Voice of the Heart (88 page)

Sighing to herself, Katharine closed the shutters, realizing she was wasting time and neglecting Francesca. She had better go down and join her immediately. After all, she had stayed behind today to keep her friend company. No, that’s not exactly true, Katharine now thought, remembering her apprehension when the invitation had arrived. She had understood at once that she was far too debilitated by her worries to face a day of hectic socializing, and had also blanched at the idea of being a captive on the yacht. She had decided she was definitely
not
going to be at the mercy of the two men who most made her feel ill at ease: Nicholas Latimer and Michael Lazarus. Nick with his disapproval and open hostility and bitchy one-line cracks; Mike with his obsessive attentiveness and penetrating scrutiny and probing questions. Her only regret about refusing to attend was Beau Stanton. He was the sweetest of men, kind, considerate and very chivalrous. He treated her like a person, not an
object
, a
thing
to be ogled and pawed and possessed, and so induced in her a feeling of femininity and self-worth. All her insecurities disappeared when she was with Beau, and he made her laugh a lot, brought out the best in her. She sincerely hoped he was not going to be offended by her absence. That was the last thing she wanted.

Katharine turned to the dressing table and picked up the brush, smoothing it over her flowing chestnut hair, contemplating Mike. There was no denying she found him fascinating. His personality compelled with its potency, and, being attracted to power, she could not help being impressed by the massive clout he wielded. It was like a narcotic to her. Yet withal, she was not sure she
liked
him, instinctively felt the need to be cautious with him. Self-protection, she murmured, and picked up a length of blue satin ribbon. She tied this around her head, fastening it in a bow on the crown,
then sprayed herself with
Ma Griffe
, and lavishly so, liking its fresh green smell. Slipping out of her robe, she lifted the blue cotton shift off the chair and put it on, then stepped into white, low-heeled sandals. She found her sunglasses and left the room.

Halfway down the staircase, Katharine paused, struck by the realization that there was one other reason she had elected to stay behind today. She wanted to be alone with Francesca. To confide in her. Of course. This idea had been in her subconscious for days, and acknowledging it finally suddenly gave her a sense of the most profound relief.
Francesca Cunningham was the only person she really trusted.
Apart from this, her friend was fair minded, compassionate and caring, would see the sense in everything she was doing, without passing judgment or thinking badly of her. That was not Francesca’s way at all. Spurred on by these positive thoughts, which infected her with self-confidence and strengthened her resolve to be frank with her friend, Katharine continued down the stairs.

As she stepped out onto the terrace, the glaring light and the intense heat assaulted her in waves, and she knew that in minutes she would feel wilted and nauseated. But she pushed a smile onto her face, hurried forward and cried gaily, ‘Good morning, Frankie darling!’

Francesca sat up on the
chaise longue
swiftly, shaded her eyes with her hand, squinting up at Katharine hovering in front of her. ‘There you are, lazy bones! I was just about to come upstairs and drag you out of bed.’

‘I’ve been up for hours,’ Katharine retorted with a laugh. She pushed one of the chairs under the large yellow umbrella and sat down at the table, grateful for the shade. ‘I’ve been writing letters. One of them was to Anna. My new dressmaker. I told her you would be going to see her when you get back to London. With the evening gown. I’ve asked her to copy it for you. And I’ve sent her a cheque to cover
the cost of making it, and the price of the peach organza and the trimmings.’

‘Oh Kath, you didn’t have to do that! Honestly, you didn’t—’

Katharine held up a hand, delighted to see the happy expression on Francesca’s face. ‘Hush, darling, I can’t bear the thought that I ruined such a beautiful dress. Besides, whatever you say, I know you’ve been down in the dumps about it ever since Saturday. And let’s face it, you can never wear it again, and I imagine it was expensive.’

‘How sweet and dear of you, Kath, and very thoughtful. Thank you. And of course I’ll visit Anna.’ Francesca gave her the benefit of a loving smile, then said, ‘There’s nobody like you in this whole world, nobody at all. You’re very special. I am going to miss you—so very much, Kath.’

‘I feel the same way about you, darling.’ A little smile played around Katharine’s mouth, and thinking out loud, she exclaimed, ‘I wish you could come with me. Why don’t you? It wouldn’t cost you anything. You could stay with me at the Bel-Air Hotel, in my suite, and I’d pay for your air ticket. And don’t look at me like
that
! I know you’re funny about accepting things, so let’s just say it would be my way of repaying your father’s hospitality at Langley, and this vacation.’ Katharine’s eagerness and excitement were infectious and were transmitted to Francesca, who smiled with pleasure, her head on one side as she thought it over.

‘Gosh, that would be fun, Kath!’ Immediately Francesca’s face fell. ‘But it’s not possible. There’s the wedding coming up, and Daddy will want me to be at home during the Christmas holidays. Tradition, you know, and I have to help with the Yule party at the church, all the activities at the castle for the estate workers and the villagers. But it was a lovely thought on your part. Anyway, you’ll be busy with the picture, and I’m going to be working hard myself. I think the book on Chinese Gordon will go pretty smoothly now,
thanks to Nicky. To be honest, I don’t think I could have tackled it without him, I really don’t.’

‘Oh but you could!’ Katharine cried with some fierceness, her face changing noticeably. ‘You don’t need
anyone
to babysit with you. You’re as talented as Nicholas Latimer, and then some!’

Francesca merely smiled at these compliments, and made no further comment about Nick. In view of Katharine’s antipathy towards him, she knew her words would fall on stony ground. She stood up, ‘Yves brought out a jug of
citron pressé
. Would you like a glass? I’m going to have one.’

‘Yes, thanks. It’s very hot out here. This terrace is a real sun trap.’ A copy of the latest
New York Herald Tribune
was lying on the table, and Katharine picked it up, fanned herself with it. ‘I don’t know how you can stand this heat.’

Francesca, busily pouring the lemonade, laughed merrily. ‘I love the sun. I suppose that’s because I come from a cold climate.’ She returned to the table with the glasses and sat down with Katharine. ‘What are you wearing to Beau’s dinner on Friday? Do you know yet?’

‘I was going through my clothes earlier and decided on the white silk tunic and matching pants.’

‘Oh!’

Katharine took off her sunglasses, looked at Francesca quickly, noted her crestfallen face. ‘What’s wrong, darling? Does mine conflict with your outfit?’

‘Well, sort of,’ Francesca admitted with a rueful grin. ‘Doris and I saw a lovely two-piece in Monte Carlo the other day. It’s a bit similar to yours, narrow Capri pants and a loose top made of white silk. Doris loved me in it, and she’s insisted on buying it for me. Today, after the boat trip. But I can wear my blue silk dress after all, if you’ve deci—’

‘No, no, don’t be silly. I’ll choose something else.’ Katharine did not want to deprive Francesca of the opportunity to wear the new outfit, conscious, as she was, of her paltry wardrobe. ‘Come to think of it, I’m too pale to wear white, but it will
look
super
on you with that fabulous tan. I’ll probably go in the pink taffeta with the halter neck. It’s settled. No arguments.’

‘Are you sure, Kath?’

‘Positive.’ She picked up the glass of lemonade, took a sip, stole a glance at Francesca, over the rim. I can’t put it off any longer, she thought. I must tell her. I need to tell her. She put the glass down carefully, cleared her throat. ‘I’m glad we have this chance to be alone together, Frankie. I have something to say to you, explain to you…’ She found she was unable to proceed, and her voice, slightly tremulous, faltered. She looked down at her hands, twined them nervously.

Francesca was immediately conscious of the grave tone, saw the deep frown furrowing Katharine’s smooth brow. ‘You sound upset, Kath dear. It occurred to me several times over the weekend that you’re troubled. I have a broad shoulder, and I’m your best friend. If you can’t confide in me, who
can
you confide in?’ She waited expectantly.

Katharine was silent, gazing out towards the shimmering Mediterranean, and her extraordinary turquoise eyes were curiously empty and flat, her face was pensive in repose.

After a minute or two, Francesca asked softly, ‘Is it something to do with Kim?’

Katharine swung her head, nodded, swallowed hard. ‘Yes. I’ve—I’ve decided to break off with him.’

Francesca had not expected anything quite so drastic, and she was thunderstruck. ‘You can’t mean that, Katharine!’ she cried, her eyes wide with surprise and disbelief.

‘Yes, I do.’ Katharine’s voice was steadier as she continued. ‘I’ve given a great deal of thought to our relationship, and come to the conclusion it will never work. The longer I know Kim, the more I understand how important his heritage is to him. He loves Langley with a passion, it’s his life. And so are farming and your ancient lands. He wouldn’t be happy for very long if he were far away from them. And I wouldn’t be happy either, if I had to forgo my career in Hollywood. You
see, Frankie darling, he’s been hinting that I’d have to give up my acting eventually, and also grumbling about our being separated for months on end. Don’t think I’m oblivious to what my long absences would mean to him, because I’m not. But by the same token I would only be half alive if I didn’t act. Surely you of all people understand about my work.’

Francesca said, ‘Yes, I do. But can’t you work this out with Kim? Compromise perhaps?’

‘I don’t think so.’ The love Katharine felt for Francesca flew to the surface, and she leaned forward, patted her hand affectionately. ‘I’m aware you had great hopes for us, wanted Kim and me to marry, but it’s just not in the cards. We lead such different lives, want different things, and we’re
wrong
for each other in so many ways.’

‘That’s not true!’ Francesca cried urgently. ‘You’re so
right
for each other. I
know
you are. Oh darling, I think you’re being far too hasty.’

‘I’m not, Frankie. I’ve mulled this over for a long time, and my decision is final. Please don’t look so sad and unhappy.’

‘I can’t help it, Katharine. You’d make a wonderful wife for Kim, and be the best sister-in-law.’ Francesca lifted her head, squinting in the sunlight, and dismay swamped her face. ‘He’s going to be crushed… my poor brother is going to be heartbroken.’

‘Only for a little while. He’ll get over me, and I’m sure he’ll fall in love again. This morning I decided it would be kinder, and more considerate, to break the news to Kim later. After the vacation is over. It would be difficult for us both now, while we’re here at the villa. And by
later
I mean when I’m in California. I thought I could call him in about six weeks and say I’d decided to stay on in Hollywood. I realize it won’t be easy for him, whichever way I handle it. Still, it might be less painful for him to bear if I’m far away. What do you think?’

‘I honestly don’t know.’ Francesca looked at her queerly.

‘I’m not being a coward, if that’s what you’re thinking,’ Katharine protested, her cheeks colouring. ‘I’m considering Kim and his feelings—his pride, his ego. Nobody likes to be rejected, Frankie, and that’s how he’ll see it. He won’t accept the fact that I’m being intelligent for both of us. Also, don’t you think he’d be embarrassed and mortified if I tell him
now
—with all the family here?’

‘Well, yes, I suppose he would be,’ Francesca felt bound to agree, albeit with reluctance. She thought of the way Kim had defended Katharine, had been her champion. Yes, her brother would feel foolish, considering his staunch loyalty in the face of their father’s disquiet and opposition. This had never been voiced, but intuitively Francesca knew it existed. Daddy and Doris are going to be delighted by this turn of events, she said to herself. They disapprove of Kath, think she’s unworthy of Kim. They’re so wrong. Another thought intruded, brought a bright smile to Francesca’s glum face. ‘You are right to wait, to tell Kim later,’ she pronounced with sudden certainty. ‘And not only to spare his feelings, but because you’ll probably miss him so much, you won’t
want
to break off with him after all. When you’re in Hollywood you’ll have a chance to truly evaluate your emotions, and maybe have second thoughts, Kath. Consider that for a moment.’

‘I won’t change my mind, darling,’ Katharine spoke so quietly Francesca had trouble hearing her. ‘Even if I thought there was a chance of the marriage working, I would not marry Kim. I
cannot
marry him. Not
now
. Not
ever.
’

Francesca was still straining to catch her friend’s words, her attention concentrated on Katharine’s face, which was paler and filling with distress. ‘Why not?’ demanded Francesca, her voice rising, reflecting her alarm.

‘There’s an impediment.’

‘What on earth do you mean?’ Her brows puckered. ‘
Impediment
. That’s a peculiar word to use.’

Katharine turned her face away, closing her eyes. Despite
her compelling desire to unburden herself to Francesca, to share her worries, the sentence stuck in her throat, and she bit her inner lip. At last she said in a small voice that was oddly firm and clear, ‘I’m pregnant, Frankie.
That’s
the impediment.’

Francesca’s mouth opened, formed a perfectly round O, but not one sound came out. She sat staring at her friend in stupefaction.

‘And obviously not by Kim,’ Katharine added. She leaned back in the chair, experiencing a sense of relief, a lightness almost, glad this was finally out in the open.