Want to Go Private? (26 page)

CHAPTER 38
FAITH
APRIL

Ted’s over at my house watching a movie when Abby calls. I think about letting the answering machine pick up, but I don’t. I already lost Abby once by ignoring her for Ted, and I’m not going to make that mistake again.

“What’s up, Abs? I’m watching a movie.”

“I’m sorry. I can call back if you want.”

“It’s okay. We paused it.”

“We? Is Ted there?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Did I tell you I’m so psyched you guys got back together?”

“Only about fifty times.”

“Okay, okay. So I’ve been thinking …”

“Alert the press!”

“Shut up! Seriously. I’ve been talking about it with Dr. Binnie, too, and Agent Saunders. I’m going to do a talk about Internet Safety. Like for schools and stuff. Telling kids about my experiences so that maybe they won’t get suckered by a predator like I did.”

“Wow,” I say. “That’s really brave, Abs. And a great idea. Except …”

She so excited about this — it’s the most happy and positive Abby’s sounded for the longest time, definitely since … IT happened. I wonder if I should rain on her parade or just shut up. But after what happened at the auditions, I figure someone’s got to say it, and that someone probably better be me.

“Abs, I’m really proud of you for wanting to do this and all, because I don’t think I’d have the guts after everything you’ve been through. But … how are you going to get up in front of all those people?”

Crickets
. Ack. I
knew
I should have kept my mouth shut.

“I know, I know. Every time I think about doing it I feel sick to my stomach. But I feel like I’ve got to face my fears. Like if I can beat this, then I’ve won. Schmidt hasn’t ruined my life. At least not all the way. I’ll still be a social reject, but at least I’ll have done something good.”

Personally, I doubt she’s going to be able to pull this off, but I’m not about to tell her that. Right now, Abby needs my encouragement, and if that’s what my best friend needs, that’s what I’m going to give her.

“I’ll help you practice. Maybe Gracie can help, too. She’s really good with projecting and all that, you know, because she’s been to drama camp and stuff.”

“Why don’t you and Gracie come over for a sleepover next weekend? I’ll start trying to figure out what I’m going to say before then.”

“Okay. It’s a date. And speaking of that, I’d better get back to mine.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Tell Ted I say hi.”

“I will. Bye!”

Ted’s finished all the popcorn by the time I hang up. He follows me into the kitchen to get some more Coke while I go to make more.

“So what’s up with Abby?”

“She’s going to do a talk at schools about Internet Safety and what happened to her. To try and warn other kids.”

Ted snorts Coke out through his nose.

“So attractive,” I say, handing him a paper towel.

“You have
got
to be kidding me. Are we talking about Abby ‘I fainted at my auditions’ Johnston?”

I glare at him, even though he’s only saying the same thing I thought.

“We have to support her. What she’s doing is really brave.”

“Look, I’m not disputing that it’s a brave idea … in
concept
. But come on, Faith. In reality, it’s kind of crazy when that girl has the worst case of stage fright, like, ever.”

The microwave beeps, but I ignore it.

“Then we have to help her figure out how to get over it,” I tell him. I throw my arms around his neck and look up into his eyes. “She
needs
this, Ted. Abby really needs to do this. And somehow, I have no idea how, we have to help her make it happen.”

He smiles down at me.

“You are possibly the awesomest person in the universe, Faith Wilson. Do you know that?”

“
Only possibly
?”

He kisses me.

“Totally, definitely, positively.”

He lets me go and takes the popcorn out of the microwave.

“Against all my better judgment, I promise to do everything I can to help you coach Abby for what is destined to be a disastrous presentation. Now can we watch the rest of the movie?”

“Only if you let
me
hold the popcorn this time, you pig.”

CHAPTER 39
LILY
MAY

I’m starting to think my dorky sister has more friends than I do. How sad is that? It seems like every other day there’s a group of people over here, helping her to practice for this Internet Safety presentation.

Dad was totally against it at first. I think he wishes we could just sweep this all under the carpet and forget it ever happened. He definitely doesn’t like anything that reminds him of
That Man
and Abby. Like every time the FBI calls to update us about the case, he gets angry all over again and goes into a funk. Mom has to remind him that if Abby is trying to get her act together and move on, he has to try and get over it, too.

But when Abby got this idea that she wanted to, like, talk about the whole thing in public, Dad went totally nuclear. He made like it was all about protecting Abby, but I think it was more because he doesn’t want to hear it, or want the world to know that this happened to us. To his perfect daughter. Yeah, Dad. Like it’s some great big secret after it was on the news and in all the papers.

We had this whole family therapy session about it. Abby totally surprised me, because she stuck to her guns, even though Dad
was all over her to drop the idea. I guess doing this really means something to her. She said that if talking about it means that one other person doesn’t fall for some creep like Edmund Schmidt — she’s started calling him that now instead of Luke — then it will be worth the terror of getting up onstage in front of people.

I was like, “I’m fine with it, as long as you don’t come to my school. I mean, no offense, but, you know, things are hard enough already.”

Mom gave me one of her “Shut up, Lily” looks — it feels like I get those practically every time I open my mouth at the moment — but Abby was cool with it.

“It’s a deal, Lily. I won’t come to your school,” she said. “Anyway, I’m not even sure I’ll live through doing it at
my
school without passing out. It’s not like I have such a great track record with being onstage.”

I couldn’t help it. I remembered Abby passing out at the auditions and I giggled. I covered my mouth with my hand, but the more I tried to stop, the more I wanted to laugh. Mom, Dad, and Dr. Binnie were all looking at me like I was some kind of lab specimen, but then it happened … Abby laughed, too. And then the two of us were in that shrink’s office cackling like a pair of hyenas, while the grown-ups looked at us like we were crazy.

Maybe we are. But we get on better now than we did when we were normal.

“Breathe
, Abby! You have to
breathe
. Otherwise, you
will
pass out, I guarantee it!”

I stick my head into the family room. Abby’s standing in front of the television, holding her speech. Her hands are shaking so
much I don’t know how she can read the thing. Faith and Ted are on the sofa, and Abby’s friend Billy, who’s actually kind of cute in a geeky kind of way, is in the armchair. Gracie is directing from the sidelines. I slide onto the sofa next to Faith.

“How’s she doing?” I whisper.

Faith sighs.

“That good, huh?”

“My hands are shaking so much I can’t even read what I’m supposed to say,” Abby wails. “I’m
never
going to be able to do this!”

“You
will
, Abby,” Grace says. “Think positive!”

Billy goes and stands next to Abby. He takes her hands in his and steadies them.

“Here. Just pretend I’m your podium.”

Abby blushes. She so has a crush on Billy, even if she tells me she’s not ready for any of that stuff and, anyway, who would want to go out with her after what happened? I may only be in seventh grade, but
duh
, I’m not blind. Billy still wants to go out with her, despite the whole Creepy Freak thing. I guess she’ll figure that out sooner or later. Hopefully sooner.

“Okay, Abby. Take it from the top,” Gracie says.

Abby starts again, and this time she actually manages to get through the speech. Her voice is shaky and she sounds like she’s going to start crying any minute, but at least she’s still vertical by the end of it.

I stand up and clap wildly. “Go, Abby! You rock!”

Faith’s jumping up and down doing a really lame imitation of a cheerleader. I hope she never gets it in her head to try out for the squad, because they’d laugh her off the face of the planet.

Abby’s got this dopey smile on her face, like she can’t believe
she actually pulled this off — managing to read a speech in front of all of, let’s see, five people. None of us have the heart to remind her that the auditorium holds, like, this number times a hundred. But I guess you crawl before you walk or whatever.

Later that night, after everyone’s left, I walk by Abby’s room and I hear her practicing. It’s so crazy because alone in her room, she’s a different person — she sounds so strong and passionate about what she’s saying, like she really means it and she never, ever, wants anyone to go through what she did. I stand outside her door listening until she’s finished, and then I knock and go in.

Abby looks at me like I’m some weird space alien.

“What?”

“Did I actually just hear you
knock
before you came in? Who are you and what have you done with my bratty sister, Lily?”

“Shut up!”

I plop myself on her bed.

“You sounded great. Seriously. I was listening just now from outside the door.”

“Wow. I’m glad I didn’t know. The minute I know I have an audience is when I start losing it.”

“So … why can’t you … like, pretend that there’s no one there? You know,
visualize
or whatever?”

“I know. That’s what Gracie says. But … they
are
there. I’m not that good at pretending.”

“There’s got to be a way. Maybe we can look up stage fright on the Internet or something.”

Abby rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, in the five minutes a day ‘only for homework and while an adult is watching’ time I get on the computer?”

“Well, I can look it up then. And an adult is
always
watching now that Mom and Dad have put that monitoring software on the computer. It’s like totally Big Brother. What happens if I want to complain about them to my friends?”

“The Internet isn’t a right, it’s a privilege,”
we both say together. And then we crack up.

“Jeez, Abs, you know you’ve totally screwed things up for me. Now, I’m never going to be able to IM my friends that Mom’s the most embarrassing person who ever walked the face of the earth without her knowing.”

She sighs. “I know. And if I’m ever allowed real computer privileges again, what if a guy — like a guy my age, who I actually know, IM’s me to ask me out or something. Is Dad going to e-mail him back to give my answer?”

“Maybe we should discuss our
feelings
about this in family therapy,” I tell her. “Like maybe Dr. Binnie can help us come up with some rules like they can read our stuff but they can’t say anything about it. Seriously, we’ve got to have some privacy, right?”

“According to Mom and Dad, I
forfeited my right
to
privacy
.”

“Well,
I
didn’t.”

“No. And I’m sorry that I’ve messed everything up for you.”

It feels good to hear her say that. It’s not like I want Abby to go on feeling like crap about what happened, I really don’t. But it does something for me to hear her say she’s sorry.

“It’s okay. I’ll live. And I’ll make you pay, by stealing your clothes or something. Well, I
would
if you actually had any clothes worth stealing. But all your clothes are f-u-g-l-y.”

Abby laughs.

“Okay, now I know the
real
Lily’s back.”

“Seriously, Abby, your speech is great and, you know, it’s going to be way more real to people than the boring Internet talks they give us at school. So I was thinking … like, if you could kick that stupid stage-fright business, maybe you could come and do it at my school, too.”

She stares at me with wide eyes that are suddenly glistening.

“For real?”

I nod.

“Oh, Lily!” she cries, throwing her arms around me.

I hug her back, inhaling her Abby smell of shampoo and body lotion. Then I push her away.

“Okay, jeez, enough with the mushiness! Now read that whole stupid speech while I’m sitting here. You can do it. I know you can.”