Waiting for Love ((Waiting) Book 2) (17 page)

    When I finally regain control of my body, I notice that Garrett is soothingly rubbing my back. I’m aggravated to realize his touch still has the ability to make me tingle all over so I push his hand off me and stand up.

“What was that?” He questions, his arms crossed over his chest.

“It was nothing you need to concern yourself with.” I answer him, my tone sharp. I’m annoyed and I just want him to go away and leave me alone. “Garrett, what do you want?” I finally ask.

“I just want to talk with you. I’ve missed you, Shelby.”

“Pfft,” I scoff. “Yeah, you must have missed me. It only took you three years to see me.” As I say this, it’s like one of those lightbulb moments in my life. You know the ones where you suddenly realize something, that you’ve never thought of before and it sends your whole world askew.

“I got this job because of you...you only hired me because of our past. Oh my God...I’m so dumb. Of course, someone was pulling strings for me to work here. No one would hire me at a school like this, fresh out of college. Wow, I’m a naive fool.” I shake my head as I hollowly laugh, but I’m anything but amused.

    “Yes, I was instrumental in hiring you, but you’re wrong Shelby. With your grade point average and all the accolades from your professors, you wouldn’t have any trouble getting a job at any school. I just made sure we snatched you up before another place did.”

“Well, I really wish you hadn’t because I was content with never setting my eyes on you ever again.” He winces before settling his face into a more neutral expression. “I certainly don’t want to have to be around you on a daily basis.” I pick up my leather bag and slide it up to my shoulder as I walk toward the door. I need to get out of here and away from him.

“Shelby…wait!” He calls out but I ignore him and speed walk in the direction of the front door. Thankfully, there are other teachers milling about in this part of the hallway so he doesn’t call my name out again. I make it out the door without incident and purposefully make my way to my car.
Hang on...hang on…hang on.

    Once I’m in my car and pulling out of the parking lot I get some immediate relief from the shock of being around him, but the pain in my heart is unbearable. It’s crippling and I know that I can’t drive the rest of the way home, feeling like this. I pull into the first plaza I see and park my car as far away from the other vehicles as I possible before I allow myself to sink into the meltdown that I knew was imminent. I drop my head into my hands as I start to sob uncontrollably. Why did he have to come back into my life now, when things are finally going so well for me? Is there some bad karma shit list that has my name written at the top of it? How am I supposed to cope with seeing him all the time?
I can’t
. There’s no way I can conceivably deal with working at Bentley alongside Garrett. I’m going to have to hand in my notice and find a job somewhere else. It’s not enough that he threw my life into a tailspin three years ago, now he’s manipulated me into working for him.
Fuck my life.

***

     Soft kisses being placed on my lips, wake me from my nap. I slowly allow my eyes to open and see Jeff stretched out next to me on our bed. He’s leaning on his elbow and smiling down at me. I force a small smile his way and snuggle into my pillow again, wishing he hadn’t woken me up. When I came home a couple hours ago, I stripped my clothes off and threw myself in bed; hoping to fall asleep and escape the horrible reality of my afternoon.

“Are you okay baby?” Jeff asks, as he rubs his fingers up and down my cheek. I nod my head and keep my eyes closed, trying to hold off any conversation about how my day went.

“Baby.”

“Mhmm,” I answer, still not looking at him.

“Shelby, look at me.” I shake my head at him.

“What?” I ask, sounding annoyed. He cups my face in his palm and rubs his thumb along my cheekbone.

“What’s going on baby? Why won’t you look at me?” He sounds concerned. I don’t want him to think that he’s done something to upset me so I open my eyes and meet his penetrating gaze. His irises are a darker blue than they normally are. They look like the stormy seas at night and I know it’s because of the uncertainty I’m making him feel.

“I had a horrible day. Will you hold me while I tell you about it?” He lays on his back and pulls me to his chest and I settle in, resting my head there. He patiently waits for me to begin talking and I’m grateful for this because I need a few moments to gather my thoughts. I listen to the thumping of his heart beating as I try to figure out where to begin my explanation.

    “My school day itself was fine. The kids behaved, they seemed interested in our discussions, yadda, yadda. I won’t bore you with the details. It was in the meeting that everything went to shit.” I pause here and take a deep breath before blurting it all out. “Garrett is the headmaster at Bentley and I didn’t know that until I saw him in the meeting.” I rest my chin on his chest and pause trying to gauge his reaction.

“Garrett, your ex is the headmaster?” His eyebrows are pressed together in a deep scowl. I nod my head.

“Yep. The one and only.” I’m trying to stay calm as I relay what happened.

“Did you guys talk?” He asks, his brow still furrowed. His fingers begin to gently stroke through my hair and the motion is very soothing to my overly fraught nerves.

“Not really. He followed me to my classroom and I basically had a huge panic attack before he could say much. It took me a few minutes to calm down and he looked at me like I had two heads. I don’t think he had any idea what was going on. Once I was settled down, I realized that I only got the job at Bentley because of him and I told him I wished he hadn’t hired me because I was content knowing I’d never see him again. That’s about as far as we got because I stormed out after that.” He continues stroking my hair as if he’s unaffected by what I’ve just told him but I know better. I see the muscles in his jaw flexing and I know he’s trying to control his emotions.

“So what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to give my notice tomorrow morning. I don’t want to work with him and see him all the time.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?” Jeff asks me. I’m not sure how to answer this except honestly and J may not like my answer.

“There’s a part of me that will always care about him, no matter how much I hate what he did to me.” Jeff’s hand stops stroking my hair. I know he’s upset. I rest my chin on his chest and look up at him. I don’t want him to worry that this will affect our relationship in any way.

“Jeff, I love you. Seeing him today isn’t going to change what we have. You’re the one for me, not him.”

“I know baby; I don’t like that you had to see him at all. I hate what it did to you when he left before and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried that seeing him could trigger something and send you right back to that horrible dark place. I won’t let him hurt you again, Shelby.”

“I know you won’t, J. I’m not planning on spending enough time in his company to get hurt by him.”

“If you like your job, don’t let him drive you away. He’s the headmaster there and I’m sure he has lots of duties that’ll keep him busy. You guys will probably have minimal interaction with each other. Why don’t you see how the next couple of weeks go before you make a decision? You said this is your dream job, so why should you let him take that away from you?” What J just said definitely has some merit to it. This is my dream school to teach at. Opportunities like this don’t come very often and I don’t want to discard it just because it may be difficult or emotionally painful to see Garrett.

Chapter - Seventeen

Jeff

     It’s after one in the morning and I’m still awake. I’m curled up against Shelby’s back with my nose buried in her soft, vanilla-scented hair. God, I love this girl...she’s my whole world. I think I fell in love with her the first time I saw her and I’ll never forget that moment for as long as I live and breathe. It was the first day of my sophomore year at Beacon University and when I caught a glimpse of her as she walked into my psychology class, it sent a pang of longing straight to my heart…and to my dick. She looked so stunning as she paused in the doorway, her eyes searching the room for a familiar or friendly face. I flashed her my biggest smile, the one that makes the dimple in my right cheek show. At that moment, the fates must have smiled down on me because Shelby soon began walking in my direction with a curious look on her face. She took the vacant seat at the table next to me, before introducing herself. I still remember what it felt like when she placed her tiny hand in mine for a handshake. It seemed as though my much larger hand was swallowing hers whole. The sensation of her palm against mine sent a shiver down my spine and I knew at that moment that this girl would change my life. It was a very prophetic thought, especially for a twenty-year-old guy whose only care up to that point was scoring the next touchdown for his football team.

     I could tell she was as attracted to me as I was to her. We became friends instantly and it was only a few months later that we began a friends with benefits arrangement. For the first time in my life, I wanted so much more than sex from a girl. I wanted to experience everything with Shelby, but I knew she didn’t want the same; so I reluctantly settled for what she was willing to give me. I was completely taken by surprise and beyond devastated when she ended things with me and began a relationship with Garrett. Of course, at the time, I didn’t know who she was involved with. I didn’t find that out until later. She seemed happy when she and Garrett were together. As much as it pains me to admit, I can’t deny the fact that he was good to her. As horrible as it was for me to know she loved someone else, I took some comfort in the fact that she was involved in a healthy relationship. Once I came to grips with the situation and got over the initial sting of what happened, our friendship remained as solid as ever.

    When Garrett disappeared, Shelby went off the grid and none of us knew where to find her or why she was missing. I guess Hailey finally called Greyson to see if he knew where she could be and he mentioned that she came back to Boston a couple days earlier than she had originally planned to. Hailey put two and two together and ended up at Garrett’s place. Shelby wouldn’t answer the door, but thankfully, it was unlocked and when she went in she found her lying listlessly on the floor still in the same clothes she had been wearing since the day she came back. Hailey called me in a panic and told me that Shelby was a mess and she needed help with her. She gave me the address and I rushed right over there. It took both of us to get her up and I carried her to Hailey’s car. I followed them back to their apartment and carried Shelby inside, immediately placing her in the shower because she was so weak from not eating for more than two days. I kicked off my shoes and got into the shower with her, clothes and all and held her while she raggedly sobbed into my chest. It was heartbreaking and I never want to see her that emotionally broken again.

    The next few weeks were filled with tears and there were many nights I spent at Shelby’s apartment, holding her in my arms until she woke in the morning. She suffered through many sleepless nights and there were times when the nightmares would sneak in and she would call out his name in her dreams. It was horrible for me to see how broken she was, even when she was sleeping she still couldn’t escape her sadness. Her appetite was diminished from the stress and she dropped some weight off of her already slight frame leaving her looking unhealthy and gaunt. I tried to spend as much time with her as I could while still attending Beacon for summer classes. Hailey did her best to be with her whenever I couldn’t and between the two of us we found a system that worked...or, at least, we thought we did.

    June, thirtieth, of the year two-thousand-thirteen, is a date I’ll never forget as long as I live. It’s hands down the worst day of my life to this point. I hope I never have another one like it.

   I arrived at Shelby’s apartment at nine in the morning. Hailey had to leave about a half hour prior to me getting there so she hadn’t been alone for long. The apartment seemed unnaturally quiet and there was an eerie pall about the atmosphere. I don’t know if it was my sixth sense kicking in or my instincts, but regardless of what name you call it, mine was off the charts. I immediately ran to her bedroom and I found her unconscious with an empty pill bottle next to her.

“Goddamnit Shelby!” I yelled as I ran over to her. I swept her mouth with one finger, searching for any pills that she may not have swallowed, but I didn’t find any. I dialed nine-one-one and gave them all the info I could, screaming at them to hurry. I sat her up in my arms, forced my hand into her mouth and down her throat to make her vomit.

“Come on baby. Let it out...let it out...let it out.”  I repeated over and over as I forced my fingers to touch the back of her throat. Somehow, by the grace of God, it worked and she vomited all over me. I’d never been so happy to be thrown up on. Wave after wave of vomit passed between her lips and by the time she was finished expelling everything in her stomach, she was fully conscious.

I pulled her into my arms and sobbed because I almost lost her forever.

“Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again. I need you in my life, Shelby. I don’t want to live without you and if you think you aren’t able to push through this, then you need to think of me and how much I need you.” We cried in each other’s arms until the paramedics came and took her away in the ambulance.

    I went to visit her in the hospital as soon as I had showered off and changed into some clean clothes. When I got to her room, I found her alone. I was surprised that Hailey wasn’t already there but Shelby mentioned that she hadn’t called her. She didn’t want anyone other than me knowing; not even her own family and since she’s an adult and capable of making her own decisions the hospital didn’t inform her father about her stay.

    I kicked off my sneakers and climbed into bed with her, pulling her onto my chest. I rubbed the nape of her neck with my fingers and waited for her to say something. I waited for her to make the first move, she has to want to open up and talk to me. It didn’t take long before I could feel her warm tears soaking through the material of my tee shirt.

“I’m sorry, Jeff. I don’t know what I was thinking and I’m so glad that you found me in time. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me lately. I can’t shake this funk that Garrett left me in and I despise the weak person that I’ve become. I need to find a way to snap out of it and get my life back on track.”

    “Shelby, I’m so relieved that you’re okay. If anything had happened to you, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. I love you, baby. I know that your feelings for me aren't the same as mine are for you, but I wanted you to know. Maybe knowing how much I love you will give you the strength you need to push through and make it to the other side of all this. Take my hand baby, I will pull you out. I will pull you out so fucking fast if you just let me.”

    That conversation was a turning point for both, Shelby and our relationship. It brought us closer together than ever before and she began to lean on me and let me help her in her weaker moments. She even called her father and filled him in on what she had done. He was at the hospital two hours later and he promised not to share what happened with her brothers or anyone else. He made arrangements for her to go to a gorgeous rehab facility located in the western part of Massachusetts that specializes in depression. She spent a month there and went through extensive counseling sessions before they placed her on a mild antidepressant. The doctor also gave her a prescription for Xanax that she’s to take if she’s having an unbearable panic attack that she can’t control on her own.

    The first few months after her suicide attempt were very difficult. She was emotional and sometimes, she still suffered through trying, depression filled days. There were times when Hailey or I had to coax her just to get her out of bed. She began seeing Dr. Waters, a therapist that came highly recommended by one of her father's friends, on a regular basis. Once she found the best dosage of antidepressant for Shelby, many of her erratic behaviors disappeared.

    I wish I could say that she instantly fell in love with me once she came home from her rehab stay, but that's not what happened at all. It took us about six months of spending all of our free time together before Shelby and I made love again. At that point, I hadn't been intimate with anyone in over a year's time because she was the last person I was with. Going without sex is never easy, but when you've had the best why would you ever want to settle for less? I've known that she's the one for me since the first day I met her and I know we’re destined to be together.

    It wasn't until around a year after Garrett left that Shelby finally agreed to date me. By that point, we were already in a relationship, whether she wanted to admit it or not. I was fine with her living in a state of denial because as the saying goes...the proof is in the pudding. You don't spend every free moment of every day and night with someone that you're not somehow committed to. She's so stubborn, it took us six more months of "dating" before she would acknowledge we were boyfriend and girlfriend. At that point, it was over a year and a half since Garrett had left and she no longer mentioned him. That doesn't mean she wasn't thinking about him. I'm not delusional, her feelings for him ran deep and I'm sure that part of her will always care for him. I’ll live with that. He can have that tiny piece of her heart as long as I’m claiming the rest.