Waiting for Love (9 page)

Too little, too late, he decided as he deleted the text and her name from his list of contacts. He had nothing left to say to her. If only it was that easy to erase the memory of her from his heart and mind.

“Son?” his dad said from inside. “Are you coming in to eat?”

Adam realized he was starving—for dinner and the company of his loving, if often exasperating, family. “Yeah, I’m coming.”

Chapter 6

Sitting at the McCarthy’s dining room table with Seamus’s chair far too close to hers, Carolina had trouble swallowing her food. Taking her relationship public was one thing. Doing it here was another thing altogether. She’d helped to raise Janey and her siblings, and the shock on the faces of Mac, Adam and Big Mac had been mortifying. Thankful for small favors, she was glad Evan and Grant hadn’t made it to dinner, but she was certain they’d hear her news before the day was out.

Apparently, Linda had refrained from telling anyone—even her husband—the news Carolina had shared earlier in the day. Thus Carolina’s inability to eat or breathe or make eye contact with the young people who’d been a part of her life since her son Joe befriended Mac McCarthy in kindergarten. What would they think of her now? The woman who’d stayed with them when their parents went on vacation, who’d shared holidays, birthdays, graduations and other milestones with them? Now she was sleeping with a man their age.

Her skin felt hot and tight, and her throat closed, making it impossible to eat anything. She put down her fork and dabbed at her lips with her napkin. 

“Carolina?” Maddie said from across the table. “Are you all right?”

Immediately, Seamus turned to her, and his eyes widened. “What is it, love?

Carolina couldn’t seem to speak or get enough air to her lungs.

“She’s having an allergic reaction,” Janey said, getting up as quickly as she could. 

“Linda,” Grace said, “get some allergy medicine. Hurry.”

“Carolina!” Seamus said. “Say something, love. You’re scaring me.” 

“Mom!” Joe cried as he rushed around the table to her.

Janey came around the table where everyone but Caro was now standing. “Give her some room.” She pushed through the group, dipped a napkin into a glass of ice water and ran it over Carolina’s face. 

The cold water on her heated skin felt heavenly. 

“You’re okay, Caro. Try to breathe.”

Carolina focused on her daughter-in-law’s blue eyes and drew shallow breaths into her lungs. 

“That’s it.”

Linda returned with the medication. “I only have the liquid kind.”

“That’s better,” Grace said. “She’ll be able to get it down easier.”

Carolina continued to focus on Janey as she swallowed the liquid that brought immediate relief to the tightness in her throat. 

“What are those red splotches on her face and neck?” Seamus asked.

“Hives,” Janey said.

Mortified to be the center of attention, Carolina cleared her throat and took a couple of greedy breaths. “I’m fine, everyone. Sorry about that.”

“What do you think caused it, Caro?” Linda asked, hovering close by.

“I have no idea. I’ve never had hives before.” By now her skin was beginning to itch. “I think I’d like to go home, if that’s all right.”

“Of course, honey,” Linda said. “Take the medicine with you in case you need more during the night.”

“I have some at home.”

“Do you want us to come with you?” Joe asked.

“No, honey. I’m all right.”

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be seen by David?” Joe asked.

“No need. I’m really fine.”

Joe nodded and kissed her cheek. “Okay, then. I’ll call you in the morning to check on you.”

“I’m so sorry about this,” Carolina said. She turned to Adam. “Sorry to ruin your welcome-home dinner.”

“You didn’t,” he said, giving her a hug. “No worries. We’re just glad you’re okay.”

Carolina received hugs from Joe, Janey, Big Mac and Linda on the way out the door. Seamus held the car door for her and waited until she was settled to get into the driver’s side.

“You scared the life out of me in there, love.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened.”

“I have a few thoughts about what happened.”

Caro looked over at him, surprised to realize he was angry. “Like what?”

“I think you were so freaked out about being there with me that you broke out in hives.” This was said as he pulled the car away from the curb in front of the McCarthy’s house. 

She had no idea how to respond to that. “It was something I ate.”

“No, it wasn’t. It was Mac and Adam and Maddie and Grace seeing us as a couple for the first time and you stewing over what they had to be thinking of you cavorting with a much younger man. That’s what caused it.”

“How can you say that? Since when has acute embarrassment ever caused hives?”

“So you admit you were acutely embarrassed. That’s great.”

“I didn’t say that!”

“Yes, you did. Have you ever gotten the hives from eating steak or potatoes or salad before? Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

“I can’t believe you’re blaming
me
for getting hives!”

“I can’t believe you’re denying that you worked yourself into a nervous frenzy that resulted in hives.”

Since Caro couldn’t deny that she’d done exactly that, she didn’t try. Rather, she kept quiet on the rest of the ride. She was too itchy and uncomfortable to fight with him anyway. When they arrived at her house, he went directly to the bathroom and turned on the tub.

“Do you have any oatmeal?” he asked when he returned to the kitchen.

“I think so. Why?”

“It’ll help with the itching. Put it in the bathwater.” He stood rigidly in the middle of her kitchen, seemingly making an effort to avoid looking at her. 

As Caro retrieved the container of oats from the cabinet, she noticed her hands were trembling. She wasn’t sure if it was residual shock from the attack or worries of a different kind. 

“I’m going to go,” he said.

She spun around to face him. “Where?”

“I don’t know. Somewhere else. When you work this stuff out in your head, love, call me. Until then, I don’t want to cause you any more distress.”

“I don’t want you to go. Please don’t go.”

“It means a lot that you want me to stay, but I can’t do this. I can’t convince you to come to grips with this situation with the force of my personality or charm you into wanting what I want. You have to figure that out for yourself.” He rested a hand on her shoulder and kissed her forehead. “When you do, if you do, call me.”

“You’re not being fair to me.”

“Maybe not, but I’m being fair to me. And right now that’s what I need to do. If you feel sick again, call Joe.” He turned and headed for the door.

“Seamus! Wait! Can’t we talk about this?”

The screen door slammed shut behind him as he walked out, the gravel driveway crunching under his feet as he made his way to the company truck he used on the island. After he drove away, Caro stared out the window for a long time before she remembered the bath and went to turn off the water.

She sprinkled the oatmeal on top of the water and then stripped off her clothes and slid into the tub. The cool water soothed her burning, itching skin but didn’t do much for the ache in her heart.

Maybe she’d finally succeeded in driving him away for good. As that thought registered, the dam broke and her sobs echoed off the bathroom walls.

Grant sat in the waiting room, hoping to see David Lawrence before he left for the day. His leg bounced up and down, and he couldn’t stop biting his nails. The childhood habit he’d long ago kicked had resurfaced as a source of comfort in the last week. At this point, he’d take any comfort he could get. He also needed sleep, which was why he’d come to the clinic after regular hours, hoping to catch David before he left for the day.

He couldn’t go through another night like last night. The racing of his brain, the images he’d never forget, the fear, the horror, the shock… It tormented his waking and sleeping hours, and he’d give anything for some relief. 

The doors that led to the examination rooms swung open, and Victoria Stevens, the nurse practitioner who worked with David, came through on her way out. She had her purse and car keys in hand, but she stopped short when she saw him in the waiting room.

“Grant? What’re you doing here?”

“I’d like to see David, if he’s got a minute.”

“He’s done seeing patients today. Could you come back in the morning? I’m sure he’d sneak you in—”

“I need to see him today. Now.”

Victoria took a measuring look at him. “Let me check with him. I’ll be right back.”

While he waited, Grant paced the small room, worried about what he’d do if David refused to see him or worse yet, refused to give him something that would knock him out for a few hours. He needed to be knocked out, and nothing he’d tried on his own had worked. 

Victoria returned. “Grant? Come on back.”

He held back a whimper of relief as he followed her down the hallway to David’s office.

“Hey, Grant,” David said, gesturing to his visitor chair. A stack of folders and paper littered the desk. “Come in and have a seat.”

“Do you want me to stay?” Victoria asked.

“That’s okay,” David said. 

“I’ll see you in the morning. Bye, Grant.”

“See you.”

David sat back in his chair. “What’s up?”

Grant stared at the man who would’ve been his brother-in-law had he not cheated on Janey a year before they were supposed to be married. Grant had known him a long time, and if there’d been any choice of seeing another doctor, he would’ve chosen anonymity over this. But on Gansett Island, there was no other choice. David was the only doctor.

“Grant? Is everything all right?”

“I need something to help me sleep.”

“Tell me what’s going on.”

“I’m not sleeping, and even when I’m technically sleeping, I’m still aware and half-awake, and I’m tired all the time. If I could just get some sleep, some real sleep, I’d be a lot better.”

“What’s keeping you awake?”

“How the hell do I know? I feel like I’m amped up or something, like I’ve had a whole pot of coffee when I haven’t had any.”

David stood up and signaled for Grant to follow him into an exam room.

“Can’t you just give me something and call it a day?”

“I need to check your heart and blood pressure as well as your other vital signs.”

Grant sighed—deeply—as he sat on the exam table, forcing himself to remain still while David listened to his heart and checked his blood pressure and pulse. 

“Your pulse is a little fast, but otherwise, you’re good.”

“So you’ll give me the stuff to sleep?”

David sat on a stool. “Tell me why your mind is racing. What do you see when you close your eyes?”

It was the one question Grant couldn’t answer. He simply couldn’t put words to the horror. So he shook his head. “Nothing, really. But I can’t seem to shut down and sleep. I really need to sleep.”

“You look awful.”

“So I hear.”

“I’ll give you a script for seven days of sleep medication. After that, though, you’re going to have to talk about what happened if you want to stop reliving it every minute you’re awake or asleep.”

David’s words struck at Grant’s deepest fear. That someday he might have to tell people… He might have to tell his family what really happened out there. 

“Grant? What is it?”

“Nothing.” He shook off the unsettling thoughts.

“I’ll give you one of our samples for tonight since the pharmacy is already closed. You can fill the script in the morning. I want to see you back here a week from today. I’ll have the secretary call you in the morning to make an appointment.”

Grant extended a hand that David shook. “Thank you for this. I know things have been weird between you and our family since… Well, anyway. I appreciate it.”

“Happy to help. Do yourself a favor and unload on someone before it eats you alive.”

Startled by David’s insight, Grant nodded and left the room, clutching the sample box David had given him like the lifeline it was. Tonight, he would sleep. Tonight, he would finally get some peace. Tonight, he could forget for a little while anyway. If he got some sleep, maybe tomorrow wouldn’t be so agonizing.

The McCarthys were lingering over dessert when Stephanie came in, looking flustered and frazzled. “Grant isn’t here?” she asked after taking a quick visual inventory of the family gathered around the dining room table.

“No, honey,” Linda said. “We assumed he was with you.”

“I haven’t seen him since this morning. I tried to call him to see if he was here, but he didn’t answer his phone. I don’t know where he is.”

Grace got up and went to Stephanie, putting an arm around her and bringing her to sit at the table. “I’m sure he’s fine,” she said.

“He’s not fine. He’d never miss being with you guys if he was fine.”

“Neither would Evan,” Grace said. “But at least he called to say he was tied up at the studio.”

“What’s Grant’s excuse?” Stephanie said. “He hasn’t worked since the accident.”

Adam watched the goings-on with an increasing sense of dismay. He glanced across the table to catch Maddie reaching for Mac’s hand. 

All eyes seemed to land on Mac, as if the rest of the family was silently asking him what they should do.

Maddie squeezed his hand.

Mac stared at their joined hands, seeming to draw strength from his wife. “It was tough out there,” he said so softly it was almost a whisper. “We all went through our own personal hell, but we also had hours to wonder what’d become of each other. It’s going to take some time. That’s all I can say.”

Linda nodded and brushed away a tear. 

“We have to let them do this their own way, as hard as it may be for us,” Mac said.

“You’re not running away or burying yourself in work, and you went through the same thing they did,” Janey said.

“That doesn’t mean it hasn’t been hard on me, too.”

Janey seemed taken aback by her brother’s unusually sharp tone. “I didn’t mean to imply otherwise.”

“Sorry, brat,” Mac said. “I shouldn’t snap at you, but it doesn’t help to have everyone watching our every move, waiting for us to need you. If we need you, we’ll tell you.”