Vintage Volume Two (15 page)

twenty-two

After our flowers were sorted, Parker’s ring was purchased, and our entire ceremony was planned out, I only had one thing left to do: write my vows.

I wanted traditional vows, while Parker wanted to write our own.

Since he was a writer, I agreed to it.

And as I sat staring at empty sheet of notebook paper, I completely regretted my decision.

We opted out of bachelor and bachelorette parties. Instead, on Thursday night, Parker went out to dinner with Fitz, Vinnie, and Garrett. Kimmy was getting some work done at her hotel.

We’d made an appearance at Damien’s memorial earlier that day. It had been bizarre. I kept expecting him to pop out of a corner and surprise us.

But he hadn’t.

I stayed long enough to offer my condolences to his family, and then I left. I’d gone with both Parker and my father. It had been a quiet ride to and from the funeral home. I was glad I had gone, and I was glad the two most important men in my life had accompanied me.

It felt strange sitting home alone after going there. Parker had asked me about a thousand times if I was okay on my own. I didn’t want him to miss out on his last chance for a singles night out with his friends, so I said I was. My dad had stayed to hang out with me for a little while, but he had work to attend to back home. After ensuring I was okay on my own, he left, too.

My house was eerily quiet. It had been just me for so long, but I’d become used to Parker in my space. I liked his presence. I liked feeling like I wasn’t alone.

I wasn’t alone, technically. Bruno was standing guard just outside the door to my condo. Someone was always there, even if they weren’t actually inside my place.

I really was fine. I was handling things better than I could’ve expected.

I’d heated a can of soup for dinner. I washed out my bowl. I wiped down the kitchen counters. I checked through the food in the fridge for expiration dates.

I was about to mop the floors when I realized that I was wasting time.

Sure, my house needed to be cleaned, but more importantly, my vows needed to be written. I just had no idea where to start.

I needed music.

It was perhaps the first time in my life that I actually felt the need for music. I’d never fit the mold of a rock star’s daughter—or, for that matter, a rock star’s girlfriend and eventual wife. I’d never needed music. But suddenly, I did.

I clicked the music app on my phone. I scrolled through my collection, looking for the exact right song to inspire me. I saw Flashing Light and thought that their album could work, but I needed Parker’s voice out of my head for the project of writing my vows. It would only distract me.

I needed something neutral, something that didn’t make me think of anything or anybody in particular but had a beat that could get my mind working.

It was when I got to “N” in my music library that everything changed.

Every time I heard Nirvana, I thought of Damien.

Every time I passed Nirvana merchandise in the store, I thought of Damien.

And as I came across the letter “N” in my music library and saw their most famous album title staring me in the face, I was frankly shocked that I hadn’t decoded Damien’s message earlier.

It was so simple.

Nevermind
.

The album that featured songs like “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Come as You Are.”

I ran to the bedroom and pulled Damien’s letter out of the top drawer of my dresser.

I reread the final paragraph, even though I’d read it enough times that I had it memorized.

Something in the way you loved me will always remain in my heart. I’d tell you to come as you are, but it’s probably better if you stay away.

“Something in the Way,” “Come as You Are,” and “Stay Away” were all songs on Nirvana’s
Nevermind
album. 

It had been a Sunday when I’d first received the letter, and now it was a Thursday. It had taken me more than four days to stumble on the answer that had literally been right in front of me the entire time.

But what message was he trying to send me?

And why hadn’t my father or my fiancé, both musicians, figured this out before I had?

I heard my favorite Black Shadow song coming from the kitchen. It was the ring tone indicating that my dad was calling me.

I ran from my bedroom to the kitchen and got to the phone just before it went to voicemail. “Dad?” I answered breathlessly.

“CC, do you still own CDs?” He didn’t even say hello. He just cut straight to the chase.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Thank God I have a daughter who is technologically challenged.”

“Excuse me?”

“You know what I mean. Do you have Nirvana’s
Nevermind
?”

“I just figured it out, too,” I said as I hurried across the room to my entertainment center.

I had a fairly small collection of CDs. I’d gotten rid of most of them when I’d moved. I kept only a few: Black Shadow, Madonna, Nirvana, Metallica, Garth Brooks, Stone Temple Pilots, Led Zeppelin, and Jimi Hendrix.

I flipped through the discs with shaking hands until I found Nirvana.

Nevermind
. The familiar cover of a baby underwater with a dollar bill floating next to it stared me in the face.

It was a really odd cover, I briefly thought, and then I opened the case.

Inside was the actual
Nevermind
CD. I felt my chest heave in disappointment. I’d really thought I would find something in there.

And then, as if some supernatural force was at work, the disc fell out. Behind
Nevermind
was a DVD. It had no writing on it, nothing to make it recognizable in any way.

“Dad, there’s a DVD in here!”

“CC, stay right where you are. I’m on my way over with George.”

I wanted to know what the hell was on the DVD. Clearly it was something Damien had left for me. It had to have something on it that he wanted me to see in the event of his death.

My entire body trembled with nerves as I waited for the longest fifteen minutes of my life to pass. I paced back and forth across my living room, never setting the DVD down.

And then my dad walked through my front door with George trailing close behind. My dad pulled me into a tight embrace while George closed my door. He didn’t say anything, but his arms were comforting all the same. He was tense.

A bag was slung over George’s shoulder, and he went to my kitchen table, where a disaster of crumpled up papers and half-started attempts at vows littered the area.

I ran over and cleared a space while George pulled a laptop out of his bag.

“The DVD?” he asked formally. No greeting from him, either.

He sat in front of the laptop while it fired up, and I handed him the DVD. It was the first time it had left my hands since I’d discovered it.

My dad and I stood behind George. My dad’s arm was tight around my shoulders, his fingers digging into the skin of my arm. I knew if I looked over, his knuckles would be white.

Not one of us in that room knew exactly what to expect, and the tension hung heavy in the air between us.

The laptop seemed to be state of the art, and it recognized the DVD quickly. A folder popped open. There were several PDF files and a MOV file. The MOV was titled “Watch First.”

George clicked the icon, and a moment later, Damien filled the screen.

It was the same Damien who had left me over a year earlier.

His face was bruised and bloody. His left eye wouldn’t open under the shiner just below his eyebrow. His nose was broken, and his eyes were red-rimmed and watery. I couldn’t tell if they were watery from emotions, tears, or something else.

When he started speaking, though, it was clear that it was from his emotions.

George turned up the volume.

“Where do I even start?” he asked.

It was surreal watching this video of Damien from beyond the grave.

“I need to find a way to say goodbye.”

His voice cracked, and he paused and wiped his good eye.

“Roxy, I’m leaving because I love you. This isn’t just what’s best for you or for us. This is what I have to do because you’ve been threatened. And because of that, I’m doing what I have to in order to protect you.”

I glanced over at my dad. His eyes were trained on the screen, his mouth set tight and his eyes hard. His strong jaw covered in stubble worked back and forth. He looked like he’d lost someone he cared about greatly, and it hurt to watch him like that.

“This is between Randy and me. I’m the one who got myself into this mess, and the only choice I have is to keep you safe. I’m going to put everything that you need onto this DVD in case you ever need it. I have no idea what’s in front of us, but I know that I need to let you live your life. I have records of every transaction I’ve ever had with Randy. I have additional video footage, too. I’m going to leave another copy of this DVD in a safe deposit box. At some point, I’ll get the key to your father, and I’ll mail the bank and the box number to my parents separately. Use whatever you need. I just ask that you keep yourself safe, because I love you. You’re my best friend. Keep everything we have in your heart and move forward. Run forward. Live your life. Love. Love harder and love stronger than what we ever had, because you deserve it.”

He stood and shut off the video recording.

The three of us stared at the screen for a moment.

“What are the other files?” I finally asked, voicing what was in my head while breaking the silence.

George clicked one open.

It looked like an email, and I stared at it as I tried to figure out what the hell it was saying. The body of the email was Damien’s message to Randy.

I’ll take $5K on the Cowboys for this weekend.

Gambling. I’d already known that, and I wasn’t thinking clearly enough to put the pieces together. I couldn’t figure out why I would need this.

Thank God for my dad and George.

“Holy shit,” my dad murmured. “It’s all here.”

“This is what they were looking for,” George interjected.

My dad nodded. He backed away from the computer and paced a few steps, rubbing the palm of his hand down his face.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

My dad stopped pacing and rested his hands on the back of the chair in front of him. He leaned forward, using the chair to support his weight.

He spoke to George, not to me. “It’s time to tell her.”

twenty-three

I was finally going to get the information I felt had been needlessly hidden from me. Inside I felt some combination of nervous and sick, but I also felt some measure of relief. I deserved to know this if it concerned me. Damien had thought ahead to ensure that I’d get the information if he died, so it was only right that my dad fill me in on the missing pieces.

My dad took a deep breath. “CC, something happened a few nights before Damien left.” He opened his mouth to continue when a noise silenced him.

We all heard the key slide into the keyhole on my front door in the silence of the room. The door opened, and three heads swung toward it.

The smile on Parker’s face faded as he saw the anxiety and tension of the scene in front of him.

“What’s going on?” he asked. The glee around his eyes from a night out with his buddies changed to unease. His loose body became rigid in his black jeans and black shirt. He shut and locked the door behind him.

My dad nodded at George. “He should know, too.”

George nodded his approval, which I found interesting considering it was my dad who was clearly in charge.

Parker came over to us, slinging his arm around my shoulders. He planted a soft kiss on my lips, the kind that caused my heart to flutter in my chest.

“You want to sit?” my dad asked.

I nodded, and the three of us moved into my family room. Parker and I sat side by side on the couch while my dad sat in my favorite reading chair. George sat at my table, clicking the mouse furiously as he read through the documents on the DVD.

My dad rested his elbows on his knees. He folded his hands in front of him and leaned forward earnestly. He was wearing a white t-shirt, and it set off the blue in his eyes. He looked intensely at the two of us for a moment before he started talking. “A few nights before D left, Randy beat the shit out of him. He owed Randy a lot of money. I took care of the debt, but D threatened Randy. He said he’d go to the cops. In hindsight, I’m pretty sure that threat was what ultimately ended Damien’s life.”

I wasn’t sure where he was going with this. I had a feeling that all of this somehow involved me, that somehow my dad had been protecting me from the ugly truths all this time.

And I sort of wanted to be left in the dark.

A sick feeling twisted in my gut. I hated that feeling, especially given the fact that I’d wanted to know exactly what my dad was confessing to me.

But now that he was telling me, now that I was finally going to be “in the know,” I was pretty sure that I didn’t want to know anymore.

“Randy crossed the line. What Damien did was stupid, but Randy made some threats back. He told Damien that if he went to the cops, he’d kill his ‘little girlfriend.’”

I sucked in a sharp breath at my dad’s words.

I suddenly understood why I’d been kept in the dark for so long. Ignorance certainly had been bliss.

Parker’s arm tightened around me. I felt his lips at my temple, and he whispered, “It’s okay, Jimi. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“D came straight to me to tell me what Randy said,” my dad continued. “I was frankly shocked that Randy would threaten the life of someone who he had watched grow up from birth, the little girl born to his best friend. The girl who had grown into an amazing woman.”

My dad’s eyes bore into mine as fear raced down my spine.

“Look, CC. Randy killing Damien was a threat.” I saw my dad’s eyes glisten with emotion.

This strong man, this international rock star, arguably the biggest star in the world, sat in my living room near tears because of me.

He was my hero in every way—always had been—and that moment proved why to me. He would stop at nothing to ensure my happiness, but more than that, he would stop at nothing to ensure my safety.

“I thought everything would be okay when I moved Damien. And things were fine for a long time. He kept quiet after D’s debts were paid. But Randy holds grudges. He didn’t like that D wanted to go to the cops. That’s why I’ve left them out of everything this whole time. When Randy brought you into the equation, I cut ties with him. I’ve known Randy since I was seven. We saw each other through some of life’s biggest challenges. But threatening your life showed me who he really was. It showed me that no matter how the chips fall, he doesn’t care about anyone but himself.”

“So now that he…killed Damien,” I said, “does this mean I’m safe?”

My dad shrugged. “I wish I could say yes. I wish I knew what Randy’s next move was. Clearly he knew that D would have left behind some evidence. That had to be what he was looking for when your hotel rooms were torn apart or when you thought someone had been in here. And I apologize. That’s my fault. I thought he had let things go, but he’s got a grudge against me, too.”

“Why?” Parker asked. I could see in his eyes that he was interested in why my dad was still part of this.

My dad sighed. “He doesn’t trust me. He knows I relocated Damien. And he found him. He’s pissed that I tried to hide him. He doesn’t care about the money, because I paid that. He cares that I paid off a debt that wasn’t mine. He cares that I hid D away. And most of all, he’s pissed that I married the woman he loved more than anything. He hates me for taking Jade from him.”

“Can I ask you a question?” I finally said, shaking from my dad’s revelations.

My dad nodded.

“Why did you marry Jadyn?”

“I love her.” I saw the earnest sincerity in his eyes. He meant it.

He really loved her.

“How did you two meet?”

“We met at one of Randy’s parties.”

“Do you trust her?” I asked.

My dad shifted in his seat. His eyes focused in on mine. “Implicitly. CC, I wish you knew her like I did.”

“What do you think Randy’s next move is?”

“I don’t think he’ll stop until he finds what he’s looking for. He doesn’t care who gets in his way. But the bad news is that he’s managed to dodge everyone since Damien was killed.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. That couldn’t be good news. “Can’t we just go to the cops now that we have Damien’s DVD?”

“It’s not that simple. Yes, I will be taking a copy of everything on that DVD. But there’s a lot at stake here. I’ve gambled illegally with Randy since we were in our twenties. Maybe even before that. I can’t just run to the cops and tell on him.”

George spoke up from the kitchen. “Sir, I’ve got all of the data copied.”

My dad nodded, barely acknowledging the man who worked for him. “I need a day or two to figure this out. Let’s get through your wedding, and then we’ll deal with Randy.”

I shook my head vehemently. “What if he shows up at the wedding?”

“We have tons of security in place. He won’t show. That’s one day that he won’t be a threat. I’ve got enough money to hire the entire LAPD. Your day will go off without a hitch. Then you two can go on your honeymoon and I’ll take care of Randy while you’re gone.”

“What if he follows us? What if he shows up wherever we go?” I asked. And in my head, I wondered whether we would we need to take George with us on our honeymoon.

Parker was silent beside me, his fingers digging into my shoulder. They dug harder and harder with each unanswered question I posed.

“We’ve got a couple of days until your wedding. George and I will come up with a game plan. We’ll take care of him. I don’t want you to worry.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have told me,” I said bitterly.

My dad sighed. I had no right to be bitter toward him when he’d finally told me the truth I’d been seeking for so long. It wasn’t really his fault that I didn’t like the truth.

My dad and George left.

“I don’t want you to worry, Jimi,” Parker said later that night as we lay quietly in bed together. It was one of the few nights we didn’t have sex before bed. I needed his closeness, his intimacy, without the sex. I needed to feel his warmth beside me and know his love. But after everything we had been through, my brain simply wasn’t in the right spot for sex.

“I’m worried,” I replied.

He kissed my shoulder. “I know, baby. Me too. But it’s out of our control. The only thing we can do right now is get to our wedding. Tomorrow night’s the rehearsal, and then Saturday will pass in an absolute blur.”

I listened to his quiet voice in the darkness. “Are we moving too quickly?” I finally asked.

“Yeah, we are,” he said. “But it’s right. Every decision I’ve made since the first time I saw you has been with you in mind, and every decision I make for the rest of my life will be with you in mind. Forever. I can’t wait for you to be my wife. I know I haven’t had to wait that long, but I’ve been waiting my entire life.”

I loved when he said the exact right thing that somehow put every single little thing into perspective for me.

“I love you,” I finally said.

The next morning when we awoke, I realized it was the day before my wedding.

Holy shit.

It was the day before my wedding.

I knew that I should feel anxious and nervous and stressed, but I didn’t. Not about the wedding itself, anyway. All of the details were going to work themselves out, and I was just going to enjoy my wedding day.

We were smiling at each other over our coffee cups when Parker voiced what he’d been thinking. “I’d like Kimmy to be a part of our day.”

I nodded. “I think she should be, too. What do you want her to do?”

He shrugged.

“That’s my move,” I chided, earning myself a laugh from my fiancé.

“You decide.”

“She could do a reading,” I suggested.

“I don’t think she’d like that. I mean, she’d be honored, but she’s not much for the spotlight.”

“Something else we have in common.”

Parker nodded, and I took a sip of my coffee.

“Well if we hadn’t already agreed to no wedding party, I would say that she could be my maid of honor.”

“What if we change our minds?”

“You want a wedding party?”

He shrugged again. “I’d be okay with having a best man.”

“You need someone to keep you from running away?”

He shook his head. “You’ve got no worries there, babe. I’m not running anywhere.”

“Damn right you’re not.”

“You’re not, either.”

“Deal. Except maybe up the aisle to get to you.” He chuckled. “So who would be your best man?” I asked, steering our conversation back to the point.

“Fitz.”

“Not Vinnie?”

He laughed. “No. Not Vinnie. For one, I want someone standing next to me who you actually like.”

I giggled.

“And for another thing, Fitz is my best friend. Garrett and Vinnie are two of my best friends, too, but in a group of four, you’re always going to be closer to one person. And for me, that’s Fitz.”

“Is it too late to add a wedding party?”

“It’s our wedding. We can do whatever the hell we want.”

“Then let’s do it.”

“Really?” he asked. His beautiful smile widened, reaching up to his eyes. He looked so handsome and so happy.

And I knew that his happiness was because of me. Because of our impending nuptials, our families coming together, and our love.