Watching Yute (9 page)

Eliot sighed. “It’s not important.
You’ll know what I mean eventually. You don’t see it. You feel it.
Sometimes when you’re in front of the statue, sometimes other
places.”

Cassidy tried not to sound belittling.
“Well, Marcus said it likes our company.”

Eliot looked at the floor and nodded.
“I suppose it does. It just… creeps me out. I kind of wish it would
just speak up for itself.”

Unsure of what else to say about it,
Cassidy left it at that. The rest of the flight went with very
little conversation. They landed at Yute central, and started
getting off.

“
Well, I guess this is
goodbye, Eliot!’

Eliot smirked. “Good luck, Leftenent!
Don’t forget we’re back in the land of ranks, here!”

Cassidy strolled her old turf on the
way to the office. It hadn’t been long since she’d been here, but
somehow, it felt unfamiliar. Not so far as to say ‘hostile’…. But
it didn’t feel right. Why was that?

She checked in to find out where this
hearing was. “Canceled?”

“
Yeah,” the clerk said,
leafing across a couple sheets for the day’s activity. “He gave a
guilty plea. They don’t need you anymore.”

“
What... So I flew out here
for nothing. Nobody figured to call me? Or my C.O.?”

“
Sorry, Sir. I don’t know
what happened, I just got on. Maybe the news reached the office
while you were airborne?”

Cassidy huffed. Well, maybe she’d go
see how McKinney was surviving without her.

“
Sir?” The clerk said,
grabbing Cassidy’s attention before she left, “You’re Leftenent
Cassidy Stanton?”

“
Yeah?” She found herself
feeling a little defensive. Somehow, the clerk seemed... off.
Something about him agitated her for some reason. The whole base
was a little agitating. Were the walls always this annoying shade
of grey?

“
Well, if you can hang on a
sec, I think I have something for you. It was going to be sent out
to you in a couple days, but as long as you’re here…”

Cassidy nodded, dismissing the clerk to
run off into the back room. In the back of her mind, Cassidy
suspected the truth, but didn’t want to be right. So she stood
there, denying the thought until the box was put down in front of
her. As she signed for it, she stared at the return address. It was
from Brandy.

It didn’t look like roses. She ripped
the corner of the tape, and opened it up. It was filled with the
stuff she used to have at Brandy’s. Clothes mostly. A bracelet she
had given Brandy once. And a letter.

She couldn’t face this now. Part of her
just wanted to burn the whole box, but serenity prevailed for the
time being. She sighed, closed the box, and stowed it under her
arm. Suck it up, go say hi to McKinney, and go home.

It was around shift change, so she felt
she had a good chance catching him at his locker. As she walked
there with her box full of rejection under her arm, the
uncomfortable feel of the central base crept up on her again. She
found McKinney easily enough.

“
Hey, stranger.” Only as she
said it, did she realize how true it felt. She’d never been super
close to him, but now it seemed more so. McKinney looked over to
Cassidy ready with a smile, but when they made eye contact,
McKinney’s smile... just sort of died. He looked at her silently
for a moment, as if he didn’t recognize her.

“
Oh! Hi Stanton… how... how
are you?”

“
I’m fine.” Cassidy said.
“How’s my replacement working out?”

“
Fine… Stanton... you seem
really… relaxed, I guess. I guess your new post is suiting
you…?”

Relaxed? What reason did she have to be
relaxed? Hell, a part of her… the part still thinking about the box
she was carrying… would be quite willing to go hide in a corner and
sob. Not that it was McKinney’s business. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess it
is. Well…I better get back.”

“
Sure. Um. See you round,
Stanton.”

She left him there, both feeling like
they had just talked to a stranger. She went to arrange a ride
home, and found she had an hour to wait. Not bad, all things
considered.

But she didn’t have anything else to
do. She didn’t want to go talk to McKinney again. She sat with her
box of rejection, and felt the walls closing in. The box reminded
her of the telltale heart. It was an entity unto its own. It made
her feel sort of queasy.

That damned letter inside. Why wasn’t
she reading it? The same reason she never returned her calls.
Because it never seemed to bring good news. As a form of pressure
relief, she pulled out her terminal, and dialed Brandy. Again, it
was blocked, but this time she was almost relieved. Not an
intelligent way to avoid the letter; if Brandy had answered, it
would have been far more difficult to talk to her than reading a
letter.

The letter, and the “BLOCKED” notice
wrapped around Cassidy’s throat. It was hard to breathe. This
damned place wasn’t helping either. Damn it. Damn it, why won’t
that chopper come get her? If it crashed and killed her, at least
she wouldn’t be feeling this anymore.

Open the letter.

OPEN THE LETTER.

Open the damned letter. How bad could
it be? How much more dumped can she be? Brandy could tell her what
a useless girlfriend she was, how much Brandy felt neglected.
Brandy could tell her she was worthless. No, worse. She felt that
something truly horrible was waiting in that letter. That Brandy
would have written something monumentally hurtful. Damaging. But if
she didn’t open it, it would just torture her in
suspense.

“
Leftenent Stanton?” A deck
crewman called to her. “Deck eight, chopper leaving as soon as you
get on it.”

She crammed the thoughts down under the
safe seal of distraction. The letter down, under the safe seal of
clothes, and packing tape.

~~~~~

:::C /10

~~~~~

“
What do you know about the
A.R.A.?” Kirison said loudly to the bartender at yet another scummy
bar, ale in hand.

“
I dunno, Mack. They got
their reasons, I guess. I watch the news, and-”

“
Oh the news.” Kirison
jumped in, now talking loudly to himself as the bartender went
about his business, mostly ignoring Kirison. “The news tells us
what they get fed! At best, you get half the story that way, but
everyone knows that. The news is good for sports and weather, and
half the time, they don’t even get that right.”

Kirison turned around on his stool, now
kind of aiming his talk at the fellow beside him. He was paying
attention out of boredom. What Kirison really wanted was to get a
chance to look around to see if he was being heard by anyone
interesting. “The A.R.A. needs to get off their butts, get
organized, and do something that’s going to carve out some real
respect. Fucking government.”

“
Oh yeah?” the guy beside
him asked, halfheartedly. “Like what? Another bomb
scare?”

“
Pffft. Meaningless
attention getting. That’s all that is. It doesn’t make a point. It
doesn’t cut to the real problems. Some of the crap I saw working
for the feds just pisses all over any sovereignty they claim to
kindly allow the Aguei to have. That kinda stuff needs a black eye.
Getting in the news is nothing, that just makes them tighten the
collar a little more.”

The guy next to him kind of shrugged,
and focused on his beer. This wasn’t getting him anywhere. He
turned to the bartender and settled up. This was another dry well.
What the heck was he expecting? He pocketed his change and went to
the washroom.

The drinks he’d been downing in various
bars were catching up to him. He had taken some protective measures
though. Nothing fancy. He would have modified his ‘insurance’ to
act against the alcohol, but that seemed like pushing his
luck.

He took the old fashioned precautions
against the alcohol. A solid dinner, a handful of pretzels when he
had the chance, not to mention a mouthful of olive oil beforehand.
He wasn’t sure that would do anything, or if it was an urban myth.
He had been glad that the oil didn’t make him throw up on the spot
and took it as a good omen. After relieving the liquid bulk of his
drinking, he left the washroom and headed out.

Two fellows stood in his path. They
were Aguei. “Hey guys,” Kirison said, “If you want my wallet, you
should have got me on my way in. It’s pretty empty now.”

The smaller of the two men tilted his
head. “Hey, norther. You worked for the feds?”

Jackpot. It was on.

~~~~~

:::C /11

~~~~~

Cassidy cleared the helipad back at the
Yute temple base. Another light dusting of sand swept across her,
but lighter than the first time. It probably was just helicopter
backwash after all. Her box of rejection felt a little lighter now,
and the biting self-loathing she was developing at the central base
was mellowing into a softer sorrow.

She got back to the barrack to find
three of the others asleep there. She put the box down on her bunk
and sat next to it. The flap rested open enough that the letter
could peek up at Cassidy, who eyed it back with a mix of fear,
dread, and resentment. Cassidy just watched it sit there for a bit,
expressionless. From behind a cloud of fatigue, she felt slightly
braver than earlier.

“
Fine,” she thought to
herself; to the letter, “let’s get this over with.” She slowly put
her hand on the letter and pulled it forward. She opened it, and
unfolded it with steady, measured movements. Hand written. Brandy
had the most beautiful handwriting. The light was bad, but not so
bad that Cassidy wanted to risk waking anyone by doing anything
about it. “Okay, okay, stop making excuses, and read the damned
thing.” She sighed.

Cass-

Where do I start? I met someone.
There’s nothing going on, but I found myself wishing there was. It
made me realize that I had felt like I had been single for a long
time now. I thought for a while that it was just the long distance
thing. That’s a big part of it, I’m sure. But it seems like you
haven’t done anything to keep things going.

To be honest, in the last month, I had
a theory that you’d already dumped me, and were just avoiding
telling me. That would be really cruel. But I know you a little
better than that. I think I can just chalk it up to you being….
Lazy? No. I don’t know. I’m just going to give you the benefit of
the doubt and say you fell out of love with me, and didn’t know
what to do about it. It took me a while to realize I’d fallen out
of love with you, so maybe you didn’t know. Whatever.

You may have noticed I blocked your
calls. Maybe that’s a bit harsh, but I was really ready for a clean
break. I wish I could think of something more appropriate to say
than ‘have a nice life’, but honestly, nothing else comes to mind.
The good times were good, and the bad times… just kinda snuck in
while we weren’t looking. While you weren’t calling.

have a nice life

-Brandy

Well. That was that, wasn’t it? Cassidy
was split about it. Brandy hadn’t called her a bitch or anything.
Might that have made it easier? She was just so polite about it.
Cassidy pulled out her terminal, ready to dial again. If by miracle
Brandy picked up, what could she say? “I read your letter. Nice
handwriting.” She put the terminal away.

She tightened her fist around the
letter, and punched down into the mattress. She needed a walk.
Remembering the sleeping people again, she composed herself enough
to avoid stomping until she got outside.

Without purpose or destination, she
stormed off between ruins, letter still crammed in her fist. It
wasn’t hate she was walking with. Maybe it was. But not towards
Brandy. She stopped at a convenient place to lean, and rested
against a handy chunk of stone ruin. Half formed thoughts fired
around her skull, aimed nowhere, getting nowhere. During all of
this non-thinking, Cipriana had found her and quietly walked
over.

“
Cassidy?” As usual, she
spoke with only the required volume.

“
Oh, hey Cip.” Cassidy’s
voice was a little less controlled, but she reigned it in
some.

Cipriana stepped a little closer.
“Cassidy, what’s-“

Cassidy interrupted by holding out her
fist, and opening it, letting the half-crumpled letter open like a
flower blooming in her hand. “Have a read.”

Cipriana took it and flattened it out a
bit. She turned to catch a little more moonlight to read by. A few
moments passed, and Cipriana handed it back. “I’m
sorry.”

“
Don’t be.” Cassidy said,
taking the letter back. “It’s not news. It’s just the recap.” She
re-crumpled it, and let it fall to the ground, “I took her for
granted. I ignored her, really.”

“
Then… why do you
care?”

“
I... I didn’t think about
it. I guess I never thought she had noticed. I barely noticed. I
never wanted to hurt her. I’d be perfectly happy if we were still a
couple.”

“
If you loved her, why did
you ignore her?”