Virtue and Vice (18 page)

Her husband.
It sounded so strange. She had a husband. A husband she most certainly didn’t want.

Izzy turned to find Ram, who’d not followed her across the room, presumably to give her a moment of privacy with Heath. The instant their eyes met he smiled and strode to her side. The warmth in his smile disconcerted her, and before she could gather her wits enough to introduce him, her brother stepped forward. “No need to introduce us after all, Izzy.” Reaching for Ram’s hand, Heath clapped him warmly on the shoulder at the same time. “We met at Breda, if I recall.”

Ram shook his head. “I’m certain you have me confused with someone else.”

“Nay, my good man. You and I were awaiting an audience with the King at the same time.”

“You are mistaken.”

Heath frowned. “Julian James, yes?”

Izzy stifled a gasp, her gaze flying from her brother to her husband. She saw the barely noticeable tightening of Ram’s jaw. Her brother spoke true!

Ram glanced in her direction for an instant before turning his attention to Heath. “I’m Ramsay Maitland, Viscount Royston.”

Her brother seemed bemused. “I apologize then, for you very much resemble someone I once met.” He shrugged and his quick smile reappeared. “All the same, it’s a pleasure to meet the man who has the courage and fortitude to take on my sister.”

“Heath-” She elbowed him in the stomach.

As her brother and husband chatted, Izzy’s mind spun with questions as it darted about, looking for a plausible explanation for Ram’s presence in Breda, for there was no doubt he
had
been there.

The coincidence of the name Julian James was too great, and Ram’s reaction too telling to leave any doubt he had indeed met with the King at his court of exiles. Yet according to Papa, Ram’s father had been a staunch Parliamentarian. What could explain Ram’s presence at the King’s side during Cromwell’s reign? Could he have been a double agent? Heath had told her of such men, who proclaimed fealty to Old Noll in order to ferret out important information and get it to Charles, at great risk to themselves.

For the first time since they spoke their wedding vows, Izzy wished to be alone with Ram to question him thoroughly.

Much to her dismay, her mother and brothers, as well as Ram’s father and sister, all contrived to keep that from happening. They were cheerful and sociable, drawing Ram into their boisterous conversation, but Izzy was too agitated to join in. When she wasn’t wondering about Ram’s true loyalties, a different and painful question consumed her. Where were Papa and Belinda?

Were they both gone from her life for good?

Frustrated by the inane conversation, she excused herself, stepping onto a terrace for some fresh air. The scent of the burgeoning summer washed over her with its smell of clean rain and wet grass and promise of warm days to come.

Should she find Papa and beg him to let her explain? Would it even matter? After all, she’d begged Ramsay to listen to her explanation, and look at how well that had turned out. He’d not believed her one whit. What if she confessed the lie to Papa and he didn’t believe her, either? It would destroy her to know for certain that Papa’s opinion of her had fallen so low.

When Ram’s arms slipped around her from behind, she jumped, stiffening in his embrace. His breath was warm on the nape of her neck. “Why don’t you seek him out and confess? Perhaps you can heal the rift betwixt you.”

She hated that he knew where her thoughts had been. She chewed her lip as she weighed her reply.

“He’s my father. Should he not accept and love me, no matter my faults?”

“I think any father would be hard pressed to remain calm in the face of a confession such as yours yesterday.”

“I don’t wish to discuss this with you, as
you
are precisely the reason Papa and I are at odds. It goes beyond what happened in his study yesterday.”

She felt his sigh against her back. “And Miss Spencer? What’s amiss between the two of you?”

She spun around, pushing out of his arms as she did so as to take a few steps backward.

“Again, I believe the blame for that lies with you.”

He studied her face, his grey eyes searching. “Belinda told you of our talk?”

As tears threatened to rise, Izzy bit her lip. “Talk? The two of you conspired together against me. She’s
my
cousin,
my
closest friend. I can’t understand how she could keep your secret from me. If only she’d told me…”

“If she had told you, then what? Would you have come willingly to this marriage?” His gaze was intense.

“Aye! Nay! I don’t know!” It was so hard to think clearly when he looked at her like that. “I can’t know what I would have done, but everything would have been different,” she wrapped her arms across herself. “Yesterday would have been different.” She focused on a spot over his shoulder. “I never expected yesterday to be anything but a trial, and yet when I realized you were my betrothed I was so sure, despite your anger, that things would be well after all. I thought that once we were alone I’d confess the truth and that perhaps we’d even laugh about it.”

“Poor Izzy.” He stroked the back of his fingers down her cheek. “Yesterday was truly an ordeal for you. It should have been one of the happiest days of your life and I’m sorry for the part I played in ruining it for you. If I could take it all back, I would. I’m sorrier than I can express in words.”

The light touch of his fingers made her shiver, but not in revulsion, to her horror. She ought to pull away, but there was something soothing and almost hypnotic about his voice. Even worse, there was a seductive edge to it that made her think of long hours spent in the crofter’s hut. She didn’t
want
Ram to remind her of the man she’d known as Julian.

“I don’t know Belinda well, but it’s obvious she loves you very much and only wants what’s best for you.”

Anger sparked again, giving her willpower to pull away from his touch. “That’s the entire point! You don’t know her and she doesn’t know you, and yet the two of you conspired to keep me ignorant of your identity. Did either of you intend to tell me the truth, or did you think it would be funny to see me humiliated when I arrived at the chapel and found you waiting with the vicar?”

“Dammit, Izzy! Neither of us intended nor wanted to humiliate you! I should have told you the truth before the wedding, and I’m sure Belinda expected I would. When Belinda told me how you felt about our betrothal, I decided not to reveal myself so I could woo you. I didn’t think you’d give me a chance if you knew the truth. Belinda didn’t tell you only because she wants what’s best for you.”

Anger heated Izzy’s face. “I’m so tired of everyone else thinking they know what’s best for me. I’m a grown woman and can make my own decisions.”

His eyes widened. “When I met you on May Day, you were scheming to give your virginity to the first stranger who appealed to you. Do you really believe that was a wise decision?”

“Wise or not, my virginity should have been mine to give away as I desired. I didn’t deserve to have it forced from me!”

He flinched. “You’re absolutely right.”

His agreement sucked the wind from her argument, but she continued on as if he hadn’t agreed. “And that’s why you’ll agree to the annulment I so desire. I won’t ever forgive what you did. This marriage is doomed to failure.”

“We’ve already discussed this. There will be no annulment. That is final.” She watched his jaw set in a way she was fast becoming accustomed.

“Not even to keep your father from learning his precious son was a double agent, working
for
the King instead of against him?”

His eyes flashed, turning frosty. “Beware of making idle threats. You know
nothing
of which you speak.”

“Truly? ‘Tis but a mere coincidence my brother recognized you today as
Julian James?
I may be a lot of things, my lord, but stupid is not one of them.”

“Izzy-” his voice rang with a tone of warning.

“Nay! I’m tired of others running my life and making decisions for me. If you don’t grant me this annulment, I’ll tell your father what I know, and some of what I suspect.”

“That’s blackmail. Think long and hard before you travel this path, Isabelle. You don’t want to make an enemy of me. Trust me.”

“Never! I shall never trust you again.”

Satisfaction surged through her when fury flashed across his face. It felt good to be in control, even if just for a little while. The truth was, she didn’t think she could reveal to his father what he’d done, because she respected it too much. But he needn’t know that. He needed only to believe she would do whatever she must.

“’Tis a shame my father will be in London, while you’ll remain here at my whim.” He bit out.

“We’ll see about that, my lord.”

He grabbed her by the upper arms and shook her, hard. “You will not do anything reckless for once. Do you understand me, Izzy?”

Looking pointedly at his grip, she raised an eyebrow. “My lord, you’re hurting me, and I believe you vowed last night that would never happen again.”

He dropped her arm as though it were on fire. But then he leaned close.

“Play your games all you like, Isabelle. They’ll not make a difference. Say your good-byes, we’re returning home.”

***

Ram didn’t say a word on the carriage ride back to Chesworth House. As soon as they entered the manor he stormed down the hall to his study, leaving Izzy standing in the foyer. She breathed a sigh of relief that she’d not have to fend off unwanted advances and retired to the bedchamber she’d hoped never to see again. She occupied herself trying to think of a solution to her new dilemma. Obviously, her threat must have concerned Ram, for he’d hurried her out of her parents’ home before she could approach his father. By tomorrow the Earl would be in London. To give her threat any teeth, she too needed to be in London. The question was how to accomplish it? What was the best mode of travel. Once in London she’d have need of her gowns and other assorted items, which couldn’t be carried on horseback. Yet, if she took a coach, Ram most certainly would follow and overtake her.

She needed help.

Seating herself at the desk in her bedchamber, she penned a note to Belinda, asking her to come to Izzy’s new home for a visit. Then she wrote another note to Heath, asking him to invite her new husband for a drink the day after tomorrow, so he might begin to feel a member of the family.

She gnawed on her lower lip as she contemplated her idea. She would need Belinda’s unwilling help to succeed.

But would Belinda respond to her plea?

Chapter 15

The next morning Izzy paced alone in her bedchamber, palms damp with sweat as she awaited word from Belinda.

Last evening Izzy had gone to sleep alone in the bed in her smaller chamber, but when Ram came upstairs he’d carried her through to the big bed in his adjoining chamber. For a few panic-ridden minutes, she’d lain rigid with fear and anticipation, but he hadn’t made any demands upon her. When he climbed into bed and rolled to his side with his back to her, she fell asleep again fast enough. When she awoke in the morn, he was gone.

Now there was nothing to do but wait.

Oh, Belinda. I need you so.

After an hour of endless pacing, there was a knock upon the bedchamber door. Izzy leapt across the room and yanked it open to find Hawthorne, the butler, on the other side. “My lady, you have a caller.”

With a quick nod of thanks, she tore barefoot down the stairs. Profound relief coursed through her when she spotted Belinda seated in the ladies receiving room, an overly opulent salon done in gold and almost every pastel shade Izzy could ever imagine. A frilly pale pink curtain covered the large window inset with a plush covered cushion in pale green. Everywhere one looked, gilded cherubs smiled back, from atop the marble mantle to the paintings on the wall, and the statuettes that sat on almost every table in the room.

Ram’s mother hadn’t possessed the best of taste.

Izzy bit her lip when she saw Belinda staring all around the room, a look of almost comic disbelief on her face. At any other time they would have dissolved into a fit of giggles together over finding themselves in a salon like this. There had never been a gulf this large between them and more than anything Izzy wanted to make things right with Belinda. At the same time guilt assailed her for what she was about to do.

She stepped into the room, pulling the double doors closed behind her. Belinda jumped to her feet at the sound, wariness evident in her gaze. Izzy took a deep breath and broke the silence.

“I seem to be saying this to you quite a bit of late, Bel. I’m so sorry for what I said. I have no excuse, only that I was overwrought and emotional when we last spoke.”

Some of the uncertainty faded from Belinda’s eyes and she stepped closer. “Why were you so overwrought, Izzy? Weren’t you at all pleased to discover your betrothed was Julian? Even if only little?”

Izzy pressed her lips together, debating how much to reveal. But if she wanted Bel to be sympathetic Izzy would have to tell her the complete truth. Seating herself on a pale yellow sofa, she patted the space beside her.

Once Belinda seated herself, Izzy launched into the humiliating story, only wanting to get it over with. “I think I might have been, Bel, I truly believe once my anger over his deception wore off, I would have realized how lucky I was that my husband was already someone I knew and liked, even if he wasn’t Paul.” Izzy paused to swallow hard over the lump that arose in her throat when she thought of Paul. “But something happened that you don’t know about, and that’s why I was so upset when we spoke. I did something awful only moments before I found out the truth about Julian.”

“Oh, Izzy, what did you do?” Belinda reached for her hand and clutched it tightly. Izzy bit back tears at this evidence that she’d not lost her cousin’s staunch loyalty.

“I told Papa I was no longer a virgin, which was a complete falsehood,” Izzy rushed to clarify as Belinda’s mouth opened to ask the inevitable question. “I thought it was my last chance to escape the wedding. I didn’t reckon on Ramsay being in the study with Papa when I made the foolish confession.”

“Oh, no!” Bel clamped her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide with horror.

Izzy stared at her lap. “Papa all but disowned me. Ram too was enraged, Bel. He hadn’t taken my virginity and assumed someone else had. Why he chose to go forth with the marriage after that is something I’ll probably never understand. When you and I spoke, I was trying to figure out how to make everything right. I tried to explain the truth to Ram later that evening, on our journey here, but he wouldn’t believe me, no matter what I said…or how hard I fought him.”

She closed her eyes, beginning to tremble “Oh Bel, it was so awful. I-I tried so hard to make him listen, but he wouldn’t, he thought me wanton. He called me a whore.” Her eyes burned. “When I tried to resist him, he forced himself on me…”

She clenched her fists, trying to keep her emotions controlled, but a sob escaped anyway, quickly followed by another, and then another, until she shook with them.

Belinda put her arms around her, cradling Izzy’s head against her shoulder, holding Izzy in silence while she cried for long minutes.

“Dear God, Izzy. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say.” Belinda pulled back, taking Izzy’s face in her hands. “I
never
would have gone along with him if I believed for even a moment he could be so violent and cruel. Surely you know that?”

Izzy nodded. “I do, Belinda, and I’m sorry for the things I said at the wedding. I was so scared and miserable after everything came out in Papa’s study, and I’m afraid I lashed out at you in my fear. I didn’t mean any of it, surely you believe me?”

“I believe you. Come.” She wiped Izzy’s tears with her thumb. “What will you do? Can you go to your father?”

Izzy shook her head. “Papa said I was…I am unwelcome in his house. He’s so angry with me…” She took a deep breath, for here was where she had to tell her lie. She prayed that just one more time Belinda would be able to forgive her when the truth was revealed. “I’m not quite sure what to do. Ram is adamant we remain married. I’ve no idea why. We don’t suit, and I know we never will. How can I ever forgive him, even if he’s sorry for it now? His remorse can’t undo what he did.” She looked into her cousin’s sympathetic blue eyes. “I’m terrified of being alone with him, but still he insists we share a bedchamber. I need to go away for a few days, I need some time alone to think about everything calmly and rationally, without the fear that’s with me constantly in this house. But Ram will never allow it. I know Tyrone left last night for Papa’s manor in Wales. If I can somehow go to him I know he’ll let me stay, at least for a few days.” As the eldest son, Tyrone spent most of his time in Wales, administering to the newly restored estate. Though the property was Papa’s, Tyrone’s writ ran as law through the small property.

“Ramsay will be furious if you leave him,” Belinda warned.

“I know. But Tyrone would never allow harm to come to me.”

“You’re right. What can I do to help?”

“You’ve done enough by being here for me, Bel. And when Ram finds I’ve flown from him, he’ll probably come to you straightaway, demanding answers. You needn’t lie to him on my behalf, for Ty will protect me.”

Belinda reached for her hand again. “I’ll do whatever you need me to do, even if it means lying for you. I feel awful about my role in this all of this. I thought what Ramsay intended was truly romantic and that he would cherish you.”

Izzy ruthlessly shoved away memories of May Day and afternoons shared in the crofter’s hut when he
had
romanced and cherished her. He had an ulterior motive then, but his true colors had shown themselves on their wedding day. Nothing that came before had been real. Izzy forced her thoughts back to the issue at hand, for if she dwelled upon how much she missed Julian, she would weep.

Belinda was an abysmal liar, which was why it was so important she believe Izzy was truly going to Tyrone. Izzy
hated
manipulating her cousin like this, but she could see no other choice.

“Nay, Bel, please don’t lie for me. He might not even seek you out, but if he does, he’ll have every intention of finding me, and if we have to battle it out, I’d rather it be at Tyrone’s where I’ll be protected, rather than here where no one will come to my aid.”

Belinda nodded her understanding. “That doesn’t mean I won’t give him a piece of my mind.”

Izzy hugged her cousin, hard. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t. I love you, Bel, you believe me, right?”

Belinda hugged her in return. “I know. And I love you too, though you give me fits at times.” They both laughed then. “But you’ve every right to be upset right now. A groom should be tender with his bride. You didn’t deserve such brutal treatment.” A mischievous grin appeared. “’Tis horrible enough you’re forced to live in a house with a room decorated like
this
!”

Izzy clamped a hand over her mouth to prevent the laugh that arose, but it burst out anyway. The moment Izzy was overcome with giggles, Belinda fell back against the sofa cushions laughing so hard tears escaped.

When their laughter ran its course, Izzy told Belinda of the letter she’d written her brother. “If everything goes as I hope, Ram will be at the house tomorrow, with Heath.” Izzy imparted.

“Heath,” Belinda exhaled the name with a wistful sigh.

Izzy’s thoughts turned from her own woes to her cousin’s. Belinda had been in love with Heath since they were hardly more than children. “Oh Bel, are you still infatuated with my scoundrel of a brother?” Izzy’s heart went out to her, for she knew what it was like to be denied what one wanted most.

Belinda pressed her lips together, her cheeks scarlet.

“You know he never plans to wed, don’t you, because of his work?” Izzy probed gently, for she ached to see Belinda suffer from unrequited love. “And he considers you as much a sister to him as I am.” Izzy wouldn’t tell Belinda of Heath’s love for a Dutch woman. She could save her cousin that unnecessary pain at least.

“I know, you’re right, and even if none of that were the case, I’m not of high enough status for him.”

“Don’t be a goose. The man who wins your heart for good will be the luckiest man in the world, even if he’s a prince.”

Belinda’s smile was sad. “I appreciate you saying that. And I’m sure Heath will be off on his travels again in no time at all. ’Tis easier not to think about him when he is not underfoot.”

That hadn’t been Izzy’s experience with Paul, and even more disturbingly, the man she’d thought of as Julian. Each time “Julian” went away, Izzy had pined; there was no other word for it. But she’d not disabuse Belinda of her notion. Someday the perfect man would see through Bel’s shyness and awkwardness and want her for the wonderful person she was, even without a dowry or a powerful father or brother.

Izzy walked with Belinda as she prepared to leave. At the door, she gave her cousin another tight hug, sorry to see her go and even sorrier still to once more be trapped in the house alone. “You’re the best friend in the world, Bel.”

“Take care of yourself, Izzy, and be careful. Lord Royston is not a man to trifle lightly with.”

“Well, Lord Royston has never yet tangled with the likes of me!”

Belinda laughed, then descended the steps to the waiting carriage.

***

Ram entered the dining room, then retraced his steps when Izzy wasn’t seated at the table. At the bottom of the stairs, he intercepted a maid carrying a covered tray.

“Is that for Lady Royston?”

The girl nodded. “Aye, milord.”

With a grin, Ram swept the food-laden tray from her hands. “I’ll take it to her, she’ll not need any further assistance tonight, thank you.”

He strode up the stairs to their chamber, intent on deconstructing the wall Izzy had erected between them. This was ridiculous. They were married, for better or for worse, and he had no desire to live in a state of limbo. The sooner they dealt with the obstacles created by their unfortunate past, the sooner they could get on with their future together.

Shouldering the door open, he stopped short. Izzy was immersed in a tub of still steaming water. Her back was to the door and she didn’t notice his intrusion.

“You can leave the tray near the bed, Meg. Thank you.”

Ram couldn’t suppress a smile. After setting the tray down he tread on silent feet over the plush carpet to stand behind her. Her head was thrown back, resting on the rim of the tub, her eyes shut as she let the steam envelope her.

He peeked into the tub, then instantly regretted it. His mouth dried at the sight of Izzy’s bare skin, pinkened from the heat, submerged in the water. Droplets of moisture formed beads on her neck, only to roll down through the valley between her breasts. He yearned to lick each water droplet from every inch of satiny skin.

Resting his hands lightly on her shoulders, he let the tips of his fingers brush her collarbone on either side. She jumped as though he’d touched her with fire, pulling her knees up to her chest to cover her nakedness.

“What are you doing in here, you lout?”

“’Tis my chamber too, sweetheart.”

“Stop calling me sweetheart! I’m not your sweetheart. I’m not your anything.”

“Izzy.” He used his best cajoling voice, leaned over her shoulder and picked up a discarded sponge. “You’re my wife. And I want you to be my sweetheart. You never resisted before when I called you such.”

“I liked you before.”

He laughed. She had such spirit and he was a very lucky man. Ram lowered the sponge into the tub, saturating it with the scented water, and brought it to her shoulders, trailing it over her glistening skin. “I think if you give me a chance, you might learn to like me again.”