Wanting Control - Secret Chronicles Series Book #1 (2 page)

By the time she reached ‘Books and Beyond’ her heart rate and blood pressure had both returned to something close to normal. The bells jingled as she opened the door. The store had become her favorite for books and advice. A young woman named Ella ran the small shop and was as good with sound counsel as she was with bestsellers.

MJ scanned the store and finding no one there walked up to the counter. The attractive young manager looked up from her book and smiled. It was difficult to be in a bad mood around Ella. At 5’ 3”, small, slender with blond pixie cut hair, and bright blue eyes she was an overwhelming joy. The two had been fairly close for some time and she immediately rounded the counter to give MJ a hug. “Oh, it’s so good to see you. How have you been?” she said returning to her post.

“Fair, I guess. I’m out of reading materials and Dalton is gone on another of his business trips. I can’t even remember where he said or for how long. I just finished picking up a few things at the grocery and wanted to stop by on my way home to say hello and see what you might recommend to fill my time.” She smiled trying to give the best impression of her home life.

Working at the bookstore gave Ella an insight into the lives of many of her customers. She considered herself to be as good a listener as a hairdresser or bartender. When things were not quite right she could sense it. “Sure I’ve got plenty of new things. The past several weeks have been really go
od here. If you don’t mind me asking, how’re things going with Dalton being gone all the time. I can’t remember the last time he was home for a week.”

The question sounded friendly enough but MJ knew she couldn’t hide from Ella. “To tell you the truth it has not been good at all. We hardly ever see each other and when we do he’s home for a weekend and is either on his phone or computer doing work. There is some big merger he is working on and if the two airlines can agree on a deal, he thinks it could be good for him.”

Ella frowned, “So how are you holding up? Lonely I guess?”

“Yes, but what’s worse is that we’ve grown apart. I’d like to think it’s a dry spell or just the stress of work, but we haven’t had sex in more than a month. He didn’t kiss me good-by when he left yesterday. I shouldn’t be worried but I am.” MJ was no longer trying to hide her frustration.

“And with him gone so much your mind probably wonders into some very bad thoughts. Let me guess… Is it me? Am I not pretty any longer? Does he not love me anymore? Is he cheating…?” Ella let that last comment hang in the air. She could tell it struck a chord and waited.

MJ flinched at the mention of possible infidelity. “Yes, all those. How did you know?
”

Ella smiled and tried to comfort her. “Well, you are no different than most of the ladies who come here to fill their days by reading. Loneliness brings out a lot of questions. And I’ve read a few things from the guys at RLA Advisors. They have some great insights into the male psyche. Most of all
, they suggest that you park your feelings until you get clarity about a situation.”

MJ smirked, “What’s to get clear about? It’s got to be me and he may not love me any longer…”

“You see,” Ella began, “That’s it. You don’t know either of those things but you’re allowing yourself to be convinced of them. Stop that and get straight about what’s really going on and what you want. By the way, you
are
beautiful, so get that out of your head. Next, he is under a lot of stress right now so don’t confuse what’s really happening and what your mind tricks you into thinking. Do you want to leave him and go your separate ways?”

“No” she said without a moment’s hesitation. “I can be clear about that. I love Dalton and have never thought there was another man for me. Our relationship has been fantastic since we met in college. We had a story-book wedding and until now I have been very happy and I think he has too. Not to mention the sex. I was hooked from the first time. I just want it to be back the way it was. I want him to love me the way I love him.”

“Better” Ella went on, “That was fairly clear. Have you been straight with him about it? I mean, have you told him how you feel about the current state of your relationship?”

“No, I think I’m scared about what he’ll say.”

“Okay, that’s good. We all feel this way when confronted with something unknown. But the only way to clean it up is to have a conversation with him.” Ella paused, “Just let him know how you feel and ask for him to tell you what’s going on with him. RLA Advisors make it sound so easy and it really is. Just get clear about what you want and share it with him.”

“What I want is him back and to have some sex.” MJ said half joking, “It’s been a while and I think I’m hornier now than when we met in college.”

“Ever heard of a vibrator, girl”

“Believe me, I’m not above it, I just haven’t got there yet.” MJ was glad that some of the tension had gone out of the discussion. “Do you have any suggestions for a good book that might get me in the mood?”

“I’m certain that I do. We have three used copies of the latest version of Mommy Porn. Interested?” Ella waited.

“I listened to the morning talk show hosts rant about it. I’m afraid it’s not for me. But since we’re being straight with each other…” MJ lifted her eyebrows and smiled at Ella.

“Go on…”

MJ took the lead, “As I understand the plot, a man takes physical control of the sex part of their relationship. Further, the woman not only allows it, she has negotiated a contract for the hardcore sex acts. Is that right?”

“There’s more to it but you’ve got the main parts of the story.”

“Well,” MJ hesitated before going on, “are there any books that have the woman in control of the man? Like this one but reversed.”

“I have a few that might interest you.” Ella left her counter area and with MJ in tow walked down several of the book filled isles. She paused facing a shelf titled ‘Romance/Adult/Erotic Fiction’. Her eyes roamed over many authors until at last she found what she was searching for. “I’d recommend this one to start. It’s good but not too wild. Let me know if it gets you in the mood and then we can find things that are more suited to your desires, if you know what I mean…” she smiled slyly.

“Great!” MJ was enthusiastic. “I have a bake sale tomorrow so I’ll probably start it the day after. I can’t wait to report back.” She giggled, “How about the RLA Advisors books?”

“Oh yeah, they’re only electronic for now. You can get them on Kindle or your computer. Let’s just assume it’s a dry spell for the moment and nothing else. Come on, I’ll ring you up.”

After paying for her purchase it was time to head home for an afternoon of baking. MJ felt much better
after talking with Ella. For a young woman she was wise beyond her years.
 

The following day at the bake sale gave Mary-Beth an opportunity to get her troubles out of her mind. There was a hustle and bustle about the school gym. People were going in every direction and the smells of freshly baked delights were intoxicating.

Every year at this time MJ and her friend Trish organized this bake sale. The money raise
d always went to the financially struggling schools in the district. Every dollar was needed and appreciated and the ladies involved gave their all for the event.

They had raised over $3600 last year and the goal this year had been set at $4000. Each participant committed to baking more items than last year for the new goal. In addition, there were two tour busses being diverted to the gym in order to bolster sales. It was going to be a long day. MJ was very glad to have the distraction.

As promised, the tour busses arrived and the travelers bought a large portion of the baked goods. The gym was filled with the noises of people talking, children playing and raised voices of mothers trying to get unruly little ones back in line. It was the same twice each year. The community came together and the money the event raised was greatly appreciated. Trish and the other women of the charity drive enjoyed giving back.

At the end of the day, the monetary goal was easily passed and the group raised $4550. It was in great part thanks to Trish who had the idea to schedule the tour busses. She was always coming up with good ideas. The ladies of the charity drive loved her and it was Trish who could be counted on to provide the next big ‘Thing’ for the next event. MJ made a mental note to thank her for the effort.

The dreaded clean up came and went without so much as an ill word from any who participated. All the “Girls” pitched in and the gymnasium was back to normal in no time. Spirits were high due to the record setting day and the ladies were happy to help, even if it meant sweeping the floors.

There was another tradition the ladies celebrated as well and MJ was looking forward to it. Once the event was over and all the tables and folding chairs were returned to the utility closets, they would get together for a girls night out. They had chosen to rendezvous at El Toro’s Mexican restaurant just a few blocks from the river front. And tonight would be half priced margaritas.

~*~*~*~*~

Everyone arrived on time after heading home, taking care of their families and changing clothes for the evening out. MJ smiled at how good they each looked when not doing charity work and out of ‘mommy jeans’. They ordered appetizers and drinks while sharing stories about their jobs, children and husbands.

Courtney was the only one with a regular job. She worked for the city and told a story about her youngest boy getting chickenpox last month. Getting out her cell phone, she passed around a few photos of the child wearing mittens on his hands to keep him from scratching himself. They laughed and commented on how cute he looked.

Erica went on about the new promotion her husband had received. They lived in a suburb just south of the school district. Erica was consumed by her family and it was apparent to everyone that she enjoyed being the mom and the wife. It was a good night to share her life with the others. Erica didn’t get out much and liked it that way. She was always willing to help with the charity, but more than that she could not afford.

Stephanie, Alex, Trish and Lexi all joined in with stories of their own. Each had a funny tale about husbands, children or family. They sat and chatted comfortably as the food came and went and then the remainder of the evening was concentrating on the half priced margaritas.

By 9:30 the “Girls Night Out” was coming to an end. Through slurred words cabs were called and the party broke up with Lexi, Erica and Courtney car pooling in one cab and Stephanie and Alex sharing another. They hugged each other go
od bye, congratulations were shared for the job well done and promises to do this again soon were issued. It had been a long and satisfying day.

Trish and MJ sat alone at the table enjoying another drink. The co-presidents of the charity drive relax
ed after a hard day. They had been friends for years. Trish was the only other woman in the group without children and MJ never asked her why. A beautiful woman, Trish was small, blond and curvy. Her hair and makeup were always perfect for the occasion, a benefit of no children. She was a regular at the local gym and it showed. The waiter had a lingering eye when he returned with the next round.

“Alright girl friend,” Trish changed from her happy tone, “What’s been wrong with you? And before you give me some BS answer, remember it’s me you’re talking to. What’s up?”

MJ was a little shocked with the question. Trish was right and they had been friends too long to try to fool her. If she had picked up on it, it was time to come clean. “It shows that much does it?”

“I don’t think the other girls noticed, but from the beginning of the bake sale I thought you had something on your mind. You just weren’t your usual self.” Trish was kinder in tone.

“I’ve been unsure about Dalton lately. He’s off to another of his business trips but something’s changed recently.” MJ said with a little embarrassment.

“Something’s changed how?” Trish inquired.

“The last couple of trips have been to work on some sort of big merger between his airline and another on the west coast somewhere. I know he’s under a lot of pressure, but he didn’t even kiss me good bye this time or the last. He’s home on the weekends but we don’t talk and barely have dinner together. I can’t remember the last time we had sex and there is NO romance in our relationship. He doesn’t call through the week. I just have this terrible feeling that’s he’s fallen out of love with me or he’s cheating.” Tears swelled in MJ’s eyes.

Trish waited a few beats, “So what are you going to do about it?”

“What can I do?” MJ said helplessly.

“Well, the first thing you can do is stop feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t become a victim.” Trish was mildly scolding her. “If he doesn’t love you or if he’s cheating, that’s just how marriage works sometimes. Do you want to leave him?”

“No! I want him back. Back to the way things used to be.” MJ pleaded. “He used to wake me up in the mornings for sex, kiss me all over. I can remember when he would have to hurry to catch his flight because he wouldn’t let me out of bed. He hasn’t been interested for weeks and I’m worried it’s more than just a dry spell. I’m horny and I miss my husband. It’s so bad for me that I had a little fantasy about the grocery store manager yesterday.” She smiled sheepishly and went on, “Standing in the line at check out I saw this new guy bagging groceries and I had an image of doing him in his office. That’s never happened before.”

After a moment she said, “I don’t want to leave Dalton; I want him back like he was. I want the love, romance and sex. Trish, what if he is having an affair with someone else?”

“So what if he is? Look MJ, men will be men and that shouldn’t stop us from being women. Don’t be a victim here. Go out and have a good time. Take what he gives you when he gives it. You have a beautiful home and everything you need. Don’t stop living life because of him.” Trish was on her fifth margarita but there was no uncertainty in her voice.

“Are you suggesting that I just keep things the way they are? And do what? Have an affair for myself?” Mary-Beth was having difficulty believing the advice coming from her good friend.

Casually Trish went on, “An affair is messy and has feelings, emotions, love… No I’m just suggesting that if you’re not going to leave him, at least have some fun of your own. Get yourself a boy-toy, a fuck buddy or a ‘friend-with-benefits’, whatever you want to call it. From the sounds of what you told me I think you’re ready to try something new. Maybe the grocery store manager is an opportunity…” she paused, “Or you could just rely on a good old fashioned vibrator.”

MJ was shocked by her friend’s advice. “You
’re serious, aren’t you? Is that something you would do? Would you give yourself the same advice?”

Trish smiled slyly, “Why do you think I have my pool cleaned every week, even in the winter?” She let the question hang in the air until MJ caught the reference.

“Devon?” she almost shouted. “You’re having an affair with Devon? What is he? 19?”

“Keep your voice down.” Trish hushed her as she looked around the restaurant. She smiled again and went on, “He’s 20, almost 21. And no, we’re not having an affair, were just fucking. …Have been for a little over a year now. None of the other girls know, but I can trust you. There’s no love involved, he just comes over once a week and cleans the pool and then we have hot sex. Nothing more, no long walks on the beach holding hands while talking about the future together. None of that shit, just sex. He’s good, he’s young and he has stamina. I suggest you find one for yourself.”

“Wow, I didn’t see that one coming.” MJ sighed, “I’m not judging, I mean good for you, have a good time. I’m just not sure I can do it. I have always thought Dalton was the one and only for me. I was hooked on sex with him from the first time in college. I don’t think anyone could be as good as he is.”

“But how good is he when he’s not giving you any at all?” Trish let the question sit. “I can just tell you that it works for me. I’m certain Dave’s been cheating on me for a couple of years. I like what we have outside of that, so I took matters into my own hands. We both get what we want, he gets the wife and no divorce court and I get the lifestyle and a hot boy-toy. Just think it over. You might like it and there will be no shortage of men willing to… fill your void.” She raised her eyebrows at the pun.

As the two hugged good night and climbed into separate cabs, MJ’s head was spinning from both the margaritas and the new information. She would have to rethink her relationship.

Is that what marriage is really all about?