Welcome to the Jungle (13 page)

Vesuvia shoved Sprout into the wall as she walked past. “Out of my way, you hillbilly! I've been frozen in a block of ice for six weeks. There's no way I'm going to spend my first moments of freedom talking to you three.”

Evie shook her head. It looked like Vesuvia hadn't changed at all.

A FEW HOURS AFTER THE DARING ESCAPE FROM THE PRISON AT THE POLE, THE
ROOST
WAS
coming up on New Boca. At the rear of the bridge, Vesuvia sat on a wooden bench, acting like she owned the place. They had offered her clean, dry clothes, but Vesuvia refused, claiming that she was “appalled” by their fashion sense. She settled for one of Mom's bathrobes, which pooled around her feet.

Evie, meanwhile, sat on the floor in front of Vesuvia and didn't take her eyes off their new guest for one minute.

Vesuvia glared. “What are you looking at, Peevy Evie?”

“Just the person who sent robots to attack our continent.” Evie glared right back.

Rick didn't know how to feel. He kept trying to tell himself they had freed Vesuvia because they needed to; otherwise they couldn't root the eighth continent. But she had saved his life seemingly without ulterior motive. It was all too strange to process.

“I can't believe none of y'all didn't get blown up by them snow guards and their nose missiles! A carrot as a weapon. What a great idea!” Sprout grabbed his nose and pulled it, making machine gun sounds.

Rick had told Sprout all about their wild race through the prison.

“Y'all should have a security system like that on the eighth continent.”

“We will,” Rick said. “It'll be designed by the oversight committee. I'm thinking automated hoverships.”

“Don't listen to him, Sprout,” Evie said as she swiveled in her chair, even though no one had asked her opinion. “There will be a volunteer security force on the eighth continent. But crime won't be an issue, because it'll be a utopia.”

Rick smiled at Sprout. “As you can see, there is still so much Evie doesn't understand.”

“I understand you've got a meatball for a head!” Evie snapped.

“Ooooh!” Vesuvia purred from her seat. “Looks like there's trouble in non-Miami paradise.”

Rick didn't want to show Vesuvia any more weakness than he and Evie already had. Even if Vesuvia
had
saved him, she had a history of exploiting such facts to her advantage. Not long ago it had nearly cost him the eighth continent.

“Hey, look.” Sprout pointed. “There's New Boca straight ahead.”

They landed the
Roost
beside Grandma Condolini's inflatable water castle. Vesuvia clapped her hands when she saw it. “Ooooh! This is so exactly like Granny. Whee!”

Two of the pink robo-gorillas escorted the children into the castle. They boarded inflatable boats and were sent on the twisting journey through the castle's flooded tunnels. The Big Game Huntress met them in the throne room, where 2-Tor lay sprawled out on plastic pillows, his worm-bloated stomach puffed out like a balloon.

Vesuvia leaped from her boat, bounced nimbly across the springy floor, and landed in Grandma Condolini's lap. The old lady's drink fell from her hand, sinking to the bottom of the pool. The inflatable flamingo's neck flopped wildly at the additional weight of the girl.

“Susu! My darling precious girl. What have those bureaucratic bozos done to you? You're so skinny!”

“Oh, Granny, it was terrible. I ate nothing but snow the whole time, and there wasn't a hot tub in sight.”

“You poor thing! Elizabeth, run-don't-walk to the kitchen. This pretty princess needs a pink pineapple smoothie and a spa treatment. Make it snappy!”

The Big Game Huntress toddled off, snarling like one of the animals she hunted. Vesuvia squeezed her grandmother tightly and purred, “You remembered my favorite smoothie! I missed you so much, Granny.”

“There, there, Susu. You're home, now. You never need to worry again.”

Rick watched this scene with impatience and mild disgust. It was clear that no matter how long he stood there with Evie and Sprout at his side, the royal family of Condo Corp was not going to interrupt their reunion to notice them. “Pardon me, but we have returned your granddaughter to you safely, as you requested. I believe it is time for you to uphold your end of the—”

“—Bargain? I believe you're right.” Grandma Condolini took out a handheld fan and stuck it in the water. The spinning blades acted like a propeller, pushing her and Vesuvia to the shore. “Will some young gentleman help me out of this flamingo, or does an old lady have to do everything herself?”

While Rick stood mouth agape, Sprout swooped in. He held out both hands, allowing Grandma Condolini and Vesuvia to step onto dry ground. “Ooooh!” Vesuvia said. “So strong!”

Rick could hear Evie gritting her teeth.

“Yes, he is quite the gentleman.” Grandma Condolini patted Sprout on the back. “So, you know where this super root of yours is, yes? You know how to get there?”

“I know where it is, ma'am,” Sprout said.

“Excellent. I've notified my employees that you will be passing through. I appreciate all you have done for my family. Please enjoy your super root.”

Rick bowed his head. “Thank you, Ms. Condolini.”

She nudged Vesuvia. “There, you see that, Susu? Manners. Even a Lane can learn. Now children, shoo-shoo! Go find your root.”

Vesuvia felt so good to be free. It felt giant-slice-of-bubblegum-birthday-cake good. It felt bathing-in-a-hot-tub-of-her-enemies'-tears good.

It felt having-your-own-continent good.

The muscles in her cheeks were contorted in a fake smile so painful it hurt her brain. She waved, watching those idiots Rick and Evie, their dirty talking bird, and their ugly redneck friend leave.

When they were gone, Vesuvia gave Granny a look of great offense. “How could you help them, you crazy old leather purse? They're the enemy! Ugh. I feel disgusting just thinking about it.”

While Vesuvia ranted, her grandmother's smile widened, her dentures gleaming. All at once, Granny burst out laughing.

Vesuvia scowled. “What are you cackling about?”

Granny pulled Vesuvia into a tight hug. “Oh my darling girl, I missed you so. When those fools showed up, I just knew it meant I would see you again. But do you thank your granny for sending them to rescue you? Nope, not even a word. That Piffle man spoiled you so.” Granny pulled back. “Of course, none of this would have even been an issue if you hadn't gotten yourself caught like an idiot.”

“I'm so sorry, Granny. I didn't mean it. I was trying to get us a whole new continent to build condos on. Think of the profit!”

“Yes, yes, I know. I'm sure your heart was in the right place. But you have to be careful.”

Vesuvia nodded. “I know. So what's next?”

“Next? That's easy. Next we are going to take the eighth continent for ourselves.”

THE JUNGLE WAS SO HUMID EVIE COULD BARELY BREATHE. TRAVELING TO THE RAINFOREST, THEN
the Arctic, then back to the rainforest again, she was getting climatological whiplash!

Sprout, quite at home in the sweltering heat, barely perspired at all. He hacked at the plants with his weathered machete, clearing a path. 2-Tor chugged along behind him, his feathers damp with sweat. Rick took up the rear, gasping for air. His glasses were all fogged up.

“Do you think we did the right thing?” Rick asked Evie breathlessly as they walked.

It gave her comfort to know she wasn't the only one who had doubts about returning Vesuvia to her grandmother. “I don't know. I feel like we took a big risk rescuing her.”

Rick nodded. “Dad always says that risk-taking is good, but you have to be prepared to deal with the consequences.”

Evie had been trying to remain focused on the mission. According to the continental collision clock, they only had until sundown to stop the crash. “As long as we save the eighth continent and Australia, that's all that matters.”

They came upon a giant leaf that hung over an arch of branches. Sprout pushed it aside like a thick green curtain. The glade of super root lay beyond.

The sun shone brightly in this circular clearing. The grass was tall, and at the center was a vine-covered boulder beside a calm pool. The children raced to the center of the glade shouting, “Is that it? Wahoo! We did it!” And 2-Tor took flight, caught up in the thrill of the moment.

Evie was the first to reach the boulder. She inspected the vines, checking to see if any resembled the super root Professor Doran had given them.

“Hey y'all, check this out over here!” Sprout delicately pulled a plant away from the boulder. The black bulbs of the super root were tucked in a bud where the petiole of a leaf met the vine.

“It's funny these guys can root a continent—they're so little!” Evie observed.

“Yes,” Sprout said. “Boy, do they ever grow big. Sometimes I call it the upstairs-downstairs vine, because there's always so much going on with it upstairs with the plant and downstairs with the root.” Sprout gently pet the top of the plant like it was a small, furry animal. “Whole trees have been known to sprout from a super root, covering wide areas. It's sort of like the Pando quaking aspen grove, in Utah.”

2-Tor squawked. “Oh yes! My memory banks contain data on that forest. Or rather, I
remember
learning about that forest. Fascinating. You see, the entire forest of quaking aspen is actually a single living organism.”

“Wow, that's pretty cool!” Rick said, sounding amazed.

Sprout plucked one of the bulbs from the plant and stuck it in a little plastic baggy, which he then tucked into the breast pocket of his shirt. “There,” he said. “Now what?”

“Now back to the eighth continent!” Evie declared.

Rick nodded and adopted a somber tone. “That's right. This mission isn't over yet.”

On the trip back to the
Roost
, a strange odor filled Evie's nose.

“What is that, smoke?” Evie sniffed.

“Smells like a campfire,” Sprout said.

Rick squinted to see between the trees. “It's no campfire. Look!”

A fire had broken out in New Boca, and the flames were spreading through the area. The fire leaped from trendy boutique to palm tree to rascal-scooter surplus store.

“Oh dear me!” 2-Tor gasped. “What a terrible accident.”

“That's no accident, 2-Tor,” Rick said. “We were just here a few minutes ago. The fire spread too far too quickly for it to have occurred by sheer happenstance.”

“Are you saying someone set this fire on purpose?” asked Evie.

“That's exactly what I'm saying.”

“Outta the way, squirts!” someone yelled over the sound of a siren. “The Old Bat Bucket Brigade is
on the job
!”

The group jumped to the side as two long fire trucks zoomed by. Grandmothers hung from the sides of the trucks, armed with hoses and hatchets. They began blasting the flames with high-pressure water, but they couldn't hold back the fire's advance. The grannies were outmatched.

Soon the fire spread to the ring of trees around New Boca. Sprout stared in dismay at the burning forest. “Who would ever set fire to—oh . . .”

Above the town rose an immense inflatable blimp shaped like a blue whale. Only it wasn't blue.

It was pink.

A loudspeaker crackled, the sound echoing from the flying whale above them. “Attention ugly losers, this is your Chief Executive Officer Vesuvia Piffle coming to you live from the Condo Corp flagship
Big Whale
. You've done such good work for Condo Corp, but I'm afraid that our partnership must be cut short. Me and Granny have important business to attend to at the eighth continent, so we're going to have to let you go. That means you're going to be
terminated
. In other words, YOU'RE FIRED!” Her maniacal laughter echoed off the trees.

Grandma Condolini cut over the speaker. “Give it a rest, Susu.”

“Yes, Granny.”

The
Big Whale
gained height and drifted away. “Well, you can't say that Grandma Condolini didn't keep her word,” Evie said once the vast ship had disappeared from view.

“How do you figure?” Rick asked.

“She gave us the super root. She just neglected to mention that she'd make sure we all died in a fire.”

“Nice, Evie.” Rick looked ahead. The fire was almost upon them. “We have to get to the
Roost
,” he said.

“Wait.” Sprout grabbed them. “The forest around the town is like a fireworks factory. It'll keep burning until there's nothing left. We can't just leave. We have to stop the fire somehow.”

2-Tor straightened. “Harsh though it may seem, I cannot advise you children to take unnecessary risks. We have the super root. We should depart immediately and make haste for the eighth continent.”

The fire had consumed the buildings around them and was closing in. It was getting hot. Very hot. Soon there would be nothing left of the Lane kids, New Boca, or the whole rainforest.

“I dunno, 2-Tor,” Rick said. “What about the jungle?”

“What about Australia?” 2-Tor clacked his beak anxiously.

Rick wiped the sweat off his brow. The jungle heat really was intense. “I know, 2-Tor. We're short on time. But we can't just leave this mess.”

Sprout's eyes glimmered with hope.

Evie nodded in agreement with her brother. “Follow me,” she said. “I have an idea.”

Like maniacs, they rushed through the town, dancing around burning carts selling reed hats and cough drops. Evie was careful not to touch anything. She covered her nose and mouth with her shirt, so she wouldn't accidentally inhale too much smoke. Soon they reached Grandma Condolini's inflatable castle. The fire burned all around them, darkening the sky.

“Uh, Evie, what are we doing here?” Rick looked up at the wobbling castle.

“Grandma Condolini's castle is inflated like a balloon, but inside there are lakes and streams. So really it's like a water balloon. And what happens when you pop a water balloon?”

“You get wet. So that means . . .”

Sprout nearly jumped out of his spurs. “That means we can use it to hit New Boca in the face!”

“Exactly!” Evie smiled. “Sprout, give me your machete.”

He handed it over. She plunged the blade into the castle's exterior wall.

It didn't work. The machete pushed a divot into the plastic without tearing through. Then the wall sprung back into place, knocking Evie to the ground. The machete landed in the earth beside her.

“It's like poking a pillow,” Evie said, righting herself.

Sprout pulled his machete free and helped Evie up. “Let's try together.”

The fire was close now, very close. Evie coughed violently as they slashed at the thick plastic.

“Keep going!” Rick urged. “I think it's starting to work!”

They had carved a shallow groove into the thick material when behind them a voice cried, “Lanes! Don't move!”

Evie winced. Sprout kept sawing away while the others turned. The Big Game Huntress emerged from the fire, the singed edges of her animal skins glowing. She held her bowzooka over her shoulder, ready to fire.

Pointing at 2-Tor, the Big Game Huntress said, “The old hag ditched me! But I'm not leaving this mess empty-handed. I'm taking that crow. Now give him to me.”

“You're making a big mistake,” Evie warned.

“Are you threatening me? Listen, little girl, I fought a pack of hyenas bare-handed when you weren't even in your parents' imagination. Now step aside, and give me that bird.”

Sprout was still cutting through the plastic. He was deeper, but he needed another minute.

“Leave me be, vile poacher!” 2-Tor pointed a feather at her. “I am not some quarry to be stuffed and mounted.”

“That's exactly what you are, bird,” the Big Game Huntress said. “Either you come with me and become my trophy later, or fight and I'll make you fried chicken right now.” The light of the looming flames gave her face a demonic tinge.

“I refuse to obey someone so merciless,” 2-Tor said.

“So be it. I gave you a choice.” She took aim with her bowzooka.

Just before she pulled the trigger, Sprout sliced through the plastic wall of the castle. It split like a ripe tomato, and a gush of water lashed the air, striking the Big Game Huntress firmly in the chest. She screamed as the blast knocked her back behind the wall of fire.

The cut in the side of the castle ripped open and water fell out in a great torrent. The outpour flowed across the landscape, swallowing the fire and tossing the inflatable animal boats in every direction.

Evie struggled to grab on to something but the current was too strong. It scooped her up and carried her down the main boulevard, doing the same to Sprout, Rick, and 2-Tor.

The castle buckled, collapsing in a dripping heap of mangled plastic. “Oof,” Evie grunted as the unexpected water ride dropped her in a big puddle of mud just beyond the wreckage of the deflated castle.

The golfers Herb and Scotty surfed past her, clinging to their golf bags. Herb waved. “Hello, Miss! Thank you for saving the town.”

“Hah?” Scotty clutched his friend. “Don't worry, Herb. I won't let you drown.” The old men floated away.

Evie pulled free of the mud and splashed back to the
Roost
. The others had just arrived and were standing in front of the hovership, soaking wet, but grinning.

“We did it!” Sprout said. “We doused that fire all right. Now the only question is where that awful Big Game Huntress is at.”

2-Tor coughed uncomfortably. “As we've already obtained the super root, I suggest that we not dawdle here trying to find out. Shall we depart?”

“An excellent recommendation, 2-Tor.” Evie flung her arms around him as they hurried aboard the
Roost
.