Virtue & Vanity (13 page)

“The door should be locked when you’re done watching the movie and I have to go to the city in an hour.”

The hope resurfaced in me and I tried to convince her to give me the keys without letting her know how much it meant to me. “Can I lock it and leave the keys with Norma?” I asked innocently.

Anne seemed to be thinking about my proposal for a while and I wanted to die from the pressure of anticipation. “Well, why not? I trust you. After all, you are the mistress of this house.” A warm smile graced her lips as she handed me that bundle that held the truth of my destiny.

“Thank you, Anne.”

“Just don’t lose them.” She winked at me.

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure I don’t,” I said as I watched her leave and I felt a little guilty because I knew I was about to betray her trust.

***

I waited for about an hour, because I knew that Anne would be gone and then I set my plan into motion. I locked the media room and hurried towards Sebastian’s office. My heart started pounding loudly as I approached the door. In a frenzy, I looked for the right key in the pile of many and my palms started sweating because I had tried almost every single one, but none of them would fit in that damn key hole. When I got to the last key, I closed my eyes, praying for it to be the one. And to my surprise, it fit perfectly. In an ironic twist, I finally managed to unlock the door, but I froze as anxiety washed over me. Still, there was only one way to find out what was in that contract, so I gathered all my courage and entered his precious office, closing the massive door behind me.

The office was luxuriously decorated with tasteful dark brown colonial furniture and the first thing that struck me was the sheer perfectionism that ruled that entire space. Everything was symmetrical, stripped of any warmth and yet strikingly beautiful on the surface. It was the very reflection of Sebastian’s character. Nervousness ruled my system because I was surrounded by his personal space and I struggled to stay focused on my goal. I quickly locked the door because I didn’t want anyone barging in, and then I looked around, trying to figure out where he would keep the document that I was looking for. My eyes traveled around the room, scanning the shelves filled with different kinds of files, and I realized that I might as well be looking for a needle in a haystack. I almost decided to leave, when I noticed a pile of neatly folded documents that were just lying on the edge of the table. At that point I had nothing to lose, so I looked through that pile and that was when I found it. I’d finally found the prenuptial agreement that would hopefully shed some light of the truth into the darkness I was trapped in.

I started reading through the passages and the closer I got to the crushing truth, the more I felt like the ground beneath me trembled. Sudden shock took over me and I thought that what I had just read had to have been some kind of a sick joke. My knees went weak and just when I thought that things couldn’t get any worse, I heard the door unlocking. Before I knew what hit me, Sebastian stormed inside and I nearly screamed when he looked at me in instant fury. He didn’t say anything because he was in the middle of a conversation. That cell phone in his hands was my lifeline. When he told the person on the phone that he would call them later, that lifeline was cut and I was on my own, face to face with my executioner.

He focused all his attention on me and I could see every muscle in his body tensing.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” His voice was frighteningly calm.

I wasn’t about to wait for him to hurt me, so I ran towards the door, still holding that document in my hands. He stood in front of the door, blocking my way out and shaking his head at me.

“No, no, no... You’re not going anywhere.” He took the contract from me in one swift move.

“W-what is this?” I asked in disbelief before he got a chance to scowl at me.

“You know what this is. Your signature is on it.”

He turned the page I read only moments ago towards me and I lowered my eyes to the place on the paper where my signature was placed.

“I d-didn’t know.” My voice was quavering.

He looked at me with a quizzical look on his face. “You must think I’m a fool if you expect me to believe that.”

“I... I had to sign.”

“Had to?” He waited for my reply shortly, but then cut me off when I tried to say something. “It doesn’t matter. When you signed it, you confirmed that you knew what is expected of you. You have agreed to provide me with a son, whose birth would mean an immediate termination of our marriage.” Hearing him say out loud what I had just read was like a dagger being pushed into my heart.

“Y-You don’t expect me to actually go through with that?”

I was in absolute shock. The thought of having a baby with Sebastian had never occurred to me. I knew it was stupid, because I went through all of the examinations, but after our wedding night, I couldn’t have imagined having a child with that man. The mere thought of him touching me terrified the life out of me.

“Of course I do, 
baby girl
. Those are the terms of the agreement. The only way out of this marriage is that you provide me with a son and I want out of this marriage, badly!”

His words and the tone of his voice summoned an unwanted memory right back into my mind. 
'This is what you signed up for, baby girl.’ 
I shook myself to make the terrorizing remembrance go away.

“I’m not your baby girl!” I spat out venomously, fighting the threat of having a complete mental breakdown.

As if I’d told him the funniest joke ever, he laughed and savored my discomfort before spitting out his own dose of venom, which was about a million times stronger than mine.

“This marriage...” I started, but didn’t get a chance to finish.

“This marriage was never meant to last. It was only a way for me to get a legitimate heir.” He paused and observed me while I was fighting to breathe. “Actually, it wasn’t my choice of doing things, but my family together with you and your mother didn’t seem to mind, so it’s too late to play the victim now.” He simply laid out the situation, without any sign of compassion.

The whole world came crashing down on me. He had mentioned my mother. Had she known about this all along? Was she aware that he would divorce me the moment I gave him a son? She had done some horrible things in her time, but I couldn’t believe she would actually trick me into this. As desperation, mixed with suspicion and insecurity rushed through me, I felt like I was about to pass out.

“No, no...” I closed my eyes and repeated in a frantic mantra. “I didn’t know. I can’t do this.” I looked at him desperately, pleading for reason to prevail.

“It is too late to reverse things. Even though you claim you didn’t know about the real nature of this marriage, you still married me for reasons that were everything but honorable. Please, correct me if I’m wrong.” He cornered me with the undeniable truth.

I was so humiliated and helpless. Panic raised in my blood as the uncertainty of my future crashed down on me.

“But why... Why would you want to have a baby with me? You don’t love me! You can’t stand me,” I cried out.

“This has nothing to do with love. I never let my feelings interfere with business,” he spoke in a harsh tone.

I stood there numbly, wondering how he can be so cold to think that having a baby was the same as closing some kind of a business deal. The fact that he wasn’t even remotely touched by my apparent distress only proved that his heart was made of stone.

“I hate you,” I said quietly.

“Luckily for me, I don’t give a fuck about that.”

“Well you should. Because hell will freeze over before I let you touch me and make me pregnant with your child.”

When I saw the look on his face, I immediately regretted what I said but it was too late to take it back. He started approaching me and I was scared out of my mind, but I didn’t dare to move. Before I knew it, he was standing behind me. His hands landed on my shoulders and he roughly pushed me on the desk. Then he lowered his torso on my back and lingered over my hair only to make me more nervous by delaying the torture. I hated how much he enjoyed scaring me. Instinctively, I tried to free myself from his grip, but he warned me to stay still. When I attempted to get away from him one more time, he tightened his hold on me, making it difficult to breathe. When he parted his lips, I felt his breath on my neck and I choked from fear.

In a light touch, he brushed his knuckles against my bruised cheek and it made me shiver. “Do I need to remind you what happens when you push me over the edge?”

“N-No. Let go of me.” I was losing my breath.

“Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. Just because I said that I would give you time doesn’t mean I can’t change my mind.”

I winced when his hand started traveling from my shoulder down to my collarbone. His lips brushed against my ear and I yelped when the scent of his cologne traveled to me. “Mark my words. Keep playing with my patience and hell may freeze over a lot sooner than you think.” His hot whisper burned my skin and I started panting for air when his hand traveled even lower.

I burned from the embarrassment and complete panic took hold of me when I felt his erection through the fabric of our clothes. I closed my eyes, waiting for his next move, and I tensed up when one last pleading whisper left my body. “P-Please don’t hurt me.”

He exhaled and I felt a light breeze grazing my skin. I was hoping like hell that he was considering my plea. It felt like something exploded within him and he got off of me abruptly. I was still taken aback by his attack, but I didn’t waste any time and instantly moved as far away from him as I could. His dark eyes were boring into me and I felt attacked by his unnerving stare. In a pathetic attempt to protect myself, I crossed my arms over my chest and my hands gripped my heaving shoulders. Struck by everything I had found out, I was fighting the threat of an anxiety attack. He still carried that lustful expression on his face as he took one step towards me and I stumbled back, flinching away in panic. His face wore a mask of heavy frustration and I could have sworn that he was trying to keep his demons at bay.

“Get the fuck out!” he yelled and looked at me with disgust displayed all over his face as I tried to stumble out as fast as I could.

Once I was out of his office, I thought I was going to throw up. As bitterness consumed my mind, I remembered how my mother had tricked me into marrying him by saying I was his first choice. She talked about a lifetime of happiness that awaited me, but I was only meant to be used as a whore who would provide him with a son and would be tossed aside like a broken toy nobody wanted to play with anymore. Everybody got something out of the deal. Sebastian would get a son, the Everett family would get an heir and my mother would get her money. I, on the other hand, would get absolutely nothing. Except a ruined life. I had to think of something, and I had to do it fast because I couldn’t let him make me pregnant with his child. The last thing I needed was the final proof of his detest and hatred growing inside me.

Chapter Sixteen

“What do you mean he went on a business trip?” I asked Anne in confusion when she served my breakfast the next day.

“Didn’t he tell you? He will be gone the entire weekend. He’s coming home on Monday morning.” She was surprised.

“No, he didn’t tell me. I guess he forgot,” My voice was dripping with sarcasm.

I was furious. He didn’t have enough courtesy to inform me that he would be gone for the weekend. I bet he savored the fact that I was panicking about that contract and his intentions to sleep with me, while he was miles away. Even after everything that he had put me through, it was still unbelievable that he enjoyed torturing me that much. I was done eating. I needed some time alone with my thoughts. I needed out, so I rushed into the garden while Anne looked at me with a puzzled look on her face. I was grateful she didn’t ask me anything about the keys because I sure as hell couldn’t handle that too at the time. Maybe, if I was lucky enough, Sebastian wouldn’t ask any questions about how I’d ended up locking myself in his office, but the chances of that were very slim.

***

During the weekend, I had a lot of time to reflect on everything, and torture myself in the process. Although I should have felt at ease because I knew Sebastian was away, I couldn’t
 
stop thinking about that damned contract and his cruel expectations. Deep down, I hoped he would prolong his trip and even worse, I found myself wishing he had an accident so that he could never come home again. I felt like I was the worst person in the world for thinking about that, but I couldn’t help it, because I felt good when he wasn’t around. Still, even though he wasn’t near, the memory of his cruelty never left me, and I would wake up in sweat and fear every night, anticipating the day when he would come back. The time of tranquility went by too quickly, and before I could get used to it, it was Sunday evening.

No matter how hard I tried to focus, sleep wouldn’t come that night. I’d enjoyed the last few days without him so much and I knew that he would be back the next day which meant that the shackles that restrained me would return as well. When I managed to drowse and fall into a deeper sleep, the tension trapped inside me worked its way out and it resulted in another scary nightmare. I woke up yelping, trying to breathe in as much air as possible. My throat was dry and raspy from the suffocating in my dream and I couldn’t utter as much as a single sound. I tried to ignore the thirst, but I desperately needed to drink something. Having learned from the night when I followed the sound of Sebastian’s piano, I knew walking through the house in my nightwear wasn’t a good idea, but at least I was sure that he was away, and that was the only danger that could faze me. I put on a silk robe over my nightgown and tried to find my way through the dark hallways of the mansion. When I turned off the light in the kitchen and closed the refrigerator, all of the noise subsided and, eventually I heard quiet voices, emerging from the darkness that surrounded me. At first, I thought my mind played tricks on me, because apart from Anne, Norma and me, there was nobody else in the house. Standing in the hallway, I was scared to move forward because the noises wouldn’t disappear. With my heart pumping out of my chest, I slowly moved through the hallway, expecting to be attacked by something. As I tiptoed towards the room, I noticed a dim light, coming from the patio, so I decided to check who was there. The voices I heard while approaching the patio were those of a man and a woman. They were so quiet, loving and gentle. I wondered if Norma had snuck somebody into the house and shortly laughed at the idea. When I leaned against the opened door and peeked inside, I froze because I witnessed something I hadn’t expected.

A young woman was sitting on the sofa with her head leaned against Sebastian’s chest. My heart sank as I watched him hold her in his arms. He was so tender, stroking her hair and caressing her face. Then he laid a gentle kiss on her forehead while whispering softly to her.

“Don’t ever forget how much I care. I will always be there for you.” He treated her with such delicacy, like she was made of glass.

“I know, Sebastian.” She looked up at him and answered quietly.

The grief and pain I felt at that moment surpassed the voice of reason warning me that I should get away from there. Memories of his cruelty towards me emerged from the box I so badly wanted to keep locked in the back of my mind. I watched as the man who mercilessly broke me, the man who’d caused me so much pain and brought immense shame upon me, was being so extremely tentative to that other woman sitting next to him. Somehow, it would have been much easier to think he was a monster who had hurt me because he liked hurting people. The heartbreaking truth that I was the only woman he despised and wanted to hurt was too much for me to bear. My thoughts were consumed by his mocking explanation that our marriage wasn’t about love and affection. Hearts and flowers were obviously reserved for the woman in his arms and I could get the rest of him—the worst of him. As I watched him lean over to her, I remembered how I was waiting for him to kiss me on our wedding night. But instead of kissing me, he had shamed me and ordered me to take off my dress so that he could fuck me. I let out shallow breaths, wondering what he would say to her, but he never uttered a word. He just lowered his lips on hers and kissed her lovingly. Without realizing, I moved a few steps forward and I was standing in the room as he kissed her, but both of them were so focused on each other, that they didn’t notice me.

“You mean so much to me.” He pulled her even closer and whispered in her ear quietly, but loud enough for me to hear.

As a consequence of everything I’d seen, I knew I had to get out of there immediately if I didn’t want to start hyperventilating. But, of course, I had to be humiliated again. I turned around in an attempt to run, and crushed the lamp that stood on the commode next to me. Sebastian’s eyes instantly turned to me and I noticed his shocked gaze before I started running as far away from that patio as I could.

I didn’t think about my own safety, I just didn’t want him to find me. His revenge for ruining his loving encounter with that woman would surely be awful, so I couldn’t go back to my room. Neglecting the fact that I was barefoot, I went straight towards the front door and ran into the garden. I was running so fast, feeling the cold ground, grass and stones on my bare feet. Without catching my breath, I ran until I reached the secluded garden with the swing chair and the beautiful roses. Then I stopped, sat on the chair, hugged my knees and rested my head on them. I began reliving everything that had happened to me—my mother’s threats, Dianne’s comments, Sebastian’s humiliations before our wedding, the night when he brutalized me, my nightmares, his constant intimidations, the stupid agreement I signed without thinking and that last thing I’d seen him do—managed to come together into a ball of firing steel that crushed me with its overwhelming weight. Tears evoked by the ache of my broken heart started streaming down my face. I cried for the girl who didn’t seem to deserve to be loved by anyone. I cried for the girl who was betrayed by her own mother. I cried for the girl who was trapped in a loveless marriage with a man who only wanted to see her suffer. I cried for the girl who had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I cried for the girl who merely existed while she was dead inside. I clenched my fists so hard that my nails dug into my skin, but the desolation I felt wouldn’t recede.

“Isabelle.” Terror gripped me when I heard his deep voice.

How on earth did he find me? Wasn’t there a single place where I could hide from him?
 I wondered about the girl he had kissed. 
Why would he leave her to go after me?
 He knelt to my level, waiting for me to acknowledge him. I didn’t want him to see how lame and miserable I was, so I swore to myself that I wouldn’t lift up my head until I managed to make the tears go away. I felt the cold wind lifting my light hair and I focused on the sounds of the restless summer night.

“Look at me!” the warning he uttered was all too familiar.

After scarcely putting myself together, I finally faced him. He looked tired, pale and his green eyes were showing how upset he was, but there was also another wild emotion glaring from his eyes and it was impossible to read his thoughts.

“You’ve created a habit of sneaking around the house in the middle of the night, haven’t you?”

“You weren’t supposed to be home,” I answered indifferently.

“Get back into the house, you’ll catch a cold out here,” he practically ordered me, but I had no intention to obey him. 

The fact that he pretended that my well-being suddenly meant something to him, would have been ridiculous had it not been tragic. Moments went by and I could tell his patience was growing thin. I didn’t care. For the first time in my life I cared about myself more than others. I was sick and tired of being everybody’s doormat.

“I want a divorce.” The words spilled out of me like I had no control over them.

I surprised myself because I hadn’t planned on asking for a divorce, but I was glad I did. I didn’t care if I ended up being homeless on the street as long as I was away from him. But although I looked at him with sheer sincerity, he didn’t take me seriously. He laughed and shook his head, which was a clear sign that he was mocking my request.

“Oh, do you now?” he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Yes. I don’t want to be married to you anymore! And I don’t care about the stupid agreement,” I said fiercely, feeling proud of myself because I had finally stood up to him.

He looked at me like I meant nothing to him, cursing me with the green windows of his dark soul.

“I’ve already told you that playing games won’t get you anywhere. You know as well as I do that there will be no divorce until the terms of that 
stupid
 agreement are fulfilled, and that day seems to be a long way off,” he said without a trace of compassion in his voice.

“I’m not playing games! I’m telling you that I don’t want this. I have never wanted this. Please, let me go. I don’t want to have a child with you,” I begged him.

“But you wanted to marry me, didn’t you? You know what motivated you to say 
I do
 in that church and it was you who said it, nobody else, Isabelle. And you knew very well what your duties as my wife would be, with or without that clause in the agreement!” He stood his ground.

“What do you want me to say? I was a coward. I was scared,” I tried to admit bravely as I was reasoning with him. “Please, I want to make things right.” I looked up at his eyes before uttering my plea in all sincerity. “Give me a divorce,” I whispered through chattering teeth because I was freezing.

“Too little, too late, Isabelle,” he dismissed me.

I didn’t understand. He obviously had someone whom he loved and who loved him back. He had shown me time and again that he hated me with so much passion that would drive many stronger people insane, and yet he wanted to have a child with me. I was aware about the Rosemont rule, but there were other girls in Rosemont he could marry. There were many other ones that would suit him much better than me.

“Why would you want a child with me? What about your lover? Why... Why doesn’t she provide you with an heir?” I raised the obvious question.

“Cora cannot have children and she isn’t my lover. She’s just a friend,” he stated.

So that woman whom he was treating with so much warmth and attention was Cora, his former betrothed, the woman he cared about so much.

“You kissed her.” I wouldn’t let him fool me. I might have been naive, but I wasn’t stupid and I was sure of one thing. “Friends don’t kiss like that.”

“My, my... Are you jealous?” His voice was strange. 
Almost
... 
playful?

Whatever was on his mind, this wasn’t the Sebastian I knew. Maybe I was jealous when I saw him being so gentle with her. It made me reflect on his behavior towards me and it had only deepened my wounds. 
Maybe I was losing my mind.

“I’m not jealous. I just don’t think there is a reason for us to stay married, especially after what happened tonight.”

“I beg to differ. Our arrangement has nothing to do with what happened tonight.” He was dead serious, traces of humor from moments ago completely gone.

“I promise I won’t ask for anything,” I stressed the words. “Think about it, let’s get a divorce and I will just leave. You will never have to see me again. I will find a job and take care of myself, I swear.”

I thought that would make him feel different. For a while, he just glared at me like he didn’t believe what I had just said. The wind started blowing harder and it looked like it might start raining any given second.

“You bear the last name Everett. Nobody will employ you knowing whose wife you are.” He dismissed my proposition.

“But, I wouldn’t be your wife anymore. I wouldn’t have your last name.” I was desperate.

“Spare yourself the trouble, Isabelle,” he said flatly.

“Please, I have suffered enough. I’m begging you...” I broke down, whispering the words.

Again, there was no answer, just the annoying silence. He deliberately tried to make me wait. The longer I waited, the more I hoped he would agree with me. The first raindrops were already mixing with the light wind, finding their way to my freezing body and I knew the time was ticking away. He sighed, and my heart started pounding in anticipation.