Watch Me Walk Away (8 page)

I walk over and put my arm around his waist, “Hey stranger. Do you come here often?”

He squeezes me in a hug and says, “Does this mean you are talking to me tonight?”

“I totally deserve that. I am sorry we didn’t spend any time together yesterday but I was thrown for a loop.” I look up at him and smile, “Forgive me?”

“Always, you know that. I can never stay mad at you but I would appreciate my friend actually talking to me tonight,” he says as he grabs his beer from Tom. “Do you need anything or do you have a pitcher waiting on you?”

I smack his stomach with an open hand, “Yes Mr. Know It All, there is a pitcher waiting for me back at the table. But I warn you there are seven of us back there so you and John are totally outnumbered. Proceed with caution because we are in rare form.”

We walk in with our arms still around each other and Patty has her phone out snapping pictures of the girls. She turns to us and gets a picture of Brad looking down at me. I don’t see it until later but you can tell he is still hung up on me. John gets up to let me slide in and shakes Brad’s hand, “Glad you could come, man. This has been torture, I need some male bonding. Please don’t leave me alone with them.”

Brad laughs as he follows me in putting his arm around me, “John, you are such a pussy. Here you sit with all these beautiful women and you are complaining? In high school we would have paid money to get these girls alone with us for one night.”

We all laugh when April says, “How much?” which makes us laugh harder.

I put my head on Brad’s shoulder and whisper, “Thanks I really need this tonight.” He squeezes my shoulder and kisses my head but doesn’t say anything. He always seems to know when I need a pick me up.

We stay at the bar until one o’clock and Tom is telling us he is not making us anymore pitchers. The “bitch” showed up about an hour ago and demanded we all move. We told her to get her skinny high school ass away from us. We found out she was a kid sister of a classmate and proceeded to tell her some raunchy stories about her sister. After that she said we were allowed to have the table any time we wanted as long as she got more ammunition against her sister, who it seems plays the saint at home.

As we stand up to leave I notice that the floor is no longer even, it is tilting significantly to the left. Funny but the last time I was here I thought the tilt was to the right. We pay our tab and tell Tom we will be back soon. Brad keeps his arm around me to make sure I get to the car in one piece. As we walk out I am again assaulted with the smell of the bay. I mumble something about wanting to get out on the water and Brad offers to take me out tomorrow. I say yes and he asks for my phone. I ask him why and he says he is going to set the alarm with a reminder so I don’t forget. Good plan. I hug him goodbye and tell him I missed him then proceed to fall into the back seat humming along to the music on the radio.

Chapter Ten

I get up Sunday morning to my phone alarm at nine-thirty. I vaguely remember asking Brad to take me out on his boat and him setting my alarm. What was I thinking? No way will I be able to handle the water with a hangover. My head hurts and the sunlight coming through the windows hurts my eyes. I roll over to go back to sleep when my phone rings. It’s Brad and I really want to let it go to voicemail but I know if I do he will just keep calling back.

I answer the phone with a grunt, “Wake up and go wash your face, brush your teeth and put some warm clothes on. Then go to the kitchen and get some coffee and two Tylenol in you. On the way to my house stop at Bagel Barn and get a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich and a chocolate Nesquik. Eat before you get here, I’ll be waiting on the boat. Be here by eleven now get moving.” It’s like one run on sentence and I can’t even get a word in edge wise but it gets me moving.

My feet hit the floor as I say, “I am hopping in the shower so don’t yell at me if I’m a little late.” I groan as I walk to the bathroom, “I am so going to get you for this you know.” I hang up on him before he can respond.

At least my stomach isn’t bothering me. Dark shades and the Tylenol should pull me through until the salt air can take effect. I get in the shower and it helps a little. I get out and brush my teeth and put my hair up in a ponytail not even bothering to dry it. I put on a pair of jeans, a tank top and a hoodie. I slip on my old boat shoes which have followed me around since before college. I am so glad I never got rid of them.

John is sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. I look over and there is half a pot left. I grab a mug and the Tylenol out of the cabinet and say, “Morning, Jodi still sleeping?”

He smiles at me, “Yeah and I wasn’t expecting to see you ‘til at least noon.”

“Brad is taking me out on his boat and the bastard set my phone alarm for nine-thirty. Then he called me to make sure I got outta bed.” I pop the Tylenol in my mouth and wash them down with the coffee. “Then he gave me a list of instructions to follow and told me not to be late.”

John laughs, “Well the salt air should help your head but how’s your stomach?”

“My stomach’s fine and will be better after I complete the fourth item on the list and stop off at Bagel Barn,” I say.

“The old egg bagel and Nesquik morning after trick?” he asks.

“I wouldn’t have needed it if you would have stopped at Airport Diner last night. I would have been right as rain after eggs over easy and home fries,” I pout at him.

“Jodi was almost comatose by the time we hit Sunrise Highway. There’s no way she would have made it through breakfast,” he says.

I go over and give him a peck on the cheek, “When she wakes up tell her I asked to go to the diner last night on the way home and let me know what she says.” I know my best friend and we always pick eating before sleep when drunk. You wake up feeling better with grease in your stomach while you sleep.

I gulp my coffee down and grab my bag. I look in the coat closet and ask, “Can I borrow your windbreaker? I don’t know which box mine is in.”

“Take it,” says John. “I don’t ever remember the last time I wore it.”

“Thanks! I will see you later. Don’t let Jodes sleep too long or her head will be worse.” I walk out and get into my car.

I dial Brad once I get to Bagel Barn, “Just wanted to see if you needed anything before I place my order.”

“No, I had breakfast hours ago and you’re late so hurry up.” He hangs up on me. I guess I deserve that for hanging up on him earlier. I look at the time, ten-fifty-five, I am not late yet! I go in and order an everything bagel with cream cheese instead of the egg sandwich but I do get the Nesquik. It is still the best hangover remedy I know.

I eat the bagel on the way and by the time I get to the dock I only have two bites left. It is eleven-o’seven and I figure anything before eleven-ten is not late. I could have hit traffic. So I put on my shades and Yankee hat and get out of the car. Brad is standing on his boat looking at me like he’s angry. I know he’s just playing because I am sure he thought he would be waiting a lot longer than this.

“Surprised to see I made it before noon?” I ask.

“Actually yes I am,” he says. “You were pretty out of it last night.”

“Ready to go?” I walk up to the boat. “Do you want me to untie?”

“Sure. Get the front first and I will hang onto the dock until you get on,” he says.

I untie the bow rope and throw it on then get the stern and climb on. Brad pushes off the dock and starts the engine. We have to travel about twenty minutes down the river to get to the bay. Brad turns the boat down river and we pass the house I grew up in. It looks almost the same from the outside and I wonder what the new owners have done with the inside. I do notice the greenhouse is gone and the dock and bulkhead have been replaced. Brad and I spent a lot of time talking on that dock especially after Bobby left for basic training. Even when I was seeing Steve we still made time to spend together. We were close until that New Year’s Eve. Once we lost our virginity to each other everything changed. Brad told me he always loved me and I still thought of him as my brother. He didn’t understand that the only reason I was with him was because I was so hurt by Bobby. He thought it was fate and we would be together from then on.

I am hoping that we can get back to the time before when we were friends. In fact I am banking on that today. I need to talk out the things between me and Bobby and Stuart. Maybe Brad can shed some light into the male point of view. I can’t ask John since he is friends with Bobby and will take his side. But Brad was never friends with Bobby and he doesn’t know Stuart so hopefully he will be able to be objective and help me.

Brad is driving the boat and I have a seat beside him on the bench. He steers out into the river and I notice the channel has changed since the last time I was here. If you don’t know the channels you will run aground in this river. When we were younger we had to be pulled off a sandbar a few times until we learned how to navigate it. “When was the last time you were out here?”

“Last time was for Labor Day. I spent the night with a date watching the fireworks on the bay,” he says.

“Are you seeing someone?” I ask hopefully.

“No it didn’t work out. We were together for about four months but it really wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t love her. She didn’t measure up to my ideal,” he looks at me. “But I really want to know what’s going on with you? Did Bobby mess with your head again Friday? I saw you dancing with him and you looked uncomfortable.” He takes his hand off the wheel and puts it around my waist. “I would gladly knock him on his ass for you.”

“He was trying to get me to go out with him but I told him I was with Stuart. I did agree to have lunch with him to catch up. He is calling me tomorrow.” I put my head on his shoulder and he squeezes me close. “I met Debbie for coffee yesterday and she told me I should hear him out. That he had reasons for what he did and he’s always loved me.”

I feel Brad stiffen beside me, “How can she ask that of you knowing full well what you went through before? I will not stand by and let him hurt you again.”

I put my hand on his chest, “It’s okay. I really need to see this through one way or the other. I think we both have unresolved issues that need closure. It’s just lunch in a public restaurant. I won’t be alone with him.”

“And what does your boyfriend say about this?” He is almost growling now.

“Wait,” I look up at him. “We need to get some things straight between us. I’m sorry that I screwed us up. I never should have asked you to be with me just because Bobby rejected me. I was angry and hurt but that did not give me the right to use you. It was not my intension to change our relationship and if I could go back to that night I would do it because I lost my best friend and I want him back.”

“You didn’t lose me, Lisa. You could never lose me. Do I want more than friendship with you? Yes but I wanted that before we slept together. If all I can have is friendship, I’ll take it. Do I fantasize about you waking up one morning and seeing that Bobby is not worthy of your love? Hell yes because I don’t want to have to pick up the pieces of your heart again. And I owe you an apology too. After that night you needed me to be your friend and all I wanted was to be with you again. I couldn’t see that by not letting you heal first I was pushing you away. I wonder all the time if I had just stopped and not pushed you to give me what I wanted if somehow we could have eventually come together. So now I will be your friend because not having you in my life at all is worse.”

The tears are running down my cheek and he pulls me into his arms. He doesn’t say anything else just rubs the back of my neck. Why can’t I love this guy? How can my heart want anyone else? I put my arms around his waist and hold tight which is a good thing because just then we run aground. The boat stops suddenly and we are pitched forward. Brad puts the engine in reverse but all that happens is brown silt is churned up by the outboard motor. Brad cuts the engine so we don’t burn it out.

“Looks like we’re stuck here for a while,” he says as he puts his arms back around me. “High tide is in about an hour so we shouldn’t have to wait too long to get free.”

I can’t help but laugh. It starts out as a chuckle but starts to build. I feel his responding laugh starting as I pull away and look up at him, “Well this is a familiar dilemma. But I am not jumping in the water to get us unstuck. If we need to lighten up you are going in.”

“It’s my boat and I have to drive it,” he is still laughing.

“Yes but you weigh almost two of me so we will rise twice as far. And you’re stronger than me, you can push us off. And I have driven this boat before.” I point out.

“Like seven or eight years ago,” he says. “It’s a moot point anyway, I don’t mind waiting on the tide.”

I walk to the bow and sit on one of the benches there, “Fine we will wait for the tide.”

He comes and sits opposite of me, “Well then finish telling me about Bobby and Stuart.”

And just like that I have my friend back. I tell him everything, all my feelings and fears. The fact that my body still reacts to Bobby when he touches me or even looks at me. That I’m scared he’ll break me apart but more scared that if I don’t give it a chance I will regret it for the rest of my life. I tell him about my night with Stuart and that I can’t see myself with him this time next month.

Then he asks me a question that floors me, “Out of all the men in your life, who can you see still being there with you in five years?”

My only answer, “You.”

Chapter Eleven

We did get off the sandbar without getting wet but we never made it out to the bay. We agreed to try again in two weeks weather permitting.

I spent the evening with Jodi in front of the TV with a bottle of wine. We just hung out and talked and I felt more grounded then I had since Friday night.

With Monday morning came the anxiety of Bobby’s call. Stuart called me while I was on the train and asked how I was feeling and what my plans were for the week. We were going to a fundraiser for Paralympics on Saturday. His boss’ grandson had been in a car accident when he was younger and lost both of his legs. He is now on the US Paralympics track team and most of Stuart’s office would be there. Quite a few professional athletes would be in attendance and Stuart was excited about us going. I had told Brad that I would be breaking up with Stuart after the event since he had already laid out the twenty-five hundred for the tickets. I was going to do my best to dodge him for the week and made up plans I had with Jodi.