Walking in the Shadows (3 page)

When I woke up the next morning I was
lying on the floor in
my
mangled sheets
.
M
akeup
could do nothing for the red streaks in my eyes and the purple circles that lay beneath them. I had slept for a total of two hours between nightmares and fits of anger and
sadness
. God or whoever the h
ell was up there had to hate me.
Why did I deserve this? I had done nothing wrong in my whole life
. I hadn’t told
anyone a
nything
about how my
parents’
deaths had ripped me apart, or how I felt that the murders were more related than anyone thought—
was
that it? Was I
that bad of a person? Some s
ort of
pathological
liar
that
never quite
s
aid
anything
abo
ut the things that hurt so much?

Tad’s class
was
the first class
of the day
and I
,
of
course, had
forgotten the assignment.  I cursed at myself for forgetting it. We were
supposed
to pick a favorite song to play for the class and
explain why we loved it so much.
T
he only music I
had on my phone
that morning
was angry
. I had switched out the memory cards before leaving for school that morning and
had
left all my
ea
sy mu
sic at home. It wasn’
t quite
angry music
,
but it
wasn’t
anything quite
appropriate
for a Britis
h Literature class, even if
it
was more an
assignment
to get to know one another.

I somehow ended up being the first one in th
e classroom and crept
to the back of the room hiding my emotional wreck of a face. I should have stayed home. I could hear Tad’s shoes
as he approached
,
but
I
refused to look up.
He stopped at my desk and knocked on it.

“Hello
Vera
?”

“
Good m
orning
,
Mr.
Knightley,
”

“It’s rude no
t to look at someone when they’
re speaking to you
.
”

I watched his fingers tapping the desk.

“
Good morning
,
Mr. Knightley,
”
I
repeated, but this time
I
looked up at him
.

As he took my
pale
face
in his hands, Tad
clenched his
jaw and squeezed his eyes shut,
“
Vera
…
”
h
e began
with
h
is voice
an
excruciating
whisper.

When he o
pened his eyes I gave him a weak smile
.

“I’
m sor
ry you have to see me like this,
”
I said.

“No, I did this
!
”
h
e
replied as
his
hands became fists clenched to his sides.

“No,
it’s
my fault
;
there is so m
uch I should have told you. I’
ve been so very stupid,
”
I whispered.

“I sh
ould have known,
”
h
e said
,
his eyes still bearing down.

“How could you? Do I appear like a normal seventeen year old outside of this place?”
I asked
.

“Seventeen?”

“Eighteen
…
in two weeks.”

“Well, that’s not too bad then,
”
Tad commented
,
his eyes finding the ceiling
.

“We never did anything
that my age would have mattered,
”
I replied
,
and I couldn’t help but kee
p my eyes locked on his face as I tried to decipher his thoughts.

“I still thought of
—”
h
e began, but at that moment
students began to pile in
,
and I went back to looking through
the songs on my phone. I wasn’
t thinking of music anymore
and instead was
thinking about what he was goin
g to say. My stomach was fluttering
,
but soon it
settled
.
W
hen I looked up Tad was Mr.
Knightley again.

He clapped
his hands
,
and I jumped
,
causing
laughter from someone
nearby
.
“Umm
…okay class
,
w
e have a two hour block
,
so we’
ll be able to get through everyone today. This was an easy assignment
,
so I
hope everyone is prepared. We’
ll just go down the row
s in order.”

“Aren’t you going to let us in on what your favorite song is? And why? I mean
it’s
only fair that you join us,
”
the girl in the front row cooed.
She
was the one who was sugar sweet to him on the first morning of class. Now she leaned forward, chin in palm.

“
I knew you would ask
,
Lily,
so I’m
prepared,
”
h
e
answered.
F
rom the way he was flipping through the son
gs on his
phone I could tell that
he
was as prepared as I was
.
His shoulders ten
sed as he hit a particular song
, and
for
a moment
he stared at the screen. Then
his should
ers relaxed,
“Yes, here it is…The Police…Don’t Stand So Close to
me
.
”

I watched as the girls around me leaned forward on their hands
as they day dreamt that they were that girl and he was that
teacher. I
soon found myself
trying
to shrink away into my chair as my
face
went
red with
resentment
. He ha
d turned my favorite song
around on me.

“Th
at was beautiful Mr. Knightley, T
he Police are so awesome,
” Lily
commented
,
fluttering her eye lashes.

Tad
was leaning against his
desk looking down at his shoes and when he looked up he didn’t look at he
r
, but at
me
.
“Exactly
,
Lily.
”

“Are they your favorite band
?
” Lily
asked
,
and I was
surprised
she could
contain her drooling
as she st
ared at his
defined chest
through his starched blue col
la
r shirt and matching tie.

“Ye
s they
are,
”
h
e lied. He knew they were my favorite, and that was the only reason they were on his play list at all.
  “Your turn, Lily.”

It was at that point that I stopped listening to anything that was going on in the class room. I sat fuming at him
as I tried my hardest to keep the thought of us listening to that song out of my mind, but in the end I couldn’t. I took a deep breath as I felt the emotions hit me. Tad laughed as
we
spun around his living room; he dipped me as he sang the words into my ear. His breath was a tease against my neck, and when he pulled me back into his arms his lips instantly found mine.

“
Vera
?
Vera
,
it’s
your turn,
”
Tad’s voice broke into my thoughts
.

“Sorry
Mr. Knightley,
”
I sputtered
,
and
it felt as though
everyone was staring at my pale,
haggard
face as I walked up to the front of the room staring at my cell
phone,
“Uh
…I am…need to…find the song
.
”

The classroom
exploded with
cruel
laughter
as I tripped over my own feet,
but i
t ceased when Tad spoke
.
“I’m n
ot sure what any of you are laughing at.”

“
Blessthefall, Skinwalkers
,
”
I
said with
tones of ‘y
ou can all screw yourselves’
.

“A chick that likes heavy music
—that’s hot
,
”
o
ne of the guys
in the room commented
.

Tad kicked the jerk’s
desk
and the room echoed with the sound of the metal
as the provocative music began to play. As I listened to the words of the song
I could feel Tad’s eyes on me
,
and I found myself staring at my feet, praying I could keep the tears down
.
Why had I chosen this song? Because it was the first one I thought of?
Or because I thought it would hurt him, when in reality it hurt me?

“Why that song, Vera?” Tad’s voice had an edge to it, but it only made me wonder more what my choice had done to him.

“Umm…it’s a good so
ng. I like how the band mixes the light singing with the heavy beats and screaming.
I guess you never know who you can trust either.
”

“Bret
,
you’re
up next,
”
Tad moved on
with
his voice flat.
I knew he no longer had
an
int
erest in his own
assignment, and
it was because
I had hit a nerve
.

“You didn’
t say that in front of all of those peop
le?
”
Kirsten
exclaimed
as her mouth dropped
.

I shrugged
.
“No one understood.”

“He did
Vera
! That’s
h
arsh!”

“I don’t know why I did it
,
Kirsten
!
Just hope when
Meg gets to be a teenager she’s
not such
a jerk,
”
I replied
,
trying not to look at her face and
instead
concentrat
ing
on the shirt I was steaming.

“I would be proud to have my dau
ghter be like you at your age…
a
lthough th
e
reason why you’re so mature isn’t an ideal one…
Did you ever tell him about what happened to your parents?”

I paused to
o
long and my han
d behind the shirt was
burnt
. I
swore in pain shaking my hand before I answered,
“
No, I never told him.”