Authors: Diane Mannino
Then the realization that every girl on campus wants him dawns on me. It certainly won’t take him long to get snatched up by one of the many eager girls vying for his attention, including Seraphina. This thought makes me want to vomit, and I quickly snap back into reality.
I need to run, clear my head. Just as I change into my running clothes and pull my hair up into a ponytail, there’s a soft knock on the bathroom door. It startles me and I jump. Logan and his persuasion tactics are already in full force. I will not let him get to me.
Opening the door, I brace myself for a quick sprint down the steps and out of the house. But my fast escape comes to a screeching halt.
“Whoa, Emilia.” My dad says as he catches me in his arms, keeping his balance.
“Oh. Sorry, dad.” I say, my eyes wide with a surprised look.
“Everything okay?” I feel his eyes searching mine.
“Sure. Yes. Everything is good. Just headed out for a run.” I stammer.
“Hm…okay.” He looks at me suspiciously and then adds. “Is Logan still here?”
“No. He left.” I glance behind my dad to be certain of this.
“So soon? He just got here.” I’m sure my dad knows something isn’t right.
I have been less than forthcoming since I came home for Winter Break. Fortunately for me, he has somehow figured out I needed my space. Never prying for information, my dad has quietly stood by me, waiting for my silence to break.
“Um. Yes.” This is all I can manage to say.
“Honey, you’ve been moping around for weeks. I’ve given you space, but it breaks my heart to see you like this. Do you want to talk about it?” He asks, sympathetically.
I gaze into his eyes, searching for a response. I let out a breath, not realizing I was holding it. “It’s Logan.”
“I figured as much.” He smiles, warmly. “Would you rather not talk about it?”
I shrug and pause for a minute. Then I say, “I just don’t think I can trust him.”
“So he flew three thousand miles on New Year’s Eve to get you to change your mind?”
I try, but fail to keep my mouth from curling up into a slight smile. “I guess so.”
“Ah, there’s that beautiful smile. I’ve missed seeing it. I know it’s bad when Monty Python can’t even get you to crack a smile.”
“I’m sorry, dad. I’ve ruined the holidays.” I say, softly.
“Don’t be silly.” He says as he pulls me into a tight hug.
And just when I think I have my feelings in check and I’m under control, I lose it again. Now my tears really start to flow. Hugging my dad close, the floodgates burst open. There’s no hiding my muffled sobs.
“Oh, honey.” My dad whispers as he tenderly strokes my back. “You’ll figure it out. Love isn’t easy and there are bound to be bumps along the way…some bigger than others.”
My sobs are slowly quieted by his warm embrace, his kind words. He slowly pulls back and wipes my tear-stained face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.
“Thanks, dad.” I mumble. It’s all I can manage.
“That’s what I’m here for, sweetheart.” He smiles.
“You always know…just what to say.” I return his smile.
“Lots of Dr. Phil.” He winks and I can’t help but giggle. He adds, “Your smiles and giggles…just what I wanted for Christmas.”
“Sorry it was a bit belated.”
“Better late than never I always say.” He kisses me on the top of my head. “But I have one more wish before you head out on your run.”
“Oh?” I ask, intrigued.
“No more apologies. You’re here with me and that’s all that matters.”
I return my dad’s smile and then reach up and kiss him on the cheek.
My dad looks tenderly into my eyes. “I’m always here for you.”
“Ditto.” I smile sweetly at him.
“I’m serious, honey.” He looks at me, intensely.
“I am too.” I reply.
“Okay. Well, I can see this conversation is over.” He laughs.
I quickly give my dad a hug. “Thanks, dad.”
“Have a good run.” He says as I turn, heading down the stairs.
I plug in my earphones and turn up the music in an effort to block out my thoughts. But Tristan Prettyman’s words only seem to reflect them.
You got my heart on a string
You want me back again and you know I’ll do anything
Just when I thought I was free
Knock knock the door is locked but you still got the key
All too familiar the moment it shows up
Now everything I know says to fly
My oh my you’re getting under my skin
Don’t know why I’m always letting you in
Just when I got my life together again
Here you are standing there tell me why I should try
My oh my…my oh my…my oh my
You got me under a spell
You look like heaven but oh you put me through hell
God knows there’s nothing to gain
Oh but who am I to deny we’re both playin’ the same game
All too familiar the moment it blows up
Now everything I know says to fly
my oh my…
CHAPTER TWO
“HE DID WHAT?” Bryn is fuming. After my quick recap of Logan’s early morning visit, she isn’t happy. Well, that’s an understatement; she’s mad as hell. We’re sitting in her bedroom when she stands up and starts to pace back and forth. I know when she’s like this it’s best to keep quiet. She’s deep in thought. I can tell this because her face is all scrunched up while she moves methodically around the room.
When I was little I used to watch a lot of animal and nature shows with my dad. Bryn reminds me of the animals that used to pace around right before they attack their prey. In this case, Bryn’s prey isn’t actually in the room.
After several minutes pass, she stops in her tracks. “I just can’t even wrap my head around this. Boy, he has a lot of nerve.”
“I know he’s crazy, right?” I ask, mostly because I don’t know what else to say to her.
Now that I’ve given his bedroom ambush some time to sink in, I have some seriously confused feelings. I still have a sick to my stomach feeling when that awful image of him with Seraphina pops in my head. But there’s no denying I still have feelings for him. And, this really pisses me off.
I haven’t seen him in three weeks and I was hoping when I saw him those intense feelings would be gone. But his piercing blue eyes, perfectly chiseled features and his insanely fit body make me lose all self-control. I should never have let him touch me. It all makes it more heartbreakingly real. I know it’s over between us, but I still want to wrap my arms around him, feel his mouth on mine and
oh my
.
I’m lost in my thoughts when I realize Bryn is staring at me because she just asked me something.
“Sure.” I respond, hoping that’s the correct answer.
“Sure?” She pauses for a second, squinting her eyes at me. “Oh, dear God. Please don’t tell me you’re thinking about taking him back.”
I shake my head. “No.”
“That asshole. He’s screwing with your head, isn’t he? Why can’t he just leave you alone?”
I shrug. “Bryn, it’s fine. I know it’s over. It was just weird seeing him, that’s all.”
“
Weird
?” She scrunches her face at me.
“Yes. I haven’t seen him since, you know, that night. It was weird.” I say, hoping this will end our conversation.
“Emilia, do you still have feelings for him?” She stares into my eyes, intensely.
“No…no…are you kidding? After what he did?” I say as I try, but fail to hold her stare.
“Oh, Emilia. Please don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me the truth even if you think the truth might kill me.” She looks at me with worried eyes and sits beside me on the window seat.
“A bit dramatic, aren’t we?” I smile at her.
She raises an eyebrow.
I pause for a minute, gathering my thoughts. Then I look Bryn in the eyes. “I suppose I still have feelings for him.”
Bryn’s mouth drops open, slightly. Before I let her speak, I continue.
“But please don’t freak out on me. Sure I wanted to kiss him, but I also wanted to punch him in the face.”
“I would have gone for the latter.” Bryn interrupts.
I roll my eyes. “I still have feelings for him, but I know it’s over between us.”
“Hmm.” Bryn looks like she’s thinking hard as she spins a strand of hair around her finger.
“What? I know that look, Bryn. What are you plotting? I think you should let me in on your crazy scheming.”
“How about a restraining order?” She says, seriously.
I can’t help but laugh. “A restraining order? That’s your plan?” I say, amused.
“I’m not kidding. Look, obviously he’s still into you otherwise he wouldn’t keep emailing and calling you. Plus, he flew all the way here on New Year’s Eve. He’s not going to throw in the towel very easily. You can ignore his emails and his calls but when you see him in person…well, that’s when your will power goes out the window.”
“Hey, I kicked him out, didn’t I?” I interrupt.
“Okay, so your willpower doesn’t completely go out the window. But it is
seriously
tested. Is that fair?”
I shrug. “I guess so.”
“That’s why my idea of a restraining order isn’t silly. He needs to stay away from you. That’s the bottom line. A restraining order is the perfect answer.” She grins like she’s just won the lottery.
“You really think I’m that weak?” I say with playful annoyance.
“Don’t be ridiculous. You are the strongest person I know. After all you’ve gone through…I think you live by the expression what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
“But you think
this
will kill me?” I ask, jokingly.
“Well, you did say you wanted to kiss him, didn’t you?” She teases.
I knew I would regret saying that to Bryn. “You know I love your concern. I really do, but a restraining order is out of the question.”
“Then there’s option two.” She smiles, sweetly.
“Option two?” And I fear for what this might be since her first option is a bit insane. I add, “I didn’t realize you had options.”
“I still think the restraining order is a brilliant idea.”
“Not happening. What’s your other brilliant idea?” I ask, trying to refrain from laughing.
“If you think my ideas are so funny, I may not tell you.” She playfully pouts.
“Okay…no more laughing. I know you’re trying to help and believe me you are. I might not take you up on any of your options, but you are making me feel better.” I smile at her.
She returns the smile and I can’t help but hug her. “Thanks, Bryn.” I say.
“I just want you to be happy.” She pulls back from me and continues, “You deserve someone special…as special as you are. I wanted to kill him that night.”
“Not a good night.” I say, softly.
“I feel like it’s partly my fault.” Bryn says, sadly.
“What? Don’t be ridiculous.” I’m confused. How was that night Bryn’s fault?
“I’m the one who convinced you to take baby steps. You probably never would have gone out with him if it wasn’t for me.”
“That’s nuts, Bryn. You were the one who warned me about him and warned me and warned me. It was my choice to go out with him. I had my doubts, my suspicions, but that didn’t stop me. It is
so
not your fault.” I say, firmly.
“Okay.” She pauses a beat and adds, “So, you’ll still go out with me when we go back to school?”
I laugh. “Now we get to the heart of the matter. Is that what this is about? You’re more concerned about losing your drinking buddy, right?”
She shakes her head. “Yes and no, I really do feel like I’m partly to blame but I’m also worried you’ll barricade yourself in the library again.”
“Nah, it’s our senior year. I wouldn’t do that to my best friend. A promise is a promise.” I smile, slightly.
Although I did make a promise to Bryn, I’m not looking forward to going out…
Soho
,
Elsie’s
,
Tonic
…they are all places that remind me of Logan. Besides what will I do when I see Logan? Will I be able to handle seeing him with someone else? If that someone is Seraphina I think I will lose it. Suddenly, my stomach is in knots again.
“You don’t look so sure about it.” Bryn looks at me, carefully.
I snap out of my momentary panic attack. Bryn’s restraining order option is starting to sound more appealing. That reminds me.
“What was your option two?” I ask, curiously.
“Oh, yes. Option two. The best way to mend a broken heart is to get a new boyfriend.” She smiles and claps her hands together.
“What? You’re joking, right?” I say with nervous laughter.
She shakes her head from side to side. “You need to get back in the saddle. Things didn’t work with
him
but you can’t give up on love. You need a rebound.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m pretty sure I can guess who you have in mind.”
Bryn stands up and moves to her dresser. Picking up her brush, she sweeps her hair to one side and then the other.
As she brushes, she turns to me. “Trust me. It’ll help you get your mind off you-know-who and you never know…you might end up falling for him. He’s already seriously into you.”
“Do I need to remind you of something? He sort of attacked me that night on the dance floor.”
“Just a minor screw-up. You can look past that, right?”
“We’re friends…not interested in Tyler as a rebound, Bryn.”
“We’ll see about that.” She smiles and pulls on a black cashmere sweater over her camisole.
“No, we won’t.” I say, firmly.
“Even if you aren’t interested in dating him, doesn’t part of you want to go out with someone just to get back at Logan?” I’m surprised she actually said his name.
I shake my head. “No, definitely not. I’m not interested in dating anyone right now and I certainly don’t want to play any games.”
“Suit yourself, but you know what they say about revenge?”
“It’s a bad idea?” I say as I stand up and throw myself on her bed. I lie on her bed, looking up at her. Her ideas of restraining orders and revenge make me want to laugh out loud. But she’s so serious and confident in her convictions. Besides, I really couldn’t ask for a more caring and supportive friend. I bite my lip to keep from laughing.
“No. It’s not a bad idea. It’s the best medicine.” Her lips curl up into a mischievous grin. “Besides, it would make me feel better if you did it for that reason alone. It would serve him right. You sure you can’t do it…just for me?”
So much for not laughing…I giggle at her silly question. “Not my style. Anyway, I thought the best medicine was margaritas?”
“Now, you’re talking.” Bryn cracks up. She grabs my hands, attempting to pull me off the bed. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Pulling myself up, while still holding her hands, I scoot from the bed. “Probably find someone else who likes margaritas as much as me.”
“Two margaritas, coming right up.” She says as she takes her arm and entwines it in mine like we’re going to square dance. We make our way into the hallway, but before we head downstairs she stops in her tracks abruptly and turns to me.
“You didn’t tell him where you were going to be tonight, did you?” She says, seriously.
I hit my palm on my forehead. “Oh, yes. I totally forgot. I told him you’re having a party at your parent’s house in Malibu and that you would love it if he could join us.” My tone drips with sarcasm.
She rolls her eyes at me. “Very funny.”
We head down the spiral staircase and make our way into a very white and spacious state-of-the-art kitchen. Bryn moves to an intercom speaker on the wall near the doorway and pushes a few buttons.
“Just an extra precaution.” She says as I look at her with a confused expression.
A man’s voice answers after it rings once. “How can I help you?”
“Hi, Wade. It’s Bryn Cartwright. You have my list for tonight?”
“Yes. Did you want to add someone?”
“No. Would you mind just being extra careful not to let anyone in that’s not on the list?”
“You know, I always do, Miss Cartwright.” He says, pleasantly.
“I know…just making sure.”
“Anything else you need?”
“No, that’s all. Thanks so much.” Bryn replies, sweetly. I shake my head at her overly cautious measures as they end their conversation.
“Now, how about that medicine?” She smiles and moves towards the enormous Sub-Zero refrigerator. Grabbing a premade pitcher, she fills up two very large glasses and hands one to me.
“To unwanted guests.” She lifts her drink towards mine.
“You’re nuts.” I laugh as I clink her glass and we both take a sip.
“Better to be safe than sorry.” She winks.
“I know you don’t believe me, but I made it very clear to him we’re finished.”
“Clear?” She asks.
“Crystal.” I say and take another sip.
“Did you make it crystal clear before or after you wanted to kiss him?” She smirks.
“Gah! I was just saying that to
you
. I didn’t let
him
in on my thoughts.” I say, exasperated. “I also said I wanted to punch him.”
“Well, you need to seriously consider my options. Just saying.” She smiles.
BRYN MAKES SURE MY GLASS is never empty. I lose count after about the fourth refill. Josh is glued to Bryn the entire night and by this, I mean he is literally stuck to her side. He won’t let her out of his grasp. Tyler, on the other hand, is surprisingly keeping his distance from me.
“He thinks you’re still mad at him.” Bryn whispers to me. Then she continues, “Have another margarita and tell him you’re now single and ready to mingle.” She playfully pulls my sweater so it exposes my shoulder.
“Jeez, Bryn!” I swat her hand away and roll my eyes at her.
“Just trying to help you get back into action.” She giggles and then whispers. “He can’t keep his eyes off you, but you need to let your guard down…stop playing your cards so close…let him know you’re avail.”
“You aren’t nuts…you’re totally insane. Honestly, your restraining order idea is starting to appeal to me. This single and ready to mingle business isn’t working for me.”
“Just loosen up…have you made eye contact with him at all?” She asks while she sips her drink.
“No.”
“Well, then you need to start staring at him. He’s been eye fucking you all night…can’t you tell?”
I can immediately feel my face redden. “Ugh, Bryn. Really? You think that sounds appealing to me?”
“Oh-oh! He’s undressing you with his eyes right now. Do you feel that?” She leans in, excitedly.
“Is he behind me and across the room?” I jokingly whisper to her, reflecting her own excitement.
“Yes!” She breathes in my ear, but quickly detects my sarcasm. “Shut up! Stop messing with me or I will pull him over here right now and really make a scene.”
“You wouldn’t dare.” I squint my eyes at her.
“Try me.” She laughs. Fortunately for me, I am temporarily saved by Bryn’s relentless rebound efforts when Josh quickly grabs her and starts slow dancing with her.
I sigh and take another sip of my bottomless drink, glancing around at the large living room packed with mostly SBU students.
The hours pass and I know midnight is approaching because Ryan Seacrest announces it’s fifteen minutes away when I pass one of the several flat screen televisions. I’ve somehow managed to please Bryn enough by dancing with a handful of guys. All of them are very cute, but very drunk. I promptly brush off their advances and their overzealous affections. And, just as quickly as I turn them down, they make a rapid exit to the nearest girl, hoping their luck will change by the New Year.