Veil (57 page)

After the ringing in her ears subsided and
the rush from pulling the trigger wore off, she kneeled down beside
him and asked very clearly, very calmly, in her most usual Suren
voice, “What do you mean you killed my Jin?”

He opened his eyes, which had been closed
since Suren fired the gun. He was still unsure if she shot him. He
looked up at her. Snot leaked from his nose and mixed with the
blood. Tears streamed from his eyes and cascaded over the bridge of
his nose.

“No one got my message. No one came. No one
came for him. I had to do something. I didn’t want to die, but I
didn’t want to leave him. No one came. No one ever came.”

She stood up straight and tilted her head,
looking off to the side from the corner of her eyes. She didn’t
blink. The words were still sinking in. As she circled around him,
headed nowhere in particular at first, he rambled on.

“I just wanted to help. I just wanted to
help. He was a nice man. Nice to me. I just wanted to help.” By
that point, he was reduced to sobs. Curled up on the floor—a
puddled mess of blood, snot, tears and sweat—all Royce Houze could
do was cry.

The clicking of her heels—coming toward him
from a distance that didn’t make sense to his mind—caused him to
regain consciousness. Somehow the Great Widow Tsay had the time to
go to his kitchen, get a rag, wet it, and walk back over to him.
She leaned down and patted his face with it. He didn’t know how
long he was unconscious. How did she have time to do all that? He
couldn’t tell if no time passed or if twenty minutes passed. He was
more confused than he was scared.

She pressed the rag into the deep gash she
gave him with the butt of the gun and asked, “What do you mean you
sent a message?”

“Th—the memory. Th—the Veil. It was
suh—supposed to be a muh—message. That Juh—Jin Ts—Tsay, Jin Tsay,
was alive. That he was ah—alive. A message.”

“Shhhh,” she soothed him so he’d relax and
could speak clearly. “Breathe, take breaths. A message how?”

“I—I,” he started to say and then took a deep
breath so maybe he could get enough out before she beat him again.
“I didn’t want to die. I knew what they did to him. I knew all
about the thir—thir—thirteenth floor. I knew all that. I didn’t
know who to tell. I had no one to tell. They would’ve killed
me.”

“Shhhh,” she kept him going. “So the memory …
you sent it out as a message. It was a signal?”

“Yeh,” he began and then started over after
another deep breath. “Yes. I didn’t know what the memory would have
in it, but I knew if I got it out there then at least … at least
someone would know he was alive. Maybe they’d start looking. I
didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t go to anyone. I didn’t want
to die. Luh—look what they did to him.”

Suren flashed back to the conversations she
and Ken had in those first few days. How they decided it was stupid
of them to risk themselves. They knew what would happen to them. Is
that what he was telling her? He was afraid, like they were?

“But you sold it for a million dollars.
That’s how much you charged he said. No more, no less.”

He flinched as she pressed down too hard on
the wound.

“Buh—because I thought, that way, that way
only you … one of you, th—the Tsay Truh … truh … truh—” he was
stuck.

“Trustees,” she finished for him.

“Yes, Tsay Truh—truh. Ugh. One of you. You
would be the ones to get it. Could afford it. It had to cost a lot,
you know?”

“A message? You’re telling me it was a
message?”

“Swear on my life, ma’am. You can Veil
me
.
Swear on my life. An—and when I heard
bout what was happening to people, you … you know, ones that got
hurt because they Veiled people luh—like … like Dr. Tsay … in his
condition. People were getting hurt. Suh—so I called the store and
I told them. I said it’s not safe, you can’t sell it. I offered him
the money back. I barely spent it. I didn’t want it. But he
wouldn’t take it. And no one came. No one ever came. He laid there
in the hospital, and no one came. Wh—what could I do? I wuh—was a
Vuh—Veilgrant.”

She put one arm underneath his hunched-over
body and grabbed his elbow with her free hand. She pulled him
up.

He straightened enough to sit with his legs
crossed, but his body was still slouched over and he looked like a
slump of a blob with no spine to speak of and no bones, either. His
head hung down; the man was completely defeated. Still, he
continued on.

“I swear I wanted to help. I used to see him
every morning. He was a nice man. Always so excited. He was a happy
man. I knew what happened to him. He was nothin’ but nice. Ever. To
me. But,” he looked up at Suren with tears streaming from him so
fast they dripped from his chin, “I’m one man. What could I do?
What could I do? They’re an army. I’m … one man. One
stupid
,
fat man. And a Veilgrant. A
stupid, fat Veilgrant.”

Suren stood and took off her jacket. With one
quick motion, she sat down in front of him, crossed her legs and
draped the jacket over them, to modestly cover her.

She needed to go slowly and think about what
he said. She had to think about all the words that came at her and
think about what kind of man was seated in front of her. What was
he saying? What had he truly done? What kind of man was he?

Not much earlier, she was ready, and willing,
to put a bullet into that man’s head. Not much earlier at all. But
now…

“You said,” she began but her voice cracked
so she started over. “You said you killed the Great Jin Tsay. You
said you killed my Jin.”

He looked at her; his eyes were filled more
with shame than with tears. He shook his head back and forth. “I
can’t tell it to you, not you … no … no … no … no … I can’t … no …
no …” He repeated the word over and over, shaking his head.
Finally, he lowered it and looked down into his lap. He kept
shaking it, still repeating that one word.

She placed her hand on his knee and soothed
him, “Shhh … It’s ok
.
” She held her voice
steady despite the tremors that rattled her core. She knew what she
was about to hear would be closure, but closure still felt like an
end, like a death. “Shhh … you can tell me. Royce, look up at me,”
she told him.

He looked up at her as she asked, and was
still crying.

“Royce,” she whispered.

“Puh—please. Roy. Ms. Tsay,” he said and
immediately flinched when he realized he said her name, after she
told him not to. He winced and his expression changed to guilt and
fear. He awaited his beating.

She rubbed his knee. “It’s ok, Roy. Just tell
me. Tell me.”

He exhaled with relief and lowered his head
again, unable to look at her and speak the words. He kept his head
lowered and shook it as he spoke
.

He talked softly. “I had quit. I had quit the
hospital, the day … that day,” he started.

“I know,” she assured him. “You quit the day
you took the memory. We saw you. That’s one of the ways we pieced
it together. They told us what day you quit. So we went back. We
watched. We saw you ride the elevator up. You were holding a pouch.
Back when everyone used the Veil Collars, you had one with you. You
got off on Jin’s floor. You left soon after. You never came back to
work. That was the day you took the memory
.
The day you bottled up the message.”

“Yes ma’am. That was it. I knew I had to
leave. It might not be safe.”

“And you never went back.”

“I went back ma’am,” he argued and glanced at
her but barely held his gaze for a couple seconds. “I went back. I
swear it. I went back. I visited him,” he counted on his stubby
fingers, “four … five times, at least. I went back.”

“Tell me about the last time you went back,
Roy.”

His eyes lowered again and he continued to
shake his head, but he spoke. He spoke clearly. He almost spoke
confidently. He spoke like a man who was saying what he had to
say
,
so that he could finally get it said
and get it out.

“Yes, I went back. It had been so long, you
know? No one got my message. No one ever came. No one. The Great
Jin Tsay was all laid up in the hospital, thrown away, while the
world … well the world
,
it just went on,
acting like they loved him. I tried
.
I
tried calling people. Whoever would listen
.
But who would listen to me? Who would listen to the
crazy
,
fat Veilgrant man talking about the
Great Jin Tsay laying in a hospital, where he worked on the
13
^th
floor, the floor that doesn’t really exist?”

For the second time, Suren flashed back. She
flashed to the times when she was the crazed woman, talking about
her Jin and the 13
^th
floor and the videos. Tears filled
her eyes and she stayed them off
.

“I understand, Roy. I do. And you can tell me
what happened. I already know; I understand. But I have to hear it.
I have to hear you say it. He was my Jin. I have to hear it.”

His eyes met hers. “I know you do … I know.
It’s your right
.
It is.”

He lowered his head once again and continued,
still unable to look at her and speak.

“I went up there, and I told him. I told him
I tried. I told him I didn’t think anyone was ever going to come
for him. I told him how much the world loved him. I told him about
Veil. I told him about the Tsay Temple they built. And then”
—without moving his head, he rolled his eyes up and gauged her
reaction; they were both on the verge of crying; he quickly darted
his eyes back down— “I told him about you. I brought a picture of
you from a magazine with me. I placed it on his chest. And I told
him how you talked about him. About how you said everything you
did, you did for him. I told him about how every time you spoke to
the world, every single time, you said his name. I told him that he
was loved. I put my hand on his chest, over the picture of you,
pressed it down nice and hard so maybe he could feel that love.
Just maybe. And then,” he took a deep breath, “and then—”

He stopped. He didn’t know if he was going to
be able to say it. He breathed deeply and fought back a sob more
than he ever fought off anything.

He opened his mouth. In one breathless burst,
but in a shaky voice, he told her what he did. “And then I reached
over and turned off the machines, and I stayed there. I stayed
there and pressed that picture of you into his chest, so he could
feel the love. So he could feel it until he left this world. Until
the Great Jin Tsay left. And … and he did leave.” He paused before
he uttered his last words, which were offered as more of a
confession than any of the others. His eyes locked with hers. “He
left this world, Ms. Tsay. He left. Your Jin left.”

She broke down. She was holding her breath
and finally let it go. Her exhale blew apart her lips, letting out
a cough and opening the gates that released a flood of sobs and
cries. She cried, reached over, and grabbed his
shoulders
.
She leaned into him while she
pulled his head down onto her chest. She held his head against her
chest, while they wept together. She held him there and kissed the
top of his head.

She felt her body let go of Jin and allow him
to truly leave the world, no longer held back by the desperate
cling of her love
.
She took Roy by the
cheeks. She lifted up his face so he would look at hers.

“Thank you,” she looked into his eyes and
whispered.

Grateful to know what came of her
Jin
,
Suren kissed Roy’s forehead. She was
grateful to know how he died and what happened to his body. She was
content with finally knowing everything.

Royce Houze smiled, exhausted but relieved.
He ended with five sorrowful words.

“I always liked your Jin.”