Vet's Desire (22 page)

“I want
you.”

“That’s
straight to the point.” Ignoring the little whip of heat that
snapped through her loins, she added, “But why?”

“Because I’m
attracted to you.”

“I’m attracted
to a Ming vase I saw in a shop, but I don’t want to hump it.”

A little quirk
appeared at the corner of his mouth. “Would you hump me if I was a
Ming vase?”

“Tim, you want
me because - well, hell, I don’t know.” Lifting her chin, she
narrowed her eyes. “If you want me, tell me why. Why me, when I’m
not your type of woman?”

“You’re not
going to let that comment go, are you?”

“Not when you
threw it around enough.”

His nod was
abrupt. “I give you that.”

“Thanks.”

“That’s part of
the attraction you have for me.”

Puzzled, she
tilted her head.

“Cindy, you
don’t play nice. You don’t sweet-talk me, you don’t cosy up to me,
you don’t play to my vanity. You tell me how you feel, you tell me
what you think. You’re honest.” Expression serious, Tim’s hands
slid from her upper arms to curl around her elbows, his thumbs
gently stroking her inner arms to make her skin tingle deliciously.
“You are exactly who you are. I look at you and I’m seeing Cindy
Lawson, no pretentious airs, no false modesty. You’re a beautiful,
curvaceous, confident woman who takes no shit from anyone.”

She blinked at
the last few words. “Thanks. I think. Wow, you were doing rather
okay until that last part.”

Tim gave a
short, amused laugh. “Honest to a fault.”

“But is that
enough for you, I wonder?” she queried softly. “Maybe I’m just an
amusing enigma right now. You hang around with women you know are
ball breakers, that’s how you like it. I don’t find a good enough
reason to trust that I’m attractive enough to keep you interested
longer than it takes for the novelty to wear off.”

All his
amusement fled. “You’re more than enough.”

Even though she
wanted to believe it, she wasn’t so sure. “This is a sudden change
of heart. Too sudden. Are you wanting the forever after dream,
Tim?”

He met her
blunt question with an equally blunt answer. “I’m not sure of this
forever after business, Cindy. I’ve not seen it with my own family.
I’ve been hurt a few times, and I’ve never believed in it for me.
But now…”

Silently she
waited, refusing to help him, needing to hear it all.

Tim didn’t
break their locked gazes. His expression was serious, his voice
steady. “For the first time in my life, I want to give a
relationship a real go. I don’t know if it’ll work, I don’t know if
I’ll make such stupid mistakes that you’ll kick my arse right out
the door, but I know that I’m not prepared to just let you walk
away without trying.” His hands left her elbows to slide beneath
her arms and around her waist, his palms pressing against her back
as he lowered his head to whisper softly, “Give me a chance, Cindy.
That’s all I ask. Give us a chance.”

Mind buzzing
with his words, she stared up at him. This was so unlike him, so
unlike the Tim that she knew previously. One part of her wanted to
take him up on his offer, to throw caution to the wind, snuggle
close and see where it would all go, but another part of her, the
cautious part, wasn’t so sure it was such a good idea.

Her lust and
attraction warred with her common sense.

When the
silence lengthened, Tim stated, “You don’t trust me.”

“No,” she
replied slowly, and winced inwardly at the slight flicker of his
eyes. “To be truthful, no. This isn’t like you, and the sudden
change is a little hard to take in.”

Expecting him
to try and cajole her, she was surprised when instead he
nodded.

“I understand.”
Looking over her shoulder, he took a deep breath, nodded at
something he was thinking, and then he looked back down at her
resolutely.

Taking her arm,
he ushered her over to the table and sat her down in a chair.
Hooking another chair with his foot, he expertly dragged it out,
swung it back to front, and placed it directly in front of her.
Straddling the chair back-to-front, Tim sat down and faced her.

Silently they
looked at each other, she warily, he assessingly.

He looked so
damned handsome, so serious, so - God, she had to rein in her
attraction to him and fold her arms to stop herself from reaching
out to touch him, to run a finger down the broad forearm and up the
swell of his bicep, tracing his beckoning skin with her fingertips
under the sleeve of his t-shirt and higher to his shoulder.

She had it bad.
Taking a deep breath, she took a tight grip on her errant emotions
that had a mind of their own and raised a brow coolly at him. At
least, she hoped it was cool. If he guessed how her blood ran hot
and her imagination was filled with some R-rated images that
involved him, she wouldn’t have a leg to stand on.

“I spoke to
Maddy.” Tim broke the silence.

That caught her
off-guard. “What?”

“I did the
hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and I talked about my
feelings.” He grimaced a little. “Jesus, can you believe it?”

No, she was
floored.

“After you came
to my house and pointed out that I like control, and then you
invited me to call you when I was ready to give up that control,
you had me thinking.” He shook his head. “The thought of giving up
my control was inconceivable, but then you rang me this morning and
apologised, and basically told me goodbye and we’d see each other
around sometime. I waited for that feeling of relief, of having
been let-off the hook, so to speak, but that elation never came.
Instead, I felt…” Tim blew out a long breath.

Holding her
own, Cindy waited.

“I felt let
down,” Tim said. “Dropped. I felt like you’d yanked the carpet out
from under my feet and I panicked.”

“You?” She
couldn’t help but be surprised.

“Yeah. I rang
you back and you hung up on me.” This time both his gaze and his
tone were a little accusatory.

“Correct.” She
didn’t think it was the time to confess to her own panic at the
time.

His gaze
sharpened, but he continued. “You left me hanging, Cindy. My bloody
emotions were shot to shit, I didn’t know what I wanted, I stood
there while my mind went berserk, not knowing what to think or what
to make of the stupid
feelings
that were bombarding me, and
none of them was relief. And guess what I did?” He didn’t wait for
a reply. “I actually rang up Rick but he was at work. I rang Mike
and he was at work, too, but Maddy was home. Before you know it, I
was in her cosy kitchen, eating homemade cake, drinking tea and
discussing my
feelings
.”

Cindy had to
fight the urge to laugh at the mortification on his face, but her
heart also did a little tango in her chest at the thought of the
unflappable Tim Clarke sitting and talking to someone about his
emotions.

About his
feelings for her.

“And what did
Maddy say?” she asked curiously.

“Maddy has a
way of making a man spill his guts.” Tim shoved a hand through his
hair, the motion leaving a lock of the silken strands to flop
enchantingly across his forehead.

Cindy had to
fight the urge to reach out and brush it back.

“Before I knew
it I was practically blubbering at the table, telling her all about
my mother and my ball-breaker dates, as you called them. I was
telling her about my control issues, as you’d also pointed out.”
Tim pinched the bridge of his nose. “She promised me she’d never
let Mike and Rick know. I made her promise.”

She fought the
smile.

“And then I
mentioned your name.” He looked directly at her. “Just your
name.”

All amusement
faded and she bit her bottom lip.

“I said
‘Cindy’, and Maddy knew. She just knew.” Tim’s gaze was unnervingly
locked on her, and no way could she break it. His voice deepened,
lowered. “She told me what I already knew deep down in my heart.
She brought to the surface what I was trying to hide from even
myself. Do you know what she told me, Cindy?”

“No.” Her
answer was barely audible in the room. She wanted to know, though,
wanted to know so badly.

“She told me
that if I cared for you, that I had to push my past aside and
concentrate on the present. If I wanted you, I had to come and talk
to you, to let you know.” His eyes darkened. “She told me, Cindy,
that I had to give myself a chance, and I had to give you a chance
to accept me, too.”

Nervously she
chewed her bottom lip, her own emotions bombarding her.
Uncertainty, hope, a thrill of anticipation.

Forearms
resting on the back of the chair, Tim held her gaze, allowing the
silence between them to lengthen.

And
lengthen.

It was suddenly
too warm in the kitchen, too confining, too intense.

Intense. So
very intense. He watched her intently, heat in his eyes but his
face inscrutable.

Waiting.

“Cindy,” he
finally said. “Tell me what you’re feeling, because I swear, your
face is so white I’m starting to wonder if I’ve shocked you into a
heart attack.”

She
swallowed.

“Tell me,” he
insisted. “I’ve told you everything, now I need to know if I have a
chance.”

Oh God. Taking
a deep breath, Cindy looked down to discover that her fingers were
twisting nervously together. Freeing her fingers from each other,
she splayed her fingers out on her thighs and rubbed her suddenly
damp palms on her skirt.

She’d always
thought she had her emotions under control, that she was cool and
calm and collected, that she knew exactly what she wanted and how,
but now she was a basket of nerves. A real basket case, in fact.
Her heart was pounding in her chest, her cheeks felt way too warm,
and her hands were actually shaking.

A sudden
movement had her glancing up to see Tim kneeling down before her,
one of his hands covering her own. The calloused warmth of his palm
was oddly comforting, but the expression in his eyes was mixed.
Gentleness, understanding, a little wariness, and a touch of heat.
It was a heady mixture.

His voice was
patient. “Cindy?”

“I’m not sure
where my confidence has gone,” she admitted a little shakily.
“That’s certainly shot that myth to pieces.”

“You’re fine.”
A slight smile greeted this, but his gaze remained steady. “Talk to
me.” When she could only look wordlessly at him, he said
encouragingly, “Just tell me how you feel right now.”

“Right
now?”

“Right
now.”

Okay, she could
do that. “I feel uncertain.”

“And?”

“Um…stunned?”

“Are you asking
or telling me?”

“Telling.”

“Tell me
more.”

“I don’t know
about this, Tim-”

“Tell me more.”
His tone brooked no argument, his gaze sombre.

“Okay,” she
said. “I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff and I’m
wondering if I step off, will someone catch me when I fall, or will
I just tumble down and break my neck?”

“Shouldn’t that
be heart?”

“Damn it!”
Exasperated, Cindy made to jump to her feet.

“No, wait.” Tim
immediately grabbed her thighs, preventing her from moving. “I’m
sorry. I was just trying to put you at ease.” He shook his head.
“That didn’t work.”

“You think?”
Irritation, nerves, and yes, a little embarrassment, all warred
within her.

He sighed. “I’m
not good at this.”

“I agree. You
suck at it.”

“Give me a
chance, Cindy. Give me a chance to
not
suck at it.”

“How can I take
you seriously when you can joke at a time like this?”

“How can you
not take me seriously?”

“Huh?”

Releasing her
hands, Tim sat back on his heels and looked up at her. His eyes,
usually twinkling with mischief, were grave. Not an ounce of
amusement showed on his face.

“Right now, I’m
more than serious that I’ve ever been in my life,” he said quietly.
“I’ve done things for you I’d never do for anyone else. I’ve talked
about my feelings, I’ve swallowed my pride and come over here, I’m
listening to my heart and laying it before you. If anyone’s at risk
of having their heart broken, Cindy, it’s me.”

The words,
spoken with such heartfelt honesty, seemed to hang in the air
between them. They slipped through her conscious, reverberating
through her, slipping inside her mind and settling in, the meaning
becoming so clear, the knowledge that he was right sinking deep
into her.

“We know what I
want,” he continued softly. “You. I know you’re scared of taking
that step off the cliff, of giving me a chance. Giving us a chance.
But tell me, Cindy, tell me truthfully. If I got up and walked
through that door, how would you feel? What do you want?”

Closing her
eyes, she sought to calm her jittery nerves. This should have been
so easy. She always knew what she wanted. She had everything that
she wanted, everything except-

A movement at
her feet had her opening her eyes and lunging forward in a panic to
throw her arms around Tim’s neck to prevent him from getting up.
“Don’t go!”

His arms slid
around her, holding her close to him as he assured her quietly,
“I’m not going anywhere.”

Up on his
knees, her movements having put him neatly between her spread
thighs, he was able to cradle her against him, one of his hands at
the small of her back, the other up higher.

Arms around his
neck, her chin resting on his shoulder, Cindy took a deep breath
and closed her eyes.

Loss. When
she’d thought that he had been getting up to walk away, she’d felt
total loss. Loss of one playboy vet, one lean, tall, brown-eyed man
who had somehow snuck into her life without her having been aware
of it happening, who could make her stomach do flips and make her
feel alive, make her feel as no other man ever had in her life.