Wanted (3 page)

We’re
all laughing and I realize this is absolutely what I need.  I miss hanging
out with girls and just being silly without any care in the world.

We
all jump from our seats screaming when we hear
Monster
by Imagine
Dragons come on the radio.  We turn it up and dance ourselves
senseless.  We’re jumping up and down with our hands in the air, bumping
our hips and screaming out the lyrics.

“Oh
my God Vanessa!  Do you remember that party at Todd Parker’s house in our
sophomore year?  You were totally smashed and got up on a table and danced
like a stripper?  Remember, all those guys were putting dollar bills in
your pants and then James showed up and carried you out of there.”  Yes, I
danced a lot on tables at high school parties.  It became my thing but
James always came to my rescue.

“I
do remember that.  James never let me have any fun.” I pout.  “I
can’t help it.  I love to dance.”

“I
say.”  Megan says with a twinkle in her eye.  ”I say we walk downtown
and have a few more drinks at a bar and do some dancing!  Maybe find a few
nice guys.  Maybe Vanessa can find one that would be nice enough to give
her a birthday present.  A present that begins with a big O.”  She
winks.

“Sound
like a plan!”  I have been with James since I was 15 years old.  I
have never flirted with a man.  On one hand I feel free and giddy. 
On the other hand, I’m feeling a bit anxious.

After
fighting over the mirror in the tiny bathroom, we all grab our purses to head out
with our hair fluffed and lips glossy.  We walk hand in hand zigzagging
our drunk asses down the street, giggling nonstop until we come across a little
dive bar called the Bubble Lounge and head inside.  A Blue Grass band is
playing and the place is buzzing.  We head over to the bar and we each
order martinis.  I’m usually a wine or sometimes beer girl.  I’ve
never had a martini but we are celebrating and they look fun so I go for
it.  There is no table to sit down at so the four of us stand against the
wall watching the band and stirring our martinis with the toothpick stabbed
through an olive.  The band is entertaining but I’m glad when they finish
their set and the radio starts to play some club mix music we can dance
to.  There is a very tiny dance floor but people are starting to use
it.  I love to dance and after all that wine and now this martini, I can’t
stand still anymore.  I look over at Lisa, Megan and Kate and nod to the
dance floor.  It’s a small place and with the amount of people, I can already
feel the sweat run down my back.  The four of us are laughing and shaking
our asses and having the best time.  All of my thoughts about James and
all of my anxiety about safe cars are no longer holding me back.  Out of
the corner of my eye, I see a cute guy watching me from the edge of the dance
floor so I put on a little show for him.  Unfortunately I’m not dressed
very sexy but I make do.  I’m wearing my skinny jeans and a black tank
top.  I left my hoodie in the car.  I didn’t bring anything for hanging
out at a bar.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  My long hair is
sticking to my cheeks with sweat.  I run my hands slowly up my body all
the way up to my hair.  I pull my thick damp hair from my neck and hold it
to the top of my head as I sway my body back and forth sensually and then I let
my hair loose again, shaking it until it spreads over my shoulders.  I
lift my arms over my head and continue to gyrate my body with my eyes closed. I
may not be able to flirt but I know I can dance.  Suddenly, I feel strong
hands on my hips and when I open my eyes, the cute guy is standing in front of
me.  He has sandy blonde hair and blue eyes and cute little dimples in his
cheeks.  He smirks at me and bends to whisper in my ear. “You want to get
out of here?”  My heart rate increases as I realize what’s
happening.  I know the rules about getting picked up at a bar.  I
can’t leave with this guy alone. I’m not sure what to do.

“Um,
I can’t.  I’m here with friends.”  I nod to Kate, Lisa and Megan.
“And, I’m not allowed to talk to strangers.” I say biting my lip nervously.

“I
hear ya.  Are you from around here?”

“No,
we’re only here for a few days.  My friends and I are staying in a cabin
and doing some skiing tomorrow.”

“Maybe
we can catch up at the ski slopes tomorrow?  I’m here with a couple
friends too.”

“Yeah! 
Sure!”  He’s pretty cute and seems really nice. 

“My
name’s Matt.  I’m not much of a skier but my buddies are.  They’ll
probably drop me off on the bunny hill.”

“I’m
not either.  I’ll look for you.  Vanessa.”  I reach out to shake
his hand. 

“Nice
to meet you Vanessa.  Listen, I guess I should probably warn you. 
We’re obviously both on a trip with our friends and headed home in a couple of
days.  I’m really just looking to have some fun, ya know?  You up for
some fun?” He gives me a questioning look.

“Um,
Yeah, of course! …..um same here.”  I try to say it as normal as possible
like I do this all the time.  Is this how it works?  Did I just agree
to a one-night-stand?  Is this what I’m looking for?  I’m all of a
sudden all kinds of nervous.

On
the way back to the cabin, I tell the girls about Matt and his friends and we
squeal like 6
^th
graders.  I’m excited but James’ words ring in
my ears; “they’ll use you and throw you out like garbage.”

The
next morning, I’m the first to wake.  I always have a hard time
sleeping.  I was used to getting up at all times of the night when my Mom
was sick so I sleep light and I’m always up before everyone else.  I make
a pot of coffee and scroll through the messages on my phone.  James called
two more times last night while we were out.  Yesterday I had no doubt I
made the right decision.  This morning as I sit here drinking my coffee
and thinking about Matt, I second guess myself.  I’ve never had a one-night
stand.  I have strong desires that James didn’t fulfill but the thought of
having a one-night stand makes me feel cheap.  I may experience a thrill
and feel things I’ve never felt before but I’m not sure I will feel good about
myself afterwards, giving myself to a stranger.  My Mom certainly didn’t
raise me that way. Maybe I should try to fix things with James when I get
home.  He knows me. I feel comfortable with him.  Maybe if I talk to
him about things that I feel are missing from our relationship, we can fix
it.  Maybe my feelings will change for him.  I know James will be a
faithful loving husband and a really good father.  I do want a stable
marriage and have kids someday.  He wants that with me.  I know he
loves me.  He may be a little selfish and maybe the sparks aren’t there
but is it stupid to throw away a good, stable future because of sex?

Megan
joins me at the counter.  Her dark curly hair is all over the place. 

“Why
are you in such deep thought this early in the morning?  Watcha thinking
about?”

“James. 
He called again last night.  I’m afraid I’m making a mistake.  I know
James loves me and would be a great husband and an amazing father.  Maybe
I’m just being stupid.  The sex isn’t that bad.  Maybe the passion
and butterflies that I want will come or maybe it isn’t even real.”

“Vanessa,
you’re twenty-one!  Live it up!  You made the right decision. 
You should be having fun, not thinking about marriage and butterflies. 
You should be thinking about how many times you might be able to orgasm in one
night!”

“The
thing is, I don’t feel like I’m only 21.  I feel like I’ve matured 10
years after taking care of my family for so long. I don’t know if I can live it
up.  I’m not sure I’m the type of person that can have a
one-night-stand.  Yes, I want orgasms.  Lots of them.  I also
want passion and I want that person to care about me.  How do you do it,
how do you give yourself so intimately to a total stranger?”

“I’m
not a slut, Vanessa.  I don’t just sleep around either but you have to
loosen up a bit and step out of your comfort zone if you want to meet a
guy.  You don’t have to have sex with a stranger.”  She seems
frustrated with me.  “Is this about Matt?  He seems nice, you don’t
have to do anything your uncomfortable with.  But for crying out loud, let
loose a little! Flirt.  Have fun.  Having sex with him wouldn’t be
the worst thing in the world either.  You can test him out!  Get a
taste of some non-vanilla sex! Then, you’ll never see him again.”

Megan
has always been a free spirit.  She’s never had a relationship.  She
just goes with the flow.  She’ll hook up here and there.  She has no
problem sleeping with one guy and letting a different guy take her out to
dinner the next night.  If the guy doesn’t call again, she’s okay with
that.  She might see the same guy for a few weeks but she never seems to
become attached. Megan can be a bit pushy sometimes.  I know she just
wants me to have fun but I’m also not programmed like her.  I get
attached.  That’s how I ended up with James for six years.  I realize
this is exactly why I need to make a change. I’m just not sure sleeping with
strangers is the right change for me.

 “Relax!
Listen, I’m jumping in the shower before Kate and Lisa get up.  Don’t
drink all the coffee!  I still need some. Remember, this is about you taking
care of you for a change! What happens in Telluride stays in Telluride!” 
She throws over her shoulder as she makes her way to the bathroom.  I
wasn’t going to shower but then I think about Matt, and I decide I better, just
in case. 

After
the four of us shower and get all geared up for the slopes, we take the gondola
up to the top of Village Mountain.  Even though the sun is shining and
it’s mild for December, the wind is whipping around on top of the mountain
making my eyes water so I pull out the brand new goggles I bought for this trip
and put them on.  My hair is hidden underneath my pink knitted tube ski
hat.  Even if I ran straight into Matt, he probably wouldn’t recognize
me.  In fact, looking around, I don’t think I’d recognize him
either.  I’m not sure whether this makes me happy or not.  Kate and
Lisa decide to test their skills and start down a hill I’m not too confident
about so Megan sticks with me and we keep to the easy hills.  We agree to
meet back for dinner at Tomboy Tavern at 6pm.  It’s a cute little bar and
grill type place at the top of the mountain.  I’m feeling completely out
of shape because after the third time down, I am totally exhausted and ready to
hang at the bar.  I remove my hat, pull the scrunchie from my wrist and
pull my sweaty hair back into a ponytail and then slide my goggles up on top of
my head.  I drop down onto the snow covered ground with my legs stretched
out in front of me at the bottom of the hill and wait for Megan.  She
isn’t hard to spot.  Her ski pants are bright orange.  As she comes
down swaying back and forth down the hill, I try to stand several times and
fail.  These boots suck.  I try to use my poles to assist but it’s
not working.  All of a sudden I see a hand in front of me.  I look
up, and well looky there, it’s Matt.

“Looks
like you need a hand.”

“Thanks.” 
I grab his hand with both of mine and he pulls me up without a problem.

“I
waited for you by the bunny hill.”  He winks.

“Oh,
Megan and I have been sticking to this hill.”  I nod towards Megan.

Megan
slides to an impressive stop right beside him. “Hey!  Matt right?
 Megan.”  She says holding out her hand.

“Yeah. 
Hey Megan.”  He shakes her hand. “Nice to meet you.  So what are you
guys up to later?”

I
look down at my watch.  “Actually, we’re running a little late. 
We’re meeting our other two friends at Tomboy Tavern for some drinks.”

“Really? 
You want company?”  Before I can get an answer out, Megan interrupts me.

“Sure! 
The more the merrier.”  She winks at me.

“Cool,
I’ll go find my buddies and meet you there!”

Matt
skis away and I give Megan an evil glare. “What?”  She asks innocently.

We
find Lisa and Kate already seated with drinks in hand at the restaurant. 
They have a table for four so I’m a little relieved that maybe we won’t be able
to sit with the boys after all.  But then, of course, the table right next
to ours opens up and I see Matt and two friends being guided over to the table
by the waitress.  The first thing I notice is the waitress’s double D fake
breasts.  The second thing I notice is Matt’s eyes like lasers on
them.  The third thing I notice is that it doesn’t even bother me. 
Not one bit.  Matt is attractive.  He looks like a surfer with his
golden skin and sandy-blonde hair.  He seems nice but I don’t feel an
intense attraction towards him.  At all.  As I pull myself from my
thoughts, I glance over at Matt and he’s still eyeing the waitress as she takes
their drink orders.  Then I see him catch my stare and he turns to me and
winks.  Matt is definitely a player.

After
we all start our second round of drinks, we start moving our chairs around.
 I notice Kate and Lisa have their eye on the same guy.  Matt’s
friend Nate.  He’s taller than Matt with darker hair but they all look
like surfers.  Lisa is totally flirting with Nate even though she has been
with Brad for over a year.  They seem to have some kind of
understanding.  Even though he has “put his tongue in places it shouldn’t
be” as Lisa put it, they are not exclusive.  Kate is quiet and just sits there
stirring her drink listening to Nate and Lisa talk about college. 
Apparently all these boys are in their third year at The University of Colorado
Boulder.  Megan has been in a quiet discussion with Matt’s other friend,
Davis.  She has her arms placed so that when she leans over to talk to
him, her tits are squished together.  I’m not sure he has even looked up
at her face yet.  Matt comes over and straddles the chair next to me
backwards.  “So where are you guys from?”  Matt asks.