Veil (86 page)

Within seconds, she was back in college. She
was watching Jin and Ken as they argued over some formula she
didn’t care about. She didn’t care about it back then, and she
still didn’t care about it. She sat and watched the two of them and
reveled in their presence and the sounds of their voices. It was
like watching her memories come to life and made her actual
memories feel like dreams, like shadows of their former selves. She
thought perhaps her brain was loosening its grip on those memories.
Maybe her brain no longer had a reason to hold onto them so
tightly. Now that she had the Veillusion, she didn’t have to
remember—she could relive.

Revealing that Ken was the Vault for Jin’s
memory opened up a lot more of the story, and added the storyline
of how Roy became one of the legendary Tsay Trustees. During her
initial version of the Veillusion, Peyton speculated that Roy was
brought into the Tsay Legacy fold solely due to his memories of
Jin, which were used to create
The Jin Experience
.

With that Roy storyline opened up, Suren
immediately knew why Hunter summoned Roy to his house. She knew
Hunter wanted Roy to give Peyton his account of that first night
when Suren went to Roy’s house. That first night when she went over
there with a gun.

Suren knew there was no way Hunter would let
them leave out that part of the story. She figured it would be one
of the first tasty little morsels Hunter would use to spruce up the
Veillusion. She knew Hunter wouldn’t be able to resist exposing
what he saw as Suren’s character flaws and instabilities. He’d
gather them up and add them to the Veillusion like spices, until he
achieved precisely the flavors he sought: humiliation, retribution,
defeat. Right on cue, Suren found herself staring at Roy’s front
door. She was holding a gun.

Early on, Suren asked Peyton what would
happen when the Trustee whose perspective the Veiler chose wasn’t
in a particular scene, as in the one where it was only she and Roy.
What happened in that part of the story, Suren asked her, from the
perspective of the other characters in the Veillusion? Like if
someone chose to experience the Veillusion as Ken or Hunter. Peyton
responded that it was simple: the Veiler was temporarily given the
perspective of the main character of that scene.

Peyton told her that she wrote the main
characters to be Suren, Ken and Hunter—in that order. Since at
least one of those perspectives was in every scene in the
Veillusion, no part of the story would be lost to any Veiler,
regardless of which character they chose. Suren experienced that
herself in some of the scenes of Hunter and Brock or when Hunter
was in the military lab. Until she arrived at the scene of herself
standing at Roy’s door, she hadn’t given the issue much
thought.

Suren realized that no matter which
perspective—which character—a Veiler chose, they would always
experience that particular scene through Suren or Roy’s
perspective. She presumed Hunter included it on purpose. She knew
it was his way to show the world a side of the Great Widow Tsay
they’d never seen and could never imagine. She couldn’t blame him
for it.

Like Roy told her, Hunter felt as if she were
his Lundy. If she were Hunter’s Lundy, then of course he wanted the
world to see her as the monster he came to know. When sending
Peyton to Hunter, Suren had to accept what would inevitably be
revealed. The world would see that scene of Suren and Roy. She
could only hope the world would understand.

However, Suren knew the Roy scene wouldn’t be
the worst of it. She dreaded—a hundred times greater—the series of
events that Peyton cautiously referred to as the “big thing.”
Considering how Hunter believed her to be such a monster, Suren
could hardly imagine how she would be depicted during the “big
thing,” especially during the battle of the “big thing” when she
sided with Ken and his decision to act as Veil Atoner. Although she
had no choice but to accept what would be revealed, she didn’t
necessarily have to look forward to it. Her only hope was that
Peyton didn’t totally give up the reins to Hunter and allow him to
gallop freely when writing the “big thing” into the Veillusion. If
Peyton did so, Suren wouldn’t be surprised if Hunter depicted her
with horns and a devil’s tail. And, knowing Hunter, a penis.

When that time came—when she got to the
battle of the “big thing” in the story—Suren braced herself.
Twenty-plus years of her regret and guilt were about to collide
with twenty-plus years of Hunter’s resentment and blame. For the
whole world to see. Suren knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but it
was her penance. She was Hunter’s Lundy and how could he not want
the world to witness how—

Wait.

Suren shifted. She wasn’t herself in the
Veillusion anymore. Suddenly, she was Ken. She was Ken, and she was
looking at herself and Hunter through Ken’s eyes. She was Ken, and
she was listening to herself and Hunter. She and Hunter were angry.
They were yelling. It was pretty much how the scene played out in
real life, but from Ken’s perspective rather than her own.

Except … she and Hunter were both yelling at
Ken; they were both angry with him. She and Hunter were trying to
convince Ken not to do it: not to be the vAtoner for Jin’s murder.
In the Veillusion, Suren and Hunter were both arguing that it was
too risky, but Ken refused to listen to them. Ken refused to listen
and told them he would act as vAtoner with or without their
blessing. In the Veillusion, it was Ken who stormed out of the
kitchen that day, leaving Suren and Hunter behind. Suren and Hunter
… together.

Following that scene, Suren resumed the story
from her own perspective. The remainder of the Veillusion played
out pretty closely to how it did in real life. When she was
returned to her own perspective in the Veillusion, it dawned on
Suren that Veilers would all experience the battle of the ‘big
thing’ from Ken’s perspective. For whatever reason, that was how
Peyton and Hunter wrote it.

At the end of the Veillusion, which concluded
with Suren informing the court that Lundy might just have up and
died, she removed the collar and returned it to the table. Nearly
ten hours had passed and as her mind returned to reality, ten hours
worth of bodily exhaustion, thirst, and hunger flooded her in
waves. Plus, she had to pee really badly.

Her mind was racing so much that, as she
rolled herself back down the hallway toward her room, Suren didn’t
take the time to gaze at the carpet in order to be reminded of Jin.
Ignoring her considerably strong urge to go to the bathroom, she
kicked open the bedroom door with her right footrest, rolled
herself to her nightstand and picked up her cellphone. She tried
her hardest to ignore her need to pee.

“Huh—hello?” the gravelly voice on the other
end answered.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“No … no that’s ok, I’m up.”

Suren wondered why it was some people’s
instinct to fib when they first woke up. It amused her. She also
wondered why Peyton would be asleep so early in the evening.

“I’m sorry. I … I really wanted to ask you
something. I finished it.”

“Finished … finished what?”

“The Veillusion. Vuh—Veil. I just finished
it.”

“Oh, ok.”

“I wanted to ask you about … well, about the
end. Close to the end, rather. The scene with Ken.”

“Yeah,” came the response. The voice sounded
more awake and alert.

“Well, I—I just wanted to know, I guess. The
scene, it was written from Ken’s perspective. It struck me. It was
odd, I guess.”

“Yeah, it was his idea.”

“Whose idea? Hunter’s?”

“Yeah, it was Hunter’s idea. He said that’s
how he wanted it. Hold on a second.” Suren heard what sounded like
Peyton taking a drink of water. “Sorry, he … well, he said that’s
how he wanted it. It wasn’t hard to figure out why, but he didn’t
want to talk about it. He only said … well … he said—”

There was a long pause.

“Yes?” Suren pressed her.

“Well, he said he didn’t want to be
you
. He said if you were his Lundy, that meant he was Suren
and he didn’t want to be crazy, old Suren. All he said was he
didn’t want to be you.”

“I see,” was all Suren could think of to
say.

“Yeah.”

“Ok, well. Thank you. For answering my
question.” She paused and thought of what else she should ask. “Is
this the only version of it now? Is this final? The final
Veillusion.”

“Yes, definitely. That’s the only and final
version. All the other drives were wiped and that one is it. It’s
all that’s left.”

“Ok, well I do approve of it. I like what you
did with Lundy. How he’s only a black space, kind of like a chalk
outline of a body in a crime scene, but filled in with black. I
liked it. Thank you for that.”

“They don’t really do that,” Peyton
yawned.

“Huh?”

“In crime scenes, they don’t really use—” she
started to say but decided it was irrelevant, “never mind. I’m glad
you liked it though. And … and you approve?”

“Yes, I approve. Thank you, young lady. Now,
go back to sleep.”

Peyton chuckled, “Ok, I’ll try. I was up all
night after Veiling the vOlympics. I wanted to experience what it
was like to win a gold medal.”

Suren kicked herself for missing out on the
Veiled Olympics that year. It was likely her last chance.

The thought then disturbed her.

Well that’s a bit morbid. Dig your own
grave, why don’t you?

After she hung up with Peyton, Suren rolled
herself to the bathroom. Along the way, she thought about herself
and about what Hunter said. What Hunter said about not wanting to
be like her. She was pretty sure Hunter knew his words would find
their way back to her, but she didn’t doubt the truth behind his
message. She couldn’t blame Hunter for not wanting to be her. She
began reflecting on all the things she did—the person she allowed
herself to become—all in the name of her love for Jin. She did
things she knew Jin would be—

Wait.

Although she had to pee so badly she could
taste it, Suren stopped rolling. She couldn’t believe she didn’t
realize it sooner. She snatched her cellphone off her lap and
placed a call.

“Roy!”

“Yeh-yes? Yes Suren? Wh-what time is it?”

“It’s around 8ish, why is everyone in bed so
early? Geesh.”

“Suren, is there something I can help you
with? You could’ve used the intercom, remember?”

“I know what’s missing! I know what’s missing
from the story!” she ignored his question and yelled.

“Missing … story … what?” he mumbled, still
half awake.

“I know what Hunter left out of the story! I
know how they used me! I need you to go fetch him again. I know the
plan!” Suren smiled into the phone. “Aren’t you excited? I know
Ken’s plan.”

Roy rubbed one eye with the ball of his free
hand. He was too tired for her shit. Besides, he didn’t want to
know. He didn’t care.

“You know what Suren?” he snapped.

She didn’t like the tone of his voice and she
normally wouldn’t be talked to like that, but she knew the question
was angrily rhetorical, so she stayed silent.

“Hunter has a phone,” Roy barked. “Hunter has
a
goddamn
phone
!” he repeated and ended the call.

“Damnit!” Suren squeezed her phone and shook
it above her head. She not only wanted to avoid calling Hunter
herself, but Roy was totally ruining her dramatics. Totally. Damn
him.

Before she could resume rolling herself
toward the bathroom, Suren peed herself.

…
Damnit
.