Venus Rising (13 page)

“It’s from Old Earth.”

“Always Old Earth. You were born in the wrong
time and place, Tarik.” Narisa sipped the liquor. It had a sweet,
fiery taste and made her head swim a little, but she liked it.

“I agree with you.” Tarik broke one of the
round loaves of bread into halves and gave her part of it. Then he
poured a little more of the liquor into their cups. “I would rather
have lived in ancient days, when men made their own destinies and
were not forced to obey Jurisdiction laws, or follow the paths laid
down for them by others.”

“Do you want anarchy?”

“No, only a little freedom. I have always
done as I was ordered to do, Narisa. I had no desire to rebel and
be sent to a detention planet. Had I been free to do what I wanted,
I would have been a scholar, not a spaceman. I’d have written
accurate history, and a little bad poetry, and I’d have been
content.”

Narisa was silent, fingering her cup and
wondering if Tarik had had too much from the ceramic bottle.

“And you,” he went on. “You told me once you
became a navigator to please your father. Had you pleased yourself,
what would you have done?”

“I don’t know. I never let myself think about
it. I did as I was told to do.”

“Have you been happy?”

“As happy as anyone ever is.” She thought for
a moment, considering how much to reveal to him, then said, “Ever
since we landed on this planet, I have felt strangely confused. At
first I thought it was the effect of the crash. Later, I thought it
was the desert sun and lack of water, or the juice we swallowed.
Now I don’t know what it is. I watched the sun rise this morning
and felt happy just to be in the midst of that beauty. I see one of
the birds appear, and I’m filled with delight at its presence. I
never cry, yet I did today. My feelings about so many things are
changing. Like the way I think of you. I used to -” She
stopped.

“Dislike me?” he finished for her. “Don’t
deny it; I know you did.” The lack of anger in his tone gave her
the courage to say what she otherwise would have left unspoken. Or
perhaps it was the liquor that loosened her tongue.

“It was you who resented me,” she said
softly. “From the very first. Because of Suria.”

“Suria? What do you mean?”

“Because I was given her post. You wanted her
as navigator, not me.”

“Is that what you thought?” He caught her
hand across the table and held it tightly. “Narisa, I did not want
Suria. What was between us ended well before you came aboard the
Reliance.
Suria wanted to stop space travel and leave the
Service so she could have a child. She had applied for permission
some time ago, and since her family is highly placed on her home
planet, the chances are good she’ll be allowed to reproduce. So you
see, she would have left the ship even if you had not been assigned
as navigator. And, incidentally, we never discussed Suria having my
child.”

“Then why did you treat me so badly?” Narisa
asked. She tried to pull her hand out of his, but he would not let
it go. He leaned across the table, his face serious, his eyes
locked on hers. She held her breath, waiting for his answer.

“Because I wanted you so much,” he said. “I
saw that you had nothing to do with any of the men on board. I
thought you disliked men. You certainly seemed to dislike me, and I
didn’t want to risk being hurt by you if you rejected me. So I made
myself treat you with rigid correctness and nothing more. You can’t
imagine what you’ve put me through, how often I wanted to touch you
when you were so distant, to say something funny so I could hear
your laugh. I used to pace my cabin, listening to you cry out in
the grip of a nightmare, and wished I could break through the door
that separated us to hold you in my arms and comfort you.”

“Tarik, I thought you hated me.” The words
came out in a rush as she tried to comprehend what he was saying.
How could she have misunderstood him so completely?

“Oh, no.” He caressed the side of her face
with a slim yet very strong hand, smoothing a loose wisp of hair
away from her cheek, while his other hand still held hers enfolded
in his grasp. ``I never hated you, Narisa. And I want you still.
You must know that.”

“Tarik ?” Her voice cracked with emotion as
she spoke his name. She hardly dared believe what she had just
learned. “I thought I did dislike you. You were so critical of me,
and so arrogant. But when I saw you after the Cetan attack, injured
and likely to die, I knew I couldn’t leave you behind on the
Reliance.
You make me so angry; you have no respect for
Service regulations or Jurisdiction laws; and you make me think
about things I would rather not think of at all. But something
about you touches the deepest part of me, and when you kiss me, I
know that I want you, too. Still, I’m afraid.” It cost her a good
deal to admit that, but she had to say it.

He let go of her hand to cup her face between
both of his hands, then leaned over and kissed her lightly.

“My sweet Narisa, there is nothing to fear. I
won’t hurt you, no more than any other man has. Or is that it? Did
someone hurt you once, perhaps the first time? Is that why you’re
afraid?”

“No.” She caught at his hands, pulling them
away from her face. “Tarik, there hasn’t been any other man. No one
at all.”

“No one?” he repeated, his amazement plain to
see.

Narisa hurried on nervously, looking anywhere
but at his astonished face. “I know most people treat lovemaking
very casually, but it seemed too important to me. There was never
the right man among my friends, not even on Belta when I was
fifteen, which is the usual age there to begin such things, and so
I just waited. And kept on waiting.”

“Yet you said you wanted me.”

“I do.” She made herself meet his eyes at
last, overwhelmed by emotion and absolutely certain of what she was
doing. “I don’t want to wait any longer. Please, Tarik.”

“Narisa, my sweet love.” He meant those
words. She had never seen such an expression on a man’s face
before, of wonder and surprise, and yes, love. It was not just
physical hunger Tarik felt for her. She was wise enough to see
that.

He rose from his chair and held out his arms,
and she went into them, putting her own arms around him, feeling
his strength beneath the thin red robe, and his need of her. She
raised her face.

Their mouths met in a warm, lingering kiss
that went on and on until Narisa imagined he had drawn her very
soul out of her body and made it his own. When the kiss finally
ended, she hung in his arms, her eyes closed, while he covered her
face and throat with more kisses. He returned finally to her softly
parted lips, his tongue searching gently across them, then plunging
into the moist sweetness of her mouth. Narisa moaned and leaned
against him, overcome with weakness. She felt him lift her off her
feet and was glad of it, for her knees would not have held much
longer.

Tarik carried her to the grandest of the
personal rooms, and laid her down upon one of the beds. He leaned
over her, brushing his mouth across her cheek.

“In ancient days on Old Earth,” he whispered,
“a woman preserved her virginity until her marriage night, then
gave it in love and trust to her husband.”

“Marriage?” Narisa’s eyelids fluttered open.
Like her parents? Did he really care for her that much? His next
words answered her unspoken question.

“I love you, Narisa. I have since I first saw
you. And because I love you, I respect and trust you, as I hope you
do me. Most of all, I treasure what you freely give me now.”

“Oh, Tarik.” She could not meet his eyes. She
had already violated his trust by sending out the rescue call.
Wishing she had never touched the computer-communicator, she buried
her face in his neck, hiding her guilt.

“If you don’t love me now, perhaps you will
in time. But whether you do or not, I love you and always will.” He
began to demonstrate that love with his hands and mouth and with
murmured words. Golden lines of beautiful ancient poetry caressed
her ears as he removed her gown and slippers, and told her how
beautiful she was, how priceless, how dear to him.

She saw his naked body, slim and taut and
full with need of her, and her own body responded to the sight with
a moist, aching emptiness that cried out to be filled by him. She
was consumed by a deep longing that sprang into life wherever he
touched her. Her fear vanished along with her lingering sense of
guilt over the message she had sent. She would worry later about
what she had done. For now there was only Tarik.

He was gentle with her, touching her
tenderly, urging her to touch him in return, stirring all her
senses until she opened to him as naturally as a flower in
springtime. Her discomfort at this first joining with a man was
brief, only an instant of pain, and a small price to pay for the
sweetness of complete union with him, or the unbelievable ecstasy
that followed. Narisa lay drenched in pleasure while he loved her,
and told her he loved her, until he could speak no more but cried
out his joy with gasping sounds that spoke more of love than words
could ever do. And when they were both replete with love, he
cradled her in his arms and whispered words again until she slept
with her head over his heart.

She woke to love again later, with no
apprehension this time, his body more familiar to her now, as hers
was to him, and it was more beautiful, more exciting and fulfilling
than the first time.

“How strange,” Tarik mused as they lay close
together afterward, “that we who are not afraid to risk our lives
in space travel should be so fearful for our hearts. How
self-protective we have both been, and would have gone on being,
had we not crashed on this blessed planet.”

“I trained myself not to feel anything at
all,” she told him.

“And now?” He ran his hand over her with
loving freedom.

“Now I feel too much, and my only fear is
that it won’t last.”

“It will,” he assured her. “To my life’s end
and beyond.”

Would it last, Narisa wondered, past her
telling him of the rescue call she had sent? She would have to do
that soon. But not yet. Not until he had loved her once more and
made her cry out in wild passion as he taught her yet new ways of
delight.

She postponed telling him all the next day
while they explored the island, and swam naked in the lake and made
love on the beach under the hot orange-gold sun until they were
both covered with sand. They fell apart laughing, lying side by
side with his fingers woven between hers.

“I’m happy,” Tarik said. “I have never been
happy before.”

“Not even when you were a little boy?” She
envisioned a small, wiry child with dark hair falling into his
eyes, who questioned everything.

“I was an odd child.” He squinted into the
deep blue sky, his eyes on a pair of circling birds. He seemed to
be speaking more to them than to Narisa at his side. “I did not fit
into my family very well. I made my parents uneasy, especially my
father. My mother and my brother could always manage my father, but
I only made him angry.”

“Why?” Narisa asked, amused. “Too many
questions?”

“Yes, and as I grew older, most of them about
the intentions of the Assembly. Since my father is one of its
foremost Members, my questions did not please him.” Tarik sighed.
“Then my older brother and I quarreled. We parted on bad terms. I’m
sorry for that, because we had agreed the Assembly needs reforming
and some of its most repressive laws must be repealed or there will
be a great revolution in a few decades, which could destroy the
Jurisdiction. Together, with our mother to back us, we might have
convinced our father to take the first steps toward change.”

“I’m sorry you and your brother quarreled,”
Narisa said softly. She did not want to talk about the Assembly or
the Jurisdiction. Her mind was on more romantic subjects. She
turned on her side and ran her hand across his chest. Tarik smiled
suddenly, catching Narisa’s exploring fingers and bringing them to
his lips. The change in his mood from solemn to loving was
startling.

“You are my peace,” he whispered, “and my
joy. ‘True love is a durable fire, in the mind ever burning.’ I
burn for you, my love.”

“More poetry,” she teased. “I’m beginning to
like it.”

“And me?”

“And you.” She had not yet said she loved
him. She was still afraid to put her feelings into words, but she
thought he must know how she felt by the way she accepted him so
gladly when he began to caress her and then bent to nibble at one
bare breast.

She could not tell him what she had done
then, not while passion was rising so deliciously in both of them
once more and he was pulling her on top of him to make her embrace
him in rapturous frenzy.

After a while, she rose to plunge into the
lake again, leaving him dozing on the sand. She scrubbed herself
with both hands until the sand was washed away from her face and
hair and body. Then she swam far out into the lake, slicing the
water with long, sure Beltan strokes, glorying in the element in
which, like all Beltans, she felt most at home.

When she finally turned back toward shore,
she saw that Tarik had entered the water, too. He stood naked and
knee-deep, watching her. She waved a leisurely arm and started
toward him. After a few strokes she decided to show off a little,
to amuse him. She took the necessary three deep breaths and dove
deep into the crystalline water.

She could not find the bottom at first. The
water was a perfectly clear blue-green, pierced by long shafts of
golden sunlight. There was no bottom to the lake, or at least none
that Narisa could see. For just a moment she was lost, disoriented
as she had never been when swimming on Belta, until she noticed the
faint outline of a gray ledge. It rose precipitously, and she
followed it upward. It must be, she decided, a continuation of the
cliffs that edged the side of the lake nearest the island. Soon she
saw pale sand and knew she had judged her distance well.