Wayward Temptation (Wayward Saints MC Book 6) (25 page)

Cason comes forward and gives me a grin. “Hey sweet girl
,
” he says
,
as he pulls me into a hug.
 

“Hi Cason
,
” my purse falls off my shoulder
,
and I just let it fall to the ground with my bag.
 

He holds me at arm’s length and frowns. “You feel like you’ve lost a bunch of weight.” I look away, but he grabs my chin
,
and forces me to look at him. “Come on. We will get you fed and settled
,
before we get down to why I asked you here.” I nod my head
.
He grabs my bags
,
and motions for someone to take my suitcase.
 

“You want to ride or do you want to go in the van with the prospect?” I like that he gives me the option. As much as I rather go in the van, I take the ride on the bike. Being on the back of Raef’s bike always made me happy
,
and I always felt free. I know that it won’t be the same, but feeling free is something that I need right now. Maybe it will help mend part of my broken heart in the process.
 

“I’ll ride.” Cason motions to the rest of the men and women
,
and he gets on his bike
,
before helping me on behind him.
 

The ride to their clubhouse was fast. As we pulled up, I couldn’t help but check my surroundings. Everything was just as Raef described
,
and the emotions hit me like a ton of bricks. This was the last place he lived. This is where all his memories were held
,
and I’m not sure I’m ready to meet everyone after all.
 

Before we can even come to a stop
,
a beautiful brunette with an infant
,
practically comes running right for me. “Ans
,
” Cason warns her
,
before she all but throws her arms around me.
 

She doesn’t listen to him, instead she pulls me into a hug
,
and I tentatively hug her back. The baby in her arms stirs and Brantley, I think his name is, comes and takes the little boy from her arms. She wraps me into a hug
,
and I can feel her body shutter. “I can’t believe you’re finally here
,
” she whispers brokenly. “He told me about you
,
and when Daddy said you weren’t coming to the funeral, I was heartbroken.” I hug her back
,
and the tears start to fall down my cheeks at an alarming rate.
 

When she finally pulls back, she drags me over to the baby
,
and her old man. “I don’t know if you’ve actually met Brantley yet or not, but he’s my old man
.
This here is Braxton, our youngest son.” I hesitantly run the tips of my fingers over his chubby little cheek
,
and he stirs.
 

“I don’t think I ever got to thank you for saving me that day
,
” I say looking up at Brantley. He smiles at me like it wasn’t a big deal, but to me it was.
 

“Ask anyone here, I would have done it without thinking twice. You meant something to Raef
,
and all of us here would all kill for him
,
and protect what’s his. No questions asked
,
” he motions to every one of the guys that are around us
,
and I have to wipe the tears from my eyes.
 

“Thank you
,
” I dip my head to try and hide my tears, but Anslie doesn’t let me. Instead
,
she all but drags me inside the clubhouse. When we come to a stop, I’m amazed at the place. There are pictures lining one wall
,
and my eyes scan them until I come to a picture of Raef. Walking closer, I see that he has a huge grin on his face
,
as he looks off at something in the distance. There are dates under his photo
,
and I can’t help but reach out to touch it.
 

“All of our fallen members are memorialized on this wall
,
” Cason says from behind me. I turn to look at him
,
and I can tell his fighting with his emotions. “As much as I hate seeing him on this wall, I love knowing that he gave his life to protect his brothers and you
,
” he runs a hand down his face
,
and then looks down at me.
 

“He took a bullet for me. He shouldn’t be the one in the ground yet. No one should have to bury their children.” My nose starts to sting
,
and my eyes start to water more.
 

“Let’s get you settled. Then you can meet me and the boys in church.” I nod my head
,
and he leads me towards a hallway similar to the ones that my brother lived in at the Sacramento chapter.
 

“Is Butch okay?” I ask
,
quietly on the way.

“Yeah, he’s doing good. He said you wouldn’t take his phone calls. Glad to know that I wasn’t the only one you were ignoring.”
 

I blush
,
and try to cover my face with my hair. “It’s okay Sailor. We all grieve differently. You have the right to shut us out, but just know that we will always be here for you when you need us. We would do everything in our power to make sure you’re taken care of, just like my son would have wanted.” The words are stuck in my throat, so I don’t even bother saying a word.
 

He opens a door on the left
,
and then ushers me inside. As soon as I walk in, I smell his cologne. Looking around the room, I see all the things that he has on his walls
,
and I turn to look at Cason. “If it’s too hard to stay in here, I can get you a different room.”
 

I shake my head
,
and try to push down the emotions. “No. I want to stay in here
,
” I choke out.
 

Chapter Thirty-Two

After Cason left me alone in Raef’s room, I look around the room at the walls
.
I see a few pictures and things that make me miss him so much more. Walking over to the first picture on the wall, I see him standing with Anslie
,
and two little boys that look just like Brantley. He looks happy. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I press my hand to my heart
,
to stop the ache that never seems to go away.
 

Taking a seat of the bed, I wipe the tears from my cheeks
,
and lay back on his bed. It still smells just like he did. Closing my eyes, I think back to before our last night ended.
 

Pulling the covers over our heads, I cuddle into Raef’s chest
,
and wrap my arm around his waist. “Why are the covers over our head?” he asks
,
with a questioning grin.
 

“Because this is the only place I get all of you. Under the covers is where I feel like I get every second of your attention.” He runs his hand down my face, moving a piece of hair off my cheek.
 

“Anytime you want me attention, just say it. I live and die by the club, but any time you want me, I’m yours.” His eyes burn into me
,
and I can feel how serious he is in this moment. He pulls me closer
,
and places his lips gently on mine.
 

“I love you
,
” I whisper against his lips.
 

“I want you to show me
,
” he grins wickedly
,
and I do. I show him exactly how much I love him.

Laying on his pillows, I pull the covers over my head
,
and just lay there. The tears keep coming
,
and I hug one of his pillows to my chest.
 

After an hour of crying in his room alone, I get out of his bed
,
and walk into the small bathroom. Looking at my appearance in the mirror, I see how skinny I’ve become. I can see my bones pressing into my skin
,
and I hate that. Maybe Cason was right; maybe I should have come here instead of hiding away in my apartment and trying to not think about the gaping hole that Raef’s death left in me.
 

Grabbing a washcloth, I try and clean my face up
,
as best as I can. There is no use trying
,
with the puffy eyes and bloodshot eyes. Once I finally get myself together, I make my way from the room
,
and walk down the hall towards the bar that I saw on the way in here. When I get there, there are men and women everywhere. It’s almost like their whole club came together just for my arrival.
 

My eyes scan around the room
,
and I stop on Cason and his ole’ lady. She’s looking up at him like he’s her whole world
,
and I feel like a sharp knife slices into my heart. Raef gave his life
,
so that his little sister would still have a daddy.
 

When Cason sees me, he grabs her hand
,
and brings her over to me. My heart aches at the sight
,
and I think about all the things in life he’s going to miss. He’s never going to be a father. He never even got to meet his nephew, and won’t be able to meet his little sister.
 

“Henley this is Sailor. Sailor, this is my ole’ lady Henley.” I can’t help but stare at her belly.
 

“Hi hunny
,
” Henley greets warmly.
 

“Hi
,
” I mumble, feeling awkward. I don't know how to handle this. Everyone is being so nice and I don't really understand why. I'm the reason Raef is gone.
 

“Come on Sailor. Me and the guys want to talk to you.” I look up at Cason
,
and I can still see the hurt in his eyes. I’m just glad I’m not the only one. I feel like I’m going to cry at any moment
,
and I hate that feeling. My grief has taken over my life
,
and I’m not even sure how I am able to keep my apartment. Somehow the rent was paid when I came back to it
,
after I got home from the hospital.