Wedded in Sin (37 page)

She nodded, remembering that he had said that was his intention yesterday. In fact, it had been her idea. But in her lovestruck haze, she’d forgotten it. She’d thought he would stay in London with her, solving her problem with Addicock.

“Of course,” she said. Because she could see that he could do nothing for either of them if he was in jail. “When will…” She couldn’t even say the words. She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried again. “Will you come back to London?”
Will I ever see you again?

“Yes,” he said. The word sounded like a vow, but her head knew that some things didn’t go as predicted. Some things even a mad toff couldn’t control.

“I’ll watch for you,” she said. She’d intended to say that she would wait for him. And sadly, she knew she would. Possibly every day for the rest of her life. But even she knew that was a promise that she might not be able to keep. Vows spoken in the sweet of night when their bodies were entwined were one thing. But she was a practical girl with a child to support. And she would not tie her heart or her body to a man who would threaten her security. She just couldn’t.

So she promised the truth. That she would watch for him because she knew she would be doing that. She just might not be able to wait.

He noticed the shift in her words. She saw the realization hit him like a blow. His body jerked slightly and then his eyes dropped to the floor with a nod. He understood. He knew her so well, he probably knew what she was thinking even before she’d said the words. But that didn’t stop her from feeling like a witch for what she’d said. Or failed to say.

Then he drew her forward to the butler. “Braxton will see that you get home. Greg and I need to leave immediately.”

She nodded. There was nothing more to say. And in front of the servants, she didn’t feel as if she could even kiss him good-bye. Fortunately, that didn’t seem to matter to him. He wrapped his arm around her and pressed his mouth to hers. She responded immediately, pouring all her love into that one kiss. She pressed herself to him; she clung to his lips and his tongue; she even sucked him inside when he might have pulled back. She told him without words how much she wanted him.

When they finally broke apart, his eyes were dark with hunger. She matched his need. Her body throbbed with it. But then his brother came down with a bag packed and their time was over.

With a last look, Samuel left.

“He’s not coming back. I’m so sorry, Penny, but you have
to know the truth. He won’t be back in any meaningful way. Not in the way you want or need.”

Penny didn’t answer. She knew Irene was trying to be kind. After all, how many times had she delivered bad news to a friend in just this kind of way? Blunt, to the point, and exactly the truth as it needed to be said. But it wasn’t the truth. Or at least she prayed it wasn’t.

So she sat back and eyed her handiwork instead. She was fitting Irene—Mrs. Knopp, their purchaser—with a brand new pair of walking boots. The woman had apparently walked her way through all her other footwear and needed more boots.

It was kindness work, but Penny wasn’t too proud to take it. With Samuel gone, she had the time on her hands and needed the money. So she made the boots and a right fine pair they were. They molded to the woman’s wide foot and hugged her calves sweetly, giving the appearance of slender strength. Penny had put on a small heel for beauty, but maintained a sturdiness for long wear. All put together the boot was both beautiful and functional, and she was very proud of the design. She might have spent a few seconds more admiring her handiwork, but Irene wouldn’t let her. The woman continued to be nice, though her every word grated on Penny’s nerves.

“I can see you’re not ready to hear the truth yet. I understand. Believe me, it was weeks before I was able to accept the truth that my husband had died.”

Penny straightened up so she could look the woman in the eye. “It’s not the same. Samuel hasn’t died,” she said firmly. “He’s just—”

“Running from creditors.” Irene reached out and took Penny’s listless hand in hers. “I know this is hard, but I know his type. My father was such a one.”

“No—” Penny began, but Irene wouldn’t be stopped.

“How many of his creditors have rung your door since he left? Five? Six?”

It was eight in the last twelve days. Eight ugly men who demanded to know where Samuel was hiding. She didn’t know, and she had no idea how they had connected him to her. But they had found her and they never believed a word she said. It had gotten so ugly that Wendy had hired a new “footman” to help lift and carry work. In truth, the man was big and brawny—about the size of a draft horse—and he frightened the bad element away.

“Samuel will be back,” she said firmly. “When everything is in order.”

“My father used to say things like that. And yes, he did return. When the creditors had gotten tired. When he had won that night at the faro table and was feeling flush. When he was home, we had such a wonderful time. But it never lasted. He was never a man we could count on. Eventually he would lose again, debts would pile up, and he would disappear, leaving behind a mess for the rest of us to clean up.”

Penny blinked away the tears, knowing that for Irene, that had been the truth. For Helaine, too, for her father had been an equal scapegrace. But that wasn’t Samuel. “He doesn’t gamble. He hasn’t lost at faro.”

“He gambles on investments, and that is just as bad.” Then the woman squeezed Penny’s arm. It was a friendly gesture, and truthfully, when Penny looked into her eyes, she saw only warm sympathy in a face too used to being hurt. “I know the type,” she said gently. “Love them if you must, but don’t ever marry them—”

“I’m not planning to—”

“And don’t ever trust them. They will fail you. Whether on purpose or by accident, it happens nonetheless.”

Penny didn’t answer. She wanted to. She wanted to scream loudly at this austere woman who saw too much. But what came out instead were tears. The slow, steady leak of despair. She wanted to believe Samuel would return to her. That he would find a way to fix everything, and all would be well. But as every day passed, more doubts crept in. With every creditor who pounded on the door and every night she crept into a cold bed without him, she doubted a little more.

She still loved him. Her heart still screamed his faithfulness. But her mind was growing louder every day. How long before she lost her love to the reality of living alone? How long before she proved herself as a faithless lover who no longer believed in her love’s ability?

She was ashamed of her weakness, but as each day passed, she couldn’t deny it either. How could one man—even as brilliant a man as Samuel—succeed when everything was stacked against him? Against her?

Irene didn’t say anything. She just handed Penny her handkerchief and then hugged her tight.

“I know how hard this is,” Irene said, and Penny could hear the break in her voice. After all, the woman had lost her true love at sea. “It’s so easy to just fold into yourself and hide. But you have Tommy, who needs you. You have work, which is a godsend. And you have us, Penny. Never forget that. You have us to help you and strengthen you. We won’t abandon you whatever happens.”

Penny nodded. She knew that. She knew that she would survive no matter what. Samuel had given her that gift at least. He’d made her see her own strength such that she believed in her own future if not hers and Samuel’s together.

“Thank you, Irene,” she said as she slowly pulled away. “I know you mean well—”

“But you’re not ready yet to give up. I understand. But I’ve learned something in the last few years. You don’t need an aristocrat. In fact, they’re the last type of man for you.”

Penny stiffened slightly. “You mean stay in my own class.”

Irene pulled back. “No! Of course not! I mean that you’re much better than the stupid men of the peerage. You need a man who knows what it is to work for his money. That’s the kind of man who will value you and value the work you do. That man can’t be found in the aristocracy. They’re lazy, born to wealth and expect worship as their due. Lord, no! Even if the Prince Regent were to bow down before me and ask for my hand, I’d turn him down flat.”

“He’s already married.”

Irene waved that away with a smirk. “Well, even if he wasn’t, I’d still refuse him. Damned privileged idiot. I wouldn’t want him or any of his friends. Penny, you need a man who knows your worth. And that can only be a man who’s had to work for his supper.”

Penny listened. She couldn’t help herself. And as she listened, the words sank into her skin. Perhaps Irene was right. Perhaps no toff—mad or otherwise—could understand her worth. Or perhaps Irene was speaking more about herself than about Penny.

“Is there a man, Irene? Is there someone you’re thinking about who has nothing to do with me or Samuel?”

“What?” the woman gasped. It might have been convincing if she hadn’t colored up to her ears. “Of course not!”

“Who is it? What has happened?”

“Nothing! Nothing!”

Penny could see that the woman was lying. But they weren’t friends enough yet to share this. Or perhaps it was too new for Irene to tell anyone. Either way, it didn’t matter. The lady stood up and neatly pulled out money from her reticule.

“This is for these wonderful boots and the slippers for Francine’s wedding.”

“Irene!” Penny cried. “You don’t have to pay me now. All the clothing and the shoes come out of our pay. Wendy has said so.” She had to say so; otherwise Penny would have been working in the shop naked. She’d had only the clothes on her back when she was tossed from her home. She’d had to find an arrangement for clothes somehow, and Wendy had decreed that all employees could be advanced the price of their attire.

“Yes, yes, I know. But I have a different arrangement with the shop. And besides, I have the money. Best take it before I spend it on a new hat. I saw one just the other day that I can’t stop thinking about.”

“Then you should go buy it and wear it to the wedding.”

Irene laughed, and Penny saw at last how beautiful the woman could be. The austerity left her face, hiding the sadness that dogged the woman’s expressions. Instead, she was young and lively as she must have been as a child.

“I might just do that. But only if I can afford it after paying you.” So saying, Irene pressed the notes into Penny’s hand. Then her expression sobered. “We know your value, Penny. I saw Francine’s wedding shoes, and my God, they are gorgeous! You have a gift. Don’t sell yourself short for any man.”

Penny nodded, swallowing down the lump in her throat. She knew her friend was right. She was valuable. She was a good, hardworking woman. She deserved an equally honest and true man.

But what about Samuel? cried her heart. What if he was exactly the man for her, but just needed a little more time?

Chapter 23

The morning of Francine’s wedding dawned dreary. The
clouds overcast everything, making the world a perfect match for Penny’s mood. She was happy for Francine. Ecstatic really, but a tiny part of her was so jealous she couldn’t stand it. Why did Francine get to be lucky? Why did she get to have wealthy parents who loved her, a husband who thought the moon and sun set on her whim, and a future that overflowed with happiness? Why did Francine get those things and Penny did not?

It was a mean feeling and only a tiny part of her heart. But in the gloomy darkness before the day began, Penny looked at the sky and agreed completely. Life was awful. She would never see happiness. And…And…

And Tommy was awake. Not crying for his breakfast, but happily talking nonsense to himself. She didn’t know what he was doing, but the sound of it sparked the happiness inside her. It took at least five minutes to do it. She was human enough to hold on to her sulks for that long. But eventually, the truth of her life asserted itself.

She and Tommy were healthy, had a home, a job, and a good life. And if her existence didn’t include the man she loved, well, then that was simply something she would have to live with. She was a shrew indeed to begrudge one of her dearest friends the love of her life.

There it was, plain and simple. So Penny got up, bathed, and dressed as quickly as she could before Tommy began to think of his stomach. Soon Mrs. Appleton joined them in the prewedding preparations, and eventually a miracle happened.

Penny was soon over-the-moon happy. Not for herself, but for Francine, who today would see one of her dreams come true. Francine and Anthony would marry this day, and with the sun starting to peak out behind the clouds, the day would soon be fine. All would be well, if not for Penny, then at least for Francine. And that would just have to do.

They made it to the chapel in plenty of time. Mrs. Appleton took Tommy, and Penny rushed to attend the bride. Francine was stunning. Her gown draped down from her figure like the robes of a queen. She’d lost a great deal of weight since first entering A Lady’s Favor dress shop, but that had little to do with the radiance that shone through every pore in her body. Francine was grinning when Penny arrived, and the squeals of delight that followed as they hugged made everything wonderful.