Wanderlust (15 page)

Monica

I turned back to the bar as the room lurched sickeningly.

“You all right?” Chip’s voice was low and concerned. He’d seen her first. He’d been trying to distract me.

I nodded reflexively and took a gulp of my drink, trying to fight off a rush of overwhelming feelings; anger, guilt, frustration, and hurt—all swirling to the surface as I tried desperately to maintain a straight face. “What the hell?” I whispered.

“Why don’t you just stay here with me for a while?” Chip suggested.

Did he know? Of course he knew. The whole fraternity must have known. Maybe the whole campus. Ten years, a hundred countries, my own business—none of it mattered. I was a nineteen-year-old sophomore again, overcome with humiliation and hurt. The heat rose in my cheeks, even as tears pricked my eyelids.

“It’s okay. We don’t need to go anywhere.” Chip’s voice sounded far away but soothing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him gesture at the bartender and heard him order me another drink. I looked down, and to my surprise, realized that my glass was empty.

Another martini materialized in front of me and Chip paid for it. I’d caught just the barest glimpse of Amber, but it was enough to know that she was still gorgeous, still glowing, still captivating the attention of every man—and quite a few women—within sight.

“Thank you,” I whispered to Chip.

“No worries. What are the odds, huh?”

“It’s been quite the month for running into people, that’s for sure,” I said, taking a sip of my new drink. My glimpse of Amber had so overwhelmed me that I hadn’t noted Jason’s reaction to her. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to turn around and stare at them. I considered asking Chip what Jason was doing, but I didn’t want to sound too pathetic.

“So, do you and Jason get together often?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

“No, not too often. We got together a few times just after he moved here, but between our jobs, and then with Alexa being born, well, you know how it goes.” He took another sip of his beer.

I nodded as if I did indeed know how it went, though really I barely heard a word he’d said. I struggled to hold up my end of the conversation. “And your job, what do you do?”

“I’m a consultant for a tech services company, pretty small, but there’s potential for a lot of growth.”

I was no longer even pretending to listen as poor Chip droned on in an attempt to distract me. I imagined Jason overwhelmed by the charismatic Amber. Gorgeous, thoughtful, ambitious, smart, sexy Jason, the only man I’d ever really loved. Jason, who thought I was engaged to Stephen. A martini-fueled wave of self-pity washed over me.

“Oh, fuck.”

For a moment, I was confused. They were the exact words in my head, but spoken in Chip’s voice. Then suddenly—

“Chip! And Monica! Oh, my God! I can’t believe you guys are here, too!”

I looked up to see Amber standing beside us. She waved at the bartender, who rushed up to take her order with almost comic speed. “Whiskey sour,” she said, slugging the rest of what she was drinking and flashing her gorgeous smile. She gave Chip a quick hug, then put her arm around me and gave me a friendly squeeze, as if we’d been BFFs in college. I caught a whiff of exotic perfume. “I’ve been over there yammering away, and I didn’t even realize you and Chip were here. It’s
so
good to see you guys!”

It was only then that I realized Jason was hovering behind her. It gave me some bitter satisfaction to note that he looked incredibly uncomfortable.

“So what are you up to these days?” She looked directly at me.

“I’m a travel writer,” I replied, looking away from her and wondering how I could get out of this situation.

“Oh, wow! That sounds exciting! Do you travel a lot?”

“Yeah, I travel a lot,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound as drunk as I was starting to feel.

“How about you, Amber?” Chip interrupted, trying to get Amber’s attention off me.

“I work for an NGO that builds trade schools for women and girls in developing countries.”

I swung my head to look at her. “Seriously?” I said. If I’d been thinking coherently, I might have guessed
model
or
highly paid escort
.

She nodded, ignoring the incredulous tone of my voice. “Yep, I work more on the fundraising side of things—we’re based in Manhattan—but I get to make field visits once in a while. I was in Afghanistan over the holidays, so I’m having a late Christmas with my parents in Rockford, and I thought I’d come up to Chicago for the social. I wasn’t sure if there’d be anyone here I knew. I’m so happy to see you guys!”

Like she wouldn’t have met a dozen people as soon as she walked in the door. Gorgeous, charismatic, and now saving the fucking world, and in
Afghanistan
of all fucking places. A whole fresh surge of jealously came over me. The bartender put her whiskey sour on the bar.

Amber reached for her purse, but Chip was faster. “Let me get this. Monica, do you want another one?”

Once again, I realized that my glass was almost empty. “Sure,” I shrugged ungraciously.

“Jason?” Chip asked. “This round’s on me. What’re you having?”

Jason mumbled the name of a local beer and Chip placed the orders. I took a deep breath and spun around in my seat. Now the four of us, hemmed in by the crowd, formed a tight circle.

Amber was just as beautiful as I remembered her, still tall with perfect skin and long, blond hair. But more than that, she had
presence
. No wonder guys fell at her feet. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see people from all over the room stealing glances at her.

She cozied up to me and clinked her full glass against the empty one I still held in my hand. “So tell me about all the places you’ve been!”

“Oh, you know. Lots of places.”

“Monica’s been to over a hundred countries,” Jason interjected.

“Oh, my God! A hundred? That’s amazing! I get to travel a lot, but nothing like that. That’s so cool. What kind of writing do you do?”

I took a deep breath and tried to collect my wits. “Mostly articles. I’m about to start working on some chapters for a travel book on Southeast Asia.”

I felt Chip take the empty glass out of my hand and somehow my fingers closed around a new, colder glass. I took a big sip, barely aware of what I was doing.

“Wow! I was in Ho Chi Minh City about a year ago. It was just amazing. I’m so jealous! Do you get to go there?”

“Yeah. In fact, I’m heading to Southeast Asia in a couple of weeks.”

Jason’s head snapped toward me, a look of dismay on his face.

“Excuse me, I need to use the ladies’ room.” I took another deep swig of my drink, put the glass down, and made my way unsteadily to the back of the bar.

I lurched into the bathroom and locked the door behind me, saying a quick prayer of thanks that it was a single. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, trying to bring myself into focus. I shouldn’t have had so much to drink. I knew I wasn’t thinking as clearly as I needed to. I breathed deeply, trying to remember the yoga I’d studied in India, and closed my eyes. After a few moments, I felt more in control. I ran some cold water over a paper towel and pressed it to my face, then braced myself to go back out into the bar and deal with Jason and Amber.

I unlocked the door and stepped out, only to run smack into Amber herself, who pushed me firmly back into the bathroom and locked the door behind us.

“Hey!” squealed a voice from the line that had developed outside.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

Amber sighed and looked exasperated. She could dominate a room full of people, and here in the tiny bathroom, I felt completely overwhelmed.

“I never slept with your boyfriend, okay?”

“What?” I asked blankly.

Amber rolled her eyes. “Look, I never meant to cause trouble for the two of you. He was hot, you were hot, and I thought you were into it. I really wasn’t out to make all kinds of drama. I just thought we could have some fun together.”

I just stood there, staring at her stupidly. The floor felt unsteady beneath my feet. “You thought I was hot?” I asked, oddly flattered.

“Totally! That hair, that skin. You’re still hot, but that’s a rabbit hole we don’t need to go down.” Amber continued, “Honestly, I probably would have slept with Jason even after you left, but he totally wasn’t having it. After you took off that night, he just sort of sat there, looking all crushed and guilty.” Her voice softened. “I’m really sorry. I never would have tried to do a threesome with you guys if I’d known you weren’t into it.”

I could feel my face turning red. “I was trying to make him happy,” I said so quietly I could hardly hear myself.

“Well, he was an asshole. And for what it’s worth, he spent the next, like, hour after you left telling me what an asshole he was.”

“He never told me.” I could hear some bitterness in my voice.

Amber grimaced sympathetically. “Maybe he was too embarrassed. I don’t know. But he knew he fucked up, and I know he felt terrible.”

There was loud knock at the door. “In a minute!” Amber yelled, then turned back to me. “So anyway, I haven’t seen either of you since then, and then I run into you here, and I’m getting the feeling that this is all still an issue, even though you’re engaged? Beautiful ring, by the way.”

I shook my head. “Not engaged. Long story. I’m not involved at all. Neither is Jason, if you’re still interested.” I knew I sounded bitchy. Amber was trying to make me feel better and, despite myself, I liked her for it. But even after all this time, it still hurt that Jason had never apologized.

Amber rolled her eyes at me. “No, I’m not interested. As it happens, I have a totally amazing boyfriend of my own. So you’re not involved with Jason, but you’d like to be?”

There was another, more insistent knock. “Oh, bite my ass!” Amber muttered. “I said, IN A MINUTE!” she yelled at the door. She stared hard at me.

I nodded mutely.

“For what it’s worth, he seems to care about you quite a bit, too. You should have seen the look on his face when he realized I was going to come over and talk to you.” She grinned devilishly. “So, you like him and he likes you, and for some reason, neither of you is doing anything about it?”

I wanted to say that I’d been planning on doing something about it, but I was still angry, and now I was drunk and jealous and could only imagine what a mess I’d try to make of any serious conversation.

“It’s complicated,” I mumbled.

“I bet it isn’t nearly as complicated as you think,” she replied.

There was another pounding on the door. Amber rolled her eyes. “Oh, for fuck’s sake!” She sighed. “Okay, we should let these dolls have the bathroom back. What can I do for you that would be most helpful right now?”

“I think I just want to go home right now,” I said, feeling deflated and overwhelmed. “Maybe you could just tell Jason I left and that I’ll call him tomorrow. I’ll explain everything then.”

She nodded. “Done.” She grabbed the handle of the door, but before she opened it, she turned back. “I don’t know what the deal is with you guys now, but it’s freakin’ obvious to everyone here that you’re crazy about each other. Try to sort that out, okay?”

She strode out the door, and we pushed past several glaring alumnae. My face felt hot; God only knew what they thought we’d been doing. I could see Jason still talking to Chip on the other side of the bar. Amber gave me a friendly squeeze on the shoulder and began pushing her way toward them. I grabbed my coat from the rack near the door and slipped out into the frigid night air.

Jason

I swear the crowd parted just for Amber as she made her way to me from the back of the bar. “She’s not feeling well. She went home. She said she’d call you tomorrow.”

I glanced wildly at the door. There was no sign of Monica.

“She just needs a little distance,” said Amber, putting her hand on my arm. “She’ll be all right.”

“What did you say to her?” I asked. I was upset and I sounded angry. Chip took a step forward, looking like he was about to intervene, but Amber spoke first.

“Nothing nasty, if that’s what you’re thinking. I told her—and I’ll tell you, too—that you two need to get your act together.”

“What are you talking about?”

She raised her eyebrows at me. “You’re clearly in love with each other. I’m not sure why you’re not together, but you’ll both be happier when you are.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “She’s not in love with me. She’s engaged. To someone else.”

“No, she’s not.”

Chip and I both stared at her. “Yes, she is,” I replied.

Amber looked exasperated. “Well, two minutes ago in the bathroom, she said she wasn’t engaged to anyone. Maybe they broke up? I don’t know.” She looked around the room as if wondering if there might be less-crazy people she could talk to.

“You think they broke up?” I asked Chip, as if he’d somehow have a clue what was going on.

“Let’s not jump to any conclusions, buddy.” I could tell he didn’t want me to get my hopes up.

“She’s probably really upset,” I said to no one in particular.

“She, uh, she had quite a bit to drink, too,” said Chip sheepishly. “That was sort of my fault.”

Fuck.

Once again, I’d let Amber come between us, and once again, I’d let my drunk and unhappy girlfriend go home by herself.

Except she wasn’t my girlfriend anymore.

“Shit, I’ve got to reach her. I have to make sure she gets home okay,” I said.

Amber sighed. “She may just need to get away for a little bit from whatever all this is. She said she’d call you tomorrow.”

“I still have to go after her. I just need to make sure she’s okay.”

Amber smiled at me and nodded. “Yeah, I get it. Good luck, Jason. I really hope this works out for you two.”

I hesitated for just a moment. “Thanks,” I said, managing a quick smile. I grabbed my coat and headed for the door, while simultaneously reaching for my phone.