its walls were drenched with slick rain, the torrential downpour beating on tinny rooftops like a band of drummers. The gates squeaked open―resisting.

I moved forward, chilled to the bone. Walking down the brightly lit hallway, I passed curious guards escorting sullen inmates back to their cells. I held my head high, but my stomach churned―not in fear but in guilt.

I recalled Nana’s wise words.
Forgiveness sets you free.

When I reached the visitor’s area, I sat in a quiet corner, waiting. I gazed directly into the eyes of each inmate. Suspicious of me, they sauntered away like disappointed children.

My father reached the table and I stared at him, taking in every line and wrinkle…every bruise and scar. His gaze met mine and I sensed his uncertainty. I had no idea where to begin.

“
I, uh…I’m so happy you’re here, Sarah,” he said.

A strained silence surrounded us.

“
I’d like to know if you’ll see me,” he said. “When I’m out in two weeks. I’d like to be part of your life again.”

So many emotions were trapped in my heart. My eyes burned with unshed tears and I ached to tell him the truth. That I remembered.

“
You didn’t ask me,” I whispered.

My father frowned. “Oh…sorry. Will you let me be part―?”

I shook my head, interrupting him. “No. You didn’t ask me if I…remember.”

He stared past me and I saw the muscles constricting in his throat. I could almost taste his fear. After a moment, his blue eyes captured mine. They watered as he took a deep breath. “Sar―”

“
Why?” I demanded, shaking my head slowly.

He reached for my hand. “Because I love you.”

“
But Dad,” I moaned. “All these years―you were innocent.”

“
I knew that, Sarah. But I had no idea that they’d find me guilty and that I’d end up here. All I could think about was you. Your doctor warned me that forcing your memory would be too dangerous.”

I sobbed quietly. “I loved her, you know. I really loved her.”

“
I know you did, honey.”

“
I never told you what she said.” I swallowed hard. “She said ‘
Let me go
’.”

There was a long silence.

Then my father slumped in his chair. “What exactly do you remember?”

“
Everything. Dad…can you ever forgive me?”

“
Sarah, honey,” he whispered. “I’m the one who needs forgiveness. For not being stronger. For not insisting you visit me…for leaving you alone to cope with it all.” A tear slipped from his eye. “Tell me what you remember.”

I glared at him. “Mom doesn’t want to be stuck on these machines.”

My father sighed, his blue eyes flashing at me with frustration. “I’ll go to the courthouse and request a removal of all life support.”

“
But that’ll take too long. I can’t believe that you don’t care what Mom wants.”

“
Sarah, I can’t make that decision. Why can’t you understand that? As long as there are signs of life―”

“
Life?” I shouted. “You call that life? Look at her―she’s already dead.”

He gaped at me, then stormed out of the room.

Alone, I felt angry and abandoned. Time moved in slow frames, flickering from past to present. I glanced at my mother’s comatose body in the bed and recalled her plea, the words she had said to me before she slipped into the coma.

“
Let me go, Sarah. Let me go.”

Working myself into a frenzy of despair, I moaned. “Okay, Mom. I’ll let you go now. Dad won’t do it, but I will.”

I pushed away from her and tugged at each cord, each connection―twisting and turning buttons until every machine was inactive. The monitors ceased their incessant noise and their futile attempts to give my mother life.

The room grew deathly still.

“
I love you, Mommy,” I whispered hoarsely.

With the respirator cord lying lifeless in my hand, I embraced my mother again and felt the last remnants of air escape her lungs. Her eyes were closed and she looked peaceful―an angel without wings. I brushed her hair gently with my fingers, tracing the angles of her face.