Waiting Period (7 page)

Mr Barnards office.

Ah … I/d like to speak to Mr Barnard.

Hes out to lunch, can I take a message?

No … no, thats alright. I/ll try again later.

Hes at work … Out to lunch … Cant be too sick … Hmm … May not even be sick … Wonder …

Maybe hes not really eating. Could be. Might be sitting in the sun or lying down in the lounge. Yeah. Not eating at all. Maybe hes in the bathroom. Sure. Could be. Wouldnt tell his secretary Im going to spend an hour in the bathroom. Like I said yesterday, best thing might be if hes still alive. This might be the answer to a prayer. Yes. Yes. Oh boy, I know it is. Its all coming together. I can feel it in my bones. Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you god. It will all come together. Its all in the process. Right now. Yes. Damn, Im starving. Maybe Barnard cant eat, but I can. Haha, I wish I could pass some pickled herring under his nose. Oh, you know what would be great??? oysters. Some nice, gray, slimy oysters. Jiggle them in their shells. Oh god, a real winner, haha, put the oysters on a calfs brain, a nice bowl of brains all wiggling around with oysters, yech, makes me want to puke. Forget about that. Guess should keep it simple and just fry some eels and watch them wiggle in the pan. Yeah, nice and simple. Oh, sometimes I think Im awful. Follow all this with a hot fudge sundae. Oh sir, you are too cruel. Could be. But its not going to stop me from eating. Decisions, decisions. Fix something here or go out? Kinda restless. Walk to the deli would be good. Unwind. Still not too hot. Yeah. Good idea. Stroke of genius. Well, up and atem.

And so it has come to pass that he has shaken off the disappointment and depression and is once again one with the sunshine and light. Can such a man do aught but prevail? Is he not destined to be victorious in all his endeavors?

Hot pastrami or brisket? Decisions, decisions. What am I in the mood for? Whatever. Food here is fresh. Cant be too careful these days. Lot of salmonella and E.coli around. Think I/ll go for the cheese and avocado. Yeah. Sounds good. An ice tea and I am ready for whatever the day has to offer. Yes. Bring on the day. No. Not interested in giants. Hmmm, yeah, maybe clowns. Yeah, they may be in order. Just what the doctor ordered, to coin a phrase. Just the day and whatever comes along with it. I/ll see. Maybe later. If the mood strikes me. It is up to me. Perhaps not in its entirety, not the whole megillah, so to speak, but the actions are of my domain. Results … well, dependent on many factors, basic health, strength of immune system, stress, oh yeah, stress, but certainly not conscience. No problem for Barnard … any of them, those … ah th—no. Emphatically. Not going to aggravate myself because of their inhumanity. Going to enjoy my lunch, the day, the birds, the bees, whatever, and if I am in the mood to call this afternoon I will simply pick up the phone, dial the number and see how our friend is faring. Its all up to me. Right now I am going to slowly eat this sandwich and watch that red-headed waitress. An absolute stroke of genius. Wonder who first thought of it. Brilliant. Mini-skirts on waitresses. Every time they bend over a table theres the thought of heaven. Dont really see that much, actually less than a pair of shorts. The hint. Expectancy. If she bends just the tiniest bit more. Delicious. Absolutely delicious. Yeah, the sandwich too. But this is more than the food of life. We are talking nitty gritty here. There are some things more important than food: Unless youre starving of course. But there are other things that create greater hunger than the thought of food. When youre satisfied.

Actually a pretty good sandwich. Should really go there more often. Keep forgetting how much I like it. Great ice tea too. Best in town. Dinners pretty good too. Maybe go back tomorrow no, I dont have to look at the clock or not look at the clock.
I
certainly am not making a big thing out of this.. Its just not important what the time is. I/ll call or I wont call. Its up to
me.
A little more work first, then do whatever I do.

 … yeah, well, it is difficult. Didnt expect this much trouble. Tacky problem, but still … Maybe this way …

                Thats enough for today. Not a bad day. Pretty much up to date. O-o-o krist, it feels good to stretch …

 Mr Barnard, please.

Im sorry, he had to leave early today.

Oh … Will he be in tomorrow morning?

He said he would. But to tell you the truth, he didnt look so good so Im not sure.

Oh … I see.

Can I take a message?

No, thats alright. Thanks.

Yes thanks … thanks, thanks, ‘thanks a million, a million thanks to you’ … What sweet music to my ears. Didnt look so good. Wonder how bad he looked? Diarrhea? Might be messy by the time he gets home. Oh yes! Yes! Lets hope so. Dont blame it on the poor dog. Of course he has a dog. They always have a dog. Bet Barnard does too … Hi big fella, how you doin, heh, heh, oh let me scratch this belly … Yeah, let
me
scratch
your
belly, the belly of the beast you son of a bitch. If anyone treated your dog the way you treat us youd killem, right on the spot killem dead. Yeah, thats the way those monsters are, love their dogs and despise people. Go out of their way to make our lives miserable and impossible, but their dogs, oh they get the best of everything. How many people would love to be treated that well? Millions! Millions just in this country alone, and the whole world? God theyre sick … evil, millions of kids in this country go to bed hungry, if they even have a bed, and what he spends on his dog would feed those kids for a month, ahh, whats the use, just drop it, screwim … wonder if I should have asked that guy what was wrong, I mean how he was sick? He might have thought it funny if I did. Yeah. Couldnt askim if he had diarrhea or if he spent his lunch hour in the restroom sitting on the throne even if Barnard is a royal pain in the ass.

Feels like another nice day. Hmmm, wonder if its the same mockingbird? What do they like to eat? Pet store. Maybe get to one later. Finches are nice too. See if they eat the same food. Well … up and atem.

Nothing like a hot shower. What an invention. One of the finest gifts of civilization. Hot shower, cold rinse. In summer anyway. Sometimes winter. Brisk rub with towel. Ready to go. Great thing about summer is air drying. Ohh, thats great. Tarzan air dried. Waterfall for shower, lakes and rivers for a tub. Look out for those crocagators. They will definitely alter your anatomy. Haha, I like that one, alter your anatomy. Chew you into little pieces. Always someone on the top of the waterfall, spying and scheming. Some of those Bwanas were almost as bad as Barnard. The natives knew better than to screw around with Tarzan. He was one bad dude. Lions, rhinos, just him and his knife. Great penthouse and elevator. Wouldnt last long in Brooklyn. Busted for indecent exposure. Me Tarzan, you Judge. That is absolutely correct, and you are going to do sixty days. Try dressing as Beau Brummel the next time. Next case! Hey, he was the first hippie. Peace and Love Tarz. No, not now. Call later. Plenty of time. Thats right. Absolutely right. Its all up to me. Call him now or later. Pirate Jenny knew. From mockingbirds to showers, to Tarzan, to Pirate Jenny. Perfect sense. Beautiful day and all makes sense. Haha, even the senseless. Thank god no ones listening. Im listening to my stomach. Been a while since Ive had breakfast at the deli. Yeah. Get a paper. Relax. Of course I can look at the phone. Not going to spend the rest of the day standing here staring at it. When I want to.

Oh, feel that air. Even smells good. Mustve been smoking Tarzans banana skins. It does smell good though. Maybe the birds were eating the same skins. They like the air. Singing their asses off. Air feels good on my skin. Walking makes you aware of being alive. Legs move, feet go up and down … and forward, heartbeats, lungs breathe in air … and exhaust fumes, and smog, and other forms of pollution. Keeps us alive. Bodies need poison. Withdrawals without it. Toxin-free airs a killer. Trade places with a Hunza and we/d both drop dead. Can deal with this. This air, no pollution, crystal clean water, apricot pits. No thanks. Not even a bagel with lox and cream cheese. Thats not living. Pizza. Egg rolls. Cafe latte. I prefer civilization. I am a civilized man. Product of. Member of. Endorser of. Proponent of. Proselytizer for. The simple and ecstatic pleasure of civilization. Like so: I feel the air and sunshine around me, feel the warmth of my blood from walking, push open the doors and feel the cool air, smell the food, uuummmmm, hear the clatter and chatter, see and feel the hustle and bustle. Ahh, civilization, I embrace you.

One?

Yes, just one.

You ready to order?

Yes. A couple of eggs, hash browns, seeded roll, and a cafe latte.

How do you want your eggs?

Bright eyed and bushy tailed, looking me right in the eye … You have a beautiful smile.

Thank you. Want any juice or fruit?

No. No thanks.

Coffee right away?

Yes, please.

Coming right up.

Same old headlines. Ah, there is good news, the Dodgers lost again. Three in a row, 5 out of 7. I knew I was supposed to buy a paper today. Oh great, they blew a 2 run lead in the ninth. This guy sounds surprised. Now thats amazing. Thought I felt as good as I could this morning, yet I feel even better now. Does that mean theres no limit to how good you can feel? I guess. Within limits. Maybe you just feel better and better until you explode? Never heard of it. Always something kicks in. Then down the tubes. Never feel too good. Maybe thats craziness. Feel so good your mind explodes. Cant handle it. How come you can feel worse and worse? No matter how bad you feel you can always feel worse. A rotten arrangement. Sometimes you can assert yourself. Yeah. And bounce up. You see the problem and know what to do. Its like life is right with you. Feel bad and everything goes wrong until you lose your mind. Feel good and everything goes right BUT you dont have to lose your mind. You dont have to let life drag you down, again. Yeah, thats it. People bounce back and forth, up and down, feel good, feel bad, because they have not really identified the problem in their lives, they are the puppets of life rather than the masters of their own existence. Thats where they make their mistake. They let life push them up until theres no place to go but down, kaflosh. The Black Hole of Calcutta. The Pits. No equilibrium. Avoid extremes. Excess is the problem. Balance the answer. Yes. Oh, by all means, Yes! Take all necessary steps to eliminate the problem. No matter what its form. Animal, vegetable or mineral. Life is made up of zillions of individuals. Some create an excessive imbalance. Most of us a little this way a little that way … hey, it all evens out. Not with everyone. Some far exceed all acceptable limits. Thats the problem. Yes. Yes indeed. Must be corrected. There are a few whose destiny it is to help bring about that balance. Those who have been ordained to be a part of the answer and help eliminate those who are so severely ‘out of balance’. Like a surgeon. If an infected limb threatens the life of the entire being, then the limb must be amputated. All agree. Life must go on at all costs. Life will always see to that. No one applies for the job. Life appoints them. Perhaps not all accept. Who knows how many? Cant tell. I have accepted. Fully. Totally. I will fulfill my commitment to life.

The man has become aware that he has been appointed to pursue a mission, one that he has already embarked upon with dispatch and great enjoyment. That is the fact that we need to concentrate on. Look at the expression of his shoulders as he walks home, slapping the folded paper against his leg. What remarkable energy, and lack of swagger. The very nature of his walk indicates a great humility. He enters his house and tosses the paper on the couch, looks at the phone for a moment, then shakes his head.

Later. Much too early. There, or not there, doesnt prove anything. Just have to call again later. Bad idea. Same voice on the other end. Will recognize the same voice calling over and over. Nothing suspicious. Nothing out of the ordinary. Must stay in tune with the higher order that is guiding me. Now Im not sure what I thought before. Justified? Yes. By all means. Yes. Emphatically. Knew it was necessary. Desperately needed. How else to balance the evil committed by one man to so many? Absolutely: Justified! Necessary! No qualms. No guilt. Do what is needed. But now???? Dont know. Somethings changed. Dont really know what … or how … Not really. Feel different … somehow. But feels good. Enough for now. Yeah, too soon to know whats really happening. But somethings gnawing at me. Like something on the tip of your tongue. Like something wants me to know. Is trying to tell me. I can smell it. Taste it. Feel lighter somehow. Weird. Dont feel like Ive lost anything. Actually … yeah, feels like somethings added. Oh, oh, oh. Seems crazy—No, it doesnt. Feels sane. How can that be? How can I feel sane? Never thought like that before. Sane. What does that mean? Feels so right though. I feel sane. Like really simple. Nothing exciting … or … or weird like. Just sane. Scary. Arent you nuts if you feel sane? Sane. Never thought of this before. Doesnt make sense now that I think about it. How can feeling sane mean youre crazy? Okay, okay. Enough of this goofiness. If ev—Webster. Yeah. He/ll know. Lets see … okay, here we go … sand-worm, sand-wort, sandy … sandy, consisting of, containing, or sprinkled with sand. Well now, who would have thought. Thats interesting. So, sane, free from disease: HEALTHY, mentally sound, able to anticipate and appraise the effect of one’s actions. Not a word about being nuts if you feel sane. Still not sure why that word came to mind. Seems like I felt something was missing.. Like what??? lets see … whats missing, whats … of course, not hysterical. Yeah! Sane. No hysteria. I certainly can anticipate and appraise the effect of my actions. Yeah, youre damn right I can. Absolutely. No hysteria. So … haha, this is so funny. Goofy. Spending all this time wondering about feeling sane. Sure felt nuts enough. I/ll take this. No hysteria. Absolutely. Must remain anonymous. Utmost importance. No ego boost. Killer. Need to prove something. Revenge. Real trap. Let the world know what I did. Hysteria. Death. Stupid. Truly stupid. Sacrifice yourself for revenge. Starting to make sense. Yeah. Okay … Yeah … does seem easier. Almost like its out of my hands. Hmmm … Strange. All strange. But feels so right. Yeah … Yeah, leave it alone. Just let it come. Pushing leads to hysteria. It/ll come. Strong sense, I/ll see when I need to see. Good time to get to work. Yeah, my sweetheart, time to turn you on. Yes, yes, yes, a little work and then, perhaps, a phone call. When Im ready.