Walking the Tree (51 page)

  Zygo and I told Phyto we'd go back with him if he wanted. We told him some of the young girls there were not happy. Although it seemed to me that they thought this was how things were, so they didn't know any other thing.

 

• • •

 

The people here at Sequoia will not eat fish from the sea. Only fish which has been dropped by a bird. I don't like to eat fish while we are here.

 

We are loving Tamarica more and more. She is so different from Thea, who sometimes put her hand around your throat. Sometimes pushed you hard and held your face in the sand.

  Tamarica is like us; wanting to play and be happy.

  Everyone seems happy. Lillah is very happy.

  I think she has found someone special. His name is Sapin. She seems happy, not as worried as usual. I don't like that. What will happen to me if she decides to stay? What happens if I have Spikes and the communities decide to treat me? What happens if I die?

  I woke up from a nightmare and thought I smelt food cooking. It was only the ghost of the smell, though. The memory of it. The water was still and the moonlight clear in reflection. Here and there rocks stuck up like a giant's knees.

  Why are others scared of ghosts and not me? Are they smarter, or me? I was scared of the ghost footprints near Douglas, but only because I didn't want to become one. I'm not scared of ghosts, but I don't want to be one.

  Mind you, my heart nearly stopped and I wanted my mother when the ghost walked out of the Tree. I wasn't spying on Lillah and her boyfriend Sapin, but they were up in the Tree and I was underneath the Tree. That's all. The ghost was tall and pale and walked slowly. Dead-but-walking. His eyes squinted shut as if the light hurt him and perhaps it did. I screamed; I couldn't help it. Ghosts live in the dark, they love it. Is that why people hate them? All the bad things happen at night in the dark. But this was in the day. I didn't say anything. I watched him walk toward the water and I didn't feel like screaming anymore. He seemed peaceful and he had something to do; head for the water. Lillah says that people with something to do are happier people.

  I didn't call out. But someone noticed him and that, what happened next, was so scary, far more scary than any ghost could be.

  The men, including Sapin who I think is very ugly, jumped on him and kicked him alive then dead again. One said to me, "That's how you send ghosts away; bring them back to life then kill them again."

  Sapin tried to wrap his arms around Lillah when they were finished. He was pleased with himself. He didn't notice how upset Lillah was, that she'd been crying. His hands, his arms, were bloody. He didn't care.

  Lillah turned away from him and he looked at me with eyebrows lifted. I thought, "She should just tell him. He did a bad thing but he doesn't know she thinks so."

  "We don't do that to ghosts in Ombu," I said. "We

don't hurt anyone like that."

  He looked surprised. He reached for Lillah again, gently this time, but I stopped him.

  "Wash yourself first," I said. Why? Why am I so stupid? I thought if she doesn't like him anymore she won't stay. But I knew I wanted her to be happy.

 

In the end it was Erica who stayed. Lillah was so upset and so was Sapin. But two teachers can't stay. That leads to deformed babies and other punishments from the Tree.

  We left soon after the ceremony welcoming Erica. Lillah didn't watch very much of it. I played tricks and games with her. Made her feel wanted.

  Erica was replaced by an older girl called Musa. We will see if we like her or not.

 
 
 

I knew it would happen but I didn't know how scared I'd feel when it did. I was sad, but not as sad as everyone thought I should be. I had to remember to be sad every now and then.

  She's dead. My mother is dead. Has been dead for months, news being what it is. It didn't even come in code as it was supposed to, because someone else found her body. My father had kept it a secret, not even sending a message to me. So all this time I've been thinking of her alive, she's been dead.

  Poor Dad. Well, partly poor Dad. He'll be sad, but he's free, now. He can be admired without her putting him down. He can be the best birthman there ever was, do his job without feeling guilty.

  I'm so scared, though. They will find out she was sick and they'll want to treat me. I don't want to be treated. No, I don't.

  The locals ask, "What did she die of? What happened?" I told the children that she was careless, always having accidents. I didn't mention sickness. The thing is, Dad as the birthman is the one who will say how she died. It will only be if someone else looks hard, looks for signs. If they cut her up and look inside, then they will know.

  I hope they don't do that. She would hate to be cut up.

 

Another messenger came, wearing another flower necklace. This doesn't happen often. It had to be bad news, and it was.

  Is it always like this? People dying all at once? We just heard that Thea is dead. I wasn't sad about Thea, but I do feel kind of sorry for her. I don't know if she could help the way she was, but I know she was lonely and no one liked her. It would be hard to have no one like you.

  This time it was the teachers asking all the questions. How did she die? What happened?

  The messenger said there had been an accident, that she had been cooking and the oven's frame collapsed, crushing her.

  "What was she cooking?" Lillah said. We all know Thea hated to cook. Hated the smell of cooking food, so either she was forced to cook or it was all a lie.

 

The worst thing oh my Tree Lord I can't believe what has happened. Why didn't I make Rham walk with me, or get her to help cook or something, why did the teachers let her dig in the sand?

  It started like fun. We decided to make a cave in the sand. It was partly showing off to the other kids but we wanted to do it anyway.

  We took it in turns digging. Not the locals; they watched as we worked hard.

  Rham directed everybody. She's not bossy; she just knows the right thing to do.

  We climbed in and it was a good cave. "I'll go get us something to drink," I said. Only two at a time allowed in. I climbed out, don't take my spot, I said, that's my spot, my turn. I built it, it's my spot.

  I ran to get some water, but coming back…coming back the children were screaming, adults were digging.

  "Rham!" I shouted. If I shouted loud enough I thought she'd come out.

 

They lifted her out. I have never seen anything worse than Rham coming out of the sandcave. Her face covered in it, her eyes bulging. Lillah ran to me and tried to hide my face but I pushed her away. I could not pretend. Rham, Rham…it could have been me. If I'd been in there I could have covered her with my body, kept the sand off her face.

  "I should be dead," I said, and it was loud, I said it very loudly.

  Rham. Rham. I loved you.

  She always said that if you think quickly you can get out of trouble. Thought didn't help her here, did it?

 

Melia just told us she will stay in Alga. No surprises there. Lillah seemed angry and sad, both things together, and I don't know what to say to her. I wish I was more grown-up. They have fresh water here, sweet and clean. This was always going to be Melia's place.

  I hate her. I hate her hate her hate her hate her. She never loved us, never loved Rham.

 
 
 

Sometimes the child has to be the grown-up. I was sad about Rham and frightened about my mother, but Lillah was a mess. She keeps saying, "I'm fine, I'm fine," but she's lying. I worried about her. I guess Melia staying behind didn't help, and also Lillah must feel guilty about Thea, even though it was not her fault and she was kinder than anyone to that teacher.

  Phyto talks a lot, makes us talk. We talked about Rham and her wonderful brain and all the things we did together. We talked a bit about my mother. He asked me about memories from when I was little but she wasn't that kind of mother.

  I was feeling better when we approached Pinon and saw something terrifying.

  Oh, my Tree Lord, can you believe what is hanging there? Do they want us to run away? Die? It's horrible, a hanging, rotted man which means who knows. It was horrible and I imagined myself there when they find out my mother died sick.

  Tamarica said, "I suppose it's a warning against sick people. I hope this isn't what sort of people they are."

  We are all so upset. Phyto said he will come into Pinon with us. He is nervous about how they will act towards him.

 

The people of Pinon came to greet us and they were very generous, giving us smoothstones, small carved boats, dolls made of bark.

  They embraced Phyto without caring why he was walking. He told them where he was headed. "That's not as good as here!" they said. "This is the best place on the island. Don't you know how safe and comfortable we are?"

 

I think of Rham all the time. I am far sadder about her than anyone else. I also miss Melia, because she always answered questions. She didn't care how many you asked. And she was strong. Much stronger than Lillah. Full of truth. Lillah is not full of truth. She's full of pretend.

 

I woke up feeling really sick, like someone had poured sludgy seaweed down my neck while I slept. I tried to curl up and go back to sleep but no, I had to wake up, breakfast, you can't miss breakfast, you'll offend the chief.

  He thinks the dawn meal should be shared by everyone or the day will bring bad luck. Too bad if you wake up with a belly full of sea sludge.

  "You're sick?" one of the locals said. "I'll show you where sick people go."

  I didn't want to see it.

  "There," he said. The Tree Limb hung out over barren ground. Nothing grew there because the blood spilled was tainted, they said.

  "If you're sick, we'll hang you from the Tree. Cure you." He shoved his face right up close to mine so I could smell his smoky, stinky breath.

  "I'm fine."

  "You are."

  I didn't tell Lillah about feeling sick, or what I'd seen. She has enough to worry her.

 

We'll celebrate Oldnew Day here. Time already.

  There's something about Oldnew Day. It's chance and possibility. The past year becomes the past year and stays there. All things that happen are in the past, and we can begin to forget them.

  They have a huge stone slab here. It's so big our whole school could lie on it together. Not the teachers.

  What happens is, we sleep outside as Old year becomes New, and what we dream will be our future.

  I asked the teachers what they had dreamed when they had stayed here with their schools. Most of them had not stayed during Oldnew Day, but Lillah had. She said she'd hated it, because she couldn't remember her dreams and the teachers shouted at her. She said she would not shout at us if we didn't remember our dreams.

  Phyto remembered that he had dreamed of a white sea bird, which flew into the sun to collect some fire and bring it back to Botanica.

  The people told us that some die of their nightmares. That they sleep and do not wake. This I believe, but I will be strong with my dreams and not allow any death stuff in there.

 

Some of the others were scared of the stone and what the dreams will show. Not me. I wanted to know what my dream, my future, would be. I didn't want to ignore it. I wanted to know it.

  In the end I dreamed I stood at the top of the Tree and looked out at the ocean, water all around.

  Others, I think, lied about their dreams, because they were full of fear, wealth and action and why would they dream all that and I dream so peacefully?

 

The other children's dreams made them nervous and when a storm came they were sure they saw the Sea Monster.

  It's just big waves, I told them. They were too busy crying to listen. I looked at the huge crashing waves and they were scary. The thought of being out there, drowning, frightened me, but it was no sea monster.

 
 
 

The teachers were sad to leave Pinon, but it didn't worry me. I liked it there, and the people didn't question or seem to know who I am. That's good. I'm no one important.

 

Phyto liked being in Pinon. Now he seemed quiet and sad. Not healthy. He tried to show us children a good face, but I saw through to what he was really feeling. I felt like it myself a lot of the time. Loneliness. It makes you feel ill to see people together and you are not part of it. The longer it lasts, the worse it gets, until you are too frightened to speak for fear of people not hearing you.

 

A lot of people in Arborvitae can't hear at all. You can say anything to them and they can't hear it. They can figure out what you say but not if you turn your back to them.

  This means it is quiet at here. The kids don't say anything and they don't mind being told what to do. That's good.

  Their rock wall is amazing.

  It took them five years to make and it is four, five times taller than the tallest adult. It is strong. The base is as wide as two adults standing with arms stretched and the rocks are placed so carefully none of them wobble. Zygo loved it, climbing up and down, up and down, showing us how strong he is. Boring. Very boring. I went up once but it took me a long time and I felt like I would fall off at the top.