Vintage Stuff (5 page)

With something approaching gaiety, Mr Slymne climbed the steps in the Tower to his room two at
a time and added the findings that Glodstone only read adventure yarns to his dossier on the man.
Downstairs, there came the sound of fighting in the dormitory. Mr Slymne rose from his desk,
descended the stairs and ten minutes later had changed the whole pattern of his life by beating
three boys without a qualm.

'Heard about Slimey's conversion?' Major Fetherington said at breakfast the next morning.
Glodstone peered over the Daily Express.

'Don't tell me he's joining the Church. God help his parishioners.'

'No such luck. The fellow's finally come round to a proper way of dealing with boys. Beat
three little blighters last night for pillow-fighting in dorm.'

Mr Glodstone put down his paper and glared at the Major with his gimlet eye. 'You're joking,
of course.'

'Damned if I am. Cleaves, Milshott and Bedgerson. Saw their backsides this morning when they
were changing for early PT. A nicer set of welts too you couldn't wish for.'

'Extraordinary. Didn't think the runt had it in him,' said Glodstone, and turned back to his
paper only slightly puzzled.

But when Mr Slymne came in five minutes later, Glodstone was genuinely startled. 'Good God,'
he said loudly, 'Never thought I'd live to see the day when you'd join us for breakfast,
Slymne.'

Slymne helped himself to bacon and eggs and smiled almost cordially. 'Thought it would make a
change,' he said, 'One tends to get stuck in a rut. I'm thinking of taking up jogging too.'

'Just don't do yourself an injury,' said Glodstone unpleasantly. 'We wouldn't know how to get
along without your conscientious objections. But then I hear you don't have any now. Beat some
boys last night, eh?'

'They asked for it and they got it,' said Mr Slymne, managing to ignore the sarcasm.

'Nothing like consistency,' said Glodstone, and stalked out of the dining-room. That morning
his classes suffered from his short temper and were set essays to write while Glodstone brooded.
Slymne's change of behaviour was disconcerting. If the damned fellow could suddenly alter his
habits and start beating and take up jogging, Glodstone felt hard done by. Slymne had always been
a comforting standard of wetness against which Glodstone could measure his own forthright and
manly behaviour. Damn it, the next thing the wretched Slymne would do was get married. Glodstone,
staring out of the window, felt a new wave of resentment boiling up inside him at the thought.
Adventure had eluded him. So had romance. And he was growing older.

'Might not be a bad thing to marry some woman after all,' he muttered to himself, but apart
from a distant cousin with no money, who had once proposed to him on Valentine's Day, there were
no women of his social background he could think of who would do. There were some divorced
mothers, of course, whose presence at the beginning of term or on Open Day had excited him, but
their visits were too brief for him to get to know them. Anyway, they were hardly his sort.
Glodstone dismissed them from his thoughts until he remembered La Comtesse de Montcon. He had
never met her, but Anthony Wanderby, her son by a previous marriage, was in his House and while
Glodstone disliked the little blighter he was a typical American spoilt brat in the Housemaster's
eyes and always malingering he appreciated the crested envelopes and notepaper on which La
Comtesse wrote to him from her Château in France. Glodstone had endowed La Comtesse in his
too-frequent mentions of her in the staff-room he stuck to the French with all those qualities of
beauty and nobility he had never encountered outside his books, but which had to exist somewhere.
Certainly the Château existed. Glodstone had looked it up in his Michelin map for Périgord and
found it apparently standing above the river, La Boose, a tributary of the Dordogne. A narrow
road ran down beside the river and the hillsides opposite were coloured green which meant they
were forested. It had often occurred to him to take the Bentley and find some excuse for dropping
in but...Anyway, there was no point in pining over her. There was doubtless some damned Frog,
Monsieur Le Comte, in attendance.

But that evening, after a restless day, he went up to his rooms early and sat sucking a pipe,
studying the map again and turning over La Comtesse's brief letters to him. Then he folded them
carefully away and replaced them in the cigar-box he kept in his desk before knocking out his
pipe on the window sill and turning in.

'Damn Slymne,' he muttered as he lay in the darkness.

He would have damned him far more had he seem Mr Slymne move from the roof of the chapel
opposite and descend the circular steps holding his camera carefully with his left hand while
feeling the wall with his right. He paused at the bottom, made sure the quad was empty, and
crossed to the Tower with the camera and 300mm lens concealed under his jacket. Ten minutes
later, after locking himself in his bathroom and pulling the dark blind over the window, he had
loaded the developing tank.

For Peregrine, the strange contortions of character in Glodstone and Slymne were too complex
to be noticeable. He took them as usual quite literally at face value and since Glodstone's face
with its neat moustache, monocle and glass eye gave the impression of strength and authority,
while Slymne's didn't, he despised the latter. Besides, he enjoyed a man-to-man friendliness with
Glodstone as a result of his enthusiastic reading of every book in his library, to the present
where he was allowed to help to polish the Bentley on wet Sunday afternoons. There in the garage
with rain pattering on the glass cupola above them (the place had once been a coach-house with a
few old bridles still hanging on the walls) he imbibed the code of the English gentleman which
was Glodstone's special mania. He had already merged Richard Hannay, Bulldog Drummond and every
other upstanding hero, including James Bond, into a single figure in his mind and had conferred
their virtues on Mr Glodstone. In fact, his reading had gone further than Gloddie's which stopped
around 1930. James Bond was one such character. Glodstone wasn't too sure about Bond.

'The thing is,' he told Peregrine one afternoon when they had unstrapped the bonnet of the
Bentley and were polishing the great engine, 'The thing is with Bond that he's not your everyday
decent chap who gets caught up in an adventure quite by chance. He's a sort of paid government
employee and anyway his attitude to women's pretty rotten and sordid. And he's always flying
about and gambling and generally living it up. Not a gentleman, what?'

'No sir,' said Peregrine and struck Bond off his list.

Glodstone sat down on the running-board and took out his pipe. 'I mean to say, it's his job to
deal with crime. The damned fellow is a professional. He's told what to do and he has official
backing. Now the real thing isn't like that. It happens accidentally. A chap is driving along and
he stops for a breather and he sees murder done and naturally he has to do something about it,
and by Jove he does. Takes the swine on outside the law and if he gets caught that's the luck of
the draw. And another thing is, he's as fit as a fiddle and he sticks to the countryside which he
knows like the back of his hand and your genuine crooks don't. That's the way it really is.'

In the presence of the Bentley, Peregrine's feelings were almost religious. Mr Glodstone's
clichés opened up an idyllic world where simple chaps made simple decisions and crooks were
simply crooks and got what was coming to them. It corresponded exactly with his own view of life;
one day he'd be lucky enough to see murder done and would do something about it.

But apart from these occasional visions of the future, he was occupied with games, with the
Major's OU course of shooting, doing the assault course, swimming in cold rivers and
rock-climbing in Wales during the summer holidays and generally fitting himself for the Army
career his father had decided on for him. In school work, he remained a failure. Each year he
took his O-levels and failed. It was the only cloud on his simple horizon. There were others
gathering.

On the evening after his spell on the chapel roof, Mr Slymne locked himself in his bathroom,
set up his enlarger and printed the negatives. They showed Glodstone holding an envelope and
placing it in a cigar box. But the 8 x 10 prints were not big enough to tell him more. Mr Slymne
turned the enlarger round, put several books on the baseboard and focused on the bathroom floor.
This time the negative was so enlarged that the print only included Glodstone's hand, the lower
part of his face and the envelope. As it appeared in the developing dish Slymne bent over it
eagerly. There was something on the back of the envelope, he could see that now, but it was only
when he had transferred the print to the fixer and turned the light on that he recognized in
spite of the grain the blob as a crest. A crest? Slymne's thoughts turned to Glodstone's
background. The man was always boasting about his family but there'd never been any mention of a
family crest, and Glodstone was just the sort of fellow to have made a big thing about
it.

If it wasn't his own, what was he doing with crested envelopes? And why keep them in a cigar
box?

Anyway, he had learnt something new to add to the dossier. Mr Slymne took the print and was
about to wash it when his cautious mind considered the dangers if it were found. It would be
extremely awkward having to think of an excuse for photographing Glodstone from the chapel roof.
Far better to destroy them now. He tore the photographs into strips of soggy paper and flushed
them down the lavatory. The negatives went too. As he washed the dishes and cleared away, Mr
Slymne pondered his next move. It might be possible to provoke Glodstone into some discussion on
heraldry. He would have to do it tactfully.

In the event, he had to do nothing more than listen. Two days later, he was passing his house
room when he heard two boys.

'Tambon says it's a bloody great castle like the sort of thing you see on telly with towers
and everything,' said a boy Slymne recognized to be Paitter.

'I bet he sucked up to Wanderby to get himself invited,' said Mowbray. 'He's always doing that
and Wanderby's a grotty snob. Just because his mother's a countess and he gets letters with
crests, he thinks he's going to marry a royal.'

'Anyway, the countess is a real old cow according to Tambon. He was scared stiff of her. You
ask him what it was like.'

A group of boys clattering down the staircase forced Slymne to move. He hurried along to the
staff-room deep in thought. Was it pure coincidence that Glodstone kept crested envelopes in a
cigar box and that he had a boy in his house whose mother was a countess and used crested
notepaper? And if it wasn't, what did it portend? Probably nothing, but it would be worth looking
into. For a moment he considered bringing the subject of Wanderby up in Glodstone's presence and
watching his reaction. But Slymne's mind, honed by the misery of so many years of insult and
dislike, had a new edge of cunning to it. He must do nothing to arouse the slightest glimmer of
suspicion in Glodstone. Besides, there was a simple way of finding out if there was any
connection between Glodstone and Wanderby's mother. Slymne bided his time.

His opportunity came at half-term.

'I'm taking a group of chaps over to the railway museum at York,' Glodstone announced one
evening. 'Never like to see boys left here when their parents don't pitch up to take them
out.'

'Giving the Bentley an airing, eh,' said the Major. 'The Head won't like it, old boy.'

'Not going to give him a chance to dislike it. Hired a charabanc for the trip.'

'A charabanc. Now there's a word that's gone out of fashion,' said the Chaplain.

'I stick to the old ways, Padre,' said Glodstone, rubbing his pipe against the side of his
nose to give it a greasy shine. 'They are still the best.'

Mr Slymne noted the archaism. It was another of the irritating facets of Glodstone's character
that he seemed to ignore that the world had changed. But it was good to know that Glodstone would
be away when the school was almost empty. Very good.

And so, when the parents had been and the coach with Glodstone's steam-engine enthusiasts had
left, Mr Slymne slipped quietly along the corridor that connected his house with Gloddie's,
carefully checking that each study was empty and that no one was about, and arrived at the door
of Glodstone's rooms. For a moment he hesitated and listened but there were none of the usual
sounds of the school. He was safe but his heart was beating palpably fast. Two deep breaths to
quieten it and he was inside the room and the door was shut behind him. He crossed to the desk.
The cigar box had been in a drawer on the left-hand side. Slymne tried the top one and found only
exercise books and a broken pipe. The box was in the second. Keeping below the level of the
window, he knelt and opened it. The envelopes were inside with the letters. With sudden
decisiveness Slymne reached for the bottom one, took it out, examined the crest on the back and
noted the French stamp, and put it carefully into the inside pocket of his jacket. Then he shut
the drawer and hurried back to his room.

There he took out the letter and read it through with a growing sense of anti-climax. It was
simply a short note written in a large flowing hand informing Mr Glodstone that Anthony would be
a week late in returning to school because his father was in Paris and would be flying back to
the States on September 10th. The letter was signed 'Yours sincerely, Deirdre de Montcon.' Mr
Slymne sat staring at it trying to think why Glodstone would want to keep a business letter so
carefully in a cigar box and bring it out with the almost reverential look he had seen on his
face through the telescopic lens. Perhaps he ought to look at the other letters in the box. They
might reveal a more intimate relationship. He would do that when he took this letter back but in
the meantime he would photograph it. First he measured the envelope and made a note of its exact
dimensions. Then fitting the 55mm Micro lens to his Nikon, he photographed both the letter and
the envelope and finally, moving in to within a few inches, photographed the address on the
notepaper and the crest on the back of the envelope. That done, he put the letter and envelope in
his pocket and slipped back to Glodstone's room, all the time listening for any sound that might
indicate there was anyone about. But the school was still silent and the musty smell Slymne
always associated with its emptiness during the holidays seemed to pervade the place.