Venus Envy (38 page)

T
HE DELICATE YELLOW OF ROSEBUDS ATTRACTED FRAZIER.
She much preferred the understated roses to the bright reds that most people seemed to prefer. Venus created gardens of unsurpassed harmony on her country estate, and much as Frazier wanted to wander through the rooms of Sans Souci, she decided that she should wait for her hostess to give her the grand tour if she had the time. What Frazier wanted to see was Venus’s art collection, since she assumed the goddess would possess the finest paintings from the centuries.

A lone gardener, his head turned away from her, expertly nipped at the rose stems. When she approached him he faced her and under the broad-brimmed straw hat was the imposing visage of mighty Jupiter.

He put his fingers to his lips. “Shhh.”

“How did you know Venus was asleep?” Frazier wondered.

“I didn’t. I don’t want my wife to find us. She’s a dutiful partner but she doesn’t understand me.”

Frazier smiled at the age-old line. “You like roses, I take it.”

“Yes. I even like the humble geranium. Plants possess their own intelligence. They elected to stay in one place and let life come to them. Animals elected to move and go to life. Very simple really.” He snipped another stem to promote growth. “Are you enjoying your stay with us?”

“Oh”—Frazier blushed—“I don’t know when I’ve had so much, uh, so much of everything.”

“There’s more.” He smiled with such light that Frazier had to shield her eyes.

“Sorry. You’re so beautiful I forget that you’re not one of us. I have a weakness for humans. Leda was fetching and Io and Europa. I loved Callisto, too, very much and Dionysus’s mother, Semele, was a glorious woman.”

“How can you remember all your amours?”

Jupiter laughed. “I had an affair with Mnemosyne—Memory, in English—and she gave birth to the Muses. I remember everything. Now don’t get the idea that I’m fickle or a ladies’ man. I’m not but I have been around for thousands of years and well …” He removed his hat, and his graying hair, close-cropped like a Prussian officer’s, gave him even more of a virile appearance.

“What happened to your long hair?”

“A wig. For the portrait? This is so much easier.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“Are you interested in life on earth?” Frazier accepted the peach-colored rose he handed her.

“Sometimes. Things aren’t the same down there. You people have calluses on your souls.” Her puzzled expression caused him to explain. “You want answers for every question. You are overstimulated, yet emotionally
malnourished. You are bombarded with nonstop information but the information is useless. You’ve lost your passion and soon you’ll lose your sense of humor. People who need to feel safe every second of every day can’t laugh. I used to feel sorry for humans. Then I became angry. Now, I’m bored—but not with you, my dear.”

“May I ask you an unphilosophical question? A little fact. I’m not too good at philosophy anyway.”

“Anything.” He kissed the rose in her hand.

“Do you remember killing Rachel Redington on August 11, 1843? She was an ancestor of mine, only twenty-three, and she was sitting on the porch shelling peas. She had the metal colander in her lap and a storm came up suddenly and Rachel was struck by a bolt of lightning.” Frazier’s voice rose in anticipation.

Jupiter rubbed his close-cropped beard—the long curly beard was a wig too. “August 11, let’s see. I do recall a pretty woman. Virginia summer.” He brightened. “Wild pitch. I felt terrible, but then again she was spared living through that vile war you had in the 1860’s. What in the world made you think of that?”

“My mother. We have this gigantic genealogy book and when I was little she’d turn to the page about Rachel Redington to prove to me that anything can happen to anyone at any time and I’d better damn well watch out. Scared the bejesus out of me. Oh, I didn’t mean to use that name.”

“Quite all right.” He beamed benevolence. “You have nothing to fear in life, not you, not anyone, because every bad thing that you think can happen to you will—but not always in the form you imagine. Your valor is in overcoming these trials. I myself had to battle my own father and his Titans. I didn’t know what would happen but I knew if I didn’t fight, everything really would be lost. Never ask for an easy life. Ask for courage.
I’ll give it to you if you but ask.” He draped his arm around her shoulders.

Although Jupiter was putting the moves on her, a game Frazier knew well, there was something paternal, kind, about him. “I’ll remember that. Mnemosyne.”

“From the sewer to the stars. Life goes on at all levels simultaneously. Once you understand that, you’ll know there are no contradictions. None. What appears to be contradictory is just two levels of life colliding. See, the whole picture and every object, every person, is in place.” He strolled with her through the garden. “Don’t seek to understand this. That is for the gods. We’ve given you the gift of life. Yours is to enjoy it. If you’re sour, if you’re lazy, you’ve betrayed us—and yourself. Joy, Frazier, joy!” He lifted his arms upward and a flock of Venus’s white doves twittered out of the trees and flew around them to return to their nests.

“Venus is telling me the same thing—in her way.”

“Wonderful soul, my daughter.” He reached down and held her hand, swinging their hands as the tiny pebbles crunched underfoot.

It wasn’t until Frazier glanced down that she realized they were walking on diamonds, with a few rubies, emeralds, and sapphires thrown in for color. She stooped over to pick one up. “Incredible.”

“Here.” Jupiter took the diamond from her hand, knelt down, and picked up two more. He squeezed them in his hand, fashioning them like clay, and handed her an exquisite emerald-cut diamond of seven sensational carats. “To remember me by.” He stood up.

Speechless, Frazier stared, transfixed by the pale fire in her palm. “It’s … overwhelming.”

He roared, “I’ll show you overwhelming.” And laughing, he enlarged himself to such a height she couldn’t see his face. His penis, quickly hardening, cast a shadow on
the gardens. Jupiter reached down and pulled out his member, as big as the Empire State Building. He rubbed himself a few times and sperm squirted across the sky, except it wasn’t white; the ejaculate filled the azure blue with a rainbow of glittering colors. He instantly reduced himself, drawing alongside Frazier as the colors, iridescent, melted into one another. “Better than fireworks.”

“I’ll say.” Frazier couldn’t take her eyes off the sky. “I’m off fireworks anyway.”

“Oh, yes, you did make a mess—but you had help in doing so,” he corrected himself. “Might I interest you in an afternoon delight? Even the king of the gods is a slave before you.”

A mocking voice called from the house, “Daddy, that line’s got gray hairs.” Venus, dressed in jeans and a white cotton shirt open to her navel, barefooted, trotted out to her father.

Dejected, he said, “Oh, you’ve spoiled it. She’ll never go to bed with me now.”

“She can do as she pleases but don’t you think Juno will see the sky? She can’t be that far away—and when she observes your handiwork—she’s going to be on you like a hawk on a mouse. Actually, she’ll take it out on Frazier. She always does.”

“Damn.” Jupiter turned to Frazier. “I should have exercised some self-control.” His voice lowered to a creamy baritone. “But that’s the problem—around you I have no control.”

“I wouldn’t have missed that show for the world.” Frazier grinned.

“Daddy, I think I’ve got to take her back home. You wouldn’t want her changed into a bull like Europa, or think what she did to Aegina. Do you want a dragon to demolish Richmond? The Yankee armies were bad enough.”

“Oh”—he rubbed his head—“that woman!”

“At least the women she destroyed or harmed had the benefit of sleeping with you. All Frazier did was watch your—”

“Truly impressive cock.” Frazier smiled her biggest smile.

Jupiter emotionally turned to a puddle at this compliment. “If only we could have had even one night together. I promise you would not have been disappointed.”

“Perhaps I will return.”

He patted her hand. “You must go back home, much as we would love to keep you here.”

A cloud on the horizon gave evidence of Juno’s approach.

Venus grabbed Frazier’s hand. “Come on, honey. Tits to the wind.”

A
HH.” MERCURY MOANED IN HIS SLEEP, A PLEASURABLE
moan. Venus shook him again. He opened his eyes. “Huh?”

“Put your pants on. We need to get Frazier out of here.”

Frazier, big-eyed, peered out the window as the cloud grew darker and larger. “She’s picking up steam.”

“That’s not all she’s picking up.” Venus sighed.

“What’s the matter?” Mercury wiped his eyes and swung his feet over the edge of the bed.

“Juno’s about to pitch a hissy.”

“Oh, no.” He quickly tied on his winged sneakers. “Jupiter again?” Mercury remarked to Frazier: “Did you bang that old boy?”

“No, I did not,” Frazier replied with dignity. “But he felt compelled to show me how big his cock was and he jerked off into the sky. The rainbow was really beautiful.”

“He’ll never learn.” Mercury took Frazier’s right hand while Venus took the left. “Hang on to us.”

As they took off, Frazier heard Juno call, “Husband?”

Jupiter replied, “Yes, my sweetling. I’m here in the garden.”

“And not alone, you lying son of a bitch!” Juno bellowed. She stormed, literally, into the garden.

As Jupiter contended with his bellicose partner, Venus and Mercury sped through the estate, escaping through the front door. Once out in the open they shot through the air and Frazier noticed that Mercury wore his ancient helmet.

Behind him the sky darkened, thunder and lightning engulfing Sans Souci.

Venus looked over her shoulder. “She’s not buying it. And he’s losing his temper too.”

“As long as he occupies her for a bit. Once she puts her nose to the ground she’ll be like a bloodhound.”

“But I didn’t do anything,” Frazier protested.

“Oh, honey, since when does the truth have a thing to do with it? She wants to be a victim. She relishes the pain and she glories in inflicting it upon the object of his affections. If she had any guts she’d cut his balls off.” Venus ducked a low branch on a cherry tree. “Actually, if she had a grain of sense she’d realize he is what he is and she’d better love him as he is. No one ever changes anyone else unless they want to be changed.”

“We could go to your husband’s forge.” Mercury was thinking out loud.

“That Momma’s boy?” Venus curled her lip. “He’d sell us out in a heartbeat.”

“Not if you worked on him.” Mercury, too, looked over his shoulder. The sky behind them, inky black, was shot through with golden and blue lightning. “Shit,
those two are really having a Mr. and Mrs. I’m glad I never got married.”

“So am I,” Venus replied, tongue in cheek. She noticed that Frazier had tears in her eyes, they were moving so fast. “Can you breathe?”

“Barely,” Frazier gasped.

“You incline that way. Your bronchitis. Hang on a little longer until we’re clear of immediate danger,” Mercury advised.

“How about the chapel of Nicholas Fifth in the Vatican?” Frazier choked out. “Fra Angelico’s. It’s so pure and simple.”

“What in the world made you think of that?” Mercury, worried, wished he had brought his tiny wristwatch TV so he could check locations before they wasted time getting there.

“I figured she wouldn’t go near anything that was Christian,” Frazier logically replied.

“Good idea,” Venus praised her, “but you don’t know the queen of the gods. She takes credit for anything beautiful, for any painting or statue in which a woman is the dominant figure. She even claims pantyhose. She swears it impedes rape. We’d look like three tourists and it wouldn’t take her long to find us.”

“Can’t Jupiter help us out?”

“Do you want to be turned into a constellation?” Mercury said. “He can’t control her.”

“How come you two don’t like her—I mean, apart from these rampages of hers?”

“She’s not my mother,” Venus answered.

“Nor mine, and she can be a vicious bitch to her stepchildren but, oh, how she dotes on Mars and Vulcan. She’s cold to you until she needs you, and as you can imagine, she often needs me.”

“She rarely needs me,” Venus matter-of-factly added.
“Juno only likes women who are obedient. And men. Kiss her ass and she’s happy.”

An explosion in the distance worried them. “Damn.” Mercury grimaced.

“If even one mirror in my house is cracked I will tear out every hair of her moustache.”

This made Frazier laugh and she nearly let go of Venus’s hand. “Whoa.”

“Hold tight.” Venus grabbed her under the elbow. “Try that.” The goddess pointed to a grotto below them. “We can hide until we come up with a better plan.”

They dropped down and quickly entered the cool, moist cave filled with Cro-Magnon drawings. Odd bits of pillars bore testament to worship over the millennia.

“Maybe they’ll blow themselves out,” Mercury hoped.

“This is very old.” Goose bumps appeared on Frazier’s arms. “And very holy.”

“The faith of centuries.” Mercury traced a bison with his finger. “In the old days everyone got along, you know. The Norse gods were fine and we were fine and whatever gods the Incas and Aztecs believed in, everybody managed. Then the craze for one god took over and suddenly tolerance went out the window. Believe as I believe. Worship as I worship. Dress as I dress. Think as I think. It’s deadly—and it makes it quite easy to kill.”

“What do you mean?” Frazier couldn’t take her eyes off the drawings.

“Well, if someone doesn’t believe as you believe, then they are stupid or in league with the Devil. Off with their heads.”

“Ah, yes, plenty of that in my century.” Frazier was beginning to feel a prisoner of time—her time.

“See these stepping-stones to the altar?” Venus pointed to the ground.

“Smooth as the moon and worn down like half
moons.” Frazier knelt to run her hands over the deep depressions in the stones.

“How many thousands of years did it take for them to shine like this, to be caressed by those myriad human feet? These stones are the residue of higher yearnings. Does it matter if the original supplicants in this grotto wore bearskins and worshipped the Ursa Major or, later, togas and worshipped Diana? Yes, this looks like one of her shrines. And still later they came, hiding and trembling to draw sustenance from one another and share the word of Jesus—the emotions were the same. The reaching for something finer, for something that offered tranquillity in the midst of chaos. It’s all true. Pagan, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Christian—the emotions are true. The doctrine is false.”