We Can Laugh Together Too (Walnut Grove Trilogy) (3 page)

At last, Matt smiled and pushed himself slowly to his feet.
“Time to go; I know you get up early in the morning. When you start the school
run next week, maybe we could meet up sometimes and have breakfast.”

Livi agreed. Matt kissed her cheek, climbed into his SUV and
departed down the drive.

♠  
♠   ♠

Three weeks drifted past, and Livi and Matt settled into an easy,
relaxed routine. Once, sometimes twice a week, they enjoyed a quiet dinner
together and on the occasional morning when Matt could spare half an hour from
the clinic, they met at a coffee shop in town for breakfast.

They discovered that in addition to Indian food, they both
loved seafood, barbeques, and raspberry ice-cream. One evening, Matt
accompanied Livi to watch Chrissy play her clarinet in a concert given by her
high school orchestra. When together they talked about what they enjoyed
reading, films they had liked and disliked, politics, their years in college, and
their lives in general, and what they believed in. Matt was especially
interested to hear about Livi’s years growing up in England and her move to
California.

She explained her parents, like his, were now retired and living
in the San Fernando Valley. Prior to retirement, her father had been involved
in the aerospace industry. He had moved his family to California after being
headhunted by Rocketdyne. In England her mother had been a copywriter for an
advertising company, but once settled in California she had transferred her
talents to ghostwriting for celebrities eager to publish their life stories. Livi
reeled off a list of famous names whose tell-all books had actually been penned
by her mother.

These encounters created enduring episodes of enjoyment for both
of them, although their relationship remained entirely platonic. The only
intimacy that ever passed between them was a kiss on the cheek from Matt when
they parted.

Moreover, Livi resumed her freelance writing career. She
phoned around to several editors who had commissioned work from her in the past
and quickly immersed herself in a new project.

At the end of May school finished for Chrissy, and with
summer upon them, Livi elected to follow the usual farm schedule which meant
the horses staying out at pasture continually for the next few months.  They
would remain out until the yearlings were brought in to be prepared for the
sales and the foals were weaned from their mothers. This was now the quiet time
on horse farms when maintenance tasks were performed, people were seen holding
buckets of paint instead of buckets of feed, and vacations were taken.

On Memorial Day, Livi and Chrissy put up a big trestle table
on the lawn next to the fountain and held a barbecue. Rosa and Katia volunteered
to help with the cooking and Matt, Doc Blair, Eddie – the blacksmith, and several
nearby neighbors were invited.

♠  
♠   ♠

Happiness reigned, until, completely out of the blue, a
letter arrived from an attorney in San Francisco, who claimed to represent one
Edward G. Leonard, cousin of the late William J. Leonard.

The letter declared that the aforementioned Edward G.
Leonard was seeking a sum of $250,000 in compensation for a quarter share he
had held in Pink Parachute, the mare killed in the accident which also took the
lives of Will and Jose.

Livi read the letter three times to make sure she had
grasped its meaning fully. At first, the words lacked coherence and seemed to
swim before her eyes like tadpoles in a murky pool. Eventually, inexorably, the
full meaning of the document sank in. Will’s cousin, whom she had scarcely met,
was taking legal action that would surely bankrupt her.

She could not believe it. Will and his cousin had never struck
her as being especially close but four years earlier Will had agreed to include
Edward as a one-quarter partner in a filly he planned to bid on at the Kentucky
yearling sales. Will had secured the filly for twenty thousand dollars – considerably
less than he had anticipated paying, so Edward’s share was just five thousand
dollars.

They named the filly Pink Parachute, but did not break her
and send her to the track until late into her second year. Will was convinced that
despite her bargain-basement price, she was something special and he was
determined not to rush her. Edward had not accepted this strategy especially
well. He’d expected his investment to provide him with some early action, but
Will had held firm.

Pink Parachute had her first race in the April of her third
year, and her last, almost two and a half years later, to the day. She won five
of those races, was second three times and third once. Her worse performance
was when she finished fifth in a race run in a torrential rainstorm.

Edward always received his percentage of the filly’s
earnings promptly, but ostensibly Will had made a serious error of judgment by
failing to increase her insured value to keep pace with her escalating book
value.

He was now applying an assumed value of one million dollars
on her head at the time of her death. And he was demanding his pound of flesh. Livi
read the letter for a fourth time, feeling bitter and betrayed; then called her
attorney.

♠  
♠   ♠

That evening, Livi had invited Matt to eat with her and Chrissy
at the house. Immediately he arrived, he could detect something was troubling
her; she handed him the letter without a word.

“Good grief,” he finally exclaimed. “Is this man for real?”

Livi shrugged. “So it would seem. If he’s taken seriously,
I’ll be forced to sell Walnut Grove to pay him.”

“Jesus, that can’t possibly happen. He’s a quarter share-holder
for crying out loud. He can’t expect to gain from the tragedy the two of you
have been through. Have you spoken to your own attorney?”

She nodded. “Yes, I phoned him straight away. He asked me to
fax a copy of the letter to him.”

“And . . ?”

“He said more or less the same as you. However, he did tell
me the matter of the insurance is inarguable; Will should have kept it current.
He promised to put together a response straight away and FedEx it to Edward’s
attorney.”

Matt paced around the room. “Did you send him his quarter
share of the insurance payment you
did
receive?”

“Yes, immediately,
and
he cashed the check. My
attorney holds that if he meant to pursue me for more, he should have returned
the check with a written petition, rather than delaying for more than six
months.”

“That makes sense. What’s he like, this Edward?”

Livi spread her hands. “I scarcely know him; I’ve only met
him briefly a handful of times; once at the funeral. He lives in San Francisco
and I think he’s something to do with foreign exchange trading.”

“How does he justify valuing the mare at a million dollars?”

“I can’t answer that; it’s a crazy figure. She won five
races, two of them were stakes races, but she wasn’t a classic winner for
crying out loud, and she was a mare, not a colt. She certainly didn’t have the
potential stud value a colt would have realized.”

Matt nodded in agreement. “You’re right. Well, I guess it’s
in your attorney’s hands; all you can do is wait and see how they react to his
letter.”

They ate a subdued meal, and afterwards Chrissy disappeared
up to her room to practice her music. Livi and Matt went outside with the two
dogs. As usual, they sat on the wooden bench by the kitchen door. After a few
minutes, the sound of a clarinet playing drifted from Chrissy’s open window. “Can
I fetch us both a beer?” Matt asked suddenly.

Livi dragged herself back from a long way away and turned
towards him with a smile. “Good idea,” she approved. He vanished back into the
kitchen and reappeared a minute later carrying two opened bottles, one of which
he handed to her.

It was a beautiful early summer evening; a gentle breeze
wrapped itself around them, carrying the scents of roses from a nearby flowerbed,
their sweet aroma mingling with the smell of freshly mown grass – without being
asked, Isidoro had cut the lawn that afternoon.

Matt reached across and gently took her hand in his. “This
certainly is a lovely place. How long have you lived here?”

Livi didn’t answer straight away. “Fifteen years,” she said
finally. “We bought it while I was pregnant with Chrissy; she’s lived here all
her life. We were very happy too; Will always dreamed of owning a thoroughbred
farm, and even though I write for a living, I’ve always been connected with
horses, one way or another. What with the money I earn with my writing, the
yearling sales, and Pink Parachute’s winnings over the past two years, we’d
reached a point where we were feeling reasonably secure financially.” Her eyes
suddenly brimmed with tears, “but now it seems nothing is going right.”

Matt gripped her hand tighter. He took her drink from her and
placed it on the bench next to his. “God, how I wish I could be more help to
you,” he said fervently. “You of all people don’t deserve all this heartache.”
Cautiously, he pressed his lips against her forehead. All Livi’s instincts told
her to pull back, pull away, but she couldn’t do it. Instead she placed her
hands on his cheeks and allowed their eyes to connect. She held his gaze for
the briefest of moments before turning away.

Then suddenly she lowered her head and pressed her face into
his shoulder. Matt kissed her hair, breathing in the faint scent of her
shampoo. Gently he wrapped her in a tender embrace, all too aware that he could
not surrender to the desires that were fast overwhelming him. Doing so would
probably drive her away from him forever.

And so he just sat there holding her, caressing the back of
her neck, savoring their intimacy while it lasted. Livi clung to him tightly,
drawing strength from his warmth and closeness.

After what seemed like an age, they drew apart. She raised
her eyes to meet his again and Matt hoped that his face didn’t betray all he
was feeling inside. He heaved an inward sigh of relief when he saw a faint
smile light up her face. He touched her cheek with the back of his fingers.
“Okay?”

She nodded. “Yes, yes I am.” Her voice grew more assured,
“thank you for being here for me Matt, I didn’t realize how much you’ve come to
mean to me.”

His hands lingered gently on her shoulders; his voice was
barely a whisper. “You mean a great deal to me too. The time we spend together is
very special. I’ve lived for two years in an emotional vacuum, but over the
past few weeks, I’ve felt alive again. In fact, I’m already dreading the day my
contract here in Buellton ends. The agency I’m working for already expects me to
go to the Napa Valley in July, for six weeks I think.”

Livi gazed at him, dismayed. “Oh, no Matt, you can’t leave.
Have you spoken to Doc Blair about a partnership? Surely he’ll be interested.”

He shrugged. “I’ve tried to steer the conversation in that
direction a couple of times, but he doesn’t bite. Maybe they already have
someone lined up, although I must say, he doesn’t look or behave like a guy intending
to retire any time soon. He could continue running the practice for years.”

Livi retrieved her beer and took a gulp. In her haste some
drops spilled onto her blouse. She flicked them away with her fingers. “Talk to
Doc Massey when he comes back,” she urged. “After all, when Doc Blair does
retire, he’ll be the senior partner, making the decisions.”

Matt took her hands in his again, entwining his fingers in
hers. “I will, don’t worry, but whatever happens, my contract here is going to
run out in just over a month. Clearly Doc Blair has no immediate plans to
change anything.”

An unaccustomed wave of anxiety engulfed Livi; ordinarily
she radiated self-sufficiency, and until now she hadn’t begun to comprehend how
much she had grown to depend upon his uncomplicated day-to-day companionship;
over the past weeks just his being there had given her back some stability to
her life. She averted her eyes, afraid of the pain she knew he would see in
them. “Well, we’ve still got a month,” she conceded in a small voice. “There are
other towns and other equine practices around; surely something else will come
up.”

He sat close to her, yearning to embrace her again, but
something inside cautioned him to hold back. He wanted to tell her he had fallen
in love with her and that everything would be okay, but those were words he
dared not voice -- yet. She was far too vulnerable, too insecure.

The spell was suddenly broken by the ringing of his cell
phone. He fished it from his jeans pocket. “Doc Allen . . .”

His conversation was brief and concluded with, “I’m on my
way,” before he turned back to Livi.

“I’m so sorry; I have to go – an emergency. That was Doc
Blair. Someone’s brought a horse into the clinic with colic which looks as if
it’s developed into a twisted gut. We need to operate.”

Livi instantly snapped out of her reverie. “Go. Don’t worry
about me, I was just feeling sorry for myself.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” she asserted briskly, steering him gently
towards his truck as she spoke.

He opened the door, but turned back to give her a hug. For a
moment she wrapped her arms around him and held him tight, before he climbed
in, started the engine and accelerated down the drive.

Livi watched his tail-lights disappearing into the darkness
then slowly, made her way across to the barn to check on the horses.

CHAPTER TWO

Livi was on edge for the next few days. She phoned her
attorney each afternoon, but every time his answer was the same: nothing new to
report; neither Edward nor his legal representative had responded to their
letter.

Meanwhile, the farm continued to run smoothly, and on
impulse, Livi decided she was long overdue a day off. Submitting to the whims
of chance, she drove into Santa Barbara and spent several relaxing hours wandering
along the Waterfront and window shopping on State Street and Paseo Nuevo. She
lunched at Maggie’s and bought little gifts for Chrissy, Rosa, Katia and Matt
before heading back home, stopping on the way to pick up a takeout for dinner.

Reaching Walnut Grove, she turned onto the drive and
immediately recognized Matt’s pickup truck parked alongside the barn. Her heart
skipped a beat; surely nothing could have gone wrong in the short time she had
been absent.

She parked her car behind his truck and entered the barn to
discover nothing more ominous than Chrissy, Matt and Isidoro sitting on alfalfa
bales, drinking sodas, deep in conversation.

Matt jumped to his feet, a big smile on his face. “Here she
is. Isidoro told us you’d absconded for the day. Did you enjoy yourself?”

She heaved a sigh of relief. “I had a great time, thanks I’d
almost forgotten what it’s like to play hooky for a few hours. Is everything
okay here?”

“But of course, Mrs. Leonard,” Isidoro assured her with
great pride. “I’ve taken all the feeds round and checked the horses. Everything
is good.”

“And before you ask,” Chrissy interjected, “I’ve done my
chores. I didn’t start dinner because I didn’t know when you’d be back.”

“No problem, I’ve got a takeout,” said Livi. “Matt, you’ll
join us, won’t you?”

They said goodnight to Isidoro and crossed to the house,
where Chrissy laid the table, Livi microwaved the various food containers to
reheat their contents, and Matt fetched more drinks from the fridge.

It was another perfect, balmy evening; the kitchen windows
and door were wide open and through the screens the air was abuzz with the
sounds of insects. A horse whinnied in the distance. Livi felt a mysterious
understanding that, at that moment, they really were meant to be sitting there
together in comfortable, easy companionship. She squeezed her eyes shut for a
moment with the realization that maybe, at last, her battered and broken heart
was beginning to heal.

She opened her eyes again and discovered Matt watching her, his
eyebrows faintly knotted together in concern. “Okay?” he asked.

She nodded and patted his hand. “Yes, yes I am. I needed today;
it’s made me feel human again. I’ve been hiding away feeling sorry for myself
for too long.”

His eyes held hers in their gaze and she found it impossible
to look away; their eye contact seemed to convey a whole, unspoken dialog
between them. For the briefest of moments it unnerved her, her heart was
thumping. Eventually, she forced herself to break the connection. She glanced
at Chrissy, expecting her daughter to be staring at her horror stricken, and
was amazed when she realized their silent exchange had passed completely undetected.

The brief spell was shattered though. Matt pushed himself to
his feet. “I’d better get going,” he said awkwardly. Livi’s immediate reaction
was to reach out and stop him, but she did nothing. Instead, it was Chrissy who
protested.

“So soon? Aren’t you going to tell Mom about your idea?”

Livi eagerly grasped at the opportunity. “What idea, Matt?”

He shrugged. “Nothing important. It can wait.”

“No — your first idea was a lifesaver for me. If you’ve got
another, I’d love to hear it.”

Resigned, he resumed his seat. “When I was talking with Chrissy
earlier, she mentioned she’s bored now school’s out. I was reading how the
veterinary school here in California has an outreach program where qualified
teenagers can visit for two week stints throughout the summer and care for
their animals while the students are gone. I’d be happy to put in a word for Chrissy
— if you agree, of course.”

Livi was startled. “Oh, I don’t think so Matt. She’s only
fourteen years old. She’s never been away from home longer than two or three
nights, and those were with her grandparents.”

“The college will supervise the kids appropriately,” he reassured
her. “The university has a lot of prestige; they see it as a way to interest
kids in a veterinary career.”

“Please Mom,” Chrissy begged. “Please — I’ll be fifteen in
August.”

Livi raised her hands in resignation, laughing. “I’ll think
about it, okay? I’ll read about the program, make some more inquiries and then
make up my mind. Be reasonable Chrissy, you surely didn’t expect me to decide
in a minute flat.”

Chrissy flopped in her chair, dejected. “No, I didn’t. But
you promise to think about it?”

“I promise. Now make yourself useful and clear the table,
don’t forget this is my day off.”

Matt apparently completely forgot about his plans to leave
and held his hand out to Livi. “Come on, it’s a beautiful evening, let’s walk
the dogs.”

They strolled out, past the horse barn and along the track
between the paddocks. Isidoro’s house stood in the distance, but before
reaching it, they opened a gate and turned into one of the empty paddocks. Both
dogs instantly set off in eager but fruitless pursuit of a jackrabbit, only to
return a few minutes later, tongues lolling.

It was an exceptionally lovely evening; swifts twittered
overhead, and a gentle whisper of breeze drifted past. In the distance rose the
Sierra Madre Mountains, covered in chaparral, oak woodlands and a few small
areas of coniferous woods, forming part of the Coastal Range which separates
the Pacific coast from the agricultural expanse of the San Joaquin Valley.

“Did you know,” asked Livi,” those mountains are almost
entirely uninhabited? Most winters the highest peaks are covered in snow. The
view from our back windows can be amazing.”

Matt put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face
him. “And you’re an amazing lady,” he said earnestly.

 The words startled Livi. “Matt . . .” she said softly,
“what are you saying? I thought we agreed to just be friends.”

He laughed ironically. “Yes, that was the deal, to
just
be friends
, but being your friend has made me realize how the hours I’m with
you are the greatest event in my life recently. God knows, I’ve tried hard, but
I want more than friendship.

“I want more than to just stand next to you and talk to you;
don’t get me wrong, I cherish the time I’m with you, but it’s not enough,
there’s way too much missing. I want – no, I need to hold you, touch you, kiss
you . . .” His voice trailed off as Livi stumbled backwards, away from his
grasp.

“Stop Matt. I’m sorry if I’ve misled you in any way, I truly
am. I really appreciate your company, being with you, but it’s just months
since Will was killed, I’m still grieving for him. Spending time with you has
been an enormous comfort to me; you’ve helped me in so many ways because I know
you’re always here for me and I really can’t imagine losing your support, but you
said you wanted to just be my friend and I believed you, I really did.”

Tears welled up, stinging her eyes and she turned away
trying to hide them from him, but having begun, he found he couldn’t stop.

“Livi, remember the other night on the bench by the kitchen before
I was called away. Was that just friendship we showed each other; just friendly
gestures? No, it was more than that,
much more
. I
know
it was. And
we don’t have a lot of time — my contract here will finish shortly, so I have
to make it clear how I feel now, before it’s too late. Even if it means you won’t
want to see me ever again, I need to let you know I love you.”

Livi felt completely overwhelmed. She had long ago accepted
she wouldn’t hear the words
‘I love you,’
again. Will was gone, dead; he
had been her love and her rock, her partner in life, she didn’t believe she
could ever recreate that with anyone else. Now, hearing the familiar words
spoken to her in a different voice, conveying the feelings of a different man,
was more than she could endure.

She turned around and forced herself to meet Matt’s gaze. His
bereft expression shocked her to the core and her heart melted. The words she
was about to speak, choked in her throat; bizarrely, her heart ached for him.

“I’ve really blown it haven’t I?” he asked quietly.

All the denials she had been about to voice died before they
were spoken. Suddenly Livi felt unsteady on her feet; her breath was ragged.
She began to reach out to him, then stopped and hugged her arms around herself.
Inexplicably she shivered.

After what seemed like an age, he extended his hand and
gently brushed back a strand of her hair that had escaped from the clip behind her
head. “Is what I’ve said so terrible?” he asked. “We don’t choose who we fall
in love with; love just happens. You loved — no, still love Will; I accept that
absolutely; you had something very special. But surely, you don’t plan to spend
the rest of your life
never
sharing it with anyone else again? You’re
young, you’re smart, and you have so much to give to a relationship. I know
this is sudden, rushed even, but please, try to understand; now I’ve found you,
I can’t stop myself. I have to let you know how I feel.”

Livi sat down abruptly in the grass. The two dogs, sensing
her vulnerability, pressed close. Absentmindedly she stroked them both. Matt
sat down next to her, waiting for her to speak.

“Matt . . .” she began eventually, seeming to consider
before forming each word. “Yes, when Will died, I did truly believe I could
never love again. We had a great marriage. But, if I’m absolutely honest, I
have to admit I’m very much attracted to you. Maybe that’s the problem; my
feelings are making it seem as if I’m betraying Will’s memory, and I can’t bear
that. God, I’m so screwed up, I love being with you, but because of that, I
feel horribly guilty. Oh, Matt . . .” Her voice trailed away.

He wrapped her in a warm, tender gaze. “Dearest Livi — I
understand exactly how you feel; I admire how you feel, honestly I do. But can’t
the two of us just admit we have something very special between us, and move
forward from there?”

The intense blue of his eyes, which seemed to draw her
inexorably toward him, startled Livi. She waited for what seemed like an
eternity before speaking again, although it was probably no longer than a few
seconds. Eventually she allowed a smile to spread gradually across her face,
but not before a tear rolled down her cheek. “Do you know what I miss more than
anything?” she asked suddenly. “The laughter; Will and I always seemed to be
laughing, but now I have no-one to laugh with.”

“Yes you do, we can laugh together too,” Matt said softly.
“We’ll have different laughs, for different reasons, and nothing we do or
experience will ever diminish what the two of you had. But we can be great as
well.”

She rubbed the back of her hand across her cheek. “You’re
right, I know you’re right. Just be patient with me, please. I can’t bear the
thought of you moving away in just a few weeks, you’ve become an important part
of my life, so that has to mean something, doesn’t it?” She smiled weakly.
“Just don’t rush me, please.”

Matt smiled and pressed his lips gently to her cheek. “I
won’t rush you; take all the time you want. All I ask is for you to understand
my feelings for you, and please, don’t reject me because of them.”

This time Livi didn’t pull away. She was overwhelmed with an
emotion she couldn't explain; a mixture of pain, sadness, longing, hope, and
above all, confusion.

“I know I’m being selfish,” he continued, “but when you're
in love, one of the bad things that comes out of it
is
being selfish. I'd
like to hold you in my arms now, tell you over and over again how I'll always be
here for you, and how much I love you.”

She didn’t answer; her expression didn’t betray any
reaction. Very gently he slipped his arms around her and held her close to him.
For a moment, Livi didn’t respond then, suddenly, before she realized what she
was doing, she found herself returning his embrace.

“I had to do this,” he murmured, his arms tightening around
her, bringing her even closer as if afraid she might disappear.

Breathless, she looked up at him with all the calm she could
muster. “You can’t be punished for your feelings, Matt; I can’t do that to you.
My world, as I knew it, fell apart when Will died, but you’re right, I mustn’t
shut myself away from normal human contact and emotions; it’s not a good
example to set for Chrissy.”

“I agree,” he said solemnly. He looked at her for another
long, lingering moment, before throwing caution to the winds. With the gentlest
possible touch, he kissed her lips. She trembled but didn’t protest.
Emboldened, he allowed his lips to linger, their pressure increase.

As first kisses often are, it was sweet and chaste. They each
understood how it carried them both forward into a whole new covenant in their
relationship; they could never return to the platonic companionship which had
until then bound them. They were venturing into uncharted territory.

When at last they drew apart, Matt felt an innate sense of joi
de vivre; he couldn’t remember being so happy. Equally, the absolute
contentment Livi experienced caught her completely unawares.

Matt quickly clambered to his feet and offered his hand to
help Livi up. “Come on, we’d best be getting back,” he said, fully aware that
he dared not, at that point, push her any further.

Smiling, she kept a hold of his hand and they walked back
across the paddock, the dogs gamboling at their sides.

At the paddock
next to the barn, they paused to check on the wellbeing of its inmates.  Congeniality,
Livi’s oldest and favorite broodmare nickered anxiously over the gate for a
carrot and nuzzled into them, her big luminous eyes following their every move,
her warm breath blowing into their faces. Meanwhile her foal slumbered
undisturbed in the grass behind her. The other mares, anticipating treats,
quickly joined the gathering.