Very Wicked Things (32 page)

“
Does doing a wicked thing make you bad inside
?

I must believe it doesn’t
.”

–
Dovey

THE MAN INSISTED on walking me to the lobby, and because I didn’t want to be weird, I let him. It was just past ten o’clock, so more than likely, the BA dance was still going strong.

We stepped off the elevator and onto the first floor, his hand at my elbow again, this time more firmly, as if he’d staked his claim and now I was his.

I walked fast.

We passed by the bar where we’d met earlier, and a guy with white hair caught my attention at one of the bar stools. With dawning horror, I realized it was Spider.

He sat there, nursing a whisky, his brown eyes widening as he caught my eyes through the glass wall that separated the bar from the hotel. I tried to make myself disappear, but yeah, that didn’t work. His mouth opened as if to speak, but then he noticed The Man. Red colored his cheeks as he bolted from the stool and came barreling out the door.

My stomach dropped, and I walked more briskly for the exit, putting some distance between us.

“Dovey!” he yelled. The sound of his footfalls were like a death knell in my head.

The Man stopped and looked over his shoulder. “Friend of yours?”

I licked my lips. “He’s one of the students at my school. There was a dance here tonight.”

“Ah,” he murmured. He brushed his lips against mine. “Perhaps I should be going then?”

Please, yes!

“Yes,” I whispered.

He turned and walked away just as Spider reached me.

“Who the fuck was that douche?” he shouted, his voice loud and carrying down the hall of the hotel. He literally bounced around me, jittery, with a wild look in his eyes. Something was more wrong with him than just seeing me with someone. Maybe it had something to do with his black eye.

“Calm down,” I said, tugging on his arm, ushering him to the side.

“You turn me down, but you’re with some old fuck?” he hissed at me.

“Shut up,” I seethed. “You messed us up, not me.” And then I pivoted, my heels clicking against the tile.

“Don’t walk away from me.” He whipped me around, and nose to nose, we faced off so close I could smell the bourbon on his breath. How much had he had tonight?

“Why were you coming from where the rooms are with a man twice your age?” He enunciated the words slowly.

“Let go of me,” I snapped, pulling away my arm. “You do not own me. I do not have to answer to you.”

He let me go, and I stumbled back but caught myself on one of the heavy pieces of hotel furniture. He immediately looked sorry, but my mouth tightened.

“Go away, Spider. I’m not talking to you when you’re trashed.”

He waved his hands around. “I’m not drunk.”

I shook my head, words I shouldn’t say spilling out. “Yes, you are. And you only want me because I keep telling you no. And that man you saw? I was making the money I needed to pay back the loan shark. Because if I didn’t, he was going to hurt Sarah or me or anybody I cared about. Maybe you.”

His face whitened. “To pay off your debt? But I thought—”

“You thought what? You haven’t spoken to me! You’re too busy getting blow jobs in your car.”

“I tried to give you money—”

“I don’t want it,” I bit out. “And it’s not like you’ve tried to ask me how it was going anyway. You didn’t call me or try to talk to me at school. What was I supposed to think?”

He clutched his stomach, his anger gone. He gazed at me in horror. “You fucked him for money?”

A low voice growled at me from behind. “
What have you done
?”

No. Just no
.

Please, not him. Not Cuba.

I turned.

The hotel lobby shrank down to just me in my black dress and him in his black tux. All the sounds disappeared around us except for his heavy breathing and my short pants. His jungle cat eyes were the darkest I’d ever seen them, his neck corded, his nose flared.

He clenched his fists. “You whored yourself out for money when I had plenty? When Spider had plenty?
Why
?”

I clung to my purse, swaying on my feet, trying to quiet the screaming in my head. I didn’t have an answer for him that he’d understand.

And so. A second later, I took off in a dead-run for the exit, and part of me wanted him to yell and call me back, but all I got was silence.

Blinded by tears, I somehow managed to crawl inside a waiting taxi that drove me back to Ratcliffe where I belonged.

“
Everyone’s got a limit
.”

–
Dovey

I CAME HOME and sat on the front porch until the dawn peeked her yellow fingers over the horizon. Heather-Lynn found me there when she came out for the morning paper.

She didn’t seem surprised by my all-nighter. She simply plopped down beside me, dressed in her housecoat and kitten heels. Together, we watched Ricky look for a place to potty. She smelled like tea and cigarettes. She smelled like home. Not this old house, but the warmth of our threesome, the way it held us all together.

Sighing, I leaned my head on her shoulder. “I did something bad.”

She was quiet for a while, mulling over my words. She was a smart lady in the end. “You lied about Alexander waiting for the house to sell, didn’t you? He wants his money now?”

I nodded.

She wrapped her arms around me. “You wanna talk? Tell me what you did?”

I chewed on that, played it through my mind. “I don’t know, but it seems I’m more like my mama than I ever thought.”

She sucked in a sharp breath. “Oh, Dovey, don’t say you—”

“I had to,” I said, explaining about the drugs and how I couldn’t sell them. I told her how Alexander had threatened all of us. “It didn’t matter to him that I’m his daughter.” And still that hurt me. Perhaps because a parent’s rejection is one you never recover from.

She sniffed, and I saw with surprise she’d teared up. “Hey, don’t you dare cry for me. We gotta stay strong.”

She shook her head. “I wish I had the money to give you, but I barely make it each month myself. You sure you can’t ask your friends for it?”

Oh. That hurt. “No, it’s too late for that anyway. I don’t think I have any friends left.” I patted her knee. “You do so much for Sarah. Thank you for watching her for me.”

As the sun rose, I realized the world is all about complimentary opposites. We exist with ups and downs, with shadows and light, with heaven and hell. Everyone makes a choice, and I’d picked my own path willingly. I’d harmed only myself.

People will judge me for what went down in that hotel room. But I own it. I did it.
And, I wouldn’t ever change my mind about that. Perhaps it’s the way I was raised, to never know if you’d have food or if your mama would come home. Those precarious facets shaped who I was, making me into someone who didn’t dwell on self-flagellation or pity. What happened, happened. Perhaps a person made of sterner stuff would have called Alexander’s bluff or gone to the police. Perhaps they would have gone to Cuba and asked for money.
But that was not me
.

I wasn’t saying it was right. It wasn’t. But, I forgave myself for my sins because, well, I’d do them again. For Sarah.

I EMAILED THE headmaster Mr. Cairn over the weekend and asked him for an emergency meeting on Monday morning. I knew what had to be done to make things better for everyone. He emailed back, agreeing to meet before school started, saving me from having to face Cuba or Spider or whoever else they’d told.

On Monday, I settled in his office chair and told him about Sarah and how I was being given power-of-attorney, making me officially in charge of our lives. I asked to finish out the last two and a half months through correspondence, claiming that with our limited resources, I needed to be with her twenty-four seven. Medical emergency. It wasn’t a lie. He agreed and gave me all the necessary paperwork to sign to get the ball rolling with my teachers.

Thankfully, classes had started by the time I left his office and cleaned out my locker. After that, I left to see Mr. Keller in the dance building. I trekked across the quad and into his office. He seemed shocked at my leaving but understood. I told him I’d be continuing my training alone. And I would. Nothing would stop me from my audition.

I left him and braved the quad.

My traitorous eyes drifted over to the football field, and I thought back to the day I’d run the entire 100 yards just to find him.

My stomach felt leaden.

And maybe that was enough of a distraction that I didn’t notice when my feet carried me to our barn. It drew me, sucked me into its orbit, and in a way that was full of regret, I was glad. I’d never see it again. Without analyzing it too much, I walked inside and peered around at the empty building. This past school year, BA had finished building a brand new equestrian facility, leaving this one empty. The loneliness of the place ate at my gut, reminding me of the days we’d spent here after practices, learning each other, falling in love.

I climbed up to the loft and looked around. The sun came in at an angle making it easy to read the graffiti-covered walls. And what I saw blew me away. My name, his name. Written in with a red sharpie or a marker.

But wait
.

Neither one of us had written our names last year, yet at some point, he’d come back and done so.

“Sebastian said he saw you out here,” a deep voice said, startling me.

I whipped around to see Cuba and took a step back. Drawn up, he appeared riddled with tension and ready to snap.

“I want to know why you did it,” he said, amber eyes burning into mine.

I hitched my dance bag on my shoulder. “Why do you care?”

He glanced at my bag. “You left your locker open. It’s empty. You’re not coming back, are you?”

“No.”

“Why?” His voice rose.

What to say? That I couldn’t bear to see him every day? That him knowing what I’d become made me want to shatter. “I did what I had to do for Sarah.”

“All you had to do was ask me.” He rubbed his hands through his hair. “I can’t wrap my head—”

“Life is not that easy or simple,” I said, exasperated. “You’re a rich kid. You don’t know how I think.”