Welcome to Sugartown (34 page)

His overly
large body is buck-naked and stretched out on top of the doona, and
the muscles in his chest and arms are straining as he pumps his
fist up and down his shaft. I know I should look away, I should
walk out and quietly close the door behind me, but I can’t. Has
there ever been a more magnificent sight then a man pleasuring
himself? If so, then I haven’t seen it. This is not the first time
I’ve witnessed Elijah touching himself, but it is the first time I
shouldn’t be allowed to watch. He’s not aware he has an
audience—not that I think he’d mind if he was made aware of it, but
it’s the principle that counts here. I shouldn’t be watching
because he’s not mine anymore and this sight, as glorious as it is,
is not mine to see because I gave up that privilege when I told him
we couldn’t be together.

It’s at the
exact moment, when I decide to leave quietly, that he opens his
eyes, rolls his head toward me and says, “You just gonna stand
there, baby girl, or are you gonna join in?”

“
I didn’t
know you were … I am so sorry,” I blurt and grab for the doorknob
behind me.

He slows his
stroking and looks me dead in the eyes. “I’m not.”

I swallow
hard. “I’m just going to go now. So, have fun. I mean, enjoy your …
bye.”

I’m just
about to slink from the room like a dog with its tail between its
legs when he whispers, “Stay.”

“
I
shouldn’t.”

“
You
shouldn’t be entering my room without knocking either, but you
still did and here we are.”

“
I did knock.
I just didn’t wait for a response … I really should go.” I
mutter.

“
You should,
but you won’t,” he says with certainty, and begins stroking himself
again, faster this time.

He’s right. A
hurricane couldn’t tear me from that room. I lean my weight back
into the door and ignore the humming sensation between my legs that
quickly turns electric. His hand glides up and down over his
length, and he makes no effort to pretend he’s not staring at me.
And why should he, when I’m clearly eye-raping him?

“
Take off
your clothes.”

The hint of a
smile pushes at my lips, despite the fact that I know we’re walking
on dangerous ground. “No.”

“
Please?” he
grunts.

“
Come on,
Cade, you and me, naked in a room together? That spells
disaster.”

“
No, baby,
that spells fucking incredible sex.” He moans and his eyes glaze
over. I don’t know how he hasn’t come yet. I’m ready to explode
from watching him alone. “Please, Ana, don’t make me beg. Just this
once, let me come while I’m looking at that fuckable little body. I
won’t touch, I swear. Please, just let me see you and then we’ll
pretend this never happened.”

Maybe it’s
the pleading in his voice or maybe I’ve just lost my ever-loving
mind, but whatever the case, I find myself slowly peeling off my
singlet top. I let it fall away to expose my breasts. My nipples
harden into peaks and I can practically feel his tongue gliding
over them as he wets his lips, though I’m still standing several
feet away.

“
Pants too,
baby, don’t cheat me outta seeing that beautiful fucking pussy,” he
commands, and I hesitate with my hands on the elastic waist of my
PJs. I’m not sure I’m entirely ready for something like
this.

“
No,” I
whisper.

“
Ana,” he
warns.

“
No. This is
as far as this goes. I don’t trust either of us with any more than
that.”

“
You drive me
fucking crazy, you know that?”

“
The
feeling’s mutual, Cade.”

He lets out a
long sigh and begins stroking again. One hand is cupping his balls
and his eyes never leave my body as he drives himself closer to
orgasm. My heart kicks into overdrive, my head is spinning
questions and my body is screaming out for his touch, but I don’t
do anything more than lean against the door with my breasts exposed
as I watch the single most erotic scene I’ve ever witnessed. I
don’t know what I’m doing here and yet I can’t turn away. My heart
feels as though it’s cracking open.

“
Touch
yourself,” he commands.

“
No.”

“
Come
closer.”

I shake my
head. “No.”

“
Fuck! Why is
it always no with you?”

“
Because I
don’t trust myself with you.”
There
. I said it. It’s a dangerous
admission, especially in a situation like this, but I said it all
the same, and oddly enough the sense of relief I feel is
overwhelming.

As if in
retaliation, Elijah quickens his pace. His hands on his body are no
longer languid but almost punishing. He’s brutalising himself as
punishment, and I don’t know if that punishment is meant solely for
him, or me, or for the both of us.

His eyes lock
with mine as the first wave of pleasure rocks through him and
that’s exactly where they stay until his creamy semen spurts from
his cock all over the bed. As Elijah rides out the euphoria I
swiftly throw on my shirt and then I quietly creep out the door the
way I should have before I let it get this far.

Have I just
ruined everything by allowing that to happen? And what
exactly
did
just
happen? God, I really have to learn to knock.

I lean
against the door for a beat until I hear Holly calling out about
wanting her pancakes, so I quietly tread up the hallway and head
into the kitchen like nothing has happened.

“
Oh my god,
what took you so long? Mini Coop just about shrivelled up and died
of hunger waiting for you to get back.”

“
Sorry, I had
to go to the bathroom.”

“
Well, is he
joining us? Because if not I am so eating his share,” Holly asks
and then narrows her eyes on me as she glances between my clothing
and face. Her mouth gapes open as her eyes zero in on something. I
follow her gaze and realise that, in my haste to leave Elijah’s
room, I’ve put my singlet on inside out. “Oh my god! Did you? Did
he? Did the two of you finally bump uglies?”

“
Will you
keep your voice down, please?” I slip it off and turn it the right
way out before Jack comes running to find out what all the fuss is
about and draws the same conclusions as Holly. In fact, why stop at
just my housemates? Why not have a giant neon sign made up that
says I’m a dirty slut who takes her clothes off so her ex-boyfriend
can get a glimpse at the goodies as he jerks off, so the whole town
can see it? Oh, right, the town already thinks I’m a slut, so I
guess I can probably save my money and forgo the sign.

“
No. I did
not have sex with him.” I go about throwing my ingredients into the
bowl and mixing up the batter.

“
Well, then
why does your sweet little face look so goddamn guilty,
Ana?

“
Because I
might have done something I shouldn’t have. Now can we please stop
talking about this?”

As usual,
Holly ignores me. “Hell no! I want details, what did you
do?”

“
I walked in
on him.”

“
You walked
in on him? Walked in on him what?”

“
You know,” I
say and give her the wide-eyed head nod that comes with letting
someone fill in the blanks.

“
Holy shit,
did you walk in on him jerking his chain?”

We hear
someone clear their throat behind us and spin around to find
Elijah—in only a pair of faded old jeans, his hair still damp from
his shower and looking every bit as enticing as he was in his room
just moments ago—leaning against the kitchen counter.

“
Mornin’
ladies.”

Holly folds
her arms and leans back against the counter opposite him. “And what
a glorious morning it is.”

I turn back
to my batter and whisper in an aside, “Would you please stop
referring to his morning glory?”

“
That it is,”
Elijah shoots back, and I know without even having to look at him
that the smug smile is back on his face. “A perfect morning, in
fact.”

Twenty
minutes later, we’re all sitting around our kitchen table eating
pancakes. I look at my flatmates and think that we may be an
unconventional family and we might fight and scream and yes,
admittedly some of us might want to tear one another’s clothes off
from time to time, but we are just that—a family. And I wouldn’t
change that for the world.

Elijah’s eyes
lock with mine across the table, and instead of seeing the intense
heat he’s been spearing me with all morning, I see them soften in a
silent question; are we okay? I smile back at him. It’s not
seductive, coy or even playful; it’s the kind of smile I’ve been
giving Holly since the day we met. It’s the same smile I give Jack
when he says something so unbelievably stupid that I burst out
laughing. The same smile I give Sammy when he gets the green light
to leave the bench and join the game in rugby. And the same smile I
give to my dad when he’s being a pigheaded, bull of a man who
suddenly quits yelling and guffaws out loud mid-sentence because he
can see what a shit he’s being.

It’s love in
its purest and unsullied form, without desire and sex and greed and
complication. It’s just love.

Are we
okay?

We’re better
than okay.

We’re
home.

Chapter Thirty
Six

Elijah

Christmas
morning I’d been woken just after six by two girls bouncing around
half naked on my bed. No, it’s not as naughty as it sounds, and
yes, do I ever wish it had been. Ana and Holly had been like little
kids, giggling, jumping up and down and screaming that Santa had
come while we’d slept.

I’d mumbled
some half-arse reply about him coming again if they kept jumping
around in their underwear and they’d laid into me with their tiny
fists of fury. Which, surprisingly, had hurt more than it should
have. Then they’d dragged me and Jackson out to the living room to
exchange gifts under the tree with bleary eyes and hangovers from
hell.

We’d all gone
a little nuts this year, pooling our money together to buy one
another gifts. Ana had been harping on for ages about buying
herself some overpriced fancy electric beater, and I’d gone with
Holly earlier in the week to pick one out. She’d been over the
freaking moon when she unwrapped that sucker and Holly had already
requested a long list of baked goods to come from it.

I had
something else small for her, but I wanted to wait until we were
alone before I gave it to her. It wasn’t much, but it meant the
world to me, and I hoped it would mean the same for her,
too.

Holly had
been given a new car stereo, which we’d fitted last night, but the
excitement she’d felt over that little piece of machinery was
swallowed completely when Jackson hurried off to his room to get
“something” and came back pushing a baby cot he’d made and painted
himself.

Jackson got a
new toolkit and I was the proud new owner of a bottle of Blue Label
Johnnie Walker.
Best fucking Christmas I
ever had, and the sun hadn’t even risen properly yet.

Now, I groan
and sit back
in my seat, waiting for the
food coma to take me under. While the rest of us had gone back to
bed, Ana had been dashing around the kitchen like a blue-arsed fly.
She’d made Christmas lunch for the whole family and still managed
to look like a fucking goddess in her little white cherry
dress.

Sammy’s
sitting beside me shoving asparagus spears up his nose and
pretending to be a walrus. Fuck, I love that kid. He’s like
six-year-old me with ADHD. He shoots one of the veggies out of his
nose and giggles hysterically, and then from out of nowhere he
turns to me and asks, “Hey Lighie, do you and Ana Cabana thleep in
the thame bed?”

I choke on my
beer.
How to answer this one without
having Bob cave my head in with his meaty fist?
“Er …”

“
Sammy!” Ana
chastises.

Holly’s
laughing her pregnant arse off. Jackson’s shaking his head and
Bob’s turned white as a sheet. He’s been eyeing me suspiciously
from the head of the table throughout the entire meal, probably
because I’ve been staring at Ana like I want to put her over my
knee and spank her for making my naughty list this year. I feel my
mouth tip up in a crooked smile as Ana’s apologetic gaze meets
mine.

“
What? I wath
just athking if you guyth ever have thleepoverth. When I’m growd up
I’m gonna have thleepoverth wif girlth all the time.”

I bump my
fist with his tiny one and say, “I don’t doubt that at all, little
man.”

“
Please do
not encourage him. The women of Sugartown are still recovering from
you two—” Ana points to me and Jack “—they’re definitely not ready
for Sam Belle.”

I laugh. “You
just stick with me, mate. When you’re old enough, I’ll teach you
everything I know.”

“
And the
women will run away screaming,” Holly deadpans.

“
Ah, but it’s
what they’re screaming that counts.”