Weightless (24 page)

“Yeah, I get it,” I said, sighing. “Stop mothering me now and let me tell you about the mind-blowing orgasms.” I blushed at my own words and Willow’s mouth popped open.

Braiding her long dark hair to the side as we exited the dressing room, she gushed. “Spare no details, woman. I want them all.”

When Dale wasn’t around, we talked about Rhodes, which was more therapeutic than I thought. I hadn’t told anyone about him, and telling Willow what I’d been experiencing with him made it all feel real. She also made me talk about Mason, which solidified that I really didn’t have a desire to be back with him again. Still, she and I both wondered what it would be like for me the next time I saw him face-to-face, which would be at her party that weekend.

We found my outfit for the party almost three hours into our shopping trip. Surprisingly, Dale was patient with us the entire day, and he only pumped me full of encouraging praises each time I tried on something new. With every passing minute, I forgave him more, and I realized I wasn’t in any position to judge him when I had my own issues to deal with.

After we dropped Willow off at her place, Dale turned down the radio in the Vette. It was a hot day and the top was down, but the air was dry, and I knew that would fade the deeper we got into summer. Eventually, the air would be so sticky it’d be hard to breathe.

“I know I apologized this morning, but I wanted to say I’m sorry again. It can’t be easy seeing your mother cry and I hate that I’m the reason behind her tears.” I listened to him intently, my hands folded in my lap, but his eyes remained on the road. “I battle with a lot of inner addictions, Natalie, but I’m not a fiend. I have myself under control, and I’m working on handling the small parts of myself I may not have completely mastered yet. I think we all have demons, don’t you?”

He turned to me then, and his dark eyes were so sad, so torn, I knew what happened the night before was wearing down on him. I smiled, grabbing his hand with my own. “It’s all good, Dale. I know you love my mom, and she loves you. I’m sure you two will work out whatever is happening between you.”

Dale squeezed my hand once and I pulled away, looking out my window. I thought maybe Dale would say more, but he just reached to turn up the volume again. Before he did, I thanked him — for the day out of the house, for the new clothes, and for his honesty. He smiled, swallowed, and gave a curt nod.

There were still so many questions in my head — for Rhodes, for my parents, for life in general — but at the same time, I felt like I was finally finding some sort of footing. My body was changing, and it seemed it was morphing my mind, my goals, my expectations, and so much more right along with it. I didn’t know where the summer would end, but in that moment, I didn’t care. With the sun on my skin and the wind in my hair, I felt alive — adventurous, free, and maybe confident, too — even if just a little.

I missed my training session with Rhodes the day of the shopping trip, so I went for a long run instead. Running was becoming a sort of release for me. I would click on the voice recorder on my watch from time to time to talk through some of my struggles or just jot down random things I wanted to remember later, and I was getting better at remembering to turn it off at the end — though I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t drain another battery or two.

Rhodes cancelled our session on Tuesday, and his texts were few and far between. By the end of Wednesday, my day off, they had pretty much diminished altogether. Suddenly, the happiness I felt earlier in the week had faded right along with them. When I parked the Rover in front of the club on Thursday, I had to give myself a pep talk to walk inside.

I wanted to believe it would all be okay, but I knew better.

My first clue should have been the dark storm clouds rolling in. I didn’t think much of them, though — just pulled my light jacket tighter around me as I hustled inside. Three strikingly gorgeous women walking out of the training room caused me to slow my steps. They were all laughing, and the pack leader — a tall brunette with long legs and a nose job — clearly had the amusing story responsible for their giggles.

“It’s kind of fun pushing his buttons,” she said in a voice too nasally for my taste. “I mean
honestly
, he must know that his…
services
… are all he’s good for.”

I kept my eyes down, adjusting my bag on my shoulder, but I slowed down even more to catch the next part of the conversation.

“I will say, for Poxton Beach trash, he definitely has more than a few talents hidden beneath that scowl of his.” They all giggled at that and my fist tightened around the strap I was holding fast to. I knocked into the woman a little harder than necessary as I passed her and she stumbled a bit.

“Excuse you,” she scoffed before returning to her posse. I kept walking, and she kept being a bitch. “It’s kind of a shame. He’ll never be more than a good lay, but I guess there are worse things to be.”

Those were the last words I heard before I stepped into the training room the women had just left. I didn’t have to look hard to find Rhodes. He was sprinting on the treadmill, its unsteady tracks rocking each time his feet made contact. He stared straight ahead, his mouth pursed, his face hard, and my heart squeezed.

I had no idea what Mrs. Nose Job said to him, but if his strained jade eyes were really windows to his soul, I could see how badly they’d bruised him. He already felt like he was nothing, and these women knew exactly what to say to him to keep those thoughts in place.

“Hey,” I said timidly, dropping my bag to the ground in front of his machine. He continued running, keeping his eyes trained on the window ahead of him, but he slowed his pace. “Ready to train?”

It’s as if those words snapped him out of his daze. “Yep.” The word popped off his lips and he dropped down hard next to me, motioning to where he’d just been. “Hop up. We’re starting with cardio.”

I tried not to analyze it, but Rhodes remained quiet throughout the entire training session. I wanted him to apologize again, to say I didn’t deserve his silent treatment, to say it wasn’t my fault — but he didn’t. After two hours and one of the most grueling sessions we’d had yet, I attempted to break through.

“Are you busy Saturday night?”

“Probably.”

I stuttered at his bluntness, but tried to swallow the embarrassment. “Oh. Well, it’s Willow’s going away party. I was sort of hoping you would come with me.”

“No.”

“No?” I asked, but Rhodes just grabbed his water bottle and took off in the opposite direction. I followed. “Why not?”

“Because I might have plans.”

“Might? You won’t make plans with me, your…” I trailed off.
What was I to him?
“You won’t make plans with me because you
might
have plans?”

“Damnit, Natalie.” Rhodes huffed, looking around at who might be listening. We were the only ones in the training room, so I dared him to try to make that excuse. “I’m not going to your friend’s party. Or on any dates, for that matter.”

I wouldn’t exactly have classified Willow’s party as a date, but hearing him say that derailed my thoughts. “Why not?”

“Because you’re my client.”

“That’s it?” I asked, my voice breaking. I could feel my heart close on its heels. “We’re back to this again?”

He didn’t answer, and his silence fueled my anger.

“Really. Huh. Well, I guess you just decided to toss in your
extra services
free of charge then, right? So gracious!” I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth, but my pride wouldn’t let me take them back.

Rhodes stopped mid-stride. He was walking away from me, but my comment had cut that motive short. For a moment, he just stared at me, his eyes hollow, and almost questioning. It was like he couldn’t believe I’d said that to him, like he wasn’t prepared for that hit — not from me. I thought I saw him wince, his mouth opening slightly before he closed it again.

Then, he smirked — but not in a friendly way. Rhodes smiled in a way that made me want to cower in the furthest corner of the room.

“Yeah, Natalie, I guess so.” He shook his head. “You’re welcome. I hope I lived up to my reputation.”

I sighed. “Rhodes,” I started, feeling like a fool, but my apology was cut short. One of the women who’d been with the pack earlier sidled up beside Rhodes. His eyes had intensified to almost a neon green and they remained fixed on me as he threw his arm around her shoulder.

“Ew,” the small blonde said, swatting at him playfully. She was the shortest of the group I’d seen earlier, but by far the prettiest. “You’re all sweaty.” She laughed a little before appraising me, her smile faltering just slightly. “Who’s this?”

“This is Natalie. She’s a client.” He said the words so harshly, as if they were the nails to drive his point home. His eyes were wild. They mirrored my heartrate. “And we just finished up. See you tomorrow?” He asked me the question, but we both knew he didn’t expect a response.

“Rhodes,” I blurted out, boldly reaching for his arm. He shrugged out from beneath my touch as if it offended him. “It’s
me
. Please. Don’t do this.”

The woman under his arm looked bored, and she pulled out her cell phone to type out a text. I thought I saw Rhodes falter, I thought I saw him soften, but he frowned so quickly that I couldn’t be sure if I’d imagined it.

“Do what?” His jaw tensed.

I moved closer, whispering so only he could hear me. “Don’t leave with her. Please, Rhodes. This isn’t you. You
can’t
do this. Not after everything we’ve done… everything we’ve become.”

His nose flared and his eyes wouldn’t meet mine. He waited. For what, I wasn’t sure. Clearly, nothing I could say would stop him now. He had given me the final push, throwing me to the cold hard ground, and even though it killed me, I didn’t try to get back up again.

I could let him walk away from me, but I couldn’t bear to watch this time.

So I turned first.

My feet numbly carried me through the club and to my car. I started the engine, put the gear in drive, and the rest was a blur. My mind raced, thoughts blending together in a colorful disaster as I drove. Rhodes was going home with that woman tonight, and I felt physically ill at that realization. Even worse, I’d pushed him there. I knew he was upset, I knew those women had said something to him, but instead of giving him space or trying carefully to help him when he pulled away, I threw his way of life in his face. I brought up his
services
, making fun of him, letting him think I saw him the same way everyone else did.

Now I felt sick for a completely different reason.

Eventually, I found myself at the park he’d taken me just a few days before. I pulled out my camera and took pictures without studying the frame. As the soft shutter button sounded over and over again, I wondered if Rhodes would have been different had his sister not disappeared. I snapped the swings, their empty seats blowing in the wind of the impending storm, and I imagined a younger Rhodes there. I asked myself if he would have looked peaceful, if he would have smiled, if he would have laughed — all questions I had no answer to.

I sat on the same picnic bench he’d kissed me on just a few nights before. I could still feel his lips on mine, hear his words in my ear as he told me I didn’t deserve the shit he gave me. But the strange thing was, I wanted that pain. I wanted to help him when he felt low, push him up to solid ground, carry him when he couldn’t carry himself. But he didn’t want me.

Even after everything, he would lay with another woman that night, and what killed me most was that I knew he was better than that.

The first echo of thunder rumbled the playground around me and filtered through my core, twisting in to fill the gaps between my guilt and anger. It shook me so hard I dropped my camera, the strap around my neck the only thing saving it from shattering.

If only I’d had a safety strap, too.