Violet Path (38 page)
“I don’t care what you think; I’m still going to stand by The Shadows. That’s love. Not giving a damn about what others say or think, and just acting on pure intentions.” I inhaled deeply, hoping to keep in the tears that had formed in my eyes as I thought of Maxime, but they escaped. My words lingered in the air as I waited for Romero to take in what I had said. I was tired of being labeled as the enemy. I wanted to be accepted and loved.
Romero didn’t answer.
“Scar me if you’d like, kill me if you prefer, but do it for a reason. Tell me why,” I muttered as I looked away. I had shown that I was weak, but it didn’t matter. I closed my eyes and waited.
He brought the dagger near my left elbow, and my heart started to race. He slowly pressed the blade down and ran it along my forearm down to my wrist. It stung and burned as the blood soaked through my shirt.
“I’d rather scar. That’s for you to remember that you’re only here on our account, not for any of your pathetic excuses, regardless of how well you can defend them.” Romero let go of my arm. Then he brought the dagger to his arm, pulled his sleeve up, and cut himself in the same fashion. “That’s for you to know that I recognize my own guilt as well. I also failed.”
Anton pulled Romero away. I remained speechless and confused. I didn’t want to punish Romero; in my mind, he hadn’t done anything wrong. He had acted out of pure intentions. I walked past him, ignoring him, but Anton pulled me back.
“Sir? You can’t just . . . ” he couldn’t finish his sentence.
“Consider it a fair trade: a life for a life,” I answered.
At lunch, David pulled me aside. “I heard about Romero. Yes, you should be more careful to start off with, but that’s not what I’m worried about. You need to show your authority. Romero needed consequences. You can’t be soft, or you’ll be manipulated.”
“I understand, but I can’t for now. I’m seen as a threat, and being authoritative will only make it worse. I need to gain their trust, not fear.” I did my best to explain my motives, but he didn’t accept them.
“The soldiers are talking and most of them are saying you haven’t been killed here, yet, because you’re a kid and they’re not monsters. You need to realize none of this is a game.”
“They voted for me, did they not? So, we’re not best friends, but we’re all on the same team. I’ll be more careful, but I play my hand how I choose.”
After dinner, everyone gathered around the arenas that had been used for the challenges and waited for Anton to finish rounding up the horses before Will showcased his newest weapon.
It was a short, light, silver rod, but looks were definitely deceiving. Blue lasers shot out from the ends, so that the weapon could be used like a katana, which would only cause more damage to the victim. They flew faster than the blink of an eye and could penetrate three sheets of steel seventy meters away. A force-shield could extend from almost all of the sides in almost any shape, from circle to square to ten-pointed star. It protected from bullets and lasers, but it only worked best at mid-range around ten to thirty meters. Instead of redirecting the threats, it absorbed their energy, whether it be heat or impact force, and translated them to charge the weapon. It could also take body heat so the battery would not run out in the middle of a war. There was a small slit along its side for a dagger or humble knife. No one had ever seen anything like it, not even Matthew.
Will named the weapon 6359T. We were all eager to get our own, but we would have to wait until the following morning. Will also shared that he was working on getting a few 6359Ts to our allies as a sign of good faith to renew our alliance.
The crowd dispersed, and David approached me. “It’s about time I returned this.” He handed me my dagger, and I slowly slid it down the side of my boot. I then followed him to a brief meeting, where I received a long hover-board, one of Will’s newest weapons, a gun with ammunition, and contact lenses that allowed me to focus on three things at once. They multiplied the density of nerve endings by pulling them together, as if creating two more foveae. When wearing them, I could look around like I was observing a picture with all near, far, and peripheral visions being perfectly clear. They were too complicated to manufacture in large quantities, and only a select few soldiers received them.
David told me that Maxime could never wear the contact lenses because they made the program stronger. Something inside me withered away as I heard Maxime’s name.
“Alexia! Alexia!” someone screamed.
I looked around, but only saw people searching for the origin of the scream, just like me. The screeching voice echoed full of hate and desperation.
I ran between soldiers, slithering past those who stood tightly together like a herd. My eyes were scanning everyone, searching for the voice.
Suddenly, Sarah emerged from the crowd. “Alexia!” she screamed, tears streaming down her face. She stormed up to me and slapped me across the face.
“What’s going on?” David asked, and a crowd had formed around us.
“She killed Chris! He’s dead!” She brought her hand up again, but David stepped between us and caught her hand. He held her tightly, but she kept fighting to get away. After a few screams and some flailing, she fell to the ground, sobbing.
Thoughts of losing Maxime burst inside my mind.
“Alexia had nothing to do with that, Sarah, and you know that. Matthew killed Chris, not her. I’m so sorry. Did you tell anyone in Maria about Alexia?” David rubbed her back while she continued to choke on her tears.
Sarah shook her head and let out a harsh shriek of pain. David glanced at me quickly and motioned for me to leave, but I couldn’t move.
I couldn’t sleep. Every dream became a nightmare. I would see Matthew torturing Maxime, slowly and painfully killing him. Matthew’s soldiers were slaughtering rebels, The Shadows, Maria, my friends. I had accepted death with war, but couldn’t accept loss or fear. I was in every nightmare, standing by, watching silently, not fighting, not even trying to defend or protect what I cared for. I was the monster.
I had caused so much grief and pain, and the future would be no different, yet I couldn’t bring myself to try to change it. I should have left The Shadows a long time ago. I remained half awake, half asleep, on the hard snow under a cold cover of night, surrounded by the people I would hurt.
I jumped up to the sound of the bell. Sam ran over. “You look terrible,” he said.
“Thanks. I didn’t sleep well.” I could hardly keep my eyes open. Every sound was too loud, every movement was too quick, and every light was too strong.
“I’m sorry. I have something that’ll help.” He handed me a small pill, and I swallowed it without even asking what it was.
“So this is how you manage getting up so early,” I joked.
“I wish, but no. These pills take care of the lactic buildup, so it helps, but they’re mainly used to keep soldiers awake after concussions. They’re not great for the brain if taken often, so you still need to get some sleep tonight.”
He patted me on the back and laughed.
The entire world seemed to fall to silence when David walked up to us.
“I’m sorry about last night. Sarah was helping to bury the bodies at The Shadows and had come across Chris. She’s . . . coping, but she’ll be fine. She understands what happened. She just needed to blame someone, and you were the easiest target. Don’t let it drag you down.” David didn’t look at me when he spoke, which made me feel worse.
“Did she go back to Maria?” Sam asked.
“Not yet. She’s sleeping. I’ll take her back around lunch.”
“Should I . . . speak with her?” I asked.
“I don’t recommend it. Maybe another time. I’d let her accept what’s happened first.”
I nodded, but in reality we all knew very well that there was no way to just accept what had happened, especially not for Sarah.
David said, “You need to shower and change. We’re having dinner elsewhere.” He took me by the arm and led me toward the shower cabin.
“What do I change into? You said last night—”
“You’ll see.”
David told everyone to look decent before pulling me into the shower cabin. Chills slid down my back, as I quickly became the center of attention. Although the men were wearing towels, I felt naked. I stared at the floor, avoiding everyone’s eyes, hoping it would help with the humiliation.
David turned a shower on, pulled a chair beside the shower curtain, placed my towel and wound dressing on it, and told me to clean up. I hesitated, but obeyed. David placed a black bag on the chair in exchange for my dirty clothes. He told me he would have them cleaned and took off.
The soldiers slowly went back to their business, and I felt less anxious. I let the water wash away the tension. The crowd fell silent again. I reached for my towel to find that it had been replaced with one half its size. I did my best to dry off and wrapped it around my hair. I put my underwear and wound dressing on, then grabbed the black bag. I pulled out a formal dress. It was a soft, light-blue, silk strapless with an open back, loosely tied by a long, flowing ribbon across my shoulder blades. The gown was generous and fit snugly. There was a pair of black stilettos that matched the dress.
Although the outfit was beautiful, I didn’t want to wear it. Not only did it take away my authority by revealing my femininity, but I felt trapped in it, unable to move or defend myself. I wanted to wear my usual attire, but couldn’t. I had three choices: a towel the size of a pillowcase, my underwear, or the dress. David had trapped me, and I fell for it. I slipped the gown on and took the shoes in my hand. I pulled my hair back so it wouldn’t soak the dress. I felt weird, bare, stripped. I couldn’t walk out dressed for a wedding, but there wasn’t another option. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, told the men to look decent, and stepped out.
I heard the shock ripple from one soldier to the next. My face turned red, and my heart pounded. I avoided everyone as I made my way for the door. I only wanted Maxime to see me like this, no one else.
The soldiers whispered as I marched past them.
“Now I remember why we don’t allow women here.”
“Is the weapon to distract every soldier?”
“Power is attractive.”
“She cleans up well.”
“I’ll follow her to war any day.”
I ignored the stupid comments. I was too uncomfortable to stay to argue.
David was waiting for me by the door. “What am I wearing?” I yelled.
“A very nice dress. You look great,” David teased.
“Why am I wearing this?”
“It’s expected where we are headed.”
“Expectations are overrated. This is ridiculous! You keep telling me to gain respect and then force me to wear this! I can hardly walk let alone fight in this!”
“We’re going to dinner, not war.”
“That’s not the point! What are you going to wear?”
“What I wore for Christmas.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Life’s not fair. Now put on your body-warmer before you freeze and Maxime murders me. I’ll see you at my cabin in ten minutes.”
As I headed over to his cabin, Sam and Nick ran into me, but I couldn’t face them. They hesitated before speaking, twirling their thumbs and exchanging looks as their eyes rested on me. I was being strangled by every gaze with no relief, not even from friends.
“You look amazing.” Sam smiled warmly and placed his hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. I honestly appreciated the compliments, and for a moment I forgot where we were and tried to imagine that we lived a normal life.
“May I have this dance?” Anton walked up behind me and tapped my shoulder. I laughed, unable to contain myself.
Before I could answer, he swept me off my feet and twirled me around. I was floating over the snow. He led me around in circles without the slightest uncertainty, just enjoying the moment and letting go. Others gathered around, clapped, cheered, and sang small tunes, laughing at us.
“I wonder what Emma would think if she saw you now,” he whispered in my ear, and I felt flush as every ounce of embarrassment drained from me. I didn’t understand him anymore—he had changed completely, accepting me, helping me, comforting me.
Suddenly, everyone fell silent and out of nowhere David took me by the arm and pulled me into his cabin. He was furious, his glossy eyes narrowing. He couldn’t look at me or stand still. He sat me on his bed and paced in front of the door.
“What’s wrong?” my voice trembled.
“Alice, we’re at war and you’re dancing!”
My heart plummeted. I reminded him of Alice, his one true love. “I’m sorry.” I knew arguing wouldn’t help, so I sucked in the blame. “Relax.” His pacing was driving me insane. It was like watching a tennis game with the ball flying back and forth.
“Relax? How am I supposed to relax?” His anxiety was swelling.
“Well, for starters, stop pacing. Please.” I tried to remain cool, but my head was spinning.
He stopped abruptly, glared at me, and started pacing again.
“David . . .” I reached for his hand to get him to stand still. He turned around, shot his hands behind my neck, and kissed me. My heart dropped, and I pushed him away.
