Welcome To Rosie Hopkins' Sweetshop Of Dreams (50 page)

‘Bugger,’ said Rosie, out loud, her voice resounding in the silent room. ‘
Bugger bugger bugger
.’

Chapter Nineteen

Dear ignoramuses,

Hallowe’en is not ‘a yankee holiday’ celebrated only by gigantic toddlers wearing baseball caps back to front and spraying ‘automobiles’ with eggs. This is ignorance.

Hallowe’en is an ancient druidic holiday, one the Celtic peoples have celebrated for millennia. It is the crack between the last golden rays of summer and the dark of winter; the delicately balanced tweak of the year before it is given over entirely to the dark; a time for the souls of the departed to squint, to peek and perhaps to travel through the gap. What could be more thrilling and worthy of celebration than that? It is a time to celebrate sweet bounty, as the harvest is brought in. It is a time of excitement and pleasure for children before the dark sets in. We should all celebrate that.

Piñatas on the other hand are heathen monstrosities and have no place in a civilised society.

‘I’m not going, so stop it.’

It was 4pm on Saturday 27 October. The shop had been overrun all day, with Hallowe’en lollipops, white chocolate skeletons with raspberry icing, gum balls that looked like eyeballs, gobstoppers with teeth and large bags of economy sweets in every conceivable flavour and hue for people expecting huge parties. Tina had suggested making up special Hallowe’en bags with a few sweets in, to be handed out easily without mess, and these had proved highly popular. Edison had sat in the corner putting the sweets into bags.

‘Hester doesn’t believe in Hallowe’en,’ he said sadly. ‘She said it’s commercialised tooth-rot and encourages loutishness. She says if I like I can come to her druidic festival next week. But it always rains and I don’t like all the men with beards who hit trees.’

Rosie and Tina swapped worried glances. ‘Would you like to come out with us?’ asked Tina hurriedly. ‘Kent would love to go with you.’

Kent and Edison had become friends, which Tina mostly approved of, although she worried about Edison filling Kent’s head with nonsense. Rosie had pointed out that Kent was robust enough to figure out the world for himself, and ever since they’d started playing together Edison had hardly mentioned Reuben, his imaginary friend, and Tina had been mollified. It was a little hard on Emily though.

‘
Yes you are
,’ came the crotchety voice over the loudspeaker. ‘Tina, you tell her.’

‘I would love to go,’ said Tina. ‘Jake and I supposedly have a date and I can’t seem to get further than the bloody Red Lion!’

Rosie stuck her lip out.

‘It is going to be full of bloody nobbers, all of whom will look down their noses at me – you wouldn’t believe what the woman in the pub was like – and go “
Hwa hwa hwa
” when they laugh and dance with swords and talk about horses. Of course I’m not going. I’m staying in to watch
The X Factor
and it will be lovely.’

‘Did you ever go to those balls, Miss Hopkins?’ asked Tina.

Lilian was silent for a while. Then, ‘Not at first. Of course, she was the girl of the big house, I was just the sweetshop lady. But then the world changed, and lots of new people moved into town, and it suddenly didn’t seem to matter quite so much exactly who your parents were, and then we somehow … we became friends. We’d had a lot of people in common growing up. But it was too late for me by then!’

‘Too late for what?’ said Rosie. ‘If you say “to find a husband” I’m going to put you in a dogs’ home.’

‘To really enjoy the dancing of course. And the beautiful gowns, and the champagne that flows all night, and the wonderful food, and the romance of it all, the men so handsome.’

‘
Argh!
’ said Tina. ‘Honestly, I am going to go and say I’m you. They won’t care.’

‘You should,’ said Lilian.

‘I won’t,’ said Tina. ‘Someone would hand me a tray of empty glasses before I’d been there five minutes, I know it.’

The bell tinged, and Lady Lipton breezed in, imperious as ever.

‘Ah!’ she said. ‘It’s the little scarecrow. How are you?’ She eyed Rosie. ‘Still not got any clothes sent up for the winter?’ She was looking at Rosie’s floral frock. It was freezing outside now, incredible given that it wasn’t even November. The ground was frosted over every morning; Lilian’s garden looked like a twinkling fairyland.

‘I’m fine, thanks.’

‘But what are you wearing tonight?’

Rosie looked at the ground.

‘Not that, I hope. You know, it is formal.’

‘Uhm,’ said Rosie.

‘Well, come on, spit it out. Also, you.’ She meant Tina. ‘I need all the eyeball gobstoppers you have. I think it will be
hilarious
for my guests.’

Tina jumped to it. Rosie couldn’t bear the rudeness.

‘I’m not coming,’ she said quietly, but she knew she could be heard.

‘What’s that?’ Lady Lipton looked like she couldn’t believe her ears.

‘I’m not coming. Tonight.’

‘Whyever not?’

Rosie was on the brink of making up a good excuse – she would keep her manners even when Hetty didn’t – when the voice squawked again from the baby monitor.

‘Because she’s a bloody idiot!’

Hetty looked all around her in surprise and consternation; it did sound like Lilian was booming out of nowhere.

‘Lilian? Where are you?’

‘She’s on the monitor,’ said Tina shyly.

‘
Why
isn’t she coming?’ continued Hetty.

‘Ask her yourself,’ said Lilian.

Because I fancy your son and he thinks I’m a servant and you think I’m a golddigger, thought Rosie bleakly.

‘Why not?’ demanded Hetty, red in the face.

‘Because I have nothing to wear and I won’t know anyone there,’ mumbled Rosie.

‘What’s that? What
nonsense
,’ said Lady Lipton. ‘Invite some friends, we always get some people passing out from drink before dinner. What about you?’

Rosie would have pointed out that Hetty and Tina had lived in the same village for thirty-five years, had not Tina immediately looked delighted and barely stopped short of clapping her hands.

‘Ooh, yes please!’

‘And you can bring that dirty Isitt labourer if you must,’ sniffed Hetty. ‘A bit of what I believe you call “eye candy”. Not quite so broken-veined as the rest. And I’ve invited that poofy doctor. Isn’t that enough chums?’

Rosie felt her face flame.

‘And I’ll lend you a dress!’ Hetty boomed.

Rosie couldn’t bear to think what that might be like. Did they make waxed dresses?

‘I have a full-length kilt I’m sure will look splendid on you. Of course Bran used it as a blanket, but it’s absolutely fine.’

‘I’m sure I can find something for her,’ pleaded Tina.

‘Jolly good!’ said Hetty, handing over a twenty for the huge bag of sweets. ‘See you at eight, trippety trip.’

And the bell clanged and she was gone.

‘Eek!’ said Tina, turning to Rosie to give her a hug. ‘Now it’ll be great! What’s up?’

‘Nothing,’ said Rosie.

‘What?’ said Tina. ‘Don’t hide it from me. Ooh!,’ Her excitement got the better of her. ‘I wish Todd could see me now. He would be
livid
. Do you know how many times I’ve been to something like this? Never!’

‘Me neither,’ said Rosie.

‘Well, we can make idiots of ourselves together … What’s up?’

‘It’s stupid,’ said Rosie.

‘What?’

Rosie was torn. On the one hand, she couldn’t bear to reveal what an idiot she’d been. On the other, if she didn’t tell someone she thought she was going to burst.

‘It’s Stephen,’ she said. ‘I fancy him.’

Tina stared at her for a few seconds, then burst into peals of laughter.

‘What? Why’s that funny?’ Rosie was stung.

‘Oh no, it’s not, it’s not, it’s just … Oh,’ said Tina, ‘back when we were at school … he didn’t go to our school of course.’

‘Of course,’ said Rosie.

‘He was sent away. But when he came back in the holidays … oh wow.
Everyone
fancied him.’

‘You don’t say.’

‘He was always slouching round the village with a book of poetry, in a furious mood because he’d just had another big fight with his dad.’

‘Oh yeah? Did anyone ever pull him?’

‘Oh God, no. What, him mess with the likes of us?’ Tina grinned. ‘It wasn’t for want of trying though. Claudia Mickle once cycled into a wall, craning her neck to take a look at him. She needed four stitches.’

‘OK, OK, I get the message,’ said Rosie.

‘Then he went all weird of course …’ Tina suddenly looked stricken. ‘I mean, I’m really sorry … There’s no reason he wouldn’t fancy you back, none at all!’

‘There are a million reasons he wouldn’t fancy me back,’ said Rosie, starting to clear up. ‘All of them tall and blonde and rich and posh and bearing iPhones.’

There was a silence.

‘Well,’ said Tina, ‘I know you’re the boss and everything, but not for long. So. I order you to come with me. Just because you fancy someone is absolutely no reason not to let me go to the party of the year. It wouldn’t be fair. I’m going to text Jake and Moray right now and order them to come and pick us up, and we will go, and get squiffed again and ignore all the stupid posh folk and have a brilliant time, the four of us. It’ll be great. And that big stupid pouty Stephen won’t know what he’s missing.’

‘I can’t say no to that, can I?’ said Rosie. ‘I’d be ruining everyone’s night out.’

‘Exactly,’ said Tina. ‘
Free champagne
.’

‘Can I be your footman?’ asked Edison, hopefully.

They’d forgotten he was there.

‘No,’ said Rosie. ‘But you can come to our next
X Factor
sleepover.’

‘Don’t tell my mum it’s television.’

‘I’ll tell her it’s chromosomes,’ promised Rosie, as Hester came up the path, as usual looking as though she was carrying
the world’s problems on her shoulders. ‘OK, scurry off, footman.’

‘You will look very beautiful at the ball,’ said Edison seriously as he grabbed his coat and cap and left. ‘Both of you.’

Tina and Rosie looked after him.

‘You know, it’s not an expression I use very often, and I mean it in its original sense,’ said Rosie. ‘But that is a very queer little boy.’

‘Neh,’ said Tina, already making arrangements on her phone. ‘He’s right.’

There was a happy snuffle from the baby monitor.

‘
Lilian!
’ said Rosie warningly.

‘I am pleased you are going to the dance, that’s all,’ said Lilian.