Waiting for Something (7 page)

             
“Yeah, he is,” I sighed.

             
“Well alright then. I’ll just ride with him or something. You better be there too, Dillon.” He stopped the car in front of the same diner and my heart sped up again.

             
We walked in and an older lady seated us at a booth again. I slid in one side and instead of letting Dillon sit with me, Jake sat right by my side. It’s a good thing Dillon thought nothing of it. Jake and I got waters and Dillon ordered an old-fashioned Roy Rogers. Once she came backfor our food order, I got a banana split, Jake got a chocolate showers sundae which had marshmallow cream with chocolate chip ice cream, chocolate cream, whipped cream and a cherry on top and Dillon just got a chocolate malt.

             
We sat around for a while laughing and joking around. It felt good to actually hang out with my brother without wanting to kill him. He was actually really funny and Jake couldn’t stop laughing either. It was contagious not to smile. I never noticed how Jake’s eyes sparkled when he smiled and his smile made his eyes squint just a little. Also the sound of his laugh. It just made me feel good. I know, cheesy but it’s how I feel. I never realized how extremely attractive he is.

             
Right when we were about to leave Carter walked in with four guys and a couple of girls, including Chelsea. Chelsea. What the fuck? Dillon didn’t notice but Jake sure did and gave me a look to make sure I wasn’t about to leap.

             
“Breathe. They hang out with the same people,” he leaned in and whispered.

             
“So then why wasn’t I invited?” I replied through gritted teeth.

             
“Just ignore it. Pretend like you don’t see him. He’ll notice you then,” he put his hand on the small of my back and I felt myself tense up.

             
I stood up straight and Jake went ahead and walked with Dillon. As I passed Carter and his table I felt the stares and then a soft giggle from the girls. I kept walking, waiting for Carter to stop me and he sure enough did notice me.

             
“Ali, what are you doing here?” he got up and put his arm around me.

             
“Well since you were out with friends, Jake and Dillon and I decided we were in the mood for ice cream.” I looked back at them as I watched Jake pay and make some joke with Dillon.

             
“Who’s Dillon and I didn’t know you and Jake were still friends,” he got a little bit of an attitude.

             
“Dillon is my brother, remember? And Jake and I will always be friends. Is that okay?” I couldn’t believe this was our first day of being a couple and we were already fighting.

             
“I knew that. And of course it’s okay. Look, I’m sorry you weren’t invited. I didn’t know that we were even coming here. We were just hanging out at Ryan’s and then everyone decided to come here,” he looked at me apologetically.

             
“Carter, Chelsea is here. Your ex, with you. I’m not okay with that,” I looked at him questioningly.

             
“Look, I didn’t know she was going to be here. Forgive me, please?” Carter sounded sincere.

             
“You know, it’s fine. I’m sorry I’m overreacting. I’m going to go. I don’t want to miss my ride,” I saw them hanging by the door.

             
“I’ll call you when I get home? By the way you look really cute like that.” He kissed me and I couldn’t help but melt into him again.

             
“I’ll talk to you later,” I smiled at him.

             
I walked back to Jake’s car and he and Dillon were debating something about which team was better the Cowboys or Broncos. Personally, neither are that great. But I had to go with Jake on the Cowboys.

             
“What took you so long?” Dillon fell back into the seat as Jake drove off.

             
“Oh, just had to talk to a friend,” I caught eyes with Jake.

             
“How did that go?” Jake looked in the rearview mirror to make sure Dillon wasn’t paying attention.

             
“It’s okay. I just hate that we just started dating and we already almost got into a fight.” I frowned.

             
“Well the question is do you think it’ll last?” Sometimes he could be a little too blunt.

             
“You can be so honest sometimes,” I rolled my eyes and he held back a smirk.

             
“Well?” He gave me a hint of puppy dog eyes.

             
“No, probably not. But that doesn’t mean I’ll go for you,” I poked him in the shoulder.

             
“Hey, I’m going away soon. So I’m off limits,” he winked.

             
“Why is life so challenging?” I threw my head back against the seat.

             
“Because if life weren’t challenging then we wouldn’t get to where we need to be,” he shrugged.

             
“When did you become so grown up and not a pig?” I joked.

             
“When you came into my life and changed that all.” His voice was low.

             
“You’re so sweet,” I smiled lightly.

             
“You’re not so bad yourself.” His eyes gleamed.

             
After he dropped us off, my parents were already home. Luckily Dillon came with so I wouldn’t get in trouble. We walked in and Dillon started going off to my dad about how fun it was and how cool Jake was. I walked upstairs to my room and plopped on my bed. Someone came and knocked on my door just when I was finally relaxed.

             
“Sweetie, can I come in?” my mom stuck here head in.

             
“Yeah, of course. What’s up?” I sat up.

             
“Well it’s just that you or Dillon didn’t tell us where you were. That can’t happen anymore. This isn’t Colorado.” I knew she was trying to lecture me but I could tell she had concern behind her voice.

             
“I know. I’m sorry. The plans were last minute. We just went and got ice cream with a friend of mine,” I sighed.

             
“And who would this friend be?” she raised an eyebrow.

             
“He’s Carter’s older brother Jake,” I shrugged.

             
“Oh, and why weren’t you with Carter?” She was curious.

             
“Because Carter wanted to hang out with friends. Jake stopped by and invited us. We’re just friends,” I rolled my eyes.

             
“Okay. Well goodnight, sweetie. I love you.” She kissed my forehead.

             
“I love you too,” I sighed again.

             
I grabbed my phone and texted Marlie everything that happen. After the first text my phone lit up. She was calling me.

             
“Ali, Jake kissed you?!” she shrieked.

             
“Yeah, twice. What I’m going to do?” I winced.

             
“Ali, stay away from Jake. It’ll end in heartache. You know that. He’s going away to basic training soon, too. Carter is the safe choice for you.” Marlie sounded so matter of fact.

             
“I know Carter is safe. But what happened tonight was screwed up. Also, Carter doesn’t make me burn with passion like Jake does. Fuck, Carter forgot my own brother’s name!” I was definitely annoyed.

             
“Calm down. Delete Jake from your life. No more talking to him or hanging out with him. Focus on you and Carter. Things will be fine. Trust me.” She sounded calm.

             
“You’re right. Hey, I’m going to bed. I’ll talk to you later,” I situated myself on my bed.

             
“Alright, I’ll see you on Monday!” She sounded so cheery and hung up.

             
I know it was the right and safe choice to go for Carter. But to delete Jake from my life? That sounded so harsh and difficult. But it was what I had to do. I’m a junior in high school and I felt like I was a 25-year-old woman. What is life all about? I know a deep question for such a young girl but again I felt like I was 25 not in high school. I threw my head down on the pillow and drifted off to sleep.

             
The secret? I didn’t want to get rid of Jake at all. The truth was that I wanted him more than I’ve ever wanted anything. And that scared me to death.

Five

             
The morning it was time for him to leave I woke up with a heavy heart.

Carter asked me to come by and support him as he said goodbye to his brother.  Jake and I haven’t so much as talked since the night I told him that nothing would ever happen and I wanted him out of my life. It was the Friday after
Marlie told me that it was for the best. I thought I broke him but of course he recovered quickly. When I go over to their house I never see Jake. It’s almost like he knows I’m coming over. So I never see him. I’m happy and all. Carter is great and all. We’re doing great, I guess. So here I am awkwardly visiting my past. 

             
I headed over to their place and as I pulled into the driveway I grabbed the letter I wrote him. I held it tightly and got out of the car watching Jake bring a bag out and place it in the car that was picking him up to take him to the airport. The eye contact we made was grueling. I was wearing a pair of skinny jeans, a v-neck sweater and some converse. He seemed to look twice. I walked in through the open door and his parents were sitting in the living room with Carter.

             
“Hey, baby” he came over and hugged me.

             
“Oh, Ali, thank you for coming today. You’re such a sweetheart.” His mom got up and hugged me gently.

             
“Of course,” I smiled weakly.

             
“What’s that?” Carter saw the letter I had in my hand.

             
“Oh I have to go to the post office and didn’t want to forget,” I lied. He clearly didn’t notice. He was too worked up. I could tell he was emotional.

             
“You’re such a goof. He’s leaving like right now, so we should go and say goodbye.” He put his arm around me and we went outside.

             
His parents awkwardly said goodbye first. He didn’t even show any sadness and neither did they. But when Carter hugged Jake, they both teared up. I don’t know what they shared between their whispers but I knew it went to the core of both of their emotions. I didn’t hug him or anything and no one expected me to really, I guess. Carter walked inside and so did his parents. I told them I had to get something from my car so they went in without me. I saw Jake open the door on the passenger side and I quickly grabbed his arm.

             
“Jake, I want you to read this. Wait until you get in the car to read it,” I gave him the letter and he took it.

             
“Thanks. Keep an eye on Carter for me,” he forced an awkward smile.

             
“I’ll try. Stay safe.” I felt myself get emotional.

             
“It’s just basic training. Don’t be a goof,” he grinned.

             
“I’ll miss you.” I felt a lump form in my throat.

             
“Ditto. I’ve missed you since you said goodbye,” he whispered.

             
“Well, good luck.” I sniffled a little and got my composure back.

             
“Fuck it.” He grabbed my hips and pulled me in. Without any hesitation, he kissed me. It beat all the other kisses we shared and it beat every single kiss with Carter and that’s when I just knew. I knew that I had to end things with Carter. My heart was Jake’s and only his.

             
“You never cease to amaze me, Jake Thomas,” I pulled back and let myself get a little weak.              

             
“I’ll see you when I get back. Don’t change a bit, Ali Cat.” He gave me one more quick peck and got in the car.

I felt my heart leave when the car backed out of the driveway and when I saw him open the letter my breath hitched. He had my heart and I knew I had his.

Jake,

             
I don’t know how to say this but the only reason we ever stopped talking was my fault & I regret it every single day of my life. I valued our friendship more than anything I’ve ever valued. I had a solo this year and it was to the song “Mr.Brightside” and I feel like that song was you singing to me. I wasn’t meant to end up with Carter but it happened. I want you to know that no matter what happens between us now, I know that someday we’ll end up next to each other & I’m waiting for you until then. Somehow we’ll be together. It’s fate or destiny or whatever you want to call it. Simply, it’s meant to be.

             
Yours, Ali Cat

This was going to be a long three months. I walked back to Carter’s house and decided to break things off now or I’d never have the heart to do it. I wouldn’t tell him why but I had to do it. I opened the door and suddenly I forgot how to breathe.

“Carter, let’s go for a walk,” I saw him on the couch browsing through channels.

“Yeah, ok. My parents are leaving for Europe for a couple of weeks so let me say goodbye.” He looked lonely all of the sudden.

“You’re kidding?” My jaw dropped and my heart closed up.

“No. They said that Jake leaving is too much to handle right now so they need a little break. I’m all alone for now. Two weeks means a month in their world,” he slipped on his shoes and started upstairs to say goodbye.

“Oh, baby, do you want to stay at my house?” I followed him.

“I’ll be fine.
Mom? Dad?” he peeked in their room.

“Well hello, sweetie, we’re just about to head out.” His mom looked at him with a fake smile.

“Yeah, okay. Well Ali and I are going for a walk, so I wanted to say goodbye,” he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Oh, of course.
I love you. We’ll be back soon,” she hugged him and gave him a wet kiss on his cheek.

“See you, son,” his dad just nodded at him.

“Have a nice trip, you two,” I stood there awkwardly.

“Thank you, Ali. I’ll get you some clothes from Greece. They have the cutest fashion,” his mom said, grinning.

“Oh, thanks,” my smile was weak.

His parents left in the cab that they called and we waved goodbye to them. My stomach was sick. What was I going to do? I couldn’t break up with now, now that he’s alone. We started down the block walking by several other houses.

“You look cute today,” he said as he held my hand.

“Aw thanks. You look pretty darn good, too.” I leaned my head on his shoulder.

“I don’t want this moment to end,” he sighed heavily and I felt his body relax.

“Ditto.”
I felt myself relax next to him. But instead of enjoying the moment with Carter, I imagined myself with Jake.

“These next three months are going to suck,” his voice got all choked up.

“I know, trust me. But it’ll go by faster than you think.” I was more trying to reassure myself than him.

“You’re right. Especially since I have you,” his face lightened up.

“You’ll always have me.” I squeezed him close and held back my fighting doubt.

We walked to the beach and just enjoyed the crisp, winter day. Thinking back to how everything has happened is scary. It’s almost the end of the school year and before I know it I’ll be a senior. I feel like all along this place has been my home more than Colorado ever had been. I’ve my life-long friends and I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’m not sure I’m so happy with
who I’ve become, but everyone around me seems to like it.

My parents said that Carter could stay for as long as he needed, but he had to stay in the guest bedroom. He came over with a bag and I helped him make himself at home. My family loved Carter, so he connected with them really easily. I felt terrible because he doesn’t have that with his parents.

The next morning we woke up and went to church. Carter loved coming to church with us. It was like Carter was living the childhood he never had. We went through the day like it was any normal day together and when it was time to go to bed, I was more than ready. I headed to my room and began writing a letter to Jake. I missed him so much already.

**
**

Over the last month, Carter has finally returned home and I’m sort of glad. Having him around was great and I really still liked being with him, but dating him was getting to be a bit too much. I felt terrible and had no idea what to do, so of course Friday morning before school, I talked to
Marlie before class.

“
Marlie, I don’t know what to do. If I break up with Carter now I’ll break his heart, but Jake and I have been writing non-stop and it’s getting pretty serious,” I sat against the lockers.

“Well then you want the truth?” She took a bite of her cereal bar.

“Well, duh,” I laughed slightly.

“End it with Carter. You have nothing but pure guilt keeping you with him and that’s wrong.” She looked at me and I knew she was right.

“Ugh, I hate it when you’re right,” I sighed.

“Speaking of the devil, I’ll see you later.” She got up with her books and headed down the hall to catch up with Justin.

“Need help?” Carter held out his hand and he helped me up.

“Carter, I need to talk to you,” I held my books awkwardly.

“This doesn’t sound good,” he pulled his fingers through his shaggy hair.

“It probably isn’t.” I felt my heart start to sink.

“Don’t keep dragging along the conversation. What is it?” he put his free hand into his pocket.

“Carter, you’re great and I really like our friendship, but I think it’d be best if we just ended things.” I looked down at my feet.

“Wow. Ouch. That’s cold. Why?” we walked into our first class together.

“Because I have feelings for someone else.”
We sat down.

“Seriously?
  Who’s the guy?” He looked cold and angry.

“You don’t know him,” I lied.

“That’s bull shit,” he growled.

“Don’t talk to me like that. I didn’t cheat on you,” I stopped and glared at him.

“Can I ask one thing? Does it hurt for you to break up with me even?” His face was filled with hurt.

“Of course.
It hurts because a part of me still has feelings for you.” And with that, class started.

After class, things were equally awkward. I got up and walked out before he could stop me. I tried to stay a good distance from him for the rest of the day and it looked like he wanted to do the same. By the end of the day we were both at our lockers and he stopped me before I left.

“You’re crazy, you know that, right?” his voice was sharp.

“Excuse me?” my face was shocked.

“You heard me. You’re crazy. Any girl would kill to be with me and yet I was with the new girl. I didn’t have to pick you.” His words really hurt.

“Well I’m not some prize to be won. And if you can get any girl, go find one.” I slammed my locker door and walked off.

I had to ignore every call and every text for the next week. I cried and ate my weight in ice cream. If it wasn’t for Marlie and Justin getting me out of the house I might have shriveled up. It didn’t help matters that Justin and Marlie were a couple, though. I was happy for them, but being fresh out of a breakup and now being the single friend sucked. So mostly I spent time in my room dancing and reading. Like old times.

Six

About two months into Jake’s basic training the letters were still coming. We really got to know each other and it was amazing how deep he really was. His parents basically made him raise Carter. Speaking of Carter, things between us were better. We’re not friends but we can talk civilly. He’s still single and he did apologize for what he said.

I was in my room snapchatting Marlie and Justin while they were having a movie night together when my phone lit up with an unknown number.

“Hello?” my voice was wary.

“Is this Ali Cat?” I heard the voice.

“Jake?!”
I squealed.

“Hey, pretty girl.” I heard him smile through the phone.

“Jake, I can’t believe it’s you!” my heart warmed up.

“It’s me. I get to make phone calls once a week from now until the end of training.” His voice was like magic.

“You shouldn’t be calling me. You should call your parents or Carter. Don’t waste your phone call on me,” I felt guilty suddenly.

“Ali Cat, my parents couldn’t care less and you’re the only one that’s written me since I left. I owe you my phone calls.” I could hear him sigh and practically see his eyes roll at me.

“Well I feel honored. I miss you.” I didn’t mean for it to slip, but it did.

“I miss you too, Ali Cat.” My heart ached for him.

“So, how’s everything?” I snuggled up in bed.

“Not easy, let me tell you that. I have gained like 15 pounds of pure muscle and I’m bald. Well
kinda. I’m buzzed,” he giggled.

“I can imagine. I bet you look super tough,” I joked.

“The toughest. I think I look pretty sexy.” His tone sounded smooth.

“I’m sure you do,” my insides ignited a little.