Wanderlust (26 page)

She came slowly down the gangplank with trembling knees, clutching Mai Li close to her, as she always did, and the child looked like a tiny round bundle. One couldn't even see what she was, and Audrey stopped and looked at him, as the tears poured down her face. He looked frailer than he had a year before, but he was still distinguished and erect and the grandfather she had loved so dearly for a lifetime. She wanted to hurl herself around his neck, but she was afraid as she approached him. She knew how great his pain must have been to have her gone for so long, and she wondered if he would ever forgive her.

And yet he had come to meet her, and he was standing there, which surely had to mean that he forgave her. She had come back to him after all, unlike her father. She had been acutely aware of that, and it was precisely because her father had not that she had. She felt she owed him that, and she wanted to make up to him for what she had lost, although it cost her something so dear to come home to him as she had. She could only begin to imagine what Charles had thought when he got her cable refusing to come to London. First, she had insisted on staying in Harbin, and then she had insisted on coming home to her grandfather, without going through London. But as she stood looking at her grandfather from the bottom of the gangplank she knew she had done the right thing, and she walked slowly toward him, holding Mai Li gently against her chest, with her eyes locked in his as he scowled fiercely at her. He said not a word to her as she approached him, and they stood looking at each other for what seemed like a very long time, as her lip trembled and she put her arms around his neck, and then suddenly the floodgates opened wide, and she couldn't stop crying as he slowly put his arms around her, and his eyes were undeniably damp when she pulled away again.

He could barely speak as he looked down at her with the dignity she had remembered so well, as she thought of him on lonely nights in Harbin. I never thought I would see you again, Audrey.

I'm sorry it took so long, Grandfather.

He nodded, pulling himself up to regain control, but she saw that he leaned heavily on his cane, and she watched his eyes travel to the bundle in her arms. It was Mai Li, still sound asleep as Audrey held her. What is that? He frowned, and waved his cane in her direction.

Audrey smiled hesitantly at him and felt her heart pound as she turned so he could see the delicate little face leaning against her bosom, all but concealed by the silk bindings that held her strapped to Audrey. This is Mai Li, Grampa. He almost reeled backward at the words, and looked at Audrey in horror.

You were right not to have come home. He barely spoke above a whisper, and for an instant Audrey feared he would have a stroke right there at the Embarcadero. You're a disgrace to your family! Muriel Browne was right ' I didn't believe her when she told me ' all that rubbish about murdered nuns and abandoned orphans! She had never seen such fury as what she saw now in his eyes and she was shaking her head, astonished at what she was hearing. It had never dawned on her that he might think Mai Li was hers. But she had caught the words Muriel Browne, and she wasn't pleased at that either.

Just what exactly did Mrs. Browne tell you? There was fire kindling in her eyes now too.

That you were traveling with a man. He looked down at Audrey with open rage. I told her she was mistaken. You have no decency and no shame, Audrey, and to come home with that ' with that bastard ' He spluttered, unable to say the rest of the words, but she had never seen him taller. How dare you!

How dare I what? Love this child, Grampa? Is that a sin? No, she isn't mine. She is one of the orphans, and if I had left her in China, someone would probably have killed her, or let her die of disease or starve, or perhaps they'd have sold her as a concubine, if she lived that long. She's half Japanese and half Chinese, and I brought her home with me because I love her. She was crying again, and she backed away from him in shock at what he had said to her.

I didn't know ' I thought ' Tears slowly welled up in his eyes too as he saw something in her face he had never seen there before, a blind love, a raging passion, a love for the child that reminded him of what he had felt for her when she had come from Hawaii to live with him. I ' He turned away from her slowly, feeling grief and relief well up in his soul. It was so good to see her again. He had thought she was lost to him forever, and now she had come home to him with this child, and he had thought ' He turned to look at her again, and she stood so young and proud, holding the baby in her arms, and his heart went out to her as it always had. And he looked deep into her eyes. I'm glad you came home, Audrey.

She smiled through her tears, and walked slowly toward him. So am I, Grampa ' so am I ' . He put an arm around her shoulders and led her to his car. She got in first, holding Mai Li close to her and he got in behind her. He had brought the Rolls to the pier, and they let the chauffeur look for her bags. She had gone through Customs on the ship, and now it was up to him to get her things. There had been no problem with Immigration clearing Mai Li, and Audrey sighed as she sat back against the luxurious leather seats and looked at her grandfather. It seemed a lifetime since the last time she had been here and she saw him watching her now, almost as though he were afraid to believe she were sitting beside him.

Is she all right? He stared at the sleeping child, trying to get a glimpse of its face. And Audrey was touched at his concern.

She's fine. She smiled up at him and then leaned over to kiss his cheek, smelling the aftershave that always reminded her of him, as he felt the delicate silk of her skin next to his and almost closed his eyes with relief.

What ever possessed you to bring home a baby?

Just what I said to you, Grampa. I couldn't leave her. They would have killed her in China. The words shocked him into silence as the baby stirred and let out a little muffled sound, and Audrey turned her gently so he could see her. She had beautiful, delicate little features and he stared down at her in fascination, and then at his granddaughter.

You're sure she's not yours, Audrey? She had been gone long enough to have her, and Muriel Browne had said '

Audrey smiled. Positive. I wish she were. He looked shocked and she laughed. Just to give Mrs. Browne something to talk about.

He didn't answer her at first, and then he sighed, glancing out the car window at the ship that had brought her home, and then back at her. For a time, I thought she was right. She said he was a well-known writer. His eyes searched hers and something he saw there made him wonder.

She was referring to a friend of my English friends. Charles Parker-Scott. Her heart turned over as she said his name, and her grandfather watched her eyes, but she gave nothing away. Not yet anyway, and then she sighed and leaned back against the seat again as her grandfather glanced back at the baby.

What did you say her name was? He was fascinated by her, far more so than he was by Annabelle's baby, who was almost exactly the same age. But she looked just like Harcourt, and she was always crying.

Audrey smiled at him. Her name is Mai Li, Grampa. It seemed so amazing to be sitting beside him again, and even more so, holding Ling Hwei's baby.

Molly? He scowled, looking at Audrey. Molly?

That'll do. They exchanged a long look, and suddenly he reached out a hand and took Audrey's strong young hand in his own frail one. He was eighty-two years old now.

Don't ever leave me again, Audrey. He had wanted to say it with force, even with anger, but the words came out like a plea from the heart, as Audrey's eyes filled with tears and she kissed his cheek.

I promise, Grampa ' I promise ' . She had to force herself not to think of Charles as she said it.

She did what? In London, Lady Vi looked at James in shock. He had just told her something he knew he shouldn't, but he felt so badly for Charles that he had to share it with Violet.

She turned him down. He sent her a cable asking her to marry him, and come home via London, and she wired back saying she couldn't.

Couldn't come back through London, or couldn't marry him?

Both I suppose. I didn't ask him that precisely. Besides, he was quite drunk when he told me, poor chap. He's in terrible shape. I think he was holding out the hope to himself that when the nuns came, she'd come back to him here. And that takes care of that, I'm afraid.

But she has that grandfather of hers, you know. Perhaps she had to go home and see him first. That could be. Lady Vi had very sensibly hit the nail on the head, but James shook his head, having heard Charles's highly inebriated interpretation the night before. He had apparently been drunk for several weeks, according to mutual friends, and James had gone to his flat to see him, while Lady Vi dined alone with her mother.

I don't think Charlie sees it that way. He sees it as a rebuff. In fact, I think he sees it as rather more than that. According to him, the romance is over.

Oh, my God. Violet could easily imagine what that would do to Audrey. Is he going to America to see her?

I don't think so. In fact, I doubt it. He has that contract for the Indian book, and he ought to be leaving soon on that.

And I can just imagine who's going to be following him everywhere ' . She looked disapprovingly at James, and he shook a finger at her.

Now, Vi, Charlotte may not be your sort, but she's a bright, interesting woman, and she may do Charles some good right now. It was what Charlotte herself hoped, although Violet did not share that opinion.

Charlotte had finally taken the bull by the horns herself and gone around to Charlie's flat with boxes of breakfast pastry, a huge basket of fruit, and she had made him fresh orange juice and fried eggs and crumpets, with mugs of steaming black coffee, and she had let him pour his heart out to her. They were becoming friends over his books, and he thought of her almost as a man. She was intelligent, levelheaded, an extraordinary businesswoman, and a very sensible person to talk to. And she was absolutely nothing like Audrey.

Everything else comes first with her ' came first ' . For the first time, he forced himself to speak of her in the past tense. He hadn't seen her in nine months and it was time to stop kidding himself that he would see her again. He wouldn't, unless he went to San Francisco, and he refused to do that. Besides, he didn't have time now, Charlotte and her father felt he should be out in India while he finalized the research for the book, in order to get the mood of the book right, and she thought he should leave at once. Besides, he had to get it finished before he went to Egypt in the fall. Charlotte had a great many plans for him, and none of them included a trip to see Audrey.

You'll feel better when you get away, Charlotte said matter-of-factly as she poured him another mug of the steaming brew, and he looked at her gratefully. She was just what he needed just then, tender, loving care and a sharp mind. She was ready to organize everything for him, and she seemed to perfectly understand what a writer's needs were. She didn't expect him to do anything except write, and she was prepared to help him get the peace and quiet he needed to do it. She had even offered him her country house, if he needed some quiet time by himself, and she reminded him of it again now. You know, it might do you good, Charles. A change of scene, a breath of air ' She smiled at him, and he sighed and sat back in his chair.

What did I ever do to deserve all this? It was in such sharp contrast to what he viewed as Audrey's desertion.

You're one of the most important writers we have, and it behooves us to take good care of you, doesn't it? She even sent the Beardsley car around for him, to drive him down to the hunting box she had lent him. He had insisted that he could drive himself, but she thought he shouldn't worry about anything at all, and as he sat in the backseat of the Rolls pouring himself a drink, he had to admit that he enjoyed it. But as soon as he arrived, the memories of Audrey flooded his mind again, and he went for a long, lonely walk at sunset, wishing he hadn't come. All he could think of now were those last days in Harbin, wishing he had stayed, wishing that she was still with him.

He walked slowly back to the house after dark, sorry he hadn't driven himself down. Suddenly all he wanted to do was go home. He appreciated what Charlotte had done, but he didn't belong here. He wanted to go home, to his own flat. It seemed stupid to sit there all alone for two days, supposedly relaxing. He thought about calling James and Vi and inviting them down to spend the day with him the following day, but as he opened the door, he saw a roaring fire in the fireplace that hadn't been there before, and he suddenly wondered who had built it. He strolled into the living room with a puzzled air, and jumped when he heard a voice directly behind him.

Hello, Charles. He turned to see Charlotte standing behind him in a slinky gray silk dress, holding out a glass of champagne to him. It was very much like something he had seen recently in a movie, and he smiled as he walked toward her. She was a very attractive woman, and he suddenly saw her in a different light as she spoke to him in her husky voice.

I didn't realize this was part of the arrangement, Charlotte. He took the glass from her and stood very close to her, looking into her eyes. She was a blonde with big dark brown eyes. But they were the eyes of a very wily woman.

Actually, it wasn't. Her voice was silky, and he noticed that she had put a record on while he was out walking. I just thought I'd come down to see how you were doing. They both knew that there was more to it than that, but suddenly he didn't mind. He had been so lonely for so long, and he was tired of aching over Audrey.

He sat down beside her on the couch, and halfway through the bottle of champagne, they moved into the large, comfortable bedroom. It was Charlotte who peeled away his clothes, who slid her hands expertly over his body, who used her lips in ways that drove him mad, and left little bites on the insides of his thighs, and when he plunged into her, it was Charlotte who screamed with delight, and then brought him toward her again, and again and again as the night wore on. She was relentless as she devoured his flesh, but in many ways, she was exactly what he needed. She wanted only one thing, and that was to please him, in every way she knew how. And she did. His body had never felt quite the same thrills, except ' but he didn't allow himself to think of that anymore. For him, it was over.