Wanderlust (43 page)

I think I understand it now. I think she wanted to be married to Charles to cover up something else. Lady Vi spoke hesitantly and James looked intrigued.

Oh? What's the dirt? He smiled.

I hear ' She hated to say the word, but she wanted him to know. I was told she's a lesbian.

Charlotte? For a moment he sounded amused, and then he looked at her pensively. Who told you that?

Elizabeth Williams-Strong. She was the biggest gossip in town, but she usually got things right amazingly. And you know, I wasn't inclined to believe her at first, but you know ' the oddest thing, I was driving the jeep for General Kildare several weeks ago, before Audrey got sick, and I saw her walking along the street with the most attractive young man ' actually he looked more like a boy, she blushed, and for some reason I was watching them. I was sitting there waiting for the General to come out of a shop. And do you know ' it wasn't a boy at all. It was a girl. I'm quite sure it was, she blushed beet red, and they kissed ' I don't mean on the cheek ' I mean a long passionate one ' .

James suddenly laughed and leapt at his wife. He had been hungry for her for too long. You mean like this? He kissed her passionately, pretending to ravage her, and she pulled away laughing and looked at him.

I'm serious, James!

So am I, by God. I haven't seen you in six bloody weeks! They made love after that, but in the quiet aftermath as he smoked a cigarette, she looked at him and thought of Charlotte again.

What do you make of that?

I think it explains everything. And he had had another idea. You know, if Charles knew that, he might be able to blackmail her a bit into letting him go. I daresay I'll tell him myself when I see him next week. Do you mind?

Are you serious? Of course not! It would be marvelous if he could get rid of her. And then she looked puzzled at what he had said. Where are you seeing him? Is he coming home? He hadn't said anything about it to Audrey in the letter she'd received the day before.

They're sending me to Cairo for two weeks. Will it be dangerous? She held her breath as she watched his eyes. She always knew the truth looking at him, but he shook his head and she could see that he was relieved.

No, it won't. And to tell you the truth, it'll be a relief to stop bombing Hitler's boys. I'm getting damn tired of that. And so was she.

I'll ask Audrey if she has any messages for him. Just give him my love, was all she said, and after James had gone, Audrey confessed to Lady Vi, How I envy him seeing Charlie. She longed for Charlie now. She was still fighting the depression she had felt since she'd lost their baby. She felt empty and as though somehow she had failed, and the loss seemed overwhelming to her. It embarrassed her to admit it, even to Vi, with so many people losing people they loved, it seemed so shocking to be mourning a baby she didn't even know, but it didn't help reasoning it out. In her heart, it was a loss, and nothing dulled the pain, not even a visit to Molly in the peaceful countryside, although it helped a little bit, and she sat with the child on her lap, looking out over the green hills dotted with cows. She was glad that Molly was there, and not in London.

Is Daddy coming home soon?

I hope so, sweetheart. Uncle James went to see him this week, and I told him to give him a big kiss from you. Molly looked satisfied as she hopped off her mother's lap, and ran back to play with Alexandra and James, but at that very moment James was not delivering a kiss to Charles, but news that rocked him to his very core.

God, man ' I'm so sorry ' . They never told me you didn't know. There were tears in Charlie's eyes and James could have eaten his tongue. He had just told him that Audrey had lost the baby, he thought it was best if he knew, rather than deluding himself that the pregnancy was going on. It had never occurred to him that Audrey hadn't told him before he left that she was pregnant.

Why didn't she tell me? His eyes were wild, and James had never felt worse.

She probably didn't want to worry you. But she's all right ' . He said the same thing as Vi. And she'll have another one ' . Charlie nodded, but he felt as though someone had set his heart on fire.

Was it very bad? He looked into James's eyes, and he didn't know what to say. He didn't know whether to lie to him now or not, but it was too late for that.

James nodded miserably. Violet said it was pretty awful for her, but she held up admirably. She's all right now though. I saw her myself last week. A bit pale and a trifle thin, but as pretty as ever. He tried to smile, but Charlie looked desperately worried. He sighed, and within an hour, he had had seven drinks at Shepheard's bar. James didn't blame him a bit, and later that night, he helped him to his room. He hadn't even had time to tell him what he'd heard about Charlotte from Vi. But there was time for that. He would be in Cairo for two weeks. And they would have plenty of time for the London gossip.

James came back from Cairo with lavish messages of love for Audrey. He and Charles had decided not to tell her that he knew of the baby she had lost. It would be better to let her tell him herself when she thought the time was right. But James did tell him about Charlotte being a lesbian and Charlie could hardly wait to come back and put the screws to her. It was high time she stopped torturing him, and if she didn't agree to let him go this time, he was going to threaten to tell her father about her. It had cheered him no end. It was time the bitch got her hooks out of him, he told James, with seething fervor.

They reassigned James to the air raids on Germany, and Lady Vi was alone again. She and Audrey went down to visit the children several times, but during one of these trips, on their way back, Audrey startled her. She handed her a thick manila envelope when they got back to town, and Lady Vi looked at it in surprise.

More photographs? She had taken some beautiful ones of the children and James, and Violet cherished them. But Audrey was shaking her head this time.

No. My will. She looked deep into her friend's eyes. I want you to promise me that if something happens to me, you'll keep Molly with you, at least until Charlie comes home. And if something should happen to both of us ' Her eyes held Vi's, as Violet stared at her. She was obviously still being morbid about the lost child, and Violet was sorry for her.

Why would something happen to you?

You never know. And then she decided to tell her all at once. I've registered with the Home Office as a photo-journalist. I did it a while ago actually, as soon as I lost ' never mind. They seem to think they can use me as a photographer, and I'm leaving tomorrow night, Vi. She was almost sorry now. She hated to leave her friend. But it meant being with Charlie again, and she couldn't give that up. For anyone. They're sending me to Cairo. I requested North Africa.

Does Charles know? Vi was horrified, as Audrey shook her head with a grin.

Not yet. But he will. I'm hoping to hook up with him, and work on regular assignment with him. The man at the Home Office knows we've worked together before. He seemed to think it was a good idea.

Is he mad? You're a woman. My God, that's dangerous!

Audrey sighed. No more than sitting here amidst the bombs every night. James wanted Violet to go to the country now for a while, and without Audrey she probably would. I'm sorry, Vi. She felt as though she were deserting her. I have to be with him. Her huge blue eyes filled with tears and Violet held out her arms to her.

You're a damn crazy girl, you know, Aud. But most of all, she knew she was crazy about him. Audrey wanted to be with Charlie every hour of her life, and in a way, Violet couldn't really find fault with that. She loved James too, but Audrey and Charles shared something even more intense. It was as though they breathed the same air with one breath, and she knew how desperately Audrey had been missing him. Can I see you off?

She shook her head. They're putting me on a military flight, and you know how they are about that.

Yes, I do. Violet smiled. Suddenly, everything was changing. The war had affected all their lives, and she couldn't help wondering if it would ever be the same again.

They kissed each other good-bye the following afternoon, and Audrey finished packing her bags. She was leaving the house as it was, empty, locked up, like so many other homes in London.

And as she left for the airport that night, she felt a thrill that she hadn't felt in years ' not since the Orient Express or the trains climbing the mountains of Tibet ' or the streets of Shanghai ' or the wonders of Peking ' . She was on the road again, to a place she had always dreamed of, to be with the man she loved. And she smiled happily to herself, as their plane took off for Cairo.

The Douglas DC-3 set down at Cairo Airport at six o'clock the next morning. They had stopped three times to pick up troops, mail, supplies, and to refuel on the way. Audrey was still surprised at how nice the Home Office had been to her.

She had a feeling that they already had a file on her and knew who she was from when they had checked out Charlie during their investigation before allowing him to become a war correspondent. And she also wondered if they weren't anxious to have the American press join them at every opportunity, hoping to sway the United States to enter the war, not that Roosevelt seemed inclined to help them. He had been sitting on his hands for almost a year, and there was no sign of American involvement in the near future. Audrey often wondered herself what it would take to convince them. But she wasn't thinking of her country as the plane set down sharply on the runway. The soldiers who had traveled with her chatted amiably among themselves, told a few more jokes, and collected their gear as they prepared to unload the plane.

Where are you staying? one of them asked. He had been admiring her since he boarded in London, and wondered what her legs looked like when she wasn't wearing trousers. She had worn sensible gray tweed pants, a sweater, and one of Charlie's leather jackets. She had even bought boots that she thought she might be glad to have if they went into rugged areas to work, and she smiled at the young man now, knowing how odd she looked in her costume.

I'm going to try and get a room at Shepheard's. It was where Charlie was staying, and she wasn't entirely sure if it was reserved for military use only. Charlie had raved about it to her in his letters, and she knew James had stayed there too when he went to Cairo.

I'll look you up sometime. The soldier smiled and Audrey looked at him pleasantly but offered him no encouragement. She had thought about buying herself a wedding band for the trip, but she had never hidden behind ruses like that, and she didn't want to start now. She was thirty-three years old and independent. She didn't have to feel married to feel safe. After all, she had survived the ordeal of the miscarriage without the benefit of being married. She was still shaken by it and she wasn't sure what she would tell Charlie about it.

There were a thousand things she wanted to tell him when she arrived, but she had to find him first. A military jeep gave her a ride, and she found herself sandwiched between an Australian with a handlebar mustache and a belly laugh and a huge South African with bright red hair and a penchant for really filthy jokes. But she was in a war zone now, and she knew she had to get used to it quickly. It was better than sitting around London, spending every night in the air raid shelters waiting for the all clear to sound and wondering if she still had a house to go home to.

Whatcha doing here, luv? The Aussie was the first to ask, and the driver told him to lay off in an accent that was pure Scots as he winked at Audrey. Came out here to see your boyfriend? He was teasing her, he had seen the huge pack she carried and the twin cameras around her neck, one loaded with black and white film, the other with color.

Maybe so. She smiled.

Or to find a new one? the South African suggested. They were all in desert uniforms, she noticed, in the yellows, browns, and grays that concealed them best here. All volunteer for that job.

Audrey laughed. I have a friend here. He's a war correspondent. They all booed and hissed as the jeep darted on, avoiding women and children and camels. There were sheep and goats everywhere, and here the women were veiled, as they had been in Turkey and Afghanistan years before when she'd traveled through those countries on the way to China. She was faintly reminded of that trip now, although the atmosphere here was entirely different. But there was an aura of exotic excitement, just being far from London. The streets were crawling with European faces, and most of them British, and there was an incredible assortment of military personnel here. One saw everything from Indians to New Zealanders, Australians, South Africans, Free French, Greek commandos, and even Yugoslavs and Poles, many of them having fled the Germans and come here to join the British. The Australians and New Zealanders were wearing leather sleeveless army jerkins to protect them from the cold desert nights. And everywhere around them was a cacophony of sounds and smells. It had all the wondrous excitement of her trip halfway around the world seven years before, and she suddenly wondered how she had been satisfied to stay in San Francisco and London for all these years. It was this that she loved so much, the distant and exotic, with all its magical visions and perfumes and promise.

Want to take my picture, love? Two men darted at her from the street as they stopped to allow two camels to enter a bazaar and Audrey laughed and ducked as one of the men tried to kiss her.

You're American, aren't you? the South African asked as they got under way again.

I am.

Ever been away from home before? He smiled at her patronizingly and she laughed. This was no place for an amateur traveler and she wasn't.

I lived in China for a year several years ago, and I've been living in London for five years now.

He looked suddenly impressed and she noticed that the others were listening with fresh interest. Where in China?

Manchuria. Harbin. I ran an orphanage there for a while during the Japanese occupation.