Wasted Words (21 page)

Her smile fell. “Seriously?”

I turned the computer to face her and held a hand out in display. Her face wrinkled up as she read.
 

“Ouch. There’s nothing you can do about it either.”

I sat back in my chair. “Yeah, can’t exactly ice that.”

“I mean, you
could
…”

Now my face wrinkled up.
 

She was still reading, and she leaned a little closer to the screen. “Oh, my God. Did you know your vagina gets longer when you’re turned on?”

My jaw hung open. “Get the fuck out.”

“No, apparently that’s for real. Look.” She turned the laptop so we could both see.

I read through. “Holy fucking shit. So he can’t just go ram his rod in there.”

“Well, I hope he doesn’t do that anyway.”

“Me too. It also says it’s lower before your period. What the fuck, it’s like an accordion.”

She laughed. “Or a slinky.”

“Ew.”

Rose shook her head. “So you slept in the same bed?”

I sighed and closed my computer. “Yeah. We just kissed. Like, for hours.”

“He didn’t even get to second base?”
 

“Nope, because if there were base action, it would have ended up in at least a triple. We’re holding out. I’m not quite ready for that … I mean, he’s still my roommate. Not that I’m trying to wait like a month or anything, but I want to make sure we’re smart about things before we just go banging.”

She nodded, appeased. “Fair enough.”

“Plus, he’s got to be the best cuddler in the world. Like, he’s just so
big.
”

Rose laughed. “He really is huge.”

I sighed and rocked my office chair back and forth. “I dunno. He didn’t pressure me and I was okay with that. I don’t think I’ll hold out long though.”

“I wouldn’t fault you for caving.” She smirked at me and shook her head. “You and Tyler. I mean, I hate to say ‘Finally!’ but seriously, Cam. You guys have been circling each other for as long as I’ve known you.”

I shook my head. “I didn’t see it that way at all. I didn’t think he could ever want someone like me. He was just my buddy from the start. My really hot buddy who was too sexy for his shirt.”

“So sexy it hurts.” She laughed. “I’m not as attracted to the good boys, but for you, he’s kinda perfect.”

You’re the last person he’d date.
I pushed Kyle’s voice away, touching Tyler’s bracelet to remind me of his words from this morning. But it was too late. My smile had fallen, and Rose’s did too.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I don’t know. It’s just weird, you know? He’s a filet mignon, and I’m tofu. We don’t really make a meal that’s not laughable.”

“I think he’s like peanut butter and you’re like jelly. Why do you focus so much on your differences?”

I huffed. “Because people work based on their commonalities, not their differences.”

She folded her arms across her chest. “Some people would say that they work based on elements you can’t control.”

“Well, those people are dumb. It’s chemistry and math. People are like pegs and holes.”

She snickered.
 

I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean. It’s the things that are the same that make them fit into each other.”

“So one puts their peg in the other one’s hole.”

“Yeah, but it has to fit.” I made a rude hand gesture using the OK sign and my index finger.

“It can fit tight, right?”

I tightened the O around my finger. “I mean, if it doesn’t fit tight then it’s kind of a loss anyway, right?”

“It’s too early,” Rose said with a laugh. “I think we’re delirious.”

I chuckled. “Maybe.”

She let out a breath. “I’m just saying. Let it be what it is and don’t overthink it.”

“That’s like saying, ‘Hey, Cam, could you just stop breathing for the indefinite future?’”

“True. But you can try.”

I sighed. “Yeah, I can try.”

Tyler

I walked into work that morning with a spring in my step — everything seemed brighter, bigger, better than it had been the last time I’d been there. Jack was already in his office, sleeves rolled up, phone hooked in his shoulder as he jotted down notes.

I waved as I walked in, and he flagged me, motioning for me to come inside and wait.

“Sure thing. Got it. No, sir, I feel the same way about it.” He laughed. “You and me both. I’ll talk too you soon, Jim.” He set the phone back on its cradle and smiled at me. “Good to see you, kid.”

“You too. I’m sure glad you’re back.”

He chuffed. “That makes two of us. Atlanta’s hot even in the fall, especially with the press lights pointed at you.”
 

I nodded. “Everything looks good on the PR front. I think you did it, Jack.”

His smile fell. “Yeah, well. Pharaoh at least has an inkling of self-preservation. I’ll give him credit for that. Rehab was the only way to save him, even if it is a farce. He’s not an alcoholic. Just stupid.”

“And mouthy.”

“Yes, and that.” He leaned back in his chair. “You did well without me, Tyler. Cathy said you held down the fort well, and it looks like his sponsors are placated. I appreciate you handling it all without me — I had my hands full with Pharaoh. How’d you feel about it?”

“It felt good. I mean, it was stressful and shitty — no one wants to get yelled at by an angry mob of corporate reps — but I felt capable. Like I knew what to do and how to keep things tamped down.”

He nodded. “Well, no one can say you’re not ready. You even held down the Nike account.”

I smirked and took a seat across from him. “Thanks to Adrienne. I ran into her last week.”

He raised a brow. “Oh?”

“She asked me out.”

The other brow raised. “Oh?”

I leaned back in my seat, amused. “Yeah, but it wasn’t quite right. I think we’ll be friends instead.”

His brows fell. “Oh.”

I chuckled. “I had a bit of a realization, thanks to Adrienne, and I ended up spending the weekend with Cam.”

“You spend most of your weekends with Cam.”

I gave him a look.

His brows popped up again. “Oh! Well,” he said with a laugh, “it’s about damn time.”

I smiled. “I’ve gotta be honest — I wish I’d made a move a long time ago.”

“Everything in its time. I’m happy for you, kid. You deserve a good girl who’s going to treat you right after all the disappointment you’ve suffered. Cam’s a good girl, and a good cook. You can’t go wrong with a girl who sends you to work with baked goods.”

“I’ll tell her you said so.”

He smiled at me from under his mustache. “How are things with Darryl?”

“The same. Just sort of holding out to see him this weekend for the game.”

“Ah, yes. It’ll be good to have you on the field with him for the game. I know at least two other agencies are after him, and who knows what they’re promising him.”

I shook my head. “He’s a good kid, wants what’s right. Wants somebody to look after him, and that’s what we do. Not just after ourselves. I have faith.”

“I’m glad.” He turned to his computer. “All right. Let’s work on getting caught up. Go get settled in, answer your emails, and then come on back. We’ll take lunch in here and we can bring each other up to speed.”

“Sounds good.” I made my way into my office and took a seat, turning on my computer to start the day. And what a long day it was.

The emails were many. The phone calls didn’t stop. Jack and I spent every minute we could discussing everything I’d done and everything he’d done, getting all the data in order to ensure we didn’t leave any loose ends. Pharaoh was set to check into a luxury rehab facility in two days, and we only had two sponsors on the fence about sticking with him, both of which we set up lunches with later in the week.

We ended up taking dinner in Jack’s office too, and I’d had no time to check my phone, but I’d been thinking about Cam all day. The cool metal against my pinkie was a reminder of her, the strange newness of having the ring on my finger just like the strange newness of our relationship — something I knew that in time I’d not think of strangely unless it was absent.

It was a comfort, and I’ll admit that I didn’t want to get used to the feeling. I hoped it always felt this new.

By the time we were ready to pack it in for the night, it was after nine, and I was so ready to be home, I could barely stand it. When I finally checked my phone, there were a couple of texts from just after noon:

Kyle: Hey, man. Sorry about yesterday. Let’s have a drink soon. Say when.

Cam: Hope your Monday is less shitty than mine! Can’t wait to see you tonight.

I smiled and texted her back.
It was the shittiest, but I’m on my way home to you now.

And with that, I slipped my phone in my pocket and left as fast as I could.
 

Cam

I GLANCED OVER MY SHOULDER to look at the fridge, contemplating its contents for the hundredth time that night. It may as well have had a bomb in it.

My phone sat on the shelf between the milk and the kimchi, where it had been since I’d walked in the door. It was for the safety of my budding relationship that I deposited it in its cold quarters, a place where it would be safe from my fingers, which itched even now to check for messages or fire off an awkward text.

I’d like to tell you I’m not this neurotic all the time, but it would be a lie. I’d been thinking about Tyler all day, but I hadn’t heard from him at all. I sent him a text, and he didn’t respond, and my brain couldn’t maintain its chill.
 

Now, don’t look at me like that — I knew he had a crazy day ahead of him, but like I’d told Tyler — I had an overeactive imagination, and between that and my anxiety about what was going on between us, I was basically a wreck. My thoughts through the day went something like this:

I can’t wait to hear from him.

I’m sure he’s just super busy.

He’ll text any minute now.

He’s probably dead.

No, he’s definitely in Adrienne’s office, banging her on her gigantic power desk.

Stop being crazy.

I bet he’s been thinking about you like you’ve been thinking about him.

Maybe he got in an accident and has amnesia and will never remember kissing you ever again.

So I put my phone in the fridge.

It hadn’t really helped. Neither had my book, which was sitting in my lap, ignored.
 

I’d like to say I had no idea why I was so twisted up about Tyler, but it would be a lie. It wasn’t like I hadn’t had boyfriends before, but I usually only dated my equals. Especially after Will. But I told myself again that Tyler was different, and by rule, I should let him in. I trusted him, I really did. But years of working against doing the very thing I found myself doing wasn’t doing me any favors.

The scale didn’t feel so even when it came to Tyler, and that anxiety I’d felt with Will was as fresh and tender as it had been that day all those years ago. Because I didn’t know if I could handle Tyler leaving me with as much grace as I had Will.

I smiled wryly at myself — I’d always prided myself on being a chill girlfriend, never needy with my man, not caring if the guy I was dating had plans, but here I found myself, having to hide my phone so I wouldn’t obsessively stare at it or worse: send him some crazy-shit message.

I sighed and sank into the couch, fiddling with Tyler’s bracelet, wishing I had someone to talk me down. My best friend was Jane, who I hadn’t seen since Christmas. She was so busy these days with two babies under three that she went hard all day and was passed out by nine every night. Mostly, I just didn’t want to bother her because I knew she had her hands full.
 

My next closest girlfriend was Rose, and although I knew she’d gladly tell me to stop being ridiculous, she’d already been doing that for most of the day. It had started off fine, honestly, but the longer I went without hearing from Tyler, the louder the voice in my head grew -- to the point that I was certain he was going to walk in the door and dump me.

A cold chill rolled down my back at the thought.

I took a deep breath and closed my book with a snap. There was only one thing to be done.

I walked into the kitchen, opened the cabinet under the sink, grabbed the all-purpose cleaner, and headed to the bathroom.

By the time the mirror was spotless, the sink had been detailed, the floor around the toilet was mopped, and the bathtub was nice and shiny, I felt a little better. I took the opportunity of a freshly cleaned tub to shower, sighing under the steaming hot water, letting it rinse away my worry. Or at least dull its edge a little.

I’d feel better when he was home. But I also had to find a way to stop myself from worrying. I’d always had anxiety — not enough to decide to medicate, but enough that in certain situations, like the one I was in, my thoughts would run away, dragging me behind them until I was lost. Most of the time, I could logic my way out of it. And it wasn’t all bad — that same anxiety made me a thorough worker.

But in a relationship? I’d scare him off if I wasn’t careful. He’d been so good to humor me so far, but everyone had a limit.
 

I had to get it together. And to get it together, I had to have faith.

Put so simply, it sounded easy. But if my behavior over the last few days was any indication, I had a long way to go to get there.

My shower ended with the squeak of the faucet and a fluffy towel against my skin. Glasses were on, and once my hair and body were patted down, I opened the door, tucking the towel tail between my breasts, thinking about my phone in the fridge.

When I looked up, Tyler stood in front of me. It took me a millisecond to realize it was him and not a rapist, and in that millisecond, I jumped about four inches and screamed at around a hundred decibels. My hand jerked — the same hand holding the end of the towel — and it dropped, landing in a pile at my feet.

I froze.

He froze.
 

And then I sprang into action, bending over to grab the towel and clutch it to my chest, face steaming red. When I looked back up, he was smirking — tall and dark and smirking at me with fire in his eyes.