Wandering Heart (9781101561362) (22 page)

Colin tied the boat to the dock and helped her off. “Well, here we are, safe and sound.”

“Thank you for a beautiful day. I’ll never forget it.”

He put his hands on her shoulders and gazed down at her.

“I hope not.” He sighed and kissed her. The kiss ended much too quickly, she thought. “So … what now, Charlotte? What should we do? Is this it? Really?”

She looked up at him, then looked away. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. What if we tried to make this work and it just ruined everything? If we ended up just hating each other? That would be worse, I think.”

“I think it would be worse not to try. Not to try at all.” His voice, his eyes, the expression on his face—everything about him pulled at her heart.

When Charlotte didn’t answer, he said, “I’m sorry … I just don’t understand it. It seems so good between us. So easy and perfect. Too good to just toss away.”

She felt the same about being with him. It was just so easy and wonderful. Like stepping into another world entirely—or maybe just a tiny island in the vast blue sea—but a place they shared together where everything felt right. Still, sooner or later, she’d have to leave that place and return to her own more difficult reality.

“I know, Colin. I know exactly what you mean. And I cherish that. I really do,” she said quietly. “But you don’t know what my life is like. I know you think you do but … it’s harder than you imagine. Let’s be honest. How would we even get to see each other? How would this ever work out? Would you fly to L.A. or wherever I was stuck making a film to be with me? To squeeze yourself into my
schedule? How about being in the public eye all the time?” she rushed on. “With strangers constantly speculating about our relationship, putting all kinds of false rumors in the media whenever we’re apart. Reporters hunting you down out here, knocking on your door, following you everywhere. Would you like that? Because that’s how it would be, just for starters. Just to even try.”

She could see from his expression he hadn’t really considered that side of the question, and the scenario disturbed him.

Finally, he shook his head, as if shaking loose her negative rebuttal. “We could work it out. If we really wanted to.”

Charlotte sighed. He was breaking her heart. She knew he didn’t mean to. Why couldn’t he just be reasonable, logical? Why did she have to be the mean one? Her phone rang. It was Judy, looking for her. Charlotte stuffed her phone back in her pocket and looked up at him. “I’m so sorry … I have to go. We said it would be just this one time. You told me that would be all right. It’s not what I really want either,” she added, feeling ready to cry. “I never meant to hurt you. But I thought you understood.”

Charlotte didn’t know what more to say, how to explain her feelings and fears. She felt tears spilling from her eyes but didn’t want him to see her cry. She turned and ran to the bike, unlocked it, and started to ride away.

She thought Colin might try to follow her. But he didn’t. When she turned to look at him, he had jumped back on the boat and stood on the deck, watching her.

It was too dark now to see his face.

Charlotte pushed on the pedals, tears blurring her vision. She felt as if her heart had just been torn into a million pieces. There was no way she’d ever be able to put it back together again.

A
UDREY
hated waiting for the doctor to call, but there was no help for it. There was no sense calling his office to try to speed things up. She tried once and received a short, sharp reply from the nurse in charge. “The doctor will call you when he has the results. It will definitely be a few more days, Mrs. Gilroy.”

Half of her was dying to hear, and the other half didn’t want to know. So far, she and Rob were able to plod along without having to make a real decision about what to do. But once they had the results, there would be no avoiding it.

By Saturday, Audrey was starting to feel the strain, jumping every time the phone rang though, logically, she knew the doctor would not call on a Saturday. He probably wouldn’t call before Tuesday or even later in the week. It would take at least a week for him to get the lab reports. He had already told them that. Still, she couldn’t help hoping he would call sooner. She just wanted to know.

Rob felt the same way, she was sure. He wasn’t a talker, tending
to hold everything inside. But she could tell her husband was on edge from waiting, though he always presented a calm demeanor. She tried to follow his lead, going through her daily routine, acting as if everything was normal and always would be. But she was still rattled from the discussion they had right after the appointment when Rob had raised the possibility of giving up their farm and moving off the island.

Rob was the first one up on Saturday morning. When Audrey came down she smelled coffee and pancakes. Rob stood at the stove, flipping a stack onto a platter. The dog sat right beside him, looking up alertly, waiting for one to miss the plate.

“Wow, those look good. What did you put in them?”

“Peaches and blueberries,” Rob said proudly.

“You could be a TV chef, honey.”

“Sounds good to me. Maybe that will be my next career.” Rob turned and smiled at her. Audrey wasn’t sure if he was just making a joke or thinking about their unsettled future. She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat at the table.

“Audrey, have you been giving this dog table scraps again? She hasn’t left my side since I turned on the stove. I practically tripped over her.”

“She’s a watchdog. She’s just watching you cook. Right, Millie?”

The dog tore herself away from the pancakes long enough to trot over for a quick head pat.

Rob brought the pancakes to the table. “Here you are, madam. Dig in.”

Audrey slipped a few pancakes onto her plate then fixed them with syrup and cinnamon. That was one thing she loved about living on the farm. She worked so hard every day and walked so much, she hardly had to worry about dieting and could eat just about anything
she liked. She would definitely miss that if they moved back to the city.

They ate in silence. Rob opened the paper and glanced at the headlines. The phone rang, and Audrey waited to hear who it was on the message machine. She didn’t always screen calls, but she didn’t always get the chance to enjoy such a good breakfast that someone else had cooked for her.

“Hi, Audrey. It’s Tara. Are you there? I have some news for you guys.”

“It’s my sister. I’d better get it.” Audrey picked up the phone. “Hi, Tara, I’m here. We were just eating breakfast,” she added to explain why she was talking with her mouth full. “What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s great.” Her sister paused a moment. “Guess what? I’m pregnant. Isn’t that wild? We just started trying.”

Audrey felt a lump in her throat. She knew her sister wanted another baby. Tara had told her when they came for a visit on Memorial Day weekend. But she didn’t think it would happen so quickly.

Audrey glanced at Rob. He had put down the newspaper. “What is it—bad news?” He mouthed the words so her sister couldn’t hear.

Audrey shook her head and briefly covered the receiver. “No, good news. I’ll tell you in a minute,” she whispered back. She forced a smile, but could tell her eyes had filled with tears. “I’m sorry. Rob was just asking me something. But your news, that’s so wonderful. When did you find out?” she asked quickly, trying to remember the right things to say.

“Just last night. I was late. But I didn’t think much of it. Ever since Christopher was born, I’ve never quite gotten back in sync.”

Christopher was Tara’s three-year-old son. Time passed so quickly. It felt as though her nephew had been born just yesterday.

“I have the same problem. Guess it runs in the family,” Audrey replied. Though so far, her erratic schedule had not meant she was expecting. “When is the baby due?”

“In late April. That seems like a lot of time, but it’s really not. This house is so small, I don’t know where we’re even going to put the new baby. Dave thinks we might need to set up a crib in the laundry room,” Tara joked.

“The laundry room? No way. I’ll take that baby,” Audrey quickly replied. “We have plenty of room. Just until you get a new house or build an extension,” she added in the same joking tone.

Inside, her heart had twisted into a triple knot of longing, self-pity, and unfair anger at her dear little sister and any woman anywhere who was having a baby. While she was most definitely not.

“Oh, Audrey, you’re too much. Watch out, we may take you up on that offer. At least for some babysitting.”

“I’m here for you, honey,” Audrey said sincerely, feeling guilty for her mean thoughts. Audrey suddenly felt overwhelmed by emotion and swallowed back some tears. “Listen, I have to get off but I’ll call you back later, okay?”

“Uh … okay. Is everything all right?” Tara sounded concerned, and Audrey worried that she might have heard the tears in her voice.

“Everything’s fine. I’ve got some late-summer allergies, that’s all,” Audrey added. “Ragweed or something. Gets me every year at this time. Talk to you later. Give my best to Dave and Chris,” she said.

Audrey hung up. Then she stood by the kitchen counter, staring into space, trying to get a grip on her emotions.

“Your sister is expecting again, right?” Rob had left the table and stood right next to her. She turned to him.

“That’s what she said. She just found out. The baby is due in April. Great news, right?”

Rob nodded, but wore a sad, sympathetic expression. Then he opened his arms to her and Audrey stepped into his warm embrace. “It’s all right, honey. You don’t have to pretend with me. I mean, I’m sure you’re happy for your sister and wish her well. But I know it hurts, too.”

Audrey nodded, her face pressed against his chest. “It does hurt. A lot. It seems so unfair. She already has a child—and she’s younger than me. She’s gotten pregnant so easily. Why did I have to get stuck with the bad baby-making genes?”

“Hey, you can’t blame yourself, honey. Even if that is the problem, or just part of it. It’s not your fault. Or my fault, for that matter. It’s just the hand we’ve been given. All that matters now is how we deal with it.”

Audrey nodded again and picked up her head. She dabbed a tissue to her nose and tried to compose herself.

“You’re right.”

“It’s going to work out for us,” Rob promised. He lifted her chin and stared into her eyes. “We just need to have some patience—and some faith.”

Audrey let out a shaky breath. “I’m trying. At least there’s one golden lining to this cloud. I couldn’t go through all this with anyone but you. I’m so thankful that you’re my husband. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she confessed.

“Oh, you’d manage,” Rob said, hugging her close again. “But it’s nice to hear you say that. I don’t know what I’d do without you either,” he added, kissing her forehead.

Audrey was about to kiss him back—a real kiss, not just an affectionate peck—when she felt a nudge against her leg. She looked down to see Millie edging her way into the embrace, her muzzle caught under the hem of Audrey’s bathrobe.

Audrey leaned back and looked down at her. “Millie, what are you doing? Feeling left out, are you?”

The dog gazed up at her, then pressed her big head against Audrey’s leg. Audrey couldn’t tell if she just wanted to be included in the affectionate moment, or was offering comfort; Audrey was pretty sure that Millie could tell when she was feeling blue.

Audrey reached down and patted her head, and Millie sat up alertly and offered her paw. Audrey shook her head with a smile. “Do you want to be petted, or are you still thinking about the pancakes?”

Rob laughed. “What a question.”

Millie stared at both of them a moment, wagging her tail. Then she sat up on her haunches, her front paws dangling. She looked like a big golden bear, Audrey thought.

“I think that deserves something special.” Audrey took a few bites of pancake from the skillet on the stove and dropped them in Millie’s bowl. They barely hit the dish before being inhaled by the dog.

“Did you teach her that?” Rob asked.

“No, honestly. She comes up with this stuff all on her own. Here, watch this.” Audrey held another bit of food in her hand and showed it to the dog. “Okay, Millie, dance.”

Millie stood up on her hind legs and stumbled around a bit, practically turning in a full circle. Then she came down, trotted over to Audrey, and sat very tall and still, waiting for her reward.

Audrey dropped the pancake bit, and Millie caught it midair.

“Pretty good. I had no idea she knew all those tricks.”

“Neither did I. They just sort of slowly revealed themselves.”

Audrey took another cup of coffee and sat at the table again, her chair pushed back a bit. Millie trotted over. She stared at Audrey again, wagging her tail.

“She wants more food, I guess—” Rob said.

“No, she wants a hug,” Audrey interpreted.

“A hug? You’re crazy.” Rob shook his head but was still watching.

“Watch this. Okay, you can come up,” Audrey told Millie. She sat even farther back, making room. Then Millie jumped up on her so that the front half of her body was in Audrey’s lap, her hind legs standing on the floor. She rested her head on Audrey’s shoulder.

“Audrey, she’s too big for that,” Rob said.

“No, she’s not. She just wants a hug,” Audrey insisted.

Rob ran a hand through his hair. “Dogs don’t just do things like that. Somebody taught her those tricks. I think someone misses this dog, don’t you?”

“I do think of that,” Audrey confessed. “But I’ve tried my best to find her owner. I just hope that whoever lost her would be comforted to know that she’s found a good home and isn’t in a shelter, sitting in some cold, damp dog cell, feeling lonely.”

Rob rolled his eyes. “You make it sound worse than jail.”

“It is worse than jail. At least in jail, you get a phone call. You should have seen this place.”

Secretly, Audrey wondered if she was really still pulling out all the stops, searching for Millie’s owner. She and Rob had put up signs on the island and in Cape Light village. She even ran an ad in the local newspaper. But that was costly, so they stopped after a week. She told everyone she knew about finding Millie. But there was still no sign of her owner.