Waltz This Way (v1.1) (37 page)

Mel frowned, rubbing her temples, sinking back into the comfort of her pillows. “For closure? I think I’ve closed a bunch of doors these past four days, don’t you, Dad? I’m exhausted from all this closure. I found out my ex-husband of twenty years was gay on a television show, which shouldn’t surprise me because it seems like the new way to communicate. My best friend told me he’s always known about my ex-husband and that even he wasn’t able to resist Stan’s charms, and to top all this closure off the man I fell wildly in love with is a jerk with a son I miss so much, it hurts. But to make things really special, I miss the jerk, too. Crazy, right? But at the moment, I’m distracting myself by looking at real estate— because I can— because Stan’s check from his guilty account actually cleared and we’re rich. I’m looking at real estate so, you know, you can live your twilight years in comfort and I can sleep in a bed my feet don’t hang off of? So whoever it is, tell them to come back tomorrow when I’m more appropriately dressed for a nervous breakdown.”

“Melina,” a voice rumbled from behind her dad.

Her head popped up and her relaxed posture went from slumped on some pillows to on her feet in seconds. “Stan …”

But Joe planted himself between her and Stan. “Now before you go gettin’ your back up, Mellow-Yellow, I let him in. He has somethin’ to say I think is worth listening to. I’m gonna walk Weezer and Jake while you two do your thing.”

He shook his finger in Stan’s direction. “One yelp outta my kid, and don’t forget I can still kick your butt, Twinkle Toes,” he growled the warning, pushing past Stan who saluted him.

Despite how far she’d come, despite her steel resolve to never allow anyone to intimidate her, she still felt small next to Stan. His presence no longer awed her, but it did leave her tentative. “Can we talk, Melina?” he asked, his eyes tired, but with a glimmer in them she’d never seen before. His tone was gentle and not at all demanding or impatient as in the days of old.

Her fingers twisted behind her back, clenching and unclenching.

“I’m not sure what we have to talk about, Stan.”

“Oh, come now, Melina. Don’t you owe me a good, what is it they say, bitchfest? Surely you have words you want to pummel me with.”

Or her fists. Yet, she found, she was too wrung out for angry words or the blame game. Now she just wanted to get back to the life she’d begun before Stan and Neil were gay and Drew thought she was a whore for cash.

Her sigh was raspy. “Is this like some kind of homosexual’s anonymous exercise where you atone for all your wrongdoing? You know, apologize for lying to me for twenty years? For using me as your cover? I want no part of it, Stan. None. I want to forget it ever happened. I’ve been through the ringer this past year, and a lot of the blame falls on you, but I’m tired now. I just want some peace.” Her throat tightened. Peace. That would be so lovely.

His head dropped, some threads of grey mingled with the once raven-black of his hair glistening in the late November sunlight. “No, Melina. This is me, coming to you heavy of heart. I did wrong. I took advantage of your idol worship and in the ensuing years, I stole from you what you truly deserve from a husband.”

Her chin lifted, her lower lip trembled, and she found his soft tone left her compelled to ask. “Why, Stan? Why didn’t you just tell me? Why did you expose me to so much humiliation? The press …”

He shook his head. His regal posture slouching. “I am a selfish, impulsive man, that’s why. When I found out what Yelena was going to do, expose me for who I am if I didn’t pay her off, I reacted.”

Confusion riddled her face. “Yelena?”

His sigh was ragged, his face littered with disgust. “Yes, Yelena. The plan was never to tell you the way you found out— not on TV. Yelena …” He cleared his throat, swallowing hard. “She found me in a compromising position, Melina, if you know what I mean. I was cornered, and she epitomizes the word ‘greed.’ She threatened to tell the world if I didn’t marry her and, naturally, provide her with the kind of prestige that would include being my wife. Oh, she had it all figured out. I could have as many affairs as I wanted, as long as she could have all the houses and cars, pool boys named Rico, and whatever else she wanted.”

“But you were kissing her in that picture, Stan. I saw it with my own two eyes. You know, when the reporter shoved it in my face while I was trying to get into my locked studio?” Remembering that moment in time again didn’t make her want to huddle in the corner of the room anymore— it made her angry. It made her want to sucker punch him. Which could still happen …

Stan reached for her hand, taking it whether she liked it or not.

He held it to his heart. “I was sick over that, Melina. When we were in Wisconsin for the auditions for the show, Yelena took matters into her own hands because things weren’t moving quickly enough for her cold, calculating heart. I’d promised to tell you I wanted a divorce, but it wasn’t enough for Yelena. She hired this supposed fan of the show to follow us, knowing he’d make a great deal of money if he sold the picture, and then it all went to hell. She kissed me, Melina. I can assure you, I would never kiss her.” He shuddered with obvious distaste, his elegant features distorting.

Relief flooded her veins— so much so, she had to cling to his hand to stay upright. “So you were willing to tell the world you were leaving me to marry Yelena in order to keep your homosexuality hidden, not to mention, keep her in the style she seems to think she deserves, which, PS was gonna cost a whole lot more than I ever did, yet, you couldn’t tell me? Your wife?”

He pulled her hand to his cheek, his eyes glistening. “I have no excuses for what I did, Melina. You were the lesser of two evils. The only defense I have is that your emotions were involved, and Yelena just wanted the money and the prestige. That I could deal with. Hurting you by telling you I was gay and telling you you’d been loyal to a man who’d let you waste your life, your youth, with him seemed far worse than confessing to you I was leaving you for another woman. I toyed with telling you once or twice over the years, but I just couldn’t.”

Anguish rushed through her, rooting her to the spot. “But to live a lie …”

Stan’s face grew bitter, his jaw tense. “I’ve lived with it far longer than you. I lived with the shame, the stigma our world seems to per-petuate. There were times when I hated myself, and when I refused to see you after the divorce, I was simply being the coward I’ve always been. I knew the divorce had gone through, but I didn’t know everything had been taken from you. Especially the studio. Jesus, I’m sorry about the studio. I would have never done that, Melina. I know I was cross and impatient with you about its upkeep, but as I grew older, my secret was eating me from the inside out. I was unjustifiably angry with you, and I had no right to be. I lashed out in my resentment for a predicament I created, and for that, I’m sick with grief.”

Mel watched myriad emotions play on Stan’s face. Fear, sadness, but most importantly, deep regret. “Then why did we have to go so far wrong, Stan, to make this right? Where have you been all this time?”

“I was in Europe with that man-eater, mostly hiding out— out of touch with almost everyone and everything, and you know what it’s like with me and anything that has to do with my accountants and lawyers. Jerry handled everything. I’d forgotten all about the prenup-tial, which, if you recall, I didn’t want you to sign in the first place.”

Mel nodded her affirmation with a slow bob of her head. “Oh, I remember. Jerry wanted me to sign it, and to prove I didn’t want your money, I did. Wow— stupid that, huh?”

Stan cracked a wry smile, the lines of worry on his face deepening “Ah, no, stupid me, Melina. All the while I let Jerry handle everything, he was stealing from me. He was who had your money. Money I’d expressly directed him to write you a check for from my personal account.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “What? Jerry was stealing from you? How did you find out?”

“I’d been suspicious of Jerry on and off over the last five years, but it was my divorce lawyers who found the discrepancy.” He shook his head in apparent regret. “I don’t know the exact details of the numbers. You know I’m not good with them. However, they alerted me about three months ago when some papers had to be filed for one reason or another, and I confronted Jerry.” Stan’s lips thinned with the memory.

“Do you think Jerry needs to share my cardboard box with me?” she joked.

Stan’s head fell back in laughter filled with relief. “Jerry will never work again, if I have a hand in it. He threatened to tell everyone about my secret if I didn’t keep my mouth closed. It was the catalyst for my interview with Nora Phillips. I’d reached my limit in my gay closet.”

“So Jerry knew, too?” God. What an idiot she must look like.

Remorse filled his features once more. “He did, Melina. I’m sorry. So sorry.”

Mel smiled up at him, wanting to forgive. “I always thought Jerry was a worm.”

“I didn’t know, Melina. I swear I had no idea he was siphoning money from me, and I had no idea you were left with nothing until this mess with Jerry happened. I signed the divorce papers he faxed to me, and that was that.”

But that he’d left her with such disregard for her wellbeing still stung. “Did it ever occur to you to check on me— even once, Stan? If for nothing more than the years we shared together?”

“Ah, Melina. I’m a selfish, selfish man. You’ve always known that about me. I was so wrapped up in my misery, so disgusted with myself that I’d ever agreed to Yelena’s blackmail, I couldn’t face you. I was so wrong to assume Jerry would take care of you like he promised. When he threatened to expose me if I went public with his embezzlement, something inside me snapped, and for the first time in my life, I felt free. So instead, I went public.”

“That explains the ten-million-dollar check.”

He winked, popping his lips. “Before you accuse me of it, yes, it was guilt money. The guilt I felt when I found out how Jerry had locked you out of the studio, despite the fact that I never liked it to begin with, then took the house and everything else we owned. I was sick with guilt.”

“You know, I didn’t think I could cash that check, but I changed my mind.”

He took her by the shoulders and gave her a light shake. “As well you should. You earned it, Melina. For the years I stole. For the beauty I took from the world when I married you and hid you away instead of letting you be the star I knew you could be. For all the good years you gave me that I just couldn’t give back. You’ll take it, and you’ll like it.”

Mel’s throat tightened again, for what Stan’s destructive lies had done to both of their lives. “Did you ever love me, Stan? Or was I always just a cover for your homosexuality?”

He surprised her when he asked, “Did you ever love me, Melina?”

She paused, sucking in a breath. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. You know, while I was broke and living at my father’s?” she taunted. Though, she meant it to tease rather than scorn now.

Stan made an invisible dagger and pretended to plunge it into his heart with his artful flair for drama. “I’m sorry, Melina. So, so sorry. But you haven’t answered the question.”

She reached a hand up and cupped his weathered cheek, searching his eyes. “In the beginning, I loved you like a teenager loves her idol. Toward the middle, I wanted to love you. I tried to love you. I reassured myself often that if nothing else, we shared a mutual love of dance, and if our relationship wasn’t passionate and all the things I’d heard it should be, then at least we had that.”

“Unlike your stupidhead of a boyfriend who doesn’t dance, yes? Drew, is it? He loves you the way a man should love a woman, I hear.”

Stan winked suggestively and smiled.

Hearing his name out loud made her heart thump in longing.

“How do you know about Drew?”

He shot her a smile. The one he used when he was pleased by a dancer’s routine on the show. “Your father told me all about your boyfriend troubles, but only after he threatened my life.”

Mel laughed, but it was tinged with bitterness and a yearning so sharp, she ached to the tips of her fingers. “He’s not my boyfriend anymore. Anyway, in the end, when our marriage was over, I was so hurt by what happened with Yelena, I didn’t realize that I’d fallen out of love with you long ago.”

Stan gathered her in his arms, placing the top of her head under his chin. His familiar scent, the way he rocked to and fro, soothed her as tears stung her eyes. “I loved you, Melina Cherkasov. I loved the way you danced; the fire in your eyes when you took a stage was like no other. Your presence stole my breath. I loved many things about you. The difference is, now I love myself enough to know I’m not in love with you.”

But there was something else. “What about Neil? He told me about what happened before our wedding. He also confessed to having a crush on you much like me. You hurt him, too …”

Stan stroked the top of her head. “I didn’t know he felt that way. I thought … For me it was just—”

“A one-night stand,” she finished for him. She’d suspected as much. She suspected there had been many one-night stands for her ex-husband during the course of their marriage. She just couldn’t allow herself to ponder them for long.

Stan’s long sigh made his chest expand against hers. “I’ve done some horrible things to protect my secrets, haven’t I?”

“And in turn put Neil in the position of risking our friendship all these years.”

“Each time you saw him over the years, I worried he’d tell you, and there were times I wished he had.”

“Because it was easier than telling me yourself.” Mel sighed. “You do know how cowardly that was. To leave Neil with your secrets?”

Stan sighed again, too. “You can’t call me anything I haven’t called myself, Melina. I know what I did, and this is me owning it. All of it. But I took advantage of Neil’s youth by putting him in that position, and as impulsive and reckless as it was, it was far more my fault than his. I hope you’ll see he was as starry-eyed as you and consider forgiving him? If you can forgive me, surely, you can forgive him?”