Waiting to Exhale (53 page)

"What about the money?"

"The money is sweet. I'll be making close to fifty thousand, which is what I was making when I left Denver. Hallelujah!"

"Right on, Savannah. See how things turn out?"

"You're telling me. I did some of Robin's shit. I pictured myself doing that job, girl. I wouldn't let that image go for anything. Now I'm just hoping my condo sells. This job is going to take a whole lot of pressure off me, let me tell you."

"Isn't your mama coming out here for Christmas?"

"Yep. You know something, Gloria? Why haven't I ever heard you talk about your parents?"

"My mother and father died back in 1975. Less than a month from each other."

"How?"

"My mother had a heart attack, and my daddy fell asleep behind the wheel, driving to Alabama. I moved here right afterwards. I couldn't handle it."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Gloria."

"I know. What happened to that waitress?" Gloria said, and waved her hand until she got the waitress's attention. She came right over and took their order. Gloria broke her promise. She ordered twice- cooked pork, Mongolian beef, and Yangchow fried rice. For an appetizer: one order of pot stickers and two orders of foil-wrapped chicken. Savannah asked for sesame chicken with steamed rice and an egg roll.

"Do you ever take vacations, Gloria?"

"Do I ever take what?"

"A vacation."

"Girl, I can t remember the last time I've been anywhere. When you run your own business, it's hard to get away. By the time you try to explain how everything is done, you might as well do it yourself."

"Everybody needs a vacation every once in a while, Gloria."

"Once Tarik graduates, I might be able to take some time off."

"What's Tarik got to do with it?"

"Well, I am a mother, you know."

"Everybody knows that, Gloria. You act like you've got four kids instead of one."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't you ever get lonely?"

"Of course I do. Who doesn't?"

"Do you ever want a man in your life?" Savannah asked.

"Of course I do. But looking at what you, Bernie, and Robin have been through, I don't know. I don't want the kind you all had, I know that much. I'm not interested in going through any heartache. Look at what that Charles character did to you."

"All men don't cause pain, Gloria. Just because one fucked up doesn't mean they all fuck up. To be honest, I don't blame Charles for what happened. It was my fault. / was the one who made the decision to open up my little heart. I was the one who said, 'Here, go ahead and have some. Here, go ahead, take it.' I've accepted responsibility for what / allowed to happen to me. I gambled. And I lost. But it wasn't the end of the world. I survived."

The waitress set the egg rolls, foil-wrapped chicken, and pot stickers on the table. She put the red sauce, plum sauce, and hot mustard next to it. Gloria dug in. "You want to know who I love?" she said.

"I can't begin to guess," Savannah said.

"My son. So far he's the one man who hasn't broken my heart. I've tried to raise him so he won't grow up to be as trifling and irresponsible as some of these fools running around out here parading as grown men. I've tried to teach him to treat people with respect, and that includes girls. I've tried to teach him to be giving and unselfish, to not be afraid of his feelings, to be honest in everything he does, so he won't grow up to be another Charles or John or Herbert.

And what was that guy's name that captured you on the freeway and then turned into a werewolf?"

"Lionel," I said, and started laughing.

"I'll tell you something else. A lot of men don't want to go out of their way for you, but they want you to go all out of your way for them. But Marvin, he's different." Gloria pushed her chopsticks to the side and picked up her fork.

"Who's Marvin?"

"My neighbor. He lives across the street. I told you about him, Savannah."

"Is he the one who got the cracks out of your driveway?"

"Yeah," Gloria said, blushing.

"Was he the one who fixed your garage door and did something wonderful to your swimming pool a couple of weeks ago?"

"Yeah," Gloria said, and continued to blush.

"Oh, that's Marvin," Savannah said, and pierced a pot sticker with her fork.

"Go to hell, Savannah."

"Has anything major happened yet?"

"No," Gloria said, laughing. "He's just being neighborly. But he's real nice. He's older. Widowed. He's been helping me fix a whole lot of things around the house."

"That's all?"

"That's enough."

"Don't lie, Gloria."

"Why would I lie?"

The waitress brought the rest of their food. There was hardly any room left on the table.

"Well, tell me something, Gloria. What are you going to do when your son graduates and leaves home?"

"Just what I'm doing now."

"Which is what?"

"Living."

"You know what I mean. What are you going to do then that you don't do or haven't done up to now?"

"I might sell my house. Get a condo or something. I'm tired of the upkeep. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Yeah, you. Now that you got this job, does that mean you're planning on staying in Phoenix for a while?"

"I guess so."

They ate their dinner in relative silence. They had already said what they had to say, and now they just wanted to eat. Gloria finished first and told Savannah she needed to be home before nine o'clock, because Moonstruck was coming on. It was already a quarter to eight. And plus, Marvin was coming over at eight-thirty to hook up her new CD player. Gloria said she wanted to at least "freshen up" first. She left her money on the table and took her fortune cookie with her.

She got home in ten minutes flat. She was surprised to see Tarik in the kitchen, doing his homework. She said hello, asked him how his day went, and Tarik said, "Excellent." Gloria headed on upstairs to take off her dress. When she got inside her bedroom, she saw she'd left the sliding glass door to her deck open. She walked outside. There was no breeze. The air was perfectly still. Gloria could actually see hundreds and hundreds of tiny stars. Some twinkled. A big yellow moon dominated the middle of the black sky. This was one reason Gloria loved Arizona. She looked down at the pool. The water was a magnificent sparkling turquoise. Gloria, who rarely got in her pool, took her dress off, got her bathing suit out of a drawer, and put it on. It was too tight, but she didn't care. All she wanted to do was take a quick dip.

She walked down the steps from her deck, stood by the pool, and looked into the water. It was beautiful. So beautiful that Gloria jumped right in. She immediately came back up to the top, treaded water to the edge of the deep end, then pushed off and floated on top of the water until she got to the shallow end. Gloria shook her hair and got out. She was finished.

After she dried herself off, she went back upstairs, the same way she came down, and stood out on the deck. It was so quiet, she couldn't hear anything. She looked into her neighbors' backyard. The house was dark. Gloria knew they'd gone camping. The folks to her right were watching TV. She could see the square light through their kitchen window. She looked down at the pool again. There were stil l w aves in it. She looked up at the sky. The moon seemed bigger.

This was the kind of night for people in love, Gloria thought. A quiet night. A still night. The kind of night when you should drink a glass of wine, take a hot bath, lie across the bed, and roll over on each other. But Gloria knew she'd probably never get a chance to do anything like that. She knew she'd locked herself inside an emotional prison, had done a fine job of building a wall around herself. And although she didn't know how to, Gloria wanted to get out of it. She thought about what Savannah asked her. "What are you going to do when your son graduates and leaves home?" Gloria really didn't know. But Tarik would be gone in less than a year, wouldn't he? Even if he didn't get into Up With People, he'd still be gone. And she'd be alone. She felt a pain shoot through her chest and bent down to pick up her towel. She closed the sliding glass door, then went to the bathroom to get the Mylanta out of the medicine cabinet. When Gloria reached for the bottle, a pain, sharper than any she'd felt before, cut into her heart and turned.

Chapter
25

After Gloria left, I waited until I got in the car to read my fortune cookie. "Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life," it said. "No shit," I said, and pulled out of the parking lot. I stopped for a red light, pushed the gear into first, pressed my foot on the accelerator, and the car died. I tried ten different times to start it, but it wouldn't start. I was blocking traffic, and people were honking their horns at me. I stood in the middle of the street, trying to figure out what to do. Finally, some guy in a red Jaguar asked if I wanted to use his car phone. I called AAA. They came and towed my Celic a a way. It turned out that my engine had blown up. I'd thrown a rod. I'd forgotten to put oil in the damn car.

When I got home, it was almost ten o'clock. I had two messages: from Kenneth and, of course, from Mama. She didn't sound upset or anything, so I waited until after I changed my clothes before calling her.

"Hey, hootchy-kootchy woman," I said.

"Well, Sheila went and had another big-headed boy. Can you believe it? A house full of boys?"

"When'd she have it? I mean him."

"Two hours ago. I called you from the hospital."

"What'd she name him?"

"I can't hardly pronounce it. Jaheed, Jaleel, Jamal, Ja-something. Call her and ask her. She's in Saint Augustine's."

"So how much did he weigh?"

"Eight pounds, nine ounces. He's a big one."

"How's Pookey?"

"He's doing all right. Staying out of trouble."

"Heard from Samuel?"

"Not lately."

"So what else is up?"

"Did you buy my ticket already?"

"I don't have to buy it. I'm using one of my mileage-plus coupons. Why?"

"Well, would your feelings be hurt if I didn't come?"

"No. But I thought you wanted to see Arizona."

"I do. But Sheila could really use my help around here during the holidays."

"Are you sure about this, Mama?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. She's got her hands full. And," she said, with her usual sigh, "there is this class coming up on how to make wreaths and centerpieces that I would just love to take."

"How much?" I said.

"Sixty dollars."

"Is that what you want for Christmas?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No," I said.

"So anything exciting going on your way?"

"I'm just trying to do some homework for my new job."

"What kind of homework?"

"Well, I spend hours combing the newspaper, trying to come up with ideas for the show. Things I think would be relevant to black people."

"Heard anymore from Kenneth?"

"Mama, I wish you'd stop. Once and for all."

"I just asked."

"No, I haven't heard from Kenneth. I told him to stop calling me."

"I thought you said he sent you some roses for your birthday."

"So what."

"Ain't no man never sent me no roses."

"He could afford it."

"You can really be a bitch when you want to, you know that?"

"I guess I can, Mama."

"That's your whole problem. You're too hard. Ain't no man gon' want you if you don't loosen up. This man is doing everything he can to let you know how he feels about you. Why don't you give him a chance?"

"Mama, look. I am sick of you telling me what my problems are. Why don't you let me deal with them my way, since they're my problems, okay? Until you can offer some good solid constructive advice, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your little snide remarks to yourself. I am thirty-seven years old, Mama. And I'm tired of listening to you tell me what I'm not doing right or what you think I should be doing. And more than anything, I'm really sick and tired of you asking me about the men in my life. 1 don't have any! Okay? And you know what? I don't give a shit!"

"Take it easy, Savannah. Damn. I didn't mean to upset you. And I'm sorry if I did. You're right."

Mama has never apologized to me for anything. "What did you say?"

"You heard me. I said I'm sorry. And you're right. But you're still my oldest daughter, and I just want you to be happy. That's all."

"Mama, I am happy. I'm as happy as I can be right now. When
I get any happier, believe me, you'll be the first to know. Can we leave it at that?"

"We can leave it at that."

"Good. I love you. Now let me call Sheila."