Voices from the Titanic (12 page)

I had put the children in bed and had gone to bed myself. We had been making good time all day, the ship rushing through the sea at a tremendous rate, and the air on deck was cold and crisp. I didn't hear the collision, for I was asleep. But my mother came and shook me.

‘There is surely danger,' said Mamma. ‘Something has gone wrong.''

So we put on our slippers and outside coats and got the children into theirs and went on deck. We had on our nightgowns under our coats. As we went up the stairway someone was shouting down in a calm voice: ‘Everybody put on their life preservers before coming on deck!'

We went back and put them on, assuring each other that it was nothing.

(
New York World
, 20 April 1912)

We both remarked that the boat was going faster than she ever had. The vibration as one passed the stairway in the centre was very noticeable.

The shock of the collision was not great to us. The engines stopped, then went on for a few moments, then stopped again. We waited some little time, Mr Douglas reassuring me that there was no danger before going out of the cabin. But later Mr Douglas went out to see what had happened, and I put on my heavy boots and fur coat to go up on deck later. I waited in the corridor to see or hear what I could. We received no orders. No one knocked at our door. We saw no officers nor stewards – no one to give an order or answer our questions. As I waited for Mr Douglas to return I went back to speak to my maid who was in the same cabin as Mrs Carter's maid. Now people commenced to appear with life preservers, and I heard from someone that the order had been given to put them on. I took three from our cabin, gave one to the maid, telling her to get off in the small boat when her turn came. Mr Douglas met me as I was going up to find him and asked, jestingly, what I was doing with those life preservers. He did not think even then that the accident was serious. We both put them on, however, and went up on the boat deck. Mr Douglas told me
if I waited we might both go together and we stood there waiting. We heard that the boat was in communication with three other boats by wireless. We watched the distress rockets sent off. They rose high in the air and burst. No one seemed excited. Finally, as we stood by a collapsible boat lying on the deck and an emergency boat swinging from the davits was being filled, it was decided I should go. Mr Boxhall was trying to get the boat off and called to the captain on the bridge: ‘There's a boat coming up over there.' The captain said, ‘I want a megaphone.' Just before we got into the boat the captain called: ‘How many of the crew are in that boat? Get out of there, every man of you!' I can see a solid row of men, from bow to stern, crawl over on to the deck. We women then got in. I asked Mr Douglas to come with me, but, turning away, he replied: ‘No, I must be a gentleman.' I said: ‘Try and get off with Mr Moore and Major Butt. They will surely make it.'

(US Inquiry, 9 May 1912)

Miss Wick and I occupied a state room together. We were awakened shortly before midnight by a sudden shock, a grinding concussion. Miss Wick arose and looked out of the state room window. She saw some men playfully throwing particles of ice at one another, and realized that we had struck an iceberg.

She and I dressed, not hastily, for we were not greatly alarmed, and went on deck.

There we found a number of passengers. Naturally they were all somewhat nervous, but there was nothing approaching a panic. The other members of our party also had come on deck, and we formed a little group by ourselves.

We were told to put on life belts and obeyed. Then the sailors began to launch the lifeboats. Still we were not alarmed. We had
no doubt that all on board would be saved. In fact we had no idea that the ship was sinking and believed that the resort to the lifeboats was merely a precaution.

Mr Wick kissed his wife goodbye and our boat, the first on that side of the ship, was lowered to the sea. There were about twenty-five women in the boat with two sailors and a steward to row. These were the only men. The boat would have held many more.

(
New York World
, 20 April 1912)

I was awakened by a long grinding shock as though someone had drawn a giant finger all along the side of the boat. I awakened my husband and told him that I thought we had struck something. There was no excitement that I could hear, but Sir Cosmo went up on deck. He returned and told me that we had hit some ice, apparently a big berg, but there seemed to be no danger. We were not assured of this, however, and Sir Cosmo went upstairs again. He came back to me and said: ‘You had better put your clothes on because I heard them give orders to strip the boats.'

We each put on a life preserver, and over mine I threw some heavy furs. I took a few trinkets and we went up to the deck. The ship had listed slightly to starboard and was down a little at the head. As we stood there, one of the officers ran to us and said: ‘The women and children are to go into the boats.'

We watched a number of women and children and some men go into the lifeboats. At last one of the officers came to
me and said: ‘Lady Gordon, you had better go in one of the boats.'

I said to my husband: ‘Well, we might as well take the boat, although I think it will be only a little pleasure excursion until morning. Five stokers got in and two Americans, A.L. Solomon of New York and Mr Stengel of Newark. A number of other passengers, mostly men, were standing near by and they joked with us because we were going out on the ocean. ‘The ship can't sink,' said one. ‘You'll get your death of cold out there in the ice.'

On Sunday evening I had just gone down from the smoke room to my state room and removed my coat and was standing in the middle of the room when the ship struck the iceberg. It seemed to me like scraping and tearing more than a shock. It was on the starboard side of the ship under where our room was located, and the ice from the iceberg poured in our porthole.

After assuring Mrs Kimball that it was nothing, simply an iceberg, and that we had probably scraped it, and as the ship did not seem to slacken her speed, everything was probably all right. I stepped into the companion-way and spoke to some friends who were located in the same section.

I then went on deck to see if I could see the iceberg. There were very few people out around the ship and the stewards and officers were assuring everybody that everything was all right and to return to bed, which many of them probably did.

I came back to our state room, which was located near the stairway, which went down to the deck below, to the squash courts and mail rooms. At that time I saw a mail clerk go down and when he came up he had one mail bag in his hands and was wet to the knees.

I asked him about how bad it was and he seemed very serious and said it was pretty bad, and that he would advise the women
to dress as they might have to go on deck and it would be cold. We instructed the rest of the women in our party to dress and also everyone in our corridor, including a number of women who were travelling alone.

Mrs Kimball had already started dressing, and I told her to dress warmly, as we would probably be on deck for some time and put on a sweater and a heavy ulster (a long overcoat).

We then started out feeling that everything was all right. After we had gone a few steps a young lady of our party came back from the upper deck, and I asked her what was going on up there. She said the order had been given out to put on the lifebelts. We returned to our state rooms, which were only a few feet away, got our lifebelts and notified all the women in the corridor to do the same and to come with us.

None of us knew how to put on the lifebelts, but I saw an officer in the companionway and he showed us how to put them on, and also told us that there was no danger and that everything would be all right.

He suggested, however, that we go up on the boat deck. When we arrived, only a few people were there, and as it was about 75 feet from the boat deck to the water, the officers were having great difficulty in getting the people to go into the lifeboats, assuring them at the same time that it would not be a long while before they would probably be back on the big boat.

(
Boston Post
, 20 April 1912)

The sensation to me was as if the ship had been seized by a giant hand and shaken once, twice then stopped dead in its course. That is to say there was a long, backward jerk, followed by a
shorter one. I was not thrown out of my berth and my husband staggered on his feet only slightly. We heard no strange sounds, no rending of plates and woodwork, but we noticed that the engines had stopped running. They tried to start the engines a few minutes later but after some coughing and rumbling there was silence once more.

Our cabin was so situated that we could follow this clearly. My husband and I were not alarmed. He said that there must have been some slight accident in the engine room and at first he did not intend to go on deck. Then he changed his mind, put on his coat and left me. I lay quietly in my berth with my little girl and almost fell asleep again. In what seemed a very few moments my husband returned. He was a bit excited then. ‘What do you think,' he exclaimed. ‘We have struck an iceberg, a big one, but there is no danger – an officer just told me so.' I could hear the footsteps of people on the deck above my head. There was some stamping and queer noises as if ships' tackle was being pulled about. ‘Are the people frightened?' I asked quietly. ‘No,' he replied. ‘I don't think the shock woke up many in the second cabin, and few of those in the saloons have troubled to go on deck. I saw the professional gamblers playing with some of the passengers as I went by. Their cards had been jerked off the table when the boat struck, but they were gathering them up and had started their game again before I left the saloon.' The story reassured me. If these people at their cards were not worried, why should I be?

I think my husband would have retired to his berth but suddenly we heard hundreds of people running along the passageway in front of our door. They did not cry out, but the patter of their feet reminded me of rats scurrying through an empty room. I could see my face in the mirror opposite and it had grown very white. My husband too was pale and he stammered when he spoke to me. ‘We had better go on deck and see what's wrong,' he said. I jumped out of bed and put a dressing gown over my night-dress. I hurriedly tied my hair back with a ribbon. By this time
although the boat had not made any progress, it seemed to have tilted forward a little. I caught up my daughter just as she was in her nightgown, wrapped a White Star cabin blanket around her and started out of the door. My husband followed immediately behind. Neither of us took any belongings from the cabin and I remember that he even left his watch lying on his pillow. We did not doubt for an instant that we would return. When we reached the second cabin promenade deck we found a great many people there. Some officers were walking up and down. My husband stepped over to an officer – it was either Fifth Officer Harold Lowe or First Officer Murdoch – and asked him a question. I heard him shout back: ‘No, we have no searchlight but we have a few rockets on board. Keep calm! There is no danger.'

Our party of three stood close together. Suddenly there was a commotion near one of the gangways and we saw a stoker come climbing up from below. He stopped a few feet away from us. All the fingers of one hand had been cut off. Blood was running from the stumps and blood was spattered over his face and over his clothes. The red marks showed very clearly against the coal dust with which he was covered. I went over and spoke to him. I asked him if there was any danger. ‘Danger?' he screamed at the top of his voice. ‘I should just say so! It's hell down below. This boat will sink like a stone in ten minutes.'

He staggered away and lay down fainting with his head on a coil of rope. At this moment I got my first grip of fear – awful sickening fear. That poor man with his bleeding hand and his speckled face brought up a picture of smashed engines and mangled human bodies. I hung on to my husband's arm and although he was very brave, and not trembling, I saw that his face was as white as paper. We realized that the accident was much worse than we had supposed, but even then I and all the others about me of whom I have any knowledge did not believe that the
Titanic
would go down.

The officers were running to and fro shouting orders. I saw First Officer Murdoch place guards by the gangways to prevent
others like the wounded stoker from coming on deck. How many unhappy men were shut off in that way from their chance of safety I do not know, but Mr Murdoch was probably right. He was a masterful man, astoundingly brave and cool. I had met him the day before when he was inspecting the second cabin quarters, and thought him a bull-dog of a man who would not be afraid of anything. This proved to be true. He kept order to the last, and died at his post. They say he shot himself. I do not know.

Those in charge must have herded us towards the nearest boat deck for that is where I presently found myself, still clinging to my husband's arm, and with little Marjorie beside me. Many women were standing with their husbands and there was no confusion. Then above the clamour of the people asking questions of each other, there came the terrible cry, ‘Lower the boats! Women and children first.' Someone was shouting these last few words over and over again. ‘Women and children first! Women and children first!' They struck utter terror into my heart and now they will ring in my ears until the day I die. They meant my own safety but they also meant the greatest loss I have ever suffered – the life of my husband.

(
Semi-Monthly Magazine,
May 1912)