Welcome to Envy Park (12 page)

"My thoughts exactly. Swim
break."

I left JM over at his lounge chair and returned to
the pool, trying to get a few more laps in. I didn’t want to run
into Ethan at the gym so I figured I’d get as much exercise as I
could during the daytime. But I also had an amateur host to tutor,
and he sort of followed me to the pool area and bugged me to help
him in between laps.

While swimming I was thinking of how I could help
him. I wasn’t a voice or speaking coach, and he was working with
horribly written material, so maybe this was a prank being played
on him and there was no way for him to do well. I almost said that,
but then I lifted my head from the water and saw him concentrating
really hard, muttering the crap lines to himself, that my heart
melted a little.

He glanced at me as I stepped out of the pool, but
not very inappropriately. He wasn’t even looking as I towel-dried
the skin not covered up by the bikini that Matilda gave me as a
gift. (Spoiler: A lot of skin.) I may as well have surfaced wearing
pajamas. But maybe if you looked like JM and hung out with hot
women often, your standards changed.

I sat down on the chair across
from him and he ran through the line again.

I shook my head. "You’re pausing
between ‘seafood’ and ‘delights.’ You shouldn’t. Just say ‘seafood
delights.’"

"Why does it sound
different?"

"It just does. It’s
awkward."

He performed it as I asked and it
was marginally better.

"JM," I said. "Do you have a
girlfriend?"

An eye flickered over to me for a
second. "No."

"Why not?"

"I just got back here from
Australia."

"I know, but..."

"What do you really want to
know?"

Yes, what was it? There was a strange feeling in my
stomach, an unarticulated ball of blah on the tip of my tongue. I
wasn’t sure how to say it, only that I think it was about dating,
and sex, and if for some reason I was pre-labeled as one kind of
girl but wasn’t sure if it was something I wanted or was accurate
at all.

But I had a feeling I couldn’t
unload this all on JM yet. "I forgot what it was. Let’s work on
‘scrumptious’ instead."

Chapter 15

I stopped going to the gym. That was Ethan’s space,
always had been, and I was going to let him have it.

How dramatic for me to even think
that, by the way, as if we were exes who had to divide property and
routines. In moody moments I felt a loss like he was indeed a
former something. Which I would chase away with
Never mind you’re not getting anywhere with him anyway,
what’s the point
.

Because if we were to be practical about things, we
shouldn’t even waste time thinking about guys with leases renewed
every two weeks. Bad idea.

In any case, my workouts moved up to daytime swims,
where Matilda sat there and watched me. For a few days since the
clinic visit she had a small bandage on her nose, but she never
mentioned anything about it again.

Soon after his morning smoke, JM would join us, with
a new spiel or a revised version of his script, and we would go
over it while Matilda watched us from the shade. Or not even watch
us, but stare out into the business park in the distance.

I kind of didn’t want to know how
she was able to afford all this, anymore. Maybe JM had the better
deal, with his army of people working to keep him pretty and fit
and full of protein. They weren’t exactly springing for speaking
lessons—the point of a hosting job ironically—but that just showed
what their priorities were.

But JM was getting better at the speaking. Or he’d
do well, if his TV show people didn’t keep changing the script on
him, sending him slightly different spiels that replaced words that
we had already worked on and that he could already say
properly.

"Do these people know what they’re
doing?" I kidded once.

He smiled. "They’re making sure I
get money for doing just this. Can’t complain."

Sometimes, on idle afternoons after my swim and
between checking my email for updates on my applications, Sarah
would ask me to watch Liam. The toddler and I would just stay in
the Tower 3 lobby and I’d watch as he played with his toy of the
day. Sometimes a train set, sometimes a robot, one time a coloring
book and a set of washable markers. Thank God they were washable
because Liam started coloring the table the book was on top of, and
I spent most of my afternoon just washing up after him. The
Japanese grandmother who was always sitting on the chair nearest
the entrance started speaking to me at this point, no doubt telling
me what I should be doing, except I could barely understand
her.

All in all though, he was a well-behaved kid. Sarah
did spend all of her time just taking care of him. Not a lifestyle
I would have chosen for myself, but she seemed to be really into
it.

My mom worked. So did her mom. And
my dad’s sisters. I didn’t really have anyone around me who chose
to stay at home to take care of the kids, so I didn’t naturally see
it as my path. In any case Liam started calling me "Ta Moi"
(closest thing to Tita Moira) and that made me feel a tiny bit
giddy.

I didn’t see or hear from Ethan all this time.

-/\/\/\-

Megan,

I have had a heater installed. You will be happy.
Can’t wait to see you when you get here.

Moira

Yeah that was a job-interview truth.

-/\/\/\-

"How’s the connection,
Moira?"

"It’s great, Stacy. Thanks for
setting this up."

"No problem. Thanks for going
through the trouble of applying online. A lot of people give up
when they see the forms."

"Forms don’t scare me."

"So, you’re back in Manila? I
noticed that your last job was Singapore."

"Yeah, just came home to settle
some things, and would like to move on to the next."

"The next country?"

"Something like that,
yeah."

Interviewing me through Skype was Stacy of the NGO
based in Bangkok that my friend referred me to. Stacy was Filipino
too (my friend gave me a backgrounder) and had been working in
Thailand for more than five years. That was a relief, because there
would be things about this part of the plan that I wouldn’t have to
explain.

Like why.

"So why do you want to fly off
again, Moira?" Stacy asked.

I remembered to keep the smile on
despite the confusion that was setting in.
The one thing I thought I wouldn’t have to make a speech
for.
"Excuse me?"

"I totally get it. Pick a city,
live there several years, go back home. Why are you interested in
heading back out?"

"I...I liked it. I like it. The
independence of it."

"Was it your first time
away?"

"Singapore? Yes it
was."

"Any problems
adjusting?"

"Just the first few months. After,
I was fine."

"Do you think you have it in you
to do it all over again?"

I had notes for this interview. It was for a
cause-oriented organization so I was ready to pledge my love for
dolphins and children and the ozone layer. I was ready to shun
plastics and ride bikes if they asked me to, but the life choice
drama was a bit unexpected.

"Of course," I said automatically.
"I find it exciting."

"Everyone does, at first," Stacy
said. "But I’ve gone through three assistants who say the exact
same thing at the interview and then bail on me a year or two
later."

The pattern, Stacy claimed, was that they were
always enthusiastic at the beginning, but then there would be the
homesickness, the better career opportunity in Australia, the
sudden engagement to the British guy.

"I’m not against anyone making
choices for their own personal growth and whatever," Stacy added,
because the story was making me think just that. "But when I hire
someone I actually need them around for as long as I’m here, and I
need to know if you feel the same way, or you’re just going to be
waiting for the next big thing to come along and ditch this job for
it. I’m going to be frank about it because I know how it feels.
I’ve done that to other jobs too. But I really need someone
reliable here, and it’ll also be good for you to know that this is
the commitment I need."

"
This
is my big thing," I said,
seeing an opening and slipping in what I could. "I have a plan for
what the next few years of my life will be like, and this trip back
home is just the layover. I do intend to spend the next few years
discovering what could be my calling."

Stacy smiled at me and the screen
froze a little bit, then kicked into motion again. "—this
connection. Am I back?"

"Yes, you are."

"So how long do you intend to work
on discovering your calling?"

The trick question. "As long as it
takes."

I wasn’t sure if Stacy bought that, but we continued
to talk, more about the specifics of the work and what would be
required. It went on for maybe another half hour, and in my opinion
I was the perfect applicant.

Except this time I was so sure I was saying the
right things, but I didn’t know how I felt about it. If I would
come to accept it as true.

Chapter 16

The fourth time I babysat Liam, he had the train set
again. (No more markers, I told Sarah.) He was playing with it on
the floor near the Tower 3 entrance.

"
Konnichiwa
," I said to the woman,
still sitting in her usual spot.

She nodded and responded, and I
could make out "parent" and "boy" and not much else. I nodded back
though, and it seemed to be enough for her.

"How’s Sir Ethan, Miss Moira?" my
favorite guard Kuya Alan said, out of the blue, from his spot at
the doorway.

"I don’t know," I answered, and
that made me realize that I hadn’t seen him in—I wasn’t sure how
long. Oh god, was he still
here?
Would be leave without saying anything? "He still
lives here, right?"

"Yes," Kuya Alan said, and it was
amazing how relieved I was. "I’m sorry. I was just—"

"Small talk. I understand. It’s
okay."

I wondered how much Kuya Alan knew about me. Or him.
Or everyone. If he wasn’t at the door, he’d be at the reception
desk where the CCTV monitors were, or maybe the security staff
talked about us on their breaks or something. Even with the dozens
of people living in the building, everyone had a routine, and it
was easy to spot when the routine had changed. Like when people
stopped being seen at the gym together, or coming in at midnight
after a really late dinner.

Not that it would be ethical to gossip, but we were
all human. We all wanted to know.

"Do you know if he’s been making
plans to move out?" I asked, not even pretending to be
casual.

"He hasn’t requested for anything,
no."

"Okay. Great." Two more weeks
then, at least. Maybe. Sometimes I would try to listen for telltale
noises coming from the unit below mine, but he was either super
quiet or the walls were that thick.

Liam pulled at my pant leg and I noticed that the
hour and a half that Sarah usually asked for, it was up. I had
never had to remind her before, but I sent her a text then.

"On my way," was her
reply.

When she appeared fifteen minutes later, she looked
frazzled and annoyed, not rested like previous times.

"Did you fight with the husband
again?" I said as a greeting. "I told you not to do stressful stuff
on your ‘me time.’ You have ninety minutes to
yourself..."

She sighed. "I know. It’s my
fault. I attract stress, I guess. Thank you so much, Moira,
really." Then Sarah surprised me by giving me a tight, long hug,
the kind that nearly cut off my breath. When she pulled away she
had tears in her eyes, but she didn’t tell me anything about
it.

I recognized the smell that was on her, though.

-/\/\/\-

SARAH

I. CAREER AND FINANCES

+ Doesn’t have to work or worry about money

+ Can afford NV Park

II. FAMILY AND FRIENDSHIPS

+ Adorable son

+ Relatively near family and friends support
system

- No time to socialize because of toddler

III. LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS

+ Married, shouldn’t worry about finding someone

- Distance not so fun

- Distracting oneself with attractive neighbor, not
so smart

IV. PERSONAL FULFILLMENT

+ She wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and she is
one

- Seems like it’s not enough

-/\/\/\-

JM was the kind of guy who wore men’s cologne, and
you could tell from just being around him. Sometimes when it was a
hot day and you were in an elevator with sweaty people it was a
blessing just to sniff something pleasant. Other times it ruined
the moment, introducing itself as an artificial thing in the
environment and then overwhelming everything else.

So it freaked me out a little that I might have been
enabling an affair by watching the toddler. Every time I watched
the toddler, freaky stuff might have been happening.