Ways and Means (16 page)

‘But it isn’t true,’ said Leader, hanging his head.

For a moment, Mr Riddington said nothing. Then, in almost a whisper, but very distinctly, he said: ‘What did you say, boy?’

‘It was I who cheated, sir.’

There was no doubt about it this time.

‘You?’ said Mr Riddington in loud and horrified tones.

‘Yes, sir. I’m afraid so.’

‘And yet you told me over and over again that it was not you, and you let me expel another boy in your place.’

‘I’m very sorry, sir;’ said Leader.

‘Sorry, sir?’ said Mr Riddington. ‘Sorry. Before this matter is done with, you will be so sorry — But why have you not told me before?’

‘I was frightened, sir.’

‘Then why now?’

‘My conscience, sir. That talk you gave us on playing the game, sir. It was more than I could bear. I was just going to tell you about it when you sent for me, sir.’

‘Very well, Leader, you may go for the moment. I will see you afterwards. We shall have a long and painful interview. Go away now — you wicked, abominable boy.’

Leader left and the Headmaster remained speechless for a moment or two after he had gone. He paced up and down the floor. ‘But what I can’t understand is why the other boy admitted it — it doesn’t make sense.’

‘Ah, but it all makes sense now. Kenneth has always told his parents that he only confessed because he was sorry for the other boy. I expect you noticed when he was at school that he was a very generous boy — always helping other boys and giving things away.’

‘I hadn’t,’ said Mr Riddington. ‘Quite the contrary, but no matter. Appearances are sometimes deceptive.’

‘They must be, Dr Riddington,’ said Elizabeth. ‘I spoke to Kenneth about it. “Didn’t you think of your own parents?” I asked? “Aren’t they as important as the other boy?” He broke down then, and that’s really why we’re here. At first he wouldn’t allow us, but when I pointed out about his own people, he began to see that he was wrong.’

‘This is a terrible situation,’ said Mr Riddir1gton. ‘I don’t know what to do. How could I tell which of them it was? What can I do?’

‘Let us help you, dear Dr Riddington. We are your friends,’ said Elizabeth. She was now mounted and leading the victorious charge. The battle was over.

Shortly after tea, Basil and Elizabeth left The Summit, taking with them an unqualified apology signed by the Headmaster and addressed ‘To whom it may concern’. In it he absolved Kenneth from all blame except an excess of quixotism. He described him as a boy of sterling worth and lofty ideals who would be a credit to any school which was lucky enough to have him.

As soon as Basil and Elizabeth had left, Mr Riddington sent for Leader.

‘And now,’ he said, ‘now, you miserable, wicked creature, what have you to say before I pass sentence upon you? You can expect no mercy — be sure of that, but I will listen to anything you have to say in extenuation of your terrible offence.’

‘Please,’ said Leader, ‘what I said wasn’t true.’

‘I know, I know,’ said Mr Riddington. ‘I know it only too well. But why wasn’t it true? Why did you lie to save your own miserable skin and to ruin the prospects of your innocent schoolfellow?’

‘He wasn’t innocent, sir. When I said it wasn’t true, I meant that what I said just now wasn’t true. It was Wesley-Hart who cheated, not I.’

‘Heaven give me patience,’ said Mr Riddington. ‘What have you said?’

‘I lied to you and the lady and gentleman, sir.’

‘You lied to us?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Why, in Heaven’s name?’

‘I suddenly felt so sorry for Wesley-Hart, sir, and — and —’ He broke off.

‘Yes, and what else?’

‘And the lady was so very beautiful, sir.’

‘You abominable scoundrel, how am I to know when to believe you? First you say you didn’t cheat, then you say you did, and now you say you didn’t. How can I tell which is the correct version?’

‘Wesley-Hart confessed, sir.’

‘And are you aware, you’ — he could not think of strong enough language which did not go beyond the proper bounds — ‘are you aware that I have just signed a document acknowledging that Wesley-Hart did not cheat?’

‘Well, that’s all right, sir. That’ll make it O.K. for him. No one else will know.’

‘Well, boy, whatever else happens, you shall have the soundest thrashing you have ever known. Whether or not you cheated — and I don’t know now who it was — you have admittedly lied to me. Either you did so when you said you cheated or when you said you didn’t. There’s no gainsaying that, is there?’

‘It sounds logical, sir.’

‘Logical, eh? Impertinent as well. We shall see if you feel either logical or impertinent in ten minutes’ time.’

‘I shouldn’t punish me, if I were you, sir.’

‘Oh — you wouldn’t, wouldn’t you? Well, you are not me — not I — not me — and I am not you, and I shall now deal with you as I think fit, not as you do.’

‘I really shouldn’t, sir, if I were you. You see, sir, if you say nothing about this, neither shall I — honour bright — if you’ll forgive the expression — but, if you take it out of me, sir, I’ll take it out of you, sir, with interest, and I’ll prosecute you for assault as well. Twill not willingly be thrashed by you. I can’t prevent you, of course, but you’ll look a bit funny in the Magistrates’ Court when the doctor describes the bruises as due to unmerciful punishment (you didn’t use the word, sir, but you meant it), and when I produce the letter you’ve just signed (Wesley-Hart and I are on quite good terms really and I could get hold of it quite easily) and show that you really thrashed me because you’d made such a mess of it all, sir, if you’ll excuse my saying so — well, sir, bearing all that in mind, hadn’t we better cry quits?’

It will be seen that Nicholas had not wasted his time with young Leader. The only piece of bad luck was that the former was not able to see his pupil performing. He was doing it very creditably — he had an excellent memory — and Nicholas would have enjoyed it. Of course, the boy had been given £100 and promised a further £100 — which was a satisfactory thought for him in case everything did not go according to plan. He felt reasonably confident, however, that, if he did not get off altogether, his threat of prosecution would prevent his punishment from being too severe, and it would easily be worth £200.

Meantime, Mr Riddington had also been thinking. There was no doubt but that, wherever the truth lay, he had made an egregious ass of himself. He would hate that to become known in the school, let alone among the public. It was blackmail, and he did not relish the idea of being blackmailed by a small boy. But which was the lesser evil? If he gave the boy the beating he undoubtedly deserved, there was no doubt in his mind but that the boy would carry out his threat, and the law — ass that it was — might say he had been too severe. Indeed, he intended to be too severe. The idea of the Headmaster of The Summit being fined for assaulting a pupil was unthinkable. If he beat the boy at all he might still carry out his threat and, even if the case were dismissed, he would be held up as a laughing-stock over the cheating episode. It was a terrible dilemma, but he had to make a decision.

‘Leader,’ he said eventually, ‘you are a very wicked boy and will probably end up in gaol. You may even be hanged. But, for the sake of the school, I am not going to have this matter made public if I can help it. I do not ask for your promise, because it is valueless, but you have spoken to me of logic and perhaps you can understand this. The only reason I am not now going to punish you is to avoid publicity. If I find that such publicity occurs — through whatever agency — I will give you the punishment you so richly deserve. Fortunately, you are leaving within a year. If you had not been, I do not think I could have taken this course. Now do you understand me?’

‘Perfectly, sir. I no speak. You no cane. Permission to go, sir?’

‘Get out,’ shouted Mr Riddington, and his voice could be heard far beyond his study walls.

It was tempting to Leader to break his promise. It was dreadful to have to keep the story of the interview locked up in his head. But like the good blackmailer he was, he realized that the Headmaster could be pushed too far. The fear which makes the victim pay is that of publicity. Once there is publicity, that fear is removed and the victim will turn round and attack. And, after all, he had made £200 and had had a most thrilling hour. So he contented himself with the thought that he would call on Nicholas and Petula and tell them all about it, and he kept his promise to Mr Riddington.

The Headmaster had a very unpleasant half-hour communing with himself. ‘What else could I have done? I wish I knew who had cheated. I’d have sworn it was Wesley-Hart after he’d confessed, but this fellow Leader would be capable of cheating his comatose grandmother. Yet, if it was he, why did Wesley-Hart admit it? I doubt if Solomon could have solved this one. Oh dear, oh dear. He was right when he said I’d made a mess of things. But who wouldn’t have? I wonder what Arnold would have done.’ The Staff at The Summit found him exceptionally difficult for the next week or so.

Meanwhile, Mr and Mrs Wesley-Hart (‘you needn’t bring your son’, Basil had written) called on Basil and Nicholas and were overjoyed to hear the result.

‘How can we thank you properly?’ said Mr Wesley-Hart.

‘I wish I knew,’ said Basil, ‘but, unfortunately, I don’t.’

‘I fear,’ said Nicholas, ‘that virtue must be its own reward, if that is an appropriate phrase.’

Some time later, young Leader called on them to receive his £100 and to describe the interview with his Headmaster. When it was all over, Basil said:

‘A few years ago we might have found considerable use for that young man. I wonder what he’ll turn into.’

‘A highly respectable bank clerk, I expect,’ said Nicholas. ‘Like bright sunshine first thing in the morning, he promises too early. When I was his age, I had all the makings of a highly respectable accountant. Fortunately, I outgrew it.’

‘I don’t know so much about “fortunately”. You’d have a regular job with regular hours. You’d come home to Petula each evening.’

‘He would,’ put in Petula.

‘Sometimes bringing her some flowers or a small present.’

‘Let’s make it a small present,’ said Petula.

‘You wouldn’t have had to think how to spend your time. It would all have been done for you. Petula would have had several children and —’ Basil paused. ‘Well, now,’ he said eventually. ‘I wonder why we’ve never thought of that before.’

It was not at all a prosperous little community which lived round Sutcliffe Bowling. They had neither cars nor horses and they had virtually no capital. The Vicar typified the place. He had a large, cold Vicarage which was gradually falling to pieces, a wife and five children and a tiny stipend on which to feed his family and educate his children. He certainly managed as well as was possible, but it was an uphill job. Everyone round him was similarly short of money and everything else, and the local pastime was borrowing. It was a game at which one could not hold the championship for long. Indeed, to become champion meant almost immediately complete eclipse. As soon as it was known that, say, Major Brain had qualified as the most successful borrower in the neighbourhood, no one would lend him anything. The game divided itself into two parts; the first part was to obtain the loan and the second to avoid giving it back. The Vicar never joined in this game, but he acted as a sort of unofficial umpire. He would be approached both by those who were trying to recover a loan and by those who were trying to borrow something. To the best of his ability and with complete impartiality, he advised his parishioners as to the best course to adopt. Major Brain had in fact been very successful at the first part of the game and was battling bravely with the second. He was besieged on all sides — now by Lady Brill for the return of her mowing machine (which he had broken and couldn’t afford to have repaired), now by the artist Paddy Langbourne, who, in a moment of lunacy, had lent him seven-and-six, and now by the local jobbing gardener who had lent him some pliers, which he had lost. It soon became fairly clear to the Vicar that Major Brain was the reigning champion, with the inevitable consequence that he found his way round to the Vicarage for consolation. Curiously enough, no one ever tried to borrow from the Vicar, but each succeeding champion made his way to the Vicarage for moral sustenance.

‘It’s absurd,’ said Major Brain. ‘I could easily write to one of my brothers, but I hate to worry them.’

‘That shows a nice family feeling,’ said the Vicar. ‘Let me see, how many brothers have you?’

‘Only two. There’s H. F. Brain, the miler, you know. He’s nearly ninety. And then there’s that old scapegoat, Willie. He’s nearly eighty. Both doing very well at the moment, I should say.’

‘What makes you think that?’

‘I haven’t heard from them for so long. Oh, well, there’s nothing for it, I suppose, I shall have to pop my dress clothes. Never wear them, anyway. Hope they haven’t got the moth. D’you know, I can’t even get half a pint on the slate. Half a pint. Now I ask you, Vicar. I’ve a good mind to clear out and wind up the whole shooting match. How can a man live on an Army pension?’

‘But where could you go?’

‘Anywhere, Vicar. Become a tramp, I suppose. I might manage to pick up a thing here and there, I suppose. But I can’t get any work here. Why, dammit, Vicar — excuse me — I’d mow old Charley’s lawn for a pint, but he says he can’t afford it, and I’ve bust the mowing machine. It’s a pretty pass, Vicar. My poor old father would turn in his grave, if he could see me. Haven’t even the price of a cigarette.’

‘Well,’ said the Vicar, ‘have one of mine.’

‘Now, I haven’t come round cadging, Vicar,’ said the Major, quite truthfully, but at the same time availing himself of the welcome offer. Then he saw that it was his last.

‘Oh, I can’t,’ he said. ‘I haven’t sunk as low as that.’

‘Plenty more in the other room,’ said the Vicar, easily reconciling the lie with his conscience.

To Sutcliffe Bowling there came one day four strangers, Basil, Elizabeth, Nicholas, and Petula. They took the big house which had been empty for some years and which even the local authority would not take, as there was no one to put there. They bought it, with fifty acres, and started to settle in.