War Torn Love (43 page)

             
Poppa made sure the food was rationed out. There was no favoritism shown - every adult was given the precisely same daily quantity of food. As careful as we were, we still ran extremely low on food preserves by mid-January 1940. More than a month less than Poppa had hoped our food would last. We were completely cut off by the world around us.

             
It would seem the winter was not going to let up anytime soon. In fact, things were dire. Un able to mount a hunting party, or run the risk of heading into Mate Ciche, come mid-February, we did not want to had to, because
they had proved so valuable to us, left with no other choice,  in order to survive, we had to start consuming all the horses for their precious meat - one horse at a time. Hoping we would be able to spare some of them from slaughter, the only other food that was still left was potatoes, and wheat. We each only got one potato a day. We did our best to stretch each horse’s meat out to last for an entire week, which proved not nearly enough protein for any of us. By the time late winter rolled in every one of us was losing a great deal of weight, since we could not get a sufficient amount of food enough so just to preserve our daily activities. Sickness ran rampant through our camp. My own family was not immune to such sickness. By January, Abeila, I, and Marym all had gotten extremely sick for a couple of weeks, before
the veil
of sickness had passed, and began leaving our camp. Abram tended to us night and day. He was mercifully spared. We started drinking pine needle tea, which helps fight colds, the needles had vitamin c. During this time-period, I am saddened to say sickness had struck close to home, my dear Marym lost her youngest daughter who was just a year-in-a-half-old.

             
Once I was back on my feet once more, I walked around - I could see the lifelessness each one of us was now exhibiting - everyone’s eyes sinking back in their eye sockets from weight loss, as well as sickness.  We looked so pale, and sickly, so much despondency.

One of the most horrible things that came to pass was the fact that, none of us could ever seem to get warm. If you could believe it, icicles had thickly formed on the ceilings of our shelters.  Those little stoves just could not possibly crank out a sufficient amount of heat to clear them. At night, we would huddle together, trying to stay warm with each other’s body heat.

             
Being that I still was a newlywed, there was one more important matter, My sex life grew extremely difficult to uphold, in these conditions. That had not to say we did not had one. Quite the contrary. We always waited until everyone was asleep. I generally had wake Abram up so we could make love. Sometimes I would had to get him in the mood prior - it did not take long for this to happen. As he made love to me. he had to go very slowly as he was inside me. I was not the only one having difficulty keeping quiet. I had to force myself not to scream out, it took every fiber of strength in me to be quiet, but if you saw what I was working with, you could see why it was difficulty. If anyone had heard us, I just know they did, thankfully no one said anything to us. It was Poppa that I would get most embarrassed about hearing me. I am not the only one guilty of making love. I heard Marym, and her husband once in a while. And another couple that was staying with us. But I think there was a mutual understanding amongst us, under such circumstances, left with no other choice. But we needed it he truly made me feel so incredibly good, turns out making love was one of the only things left in my life, other than my daughter, that still made me feel go, as well
as feel like a woman, that brought me pleasure. Allowing me to forget my troubles for a short time.

             
Trying to heat our drafty shelters, not to mention the deficiency in of food, and being confided in small quarters, with a lot of people, and nothing to do, start getting to us all, we were all growing restless. Sickness spread swiftly amongst us. And without access to a doctor, or medicine only
compounded
the predicament, - we lost more than up to ten percent of our population that we went into the winter with. We had started a small graveyard, forced to deal with so many dead was quite humbling. By the beginning of February, there were only eighty-six of us left.

Then the astonishing news came down the line. Poppa had us all gathered to make this oh so important announcement according to Poppa, after once again traveling for two days.
             
He gathered us all together. “Attention everyone I just finished studying the map, and according to my calculations, we are no more than about a good day’s hike from being able to sneak over the border of Slovenia. There we will finally be safe.”

             
We would finally be safe. We planned to continue traveling south even after we crossed over the border. With word of this, the disposition of everyone had changed – even if it was because we were fleeing – at least we had hoped and that caused the mood to drastically improve. It
was probably the happiest any of us had been in months. I actual had hope flowering inside me.

             
We had managed to evade the Germans for so long. Living through all this hell. Grueling months, while everything came crashing down on all of us like a mountain falling down on us all at once, a world, as we knew it was about to alter once again, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. We had no idea what was coming. The new way of life that was everyday to us was about to cease to exist in just one mere heartbeat. The world I had thought I would be building, alongside with my husband had would continue to evaporate before my eyes. I was still trying to deal with losing my mother – my home, my life that I’d built. Therefore, to keep from going crazy over that, I had to try and just let it all go; even with prayer that had proved to be no easy task. But every day I was trying to move past it, but it had been taking a heavy toll on my beloved husband,
he was
such a dear to me. He had always been all I ever had dreamed of, he had sacrificed so much to achieve his dream, which has very unselfishly included me, and now his daughter. Therefore, that was what made it so tough on both of us.

             
The night I shall never forget - was a wintry moonless night - a night that evil was being personally delivered to us! A scourge was racing across the land. A scourge I was afraid could not be stopped. Which it was seemed was growing more powerful by the day.

             
We all were doing everything we could do to try to stay warm – it was proving to be a rather cold night. No longer did we had the shelters we spent the winter in to stay warm. We could not run the risk of building shelters, since we were all once again are on the move.  We built several small manageable fires trying to keep the cold out for the duration of the night. Abram and I cuddled under a blanket, near the fire. With Abeila underneath, with us. We were attempting to keep her as warm as possible.  For two days I had been concerned about Abeila, she was developing a horrible cough. I knew what it was from - and it was breaking my heart that I could not do anything for her, but make her as comfortable as possible. She really needed to see a doctor.

             
As the night rolled on, everyone was once again sitting around the campfires; as we did every night desperate to stay warm. Staving off the boredom, cold, as well as the mounting hunger. To help the boredom, people were taking turns weaving stories. The Rabbi read from his copy of the Torah. Then from out of nowhere, with no sort of warning,
we
were ambushed. Even if we had had some advance warning, truthfully we would not have been able to fight all them off, or out run them. Suddenly about a hundred separate, well-armed German soldiers were surrounded all of us. They had managed to infiltrate our makeshift camp completely undetected by any of us. It suddenly felt that the winter had been all for nothing, freezing, half-starved, many were wounded, and or died
just to end up being caught and taken prisoner later. Would we had been better off if we had just not run, let the Germans catch us, after the attack. At least there would have been more of us alive.

             
The German officer yelled, "All of you lineup at once!" He had a very authoritative loud sort of voice. Not all of us knew German - the German certainly did not know Yiddish.

             
Some of the old and injured amongst us, who it would look as
if,
were not able to line up fast enough, ended up irritating an already impatient German officer.  One of the older gentlemen trying to get to his feet was slapped right across his face. Blood flew from his mouth after being struck with his small wooden club. He then flew to the ground. I had a sudden strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. He ordered his soldiers to randomly go pick out ten Jews out from the lineup. The ones picked out were violently grabbed and then thrown forward. Judging by whom they were picking, they were demonstrating no measurable pattern. I remained silent as I could – clinging
on
to Abram, who gently squeezed my hand. I held onto my daughter now thankfully that she was asleep at the moment, for the best. I prayed see did not wake up from all the commotion.

             
Two soldiers walked amongst us, “You, you, you, you, and you, yes and you, and you, you, and you.” As they were being picked out of the lineup, each one was squeezed on the arm and thrown forward once they were picked.

             
No sooner had these poor ten people been placed a narrow line up, directly in front of the rest of us, for all to see. I remember their cries, they were pleading for clemency to be shown. The officer slowly walked down looking at each one of the ten. He studied them carefully as he walked down the line once and the turned back around. Wasting no time started at the beginning of the line of ten, the poor souls they all began praying. I was wondering why they had been picked, and what was going to happen, deep down I think I knew, I just did not want to had to admit it such a terrible thing.

             
With his pistol held in his left hand, hands covered in black leather gloves, he went one after another shooting each individual in their heads. The sickly smiling as he pulled back on the trigger each time. It appeared he actually took pleasure from each kill.  Imagine the act of two fingers being pulled back, and a life was snuffed out. It was clear this officer was taking great satisfaction in what it was he was doing. The unadulterated brutality of murdering of my people. Their lifeless bodies immediately dropped falling to the ground in a sort of chaotic, unnatural way. The German office seemed to be not fulfilled with killing ten separate individuals – the hunger in his eyes pleaded for so much
more. We all watched him very carefully, now knowing what he was capable of doing - I was deathly afraid.

             
He began walking amongst us, and shooting any of the injured.  I could not believe he was pissed when he had attempted to shoot at an old woman I did not know - in her head - and he was forced to stop and reload his gun, after so many shots before her. I thought what must had been
going through
her mind, with that brief break knowing she was about to die. She just stared forward. I think she was bravely accepting her fate.  During this time, the officer was yelling. I did not pay too much attention to what it was he had said - I simply was petrified what he may, do. We knew he was capable of doing anything. I worried if he would kill any of my family. Luckily, my family had been completely spared thus far, but at the expense, and sacrifice of others. I was so horrified to be witnessing this amount of evil firsthand. He slowly began walking up right towards me. I had never been more scared in all my life. My legs were shaking so badly, I could barely stand. He ended up stopping at the woman standing right next to me, and then quickly shot her. Not even uttering a single word to her or the others, the whole time. Her blood hit me squarely in the head, and face. After the gunshot went off, being located so closely to me, my
ears were
now ringing. I did not dare move as long as the officer had been close to me. My body locked up in panic.