Wanna Bet? (29 page)

“
Happy Birthday”

“
It’s a day late ... but
whatever” I smile into the phone.

“
Will you forgive
me?”

“
I love you so you can get
away with stuff like that” I assure him

“
What time am I meeting you
today?” he asks not needing to check if I’m definitely
going.

“
Umm how about for lunch, I
have to be back here by seven?”

“
Sure sounds great, can’t
wait to see you Brooke”

“
Same, I have a lot to tell
you” I smile.

“
Good night then huh?” he
teases

“
Well I got drunk” I say
not answering directly making him laugh as he hangs up.

“
I didn’t know you were
seeing someone” Matt smiles at me making me laugh and shake my head
as I head upstairs to start the emotion rollercoaster that will be
today.

Hey Dad

It’s me again, another
year has past without you and surprise, surprise I’m still here and
missing you as usual. I won’t say it’s easier as the years go on
but I think I know how to handle it a bit better now. I had a good
birthday last night, well half a good birthday. Tucker’s moved into
the same town as me … and as if that’s not enough he is in a band
that plays at my club every weekend. You remember Tucker? he’s the
one who broke my heart. But he’s also the one who saved my life.
It’s easier to be around him now. I suppose I have you to thank for
that in some strange way. Missing you everyday and loving you
everyday but not being able to be with you kind of helps me be
around him. Sophie and Matt have come up for a visit so I’m sure we
will have some fun over the next few days. I wrote mum another
letter saying that I was sorry for everything but I still haven’t
had a reply. Though I don’t write a return address on them because
I don’t want them to know where I live.

Will say’s “Hi big fella”
by the way, he’s been taking good care of me and I’m glad you had
him in you’re life, even if it wasn’t for as long as it should have
been. He keeps me in line though and I know that tonight no matter
what sort of fool I make of myself in front of a hundred people he
will be there for me. Everyone at the club expects it now though
after last year. Well I have to go because Sophie can hear me
crying and she’s going to check on me. So I’ll see you later and
I’ll give you a hug.

Miss you ever day but love
you more every day.

Your baby girl

Brooke.

xxxxx

As if she can read what I
was writing Sophie pushes my door open just as I’m putting my
letter into an envelope and in my bag. I wipe away my tears and
offer a weak smile. She tries to bring me into a hug but I step
around her knowing that it will only make me breakdown and then I’d
never be able to leave here.

Calling out a goodbye over
my shoulder I jog out of the house and hop into my car.

I force a smile as I make
my way
through the club and the regulars
greet me.

Pushing through the crowd
until I climb over the bar I silently beg myself to be able to hold
it together long enough to get through the night. As soon as I spot
Will heading towards me, I know that’s not going to happen. I turn
my attention away from him and wave to Cam and Derek who are being
served by Lucy.

“
Hey” he greets as he pulls
me into a hug “How are you feeling?”

“
I’m getting there, I
think. It’s been a long day” I admit squeezing him back.

“
I know darling, I miss him
too, not as much as you, but I do miss him. He was a good
man”

“
I know” I nod and sniff
back the sob chocking me.

“
He’d be proud of you, you
know that right” He says releasing me and I notice his eyes are
filling up, he turns and walks away as I wipe my own tears away and
turn to start serving drinks. I hold back a sigh as Tucker is the
first person I need to serve.

“
You okay Brooke?” he asks
watching the tears roll down my cheeks as I silently get him a
bottle from the fridge. “Hey, what’s up? Don’t cry” he says softy
as he wipes my cheeks with his thumb.

“
Don’t” is all I say,
causing him to frown down at me “Please” I beg and turn to the next
customer.

I manage to get through
serving as many people as I can to help clear the queue without
completely breaking down, I only manage this by not looking at
anyone I know. About half an hour later Will pulls me up onto the
bar and passes me a mic.

“
Are you ready Brooke?” he
asks silencing the club.

“
Let’s get it over with” I
say defeated.

“
Hey now, we don’t rush
this” he scolds me playfully, which gets a small smile from me. “As
you all know it was Brooke’s birthday yesterday and she chose to
celebrate it with all the people she loves, that is all of you
guys” he tells the crowd and is rewarded by a loud cheer. “But now
she asks you all to go easy on her tonight, she’s not real happy
tonight guys because the one man Brooke loves and wanted to be here
last night couldn’t make it so we need to do our best to try and
cheer her up” he pulls me under his arm and kisses my forehead
soothingly as another tear rolls down my cheek. Andrew joins us on
the bar looking confused and worried as he stands next to me. The
DJ puts on ‘Bed of roses’ so it’s its soft background music and
before I can stop it from happening I’m transported back to the
night before my life turned to hell.

“
Sing to me daddy” I giggle
up at him as I snuggle down into my bed.

“
What do you want me to
sing baby girl” he whispers softly kissing my head.

“
The one about the flowers”
I beg making him chuckle.

“
The truth is baby your all
that I need” I giggle as he starts the song not from the beginning
but from my favorite part, it’s our tradition. “I wanna lay you
down in a bed of roses…tonight I sleep on a bed of nails … I want
to be just as close as the holy ghost is … and lay you down on bed
of roses…

“
Well I’m so far away …
That each step I take is on my way home”

I can hear the cry the rip
through me before it even leaves my lips. I watch as Sophie, Matt
and Tucker all run towards me and Andrew grips me into a hug. “I
need …” I gasp.

“
You need what honey?” he
asks soothingly.

“
The… the … the song” I try
again.

“
What about it?”

“
Turn it off” I beg as I
try to control my sobs and stop the memories that come back to me
as the chorus plays again. I hear Andrew say something to
someone.

“
You turned eleven today
baby. You know what that means don’t you”

I nod up at him and put on
a serious face “It means I’m a grown up now”

I smile as his soft
laughter washes over me.

“
It means you’re a big girl
now” he says as he tickles me.

“
Wait you’re not going to
leave me are you?”

“
No baby, I’ll never leave
you silly. I love you”

“
I’m going to marry a man
exactly like you when I’m proper grown up cause you’re the best
daddy” I wrap my arms around his neck.

“
No, you’re the best
sweetie and I’d kill anyone who ever tells you any
different”

“
No one would dare when my
dads so big and strong” I giggle when he lifts his arms flexes his
muscles letting me plant a kiss on them. ”Your funny
daddy”

“
I wish we could stay in
this night forever baby” He says tucking me into bed
properly.

“
Why?” I ask and feel my
eyebrows pull in.

“
Because I never want you
to grow up and move away from me. I want to keep you sweet and
innocent like this forever” he says simply and kisses my nose one
last time.

“
Nigh daddy, Love you
always”

“
Sweet dreams baby. Love
you forever” he says from the doorway and watches me as I feel my
eyes grow heavy.
That was the last time I
ever saw him.

I focus my eyes on the
club and everyone is watching me, the DJ has changed the background
music to an eighties pop song I note gratefully. Matt, Tucker and
Sophie are all watching me, stood on the bar now themselves. I pull
away from Andrews hug and wipe away my tears again.

“
Happy Birthday baby girl”
he kisses my cheek and folds something small into my
hand.

“
What is it daddy?” I ask
opening my eyes, we’re in the kitchen, everyone else is out the
back at my birthday party.

“
It’s a special present
just for you from me. You have to promise that you will look after
it and never tell mummy about it OKAY” he’s looking into my eyes
I’m not sure why so I just nod and run up to my bedroom. I open my
hand and pick up the yellow necklace its a little heart.

I lower myself to my knees
on the bar and clutch at the chain that still hangs around my
neck.

I open the heart and read
the message inside. “Never give up on what you love” I don’t really
know what it means but I know I love my dad and I would never give
up on him so I hide my special present inside a sock and hide it
under my mattress. I will only take it out when I move
away.

I shake my head to get rid
of the memories. Tucker’s crouched in front of me.

“
Are you OKAY Brooke?” he
asks softly.

Looking into his eyes I’m
reminded that everyone who has claimed to love or care for me has
left me no choice but to carry on my own no matter what they are
leaving me with.

“
What have you done?” My
step dad screams at me holding up a bloodied bed sheet.

“
I don’t know it happened
last night” I cower away from him, I’m sure why I feel scared but
my body is telling me to protect myself my step father has always
creeped me out but never scared me before.

“
I knew it wouldn’t take
much longer” he snarls at me, I curl myself into a ball on my bed
not sure what’s going on with my body but he doesn’t like
it.

“
It’s not my fault, I
didn’t mean it to happen ... I’m sorry” I’m crying now.

“
It is your fault” his
voice is soft now as he walks over to me. “You’re a whore” He lands
a punch on me making me scream out. “Remember that” he says from my
doorway then leave me to cry.

I flinch and clutch my
stomach involuntarily remembering the very first time he hit
me.

Tucker is still waiting
for me to answer his question I realize. This is what my dad left
me to live through. Did he not care? I nod up at Tucker and he
pulls me up taking his place behind me.

“
Let’s do this” I croak
into my mic at Will who nods at me and we all turn as Lucy hands us
all a shot of my dads’ favorite drink. Jack Daniels.

I don’t like it but it’s
the only thing I will be drinking tonight and it will get me drunk
enough to forget at least for a night.

“
Go ahead Brooke” Will
encourages me
gesturing to my mic. I turn
to face the crowd and take a deep breath getting ready for the
hardest part.

“
As you have all noticed
I’m a bit of a mess tonight. I’m sorry for being depressing but
like a trooper I’m going to bring you all down with me. If any of
you have ever loved someone, you know how good that feels. That one
person, who can make everything OKAY with just a smile, can make
you laugh when you just want to cry. Makes you understand why you
are alive when you just want to end it. That person who no matter
what happens will always be there for you. The one who will do
every thing he can to make sure you never get hurt… But then you
wake up and that person isn’t there for you anymore. When they are
no longer around to make you laugh or hold you when you cry. Not
there to tell you everything will be okay when clearly it isn’t
going to be. Not there to see you through the painful nights. I’ll
tell you what happened. You got lied to. Plain and simply you got
fooled. But do you know what? We don’t need anyone, no one is there
for you forever, no matter how much they promise they will be” I
look around and ignore the confused looks I am getting. “So I ask
you to raise your glasses full of this disgusting drink and join me
in a toast. To the lies that break your fucking heart” I shout as I
throw my drink back and cringe as it burns my throat.

“
Jesus, bad break up?”
Andrew asks me but looks at the crowd frowning as he catches the
eye of every man I have ever spoken to.

“
Sorry Brooke but I’m going
to argue, your toast.” Will says into his mic looking
determined.

“
He never lied to
you”

“
Yes he did” I reply
stubbornly swirling around to face him, I can feel my hand holding
the mic shaking. Sophie, Matt and Andrew all step aside so I can
see Will clearly. “You don’t know that”

“
He loved you” he insists
“Still does”

“
Who?” Andrew and Sophie
ask at the same looking between me and Will.