Victim of Love (13 page)

I shook my head. “Kamal’s cool. He was just worried Laurie would get...I don’t know. He said you’re too much of a risk because I work with her and she doesn’t know you’re...you know.”

“I think it’s more than that,” Beck said. “The guy doesn’t like me.”

“What? Come on. Kamal likes everyone.”

Beck smiled. “I know when someone doesn’t like me, Olsen. And your charming Indian friend does not like me. Why do you think he keeps talking about hooking you up with guys when I’m around?”

“He talks like that all the time. It’s got nothing to do with you.” I said the words, but wasn’t sure I believed them. Kamal
was
making it pretty clear to me he thought Beck was a bad idea. “He’s just a little protective of me,” I said. “He thinks he’s taken me under his wing or something.”

“Because you’re simple?” He gave me an exaggerated grin.

“Aren’t you just hilarious.”

“Go inside and get your shorts on. Tell him you’re going for a swim. Problem solved.”

“What if he wants to come too?”

“Kamal doesn’t strike me as the midnight swim type.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, you have a point. I’ll be right back.”

Kamal was still on the phone. As I passed by heading for my room, he looked up. “Gonna go for a swim,” I whispered. He nodded, then went back to his conversation.

I quickly changed into my swim shorts, feeling like a teenager, sneaking off to make out in the middle of the night. I had to admit, the secrecy made it kind of exciting. Would I actually consider seriously
dating
someone who wasn’t out of the closet? Normally, no way. But if it was Beck? Well, who was I kidding? The guy already had me wrapped around his finger. He had since the first night he kissed me on that sand dune. I told myself I didn’t believe in love at first sight, but I was starting to believe I’d experienced lust at first kiss. My head hadn’t been quite focused ever since.

A knock came on my door. Thinking it was Beck, I said, “Be right out,” and quickly changed out of my button-down shirt and into a tee shirt.

When I pulled open the door, Kamal stood there.

“Oh. Hey.”

“Hey.” Kamal looked me over, then smiled. “Going down to the beach?”

“Yeah. Just gonna take a quick dip with Beck.”

“Sounds nice,” he said. “Maybe I’ll join you.”

“You uh...um, you want to come with us?”

Kamal laughed. “No. I just wanted to see the look on your face when I said it. I know you want to be alone with Beck. I suspect you already have been.
Alone
with Beck. Am I right?”

“Be quiet!” I tugged him inside the room. “What are you talking about?”

Kamal just stared at me, one eyebrow raised.

“Okay, okay,” I said. “Yes, something happened. It’s not a big deal. Nothing’s going to get out of control.”

Kamal shook his head. “I don’t like him, Olsen.”

“Why not?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. There’s something fake about that guy. He’s too smooth. Like he’s programmed that way or something. Maybe he’s a cyborg.”

“Come on. He’s not that bad.”

“I’ve lived longer than you have,” he said. “Something’s off about him.”

I rolled my eyes. “You don’t know
everything
, Kamal. He’s a nice guy. We’re just having some fun.”

“He’s going to hurt you.”

“He won’t,” I said. “He can’t.”

“Why not? Because you’re just having some fun?”

I nodded, defensive now. “Yeah. That’s right. It’s just a fling.”

“I see the way you look at him. You’re not capable of having just a fling with him, you’re already falling madly in love.”

My face heated. “I am
not
. Stop being so dramatic.” I paused. “I’m not naive, Kamal. I just think he’s really cute and sexy and fun.”

“That radiologist at the hospital that asked you out last month, he was a great-looking guy. He seemed fun. You turned him down.”

“I didn’t feel anything with him. Yeah, he was cute, but there was no chemistry. Beck is like...” I bit my knuckle. “Ugh, he’s just...fucking...God, chemistry doesn’t even begin to describe it.”

Kamal laughed. “You’re making my point for me, Olsen. The guy is like a snake charmer. Even I’m not immune to his magnetism, and I haven’t slept with him. All I’m saying is, be smart about this. I get why you want it. But I also get that he’s not solid. I don’t want to see your heart broken, you’re a good friend.”

“You don’t know everything. I can handle this, okay?”

Giving me a knowing smirk, he said, “Okay, good luck with that. I’m going to bed. But just know this. I’ve got an ‘I told you so’ in my pocket with your name on it.”

“And you’re welcome to use it if I get hurt. But I am
not
going to get hurt.”

“Goodnight, Olsen.”

“Yeah, goodnight.”

I left my room, shaking my head. Kamal’s words made me unusually angry. I tried not to acknowledge that my anger was likely due to him highlighting my own fears. It definitely would sting when I had to say goodbye to Beck. I knew it. But as I stepped out onto the patio and spotted him there, staring up at the night sky, shirtless in swim trunks with his hands on his hips, I knew it was worth it. Beck was a delicious cocktail, a strong cocktail that I knew was going to give me a brutal hangover. But I was damn well going to suck it down and enjoy the buzz while it lasted.

“Looking for alien life?”

Turning his head, he smiled at me. “Someone’s already lighting fireworks over at the marina. Hey, that reminds me.” He took my face in his hands. “It’s after midnight. Happy Independence Day, gorgeous.”

I flinched when Beck kissed me, only because we were still just outside the door of the bungalow. But then I melted into it, softening and kissing him back.
He
was the one supposedly in the closet after all, so what the hell was
I
doing jumping every time he touched me in public? If we got caught, it was on him, not me.

Withdrawing his lips from mine, he stared into my eyes like I was the love of his life. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be than here with you right now,” he said. “It’s perfect.”

I managed a nervous smile. “Yeah. Perfect.”

Beck Turner was damn confusing. Maybe I just wasn’t used to sweetness and romance. The last man I’d briefly dated always wanted to have sex in his car, claiming
that
was romantic because ‘It was like being back in high school’. Turned out he was screwing me in his car because he had a live-in girlfriend, and therefore couldn’t take me back to his place.

So yeah, I wasn’t exactly an expert on romance. But still, Beck’s heartfelt affection threw me a bit, and seemed slightly over the top. I knew there was no way this guy hadn’t fallen in love with me in the course of an afternoon, but I couldn’t imagine he treated all his lovers this way. It was...well, it was exciting and gave me butterflies, but it was also bordering on weird.

“Let’s go down to the beach,” Beck said, taking my hand.

He continued to hold my hand as we walked down the moonlit path through the dunes. I tried not to think about how amazing it would be to have a guy like Beck as my boyfriend. Walking into a room, hand in hand with him like this. I’d be smug with pride if he were mine. But he wasn’t mine, and I had to remember that. I reeled my feelings in, and focused on my surroundings instead.

Spider web bursts of fireworks exploded in the distance. When we reached the dark, empty beach, we both stopped, staring up at the sky. Letting go of my hand, Beck turned to me. “Come here.” Wrapping his arms around me, he kissed me deeply and passionately. “God, you taste so good,” he whispered. “I missed kissing you all night while we were out.”

I smiled, again floored by his tender words.

“Did you miss kissing me?” he asked.

I nodded. “Ah, yeah, sure. Definitely.”

Beck cocked his head. “Why so quiet tonight?”

“Am I quiet?”

He nodded. “I’ve noticed a pattern with you. You talk a mile a minute and ask me a thousand questions, then you just go quiet for a long time. Wearing that thinking face. What are you thinking about?”

I chuckled. “I don’t know. Just things.”

He let go of me and the two of us headed down to the shoreline. When we reached it, Beck turned and continued walking down the beach alongside the water, so I kept stride with him.

“Did I do something wrong?” Beck asked without looking at me.

“What? Of course not.”

“So you still like hanging out with me?”

I glanced at him, waiting for his smarmy grin, but he stared straight ahead while he walked, expression blank. “Well, yeah, I still want to hang out with you. You’ve been driving me insane all night with all that teasing and touching me at the restaurant.”

We slowed as we reached a rock pier, and I finally got a grin from Beck as he leaned back against a boulder. “I enjoyed that,” he said. “Making you all nervous and squirmy.” He grabbed me by my shorts and pulled me close, resting his hands on my hips.

I reciprocated, slipping my arms around his waist, the feel of his smooth, bare skin stirring things down below. “I enjoyed it too,” I said. “Just seemed a little risky for someone who isn’t, you know. Out of the closet.”

“It was my risk to take. That shouldn’t bother
you
, though. So why do I get the sense it did?”

“I’m not bothered by it,” I said. “It was just confusing with you touching me in public. Not a big deal. It doesn’t matter.”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter, I see. Now we’re getting to the crux of the issue. You don’t want this to matter, so you’re shutting down.”

Oh my God, what was this guy doing? Were we having a fight? How could we be having a fight? We’d only slept together once. On one hand, he wasn’t out, so didn’t seem to want to acknowledge me. On the other, he was behaving like a jilted boyfriend or something.

“No!” I laughed. “What issue, Beck? There’s no issue. No issues here, I swear.”

“Then what do you mean it doesn’t matter? We made love earlier, and you seemed as in the moment as I was. It was raw and honest and you were all there. So where did you go?”

“Nowhere. I’m right here. I have no problem with what’s going on between us. It’s just intense. And the way you keep touching me and kissing me and holding my hand, it’s just...intense. And a little confusing.”

I supposed I was trying to warn him that I was developing feelings for him—and trying to suggest he ease up on me before my feelings got out of control. But I was failing miserably, as evidenced by the scowl between his brows.

“Would you rather I treat you like a quick pick-up?” He pulled my hips in, pressing his groin against mine. “Turn you around and bend you over this rock, fuck your brains out and then just walk away? Is that what you want?”

Though his words brought my cock to full attention, I stilled, frowning. I couldn’t tell if he was playing a sex game or if there was something serious behind his words. “No. That’s not what I want.”

“Good. Because I can get that anytime. That’s not how I want things to be with you.”

“Neither do I. I told you, I’m fine with what’s happening.”

“Are you? Then why are you complaining about me touching and kissing you and holding your hand? Why are you trying to ruin it?”

What the hell is happening here?
Beck wasn’t smiling. His usual flirtatious expression was stony. Somehow I’d pissed him off, but had no idea what I’d done. “Why are you doing this?” I asked. “What’s going on?”

Sighing, Beck released me and dropped his arms. “You’re holding back. Holding yourself back from me. And I can feel it. I can see it in your eyes.”

“Of course I’m holding back. I mean...we don’t have much more time here and then you’ll be gone from my life, right?”

“I know we’re on vacation and this isn’t the real world and you’re not my boyfriend. But that’s the point. We
are
on vacation. That’s what people do on vacation. Whether they’re taking a cruise or sipping cocktails served by some scantily clad pool boy in the Caribbean. It’s a brief reprieve from the life you have. A fantasy.”

I nodded. “Okay. So your fantasy involves...romancing me? Is that what you’re saying? And don’t get pissed at me again, I’m trying to understand.”

He took my hands in his, sighing. “Can’t we just pretend for a little while? I had fun tonight at the restaurant, pretending I was out in the open. I’ve never had that, being out in public, affectionate with a man I’m into. I wanted to feel that. I needed to feel that, even just for a little while.”

I huffed, rubbing my forehead. “If you want to feel that, then why don’t you just
actually
come out?”

His face went stony again. “I can’t. It’s complicated. I just can’t.” He grabbed me and pulled me close. “Can’t we just pretend? Just for right now, pretend we’re completely into each other with nothing to hide and no limits to what could happen. I want to feel that, Olsen, and I want to feel it with someone pure and sweet like you. That’s my vacation fantasy. Just for a little while. Pretend we’re falling in love and going to live happily ever after.”

Slowly, I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Beck. I can’t do that.”

Beck held my gaze. “You can’t?”

“No. I can’t.”

Pushing off the rock, he brushed past me. “Okay. I understand.”

I turned and watched him move off down the beach, back toward the bungalow.

Great. Just my luck. This guy is a full-blown fruitcake
.

“Beck!”

He kept walking. I ran after him.

“Wait a minute! Slow down. Beck, what the hell is going on?”

He whirled around. “Why can’t you?” he said. “Tell me why?”

“Because,” I said. “
I’m
not
pretending.
”

Beck walked toward me, stopping in front of me. “Why won’t you?”

“I didn’t say I won’t. I said I
can’t
. What you’re making me feel is real. I can’t just play games with that like it doesn’t have consequences. Either this is something or it’s not. And whatever it is in reality, I need to stay inside those lines.”

He sighed and looked down, shaking his head.

“Why do you
need
to pretend?” I asked.

Lifting his head, he looked at me. “You wouldn’t understand. I was hoping you wouldn’t try to understand. I was hoping you’d go along with it because you want to get laid.”