Vein Fire (18 page)

CHAPTER  28

Restoration

Hannah’s wing was broken. Standing in her living room as she cradled it, Jared worried about his little blackbird and how this might affect her flying. He drove her to the emergency room, even though he didn’t have a driver’s license. Muttering something about him knowing how to drive anyhow, she said she was too exhausted to not believe him. The hospital was only two miles away, so the ride was short. Parking near the doors, he walked around to her side of the car and helped her out. She moved like more than just her arm hurt. A pink tongue poked from behind his lips to lick them as he imagined seeing her bruises.

Once inside, Hannah insisted that she go back to the triage on her o
wn. Jared paced after she first left. The snack machine’s inventory didn’t appeal to him, nor did he have enough change to purchase a soda. There was a fish tank where he spent fifteen minutes tracing the glass with his index finger, following the same fish as it swam back and forth. When he realized it might take a long time for Hannah to return, he gathered the golfing magazines and the Watchtower booklets, and stacked them in a pile which he placed at one end of the bench seating. He lay down on the bench and used the magazine pile as a pillow.

This could take forever. I might as well sleep.

The waiting room filled in with people as Jared slept. He didn’t wake up until a puddle of drool had dripped from his partially open lips onto the magazines. He knew people had watched him snore. Hannah entered the waiting room; her arm was in a cast and a sling. She walked slowly and carried yellow and white papers. She nodded at Jared and they exited the hospital together.

“What did they say?”

Hannah’s head hung and her hair flopped downward over her cheeks. “Can I tell you in the car?”

Jared put his arms across her shoulders and pulled her close to him as they walked to the vehicle. “Of course.”

Jared drove again, as Hannah sat solemnly. She complained that the ride from the hospital made her car sick from all of the weaving on and off of the road.

“Now are you going to tell me?”

“They saw all of my scars on my arm and asked if I had broken my arm on purpose.” Hannah sniffed. Jared didn’t look to see if she had been crying or not, but it sounded like she was.

Little bird’s broken on the inside.
“Well, did you?” Jared sounded shocked that someone would do that, or even ask Hannah if she had done so.

Her voice was small—he almost couldn’t hear her. “Yes,” she said.

“Hannah! Why did you do it?” Jared began swerving even more as he drove the car.

“Just watch where you are going or we’re going to wreck.” Hannah panicked, holding her broken arm to her chest.

Jared exaggerated his breathing. “Fine. We can talk about it later. What did the doctor say about your arm?”

“I fractured my ulna. I have to follow up with my orthopedic surgeon in a few days. That’s it.”

“Did he give you any other directions?”

“Just stupid ones like keep it elevated and he gave me pain killers—not that I didn’t already have some.”

“Yeah, that’s another thing we need to talk about.” Jared had staunchness to his voice.

Hannah leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. “Let’s not talk at all until we safely get back to my house.”

“Deal.” Jared laughed at her uneasiness.

After arriving at the house, there was an uncomfortable silence. Jared didn’t want to bring up the things the doctor had asked Hannah about, but he needed to know. Watching her wasn’t good enough anymore.

“How about I make you comfortable in your bed and we can talk there?”

“Okay.”

He hadn’t yet discovered anything which Hannah refused to do.

She sat on the edge of her bed and he took her shoes off for her. Rubbing his hands over her small feet excited him. He pulled back the covers and helped her to lift her legs onto the bed.

Jared savored fussing over Hannah. “I’ll fluff your pillow…okay…we can stick one under your arm…that’s right…I am about to cover you up. Yes. Now how about I get you your pills and a glass of ice water?”

Hannah nodded, “Thank you…that would be nice.”

Jared ran downstairs for the water and her purse. When he came back, he eased onto the bed with her, petting her hair as she swallowed pills. “Why did you throw yourself down the stairs? Did you think you could fly?”

Hannah laughed, “I can’t fly.”

Soon.
Jared stroked her hair. “Then why did you jump?”

“Sometimes I feel like it’s the only thing I can do to stop from thinking about the bad things. What do normal people do to forget things?”

“We just push them out of our minds.”

“I don’t know how to do that. Maybe that’s why I hurt myself.”

Jared moved next to Hannah, slid her head onto his chest, and put his arm gently around her shoulder. “I think you’re amazing and beautiful.”

“You do?”

“Uh-huh…since I first met you.”

Hannah snuggled closer to him.

“In fact, I need to ask you two questions. This is embarrassing for me, but I was wondering if you’d be my first?”

“First what?” She turned her head to look at him.

Jared took Hannah’s uncast hand. “I mean my first time to be with someone. I think it’s awkward to ask, but I feel a special connection with you and I want to share this with you.”

“That’s sweet
. You’re so nice to me and I don’t know how I would have made it through these past few days without you. It’s been really hard, you know?”

The prey takes the bait.
“I always want to be here for you. But I also want to take care of what happened to you—erase the memory in a sort of way.”

“How can you do that?” Hannah’s face scrunched in confusion and she repositioned her hand in his so their fingers intertwined more.

“If you let me borrow your car for a little while, when I come back, I’ll explain everything.”

Hannah shrugged. “You can borrow it; I don’t mind.”

Jared smiled and kissed her forehead, “Thank you. I need to leave now—will you be alright?”

“Of course, take my keys and lock the door on your way out.”

“I will.” Jared leaned in to kiss her mouth and Hannah returned the kiss.

*

Without a car, Jared couldn’t make the preparations previously, so he had a lot of work to do. In his backpack he had hidden an empty beer bottle, rags, and a brick. He stopped at the convenience store, purchased a gas can, and filled it. He forgot a lighter, so he went back into the store and bought one. He remembered where the house was and before he arrived, he filled the beer bottles with the gasoline and stuffed the tops with shredded rags.

Parking in front of the house would only have been a problem if they expected him, or if he was slow—he was neither. There was no thought behind the act. The brick in one hand, the Molotov cocktail in the other, Jared stood on the sidewalk, put both items down, and lit the rag coming out of the bottle. He quickly grabbed both items, took three running steps, threw the brick through the front window, and immediately tossed the bottle inside.

There was yelling, but it ceased as soon as he shut himself into the car. For someone who didn’t know how to drive, he left the scene stealthily. Towards the bottom of the hill, he was laughing so hard, he almost jumped the curb, but he regained control and cut across town to a bar two blocks from Hannah’s house. Pulling in next to their dumpster, he jumped out of the car and tossed the gas can and extra rags in with the bar’s garbage.

Jared was proud of himself. He knew Matt doubted he’d do it, so he looked forward to seeing Matt’s expression when he told him.
Such a fitting act of revenge and it happened so quickly.
Jared tried to calculate how long it took him—maybe fifteen minutes, total—
if that!
Time meant something to Jared which few people could understand. He’d lost years of his life in the institution. Some things were never recovered, and he knew this. Going back to the state hospital wasn’t an option for him.

Jared parked Hannah’s car about three feet from the curb. Parking was not a skill he had mastered. Inside the house, Hannah was sleeping. As he crawled onto the bed, Jared studied her. Leaving her to rest was an option he didn’t have the patience for, but there were many things he could do while she was asleep. After twirling some of her hair through his fingers, he kissed her gently. She stirred and emitted a soft moan. His erection moved in his pants. He sported a stiff cock since he had thrown the brick. Pyromania wasn’t his usual style, but he enjoyed the rush nonetheless.

The thought of exploring her body as she slept appealed to his lurid curiosity. She would not sleep through this—she hadn’t taken very many pills, so he chose not to wake her in such an uncivilized manner. Waking up with her was something he looked forward to. There were parts of her which she hadn’t given to anyone else. These would be the things he would take, savoring moments that lay across other moments like a pile of discarded pictures.

Jared was not a virgin, but he would not tell Hannah. In fact, no one knew but Jacqueline Spelding. She was the night nurse on the solitary confinement unit. At first, she let Jared out of his room at night, chatting and eating sponge cakes with him. After three months of stuffing his greedy mouth with her sponge cakes, she proposed an arrangement with him: They would have sex as an opportunity for mutual pleasure, and nothing else. Lifting the awkwardness of being in a relationship would allow them to get each other off without an unnecessary complication. Jared agreed. Jacqueline was not attractive. She was in her mid forties with a short, dark, graying, curly hair style suitable for a woman twenty years older than her. Long black hair grew on her arms which disgusted Jared. She was overweight with joints which cracked when she either stood up or sat down. Despite this, Jared looked forward to having sex with her. She taught him how to be attentive to a woman’s body and what it meant to give pleasure as well as to receive it. These would be the things he would show his little bird…
soon.

Hannah was still asleep when he left. Fresh ice water, her bottle of pills, and a note saying he’d stop by the next day, sat beside her on the nightstand. Using his key, he locked her
door behind him and walked to Matt’s house. Time expanded for Jared that day—he regained a portion of his lost years by making some of the moments worth twice as much.

CHAPTER  29

The  River  Of  Hannah

Jared knocked like a girl, with a faint pounding on the wood with a closed fist. The knock startled Matt, who wasn’t expecting visitors. He opened the door; Jared sauntered in and plopped himself on the couch with both arms extended outwards on top of the cushions. The stroll was feminine, so any respect he gained by the surprise visit, he lost with the walk.

“Guess what I did?” Jared smiled.

Matt closed the door and internally stuttered, waiting for Jared to say he had slept with Hannah. “I don’t know. What did you do?”

“I burned that house to the ground.”

“Really? What house?” Matt tried to stifle Jared’s glee by pretending not to know.

“You know which one—the one where those men did that shit to Hannah.”

“You’ve been busy.”

Jared clapped his hands and rocked as he laughed. “You should have seen it. I threw the brick at the window…it shattered—glass everywhere…and then in went the Molotov.”

“Was there anyone in the house?”

“I don’t know.” Jared laughed as only someone lost in the whirlpool of their own joke could.

“Did anyone come out?”

“I didn’t stick around to find out; I drove away.”

“You were in a car? Who was driving?”

Jared wrinkled out a flat, smug smile. “Hannah let me take her car.”

“You used Hannah’s car? Are you kidding me? Why would you do something so stupid?”

“What do you mean?”

What if someone saw her car? They’ll go after her for revenge.”

“Relax, relax—no one saw me.”

“Did you use gloves?”

“What for?”

“So you don’t leave your fingerprints on the bottle.”

“Why would I worry about it? All of the evidence is burned.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it is.” Matt didn’t want to share in Jared’s pleasure, but he was not indifferent
just after all that business yesterday I want to grab you and hang on to you tig
to his stupidity. Carelessness could be a carefully crafted key to Jared’s downfall. Matt did not offer advice, but sat and listened.

Fascination with fire was something neither Jared nor Matt had. These things were explored between them, at length, during their stay at Oakmont. They had swam in all areas of deviancy, exchanging what they enjoyed and what they couldn’t be bothered with. Matt knew Jared as well as he knew himself. He didn’t need to tell him what his intentions were—the story was a well worn path they’d both traveled together—one as the story teller, the other as witness. What Jared had in store for Hannah wasn’t pretty unless one liked a canvas of crushed bones and internal injuries. She would not live if she could not fly. Matt knew this; Jared did not. A large part of Jared believed she
would
fly. Matt understood that Hannah, like every other human, could not fly.

The most important unasked question was: Would Matt help Hannah? He could not answer this. Part of him wanted to be a hero—Hannah’s hero, but another part was indifferent. Lover and love-her were two different words. What panged beneath him, where a soul should have rested, was a need for her which no other could fill.

Matt cut Jared off, “So are you telling Hannah what you’ve done?”

“Pfft, of course I am. She’ll be mine before the week is out.”

“You firebombed a house to get laid?” Matt asked in disbelief.

“No. It’s all part of my agenda
.” Jared’s voice was clear and confident.

Matt entertained Jared with such questions so he wouldn’t suspect he knew him as well as he did. “Cool.”

Cool as grass under a dead body. Cool as an unused cook spoon. Cool as Jared.
Matt had heard enough. “Listen, man. The other Hannah’s coming over, so do you mind leaving? She went home to shower and when she gets back, we’re going out.”

Jared looked at Matt, but didn’t indicate that the last sentence registered with him. “You’ve acted like a good friend, Matt. I want you to know that after this is all over with, you’ll have nothing to worry about—I mean in terms of the stuff that happened at the hospital.”

This was a test Matt intended to pass. “Thanks. I appreciate this. Anything you need, just ask.”

“She’s the one, Matt. I can feel it this time. I was drawn to her—even from your stories—and honestly, you weren’t too nice about her. But, she’s special. There’s something about her. I couldn’t stay away from her, even if I tried. Do you know what I mean?”

He did. Matt and Jared were twins of a sort—like two wings of a butterfly, opposite mirrors with their contrasting dark and light appearances and both with paradoxical loves of a girl they persistently destroyed. The river of Hannah penetrated both of them. He kept denying it, but it was there. “I kind of know what you mean.”

“You don’t hide it very well.” Jared shook his head and smiled, looking up at Matt. “Who do you think you’re fooling?”

Matt squinted his eyes. “What?”

“You heard me. You think I don’t know? You take pieces of her every chance you get. You know the deal—you need to stay away from her. I’m not giving you any opportunity to fuck with the plan. And if you fuck with me…” Jared laughed. “…and if you fuck with me, I will gut you on the middle of your fucking living room carpet while you sleep.” Jared was stoic and solid when he spoke. “I know you as well as I know myself. If I find out you’re interfering, I’ll make you wish you hadn’t.”

Matt didn’t speak. He held his gaze on Jared. He was a crazy fuck, and very, very clever, but Matt would not let him have Hannah simply because he thought she could fly, and he would not keep her because he liked to watch her break.

“Do you know I was at the emergency room with her?”

Matt sat up, “You were? What the fuck happened?” His brow was furrowed and his stomach contracted from being anxious.

“She broke her arm.”

“How did she break her arm?” Matt shook his head in confusion.

“She threw herself down the stairs. I found her just after she had done it.”

“Why the fuck did she do that?”

“Think about it, Matt. You’ve done a hell of a job fucking her up.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Jared stood and picked up his backpack. “We are different, you know. You tried to destroy her. You put drugs up her nose and into her veins. I love her. I want to set her free. You could never do that. You aren’t capable.”

In the quiet after Jared left, Matt considered the truth in what he had said. Saving Hannah might mean the end of him, but their story would come full circle.