Want to Go Private? (3 page)

“I’m not that hungry, and I’ve got some reading I want to do,” I lie.

“That’s good,” Dad says. “Get your studies off on the right foot. Grades really count now that you’re in high school.”

Sometimes I think my parents majored in cluelessness
.

“Mom, can I have some more steak if Abby isn’t having any?” Lily asks.

“Sure, sweetie.”

I escape to my room and log on to ChezTeen.com. Almost immediately, a chat screen pops up.

Soulie
? It takes a second or two, but then I realize it’s that guy Faith and I were chatting with last night, the one who was my musical “soul mate.” I grin and type back:

I wonder if I should lie to him the same way I’ve lied to everyone else. But then I figure,
What do I care? It’s not like I’m trying
to
impress him. I don’t even know this guy
.

It strikes me as kind of … I don’t know … weird that he would notice that, but only for a second. It’s true, after all.

“Nick the Prick” makes me giggle. I know Luke’s just flattering me, because how would he know if I’m a “good thing” or not? For all he knows, I could be hideously ugly with a really horrible personality. Or a guy even, like they always told us in the Internet Safety lectures at school. I could be some forty-year-old pervert
pretending
to be a teenage girl.

But even though I know it’s just a line, it’s still good to hear after a day of feeling like plankton. Right now, I’ll take my compliments where I can get them. Anything to feel like I’m not the lowest link in the social food chain.

“Abby?” My dad is standing in the doorway.

I close my laptop and spin my desk chair around.

“Yeah?”

Dad sits on the edge of my bed.

“So, have you thought about what extracurricular activities you’re going to do, honey?” he says. “Because now is when everything starts to count for college.”

OMG! I haven’t even been in high school for twenty-four hours and my dad’s ready to send me off to fricking college?!

“Um … Dad? It’s my FIRST DAY. I haven’t thought about a whole lot besides trying to find my locker and getting to all my classes on time.”

A
normal
dad might take this as a clue to back off, but no one, least of all me, would ever accuse
my
dad of being normal.

“Still, angel, you need to start thinking about this stuff. Time flies, and before you know it you’ll be filling out college applications. You don’t want to be someone who gets turned down even though she has good grades because there are no extracurricular activities on her transcript.”

I wish, for once, my dad would care about my
now
instead of my future. Like, in my fantasy dad convo, I’d be talking to him about feeling like social plankton instead of my currently nonexistent extracurricular activities.

“Okay,
okay
. I’ll think about it. But can I at least have like
a day or two
to get used to the place first?”

“Sure, honey. Just keep what I said in mind.”

That’s pretty much the end of our heart-to-heart. He says good night and kisses me on the top of the head. And I’m left sitting at my desk wanting … something, I don’t know what. Something
more
.

CHAPTER 3
OCTOBER 3

We’re on the bus about a month later and Faith is desperately trying to persuade me to audition with her for the drama club’s production of
A Midsummer Night’s Dream
.

“Try out with me,” she urges. “Grace is doing it, too. It’ll be fun.”

Hearing that Faith’s friend Grace is going to the auditions doesn’t give me much incentive. I am so sick of hearing about Grace
this
and Grace
that
. All Faith ever talks about is Grace — who’s in
all
of Faith’s classes. I only get to see Faith in PE and we hardly get to talk there because we’re training for the stupid physical fitness test so we have to run laps around the football field. The enormously
large
football field.

But Grace is only part of the reason I’m not exactly falling over myself to do this.

“Faith, you know I hate getting up in front of people. I freak out when I have to do a class presentation. Like I’m really going to be able to speak a part in front of an
entire audience
?”

“C’mon, Abby! Just try. Even if you don’t get a part, there are lots of other things you can do, like costumes and sets and lighting and stuff. And we need extracurricular things for college.”

“You sound like my dad.”

“Well, it’s true,” she says. “Plus, it’s a great way to meet people. And you’ve been kinda grumpy about the whole making-new-friends thing.”

Huh
?

“What do you mean, grumpy? I’m not grumpy!”

Faith gives me a sidewise glance.

“No? So why do you get all quiet and distant every time I mention Grace’s name?”

I look out of the bus window.
Am I that obvious
?

“See! You’re doing it right now.”

Faith puts her hand on my arm and I’m forced to meet her gaze.

“Look, Abs, just because I’m becoming friends with Gracie doesn’t mean that things have changed with us.”

Yes
, it does. It feels like you’re leaving me behind.

“I wish you’d get to know her better. If you did, you’d really like her. Come on. Promise me you’ll stay after school tomorrow and audition with me.”

She surreptitiously lifts the pinkie on the hand that rested on my arm and wiggles it, and she bats her eyelids while mouthing, “Pretty please?”

Even though the idea of being on a stage in front of people makes me want to throw up, I move my hand next to Faith’s and link pinkies.

“Okay, okay. I’ll go. But only because you begged so nicely.”

Faith laughs.

“I’ll get my mom to pick us up so we don’t have to take the late bus. See you tomorrow!”

She grabs her backpack and gets off at her stop, leaving me to worry about what I’ve just gotten myself into.

After I finish my homework, I log on to ChezTeen.com and go hang out at the ChezNous Café, because this band I like, The Domestix, is giving a live concert there tonight. I check my friends list to see if Faith’s online yet, but she isn’t. I’m not sure if I want to talk to her right now anyway. The last thing I need is to hear more about Amazing Grace and how awesome it’s going to be at the auditions tomorrow, while I’m busy freaking out over making a complete idiot out of myself.

Then a familiar spiky-haired avatar appears. It’s that guy, BlueSkyBoi, that I talked to a while back. My “soul mate,” Luke.

If I think about it, I know he’s right. But BlueSkyBoi’s never
seen
Nick Peters. He’s never felt his heart start to beat faster the minute Nick walks into math class. Or his face start a slow flush when he feels Nick’s hand brush his as he hands over his homework for Nick to copy. I have.

I think of something to change the subject and then start typing.

Why do it? Because Dad keeps hassling me about extracurriculars? Because Grace is doing it and I’m afraid if I don’t, I’m going to be left out? Because maybe Faith won’t be my BFF anymore? How pathetically lame does that sound?

Go private? Like a private chat room? I don’t usually do private chats with people I don’t know in real life. I’ve had all those Internet Safety talks at school. For all I know, BlueSkyBoi isn’t a “boi” at all. He could be some fifty-year-old dude living in his parents’ basement in California, or something. But then I figure it’s not like I’m ever going to
meet
the guy.

Chat room name: BlueSkyBoi

I hesitate between truth and excuses, watching the blinking cursor, before typing slowly.

I feel weird that he’s criticizing Faith when he’s never met her. It’s one thing for me to feel upset with her, but I don’t want anyone else saying bad things about her. She’s still my best friend … I think.

I gasp when I read that, because I’m sure he shouldn’t be asking. I mean, it’s not like most of the guys at school don’t ogle my boobs or ping my bra strap whenever they get the chance. It’s been that way ever since fifth grade, when I was one of the “early developers,” lucky me.

But then, it’s not like I’m going to see this guy in the halls at school or anything. He’s just words on a screen.

My fingers hesitate for a minute and then I type:

My cheeks flush as I read his words, and I can’t stop myself from smiling. But I know it’s ridiculous, right? He doesn’t even know me. He’s never even met me. He doesn’t know what I look like or anything.

Does it? Kind of. I guess it would more if I ever thought I was going to meet the guy, but I’m not. He’s just someone to talk to online.

I realize the concert’s about to start, and I don’t want to miss it.

When I meet Faith outside the auditorium the following afternoon, I’m feeling queasy about what lies ahead.

“Do I seriously have to go through with this?”

Faith links her arm through mine and drags me through the doors.

“Yes, you do. Come on, Gracie’s already inside, saving us seats. It’ll be fun.”

I stare at the stage, which is bathed in light. I don’t think fun is going to play any part in this.

Faith’s friend Grace waves at us from the sixth row. She’s tall and slim, with blond hair and blue eyes, and she’s wearing big dangly earrings with the laughing and frowning drama masks.

Now I know where this whole try-out-for-drama idea came from
.

“Hi, guys! They’re going to start soon. You need to sign up on the form at the front there.”

Faith drags me down to the front of the auditorium, where a dark-haired boy wearing a D
RAMA IS LIFE WITH THE DULL BITS CUT OUT
T-shirt sits holding a clipboard and a pen.

“Love your T-shirt,” Faith says, smiling at him. “Is this where we sign up to audition?”

“Alfred Hitchcock,” the guy says. “The quote, that is, not me. And yes, this is Sign-up Central. Just put your name, grade, e-mail, and phone number down here on this list.”

He hands her the clipboard, and Faith lets go of my arm. If I didn’t know Faith would kill me for doing it, I’d be sorely tempted to sprint up the aisle and get myself as far away from this whole scene as possible.

“I’m Ted, by the way. Ted Barringer.”

“I’m Faith Wilson. And this is Abby Johnston.”

Ted nods in my direction and I notice he has green eyes. In fact, if he had round glasses and a scar, he’d be Harry Potter’s twin brother.

“Well, ladies, break a leg, as they say. Looks like Mr. Hankins wants to get things rolling.”

It doesn’t take much for Mr. Hankins to bring the noisy auditorium to quiet. He has a deep voice that projects without a microphone and he explains that everyone is going to be paired up to read the same scene from the play, a girl with a boy.