Vanquished (26 page)

The fight goes out of me, and I collapse to the cold, tile floor. A Lesser. They're demoting Mom to Lesser because she has the mutation. She can't help it! It's not her fault. They're the ones who might be able to fix her. They're choosing not to help. Instead, they're sending her away to die.

Dr. Lane's face appears in front of mine. “That was a very stupid thing you did back there.”

I look up at her and shoot her with all the contempt I can muster. “Are you really going to lecture me?” I wipe my nose with the back of my hand. I hope it disgusts her.

She shakes her head. “No. It was brave—not to mention true—but it was still stupid. It's not time for a full frontal war. There are casualties in every battle. Unfortunately, your mom is going to be one of them. But we will win, if we keep our heads. If
you
keep
your
head. Spouting stuff like that will only get you demoted yourself, and what good can you do, locked away in a Lesser community?”

Now it's my turn to stare in shock at Dr. Lane. A realization hits me. “You gave her the Bible verse.”

She doesn't respond to that. “Do you understand what I said?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” She stands up and strides away.

“You need to say goodbye to your mom,” Fischer says softly. “You'll regret it if you don't.”

I swallow hard. “OK.”

He takes me by the hand and leads me back down the hall. I wonder if anyone notices we're holding hands, and then I think how strange it is that I would even think of that at a time like this.

Mom lies with her eyes closed in the new bed they've prepared. Dr. Bentford scowls at me as I approach, but I ignore him.

Her chest rises and falls softly. I wonder if she'll even make it through the night. “Mom?” She doesn't turn and look at me, but I can tell she's listening. “I love you, Mom. I love you so much.”

That's all I can say.

Then her lips move, so softly I barely notice. “There's more,” she whispers.

“What Mom? What did you say?” I lean in close, but she doesn't speak again.

Eventually, I feel someone's arms on me, gently tugging me away. I am enveloped in a hug, and I recognize Dad's scent. We both cry.

“It's best if you leave before we do the transport. It will be easier that way.” It's Dr. Bentford's voice. He still sounds wary, like he's waiting for me to argue.

I don't. Instead, I leave the hospital wordlessly. I won't fight with him today, or maybe ever. But there will be a fight. Somewhere down the line, when the day is right, there will be a war.

 

 

 

 

46

 

I sit with Dad and Keegan in my living room. I've cried all the tears I have, but Dad still sniffles.

Keegan offers me a tissue and I wipe my face. There's a growing pile of the little white wisps beside me.

“Maybe they'll let you visit her,” Keegan says.

My dad shakes his head. “No. Middles aren't allowed to go into Lesser cities. Ever.”

His words strike me. “Middles can't go in, but can Lessers travel between cities like Middles can?”

My dad shrugs. “I suppose so.”

“That's good.”

“Good?” Keegan asks.

The woman told me not to talk about the Test, but at this point I don't care what they do to me. If they demote me, then at least I'll be able to find Mom and Jamie. “I'm not supposed to tell you about my Test today,” I say. “But I don't really care about their rules anymore.”

“What are you saying, Hana?” Dad asks.

“I think they're going to demote me.”

Keegan's mouth literally drops open, and Dad is shocked speechless.

I shift on the sofa. “The woman said they've been watching me. I guess I've been on the radar since I got arrested.”

“What?” Keegan says. His eyes are huge, and he stares at me like I've grown a second nose.

I shrug and glance nervously at Dad. I forgot I still haven't told Keegan everything that's gone on in the last few weeks.

“What were you arrested for?” he asks.

“Breaking curfew.” My voice is less sure now.

“What were you doing?” he asks incredulously.

Well, I told him I'd changed, didn't I? But I know my answer is going to hurt him, even if it isn't true. I don't want Dad to know what I was really doing that night. “I was out meeting someone.”

“A boy,” Dad says, his nostrils flaring. He stands now. “And they've been watching you ever since?” He shakes his head, pacing the room. “No wonder they're doing this to your mother. They're punishing you.”

I stare at him in shock. Demoting
me
would punish me. Why would they demote my mom to punish me?

“You blamed them back at the hospital,” he says. “But it's your fault. You brought this on us.” His voice is low and menacing. Hateful.

Hot tears burn my eyes and I shake my head, dumbfounded. “They denied the chemo drugs before I ever started talking to Fischer.”

Regret stabs me as soon as I speak the words. The last thing I want to do is implicate Fischer, especially to Dad when he's losing his mind.

He shakes his head, glaring at me. “Get out of here.”

“Dad!” I say, the tears overflowing.

Keegan puts his hand on my arm and shakes his head. He nods toward the back door and I follow him out.

The warm afternoon air doesn't comfort me. This is my fault. Had the decision already been made before I even went to the Test? What if they decided to demote her because Dr. Bentford saw the Bible verse I left on her bedside table? I'd thought there wasn't anything worse they could do to her. Apparently, I was wrong.

Keegan wraps his arms around me and I cry into his shoulder. My body shakes as the sobs come. He holds me tighter.

“He's hurting,” Keegan says. “He's lost your mom—his wife. He's angry, and he's blaming it on you. He'll change his mind, but we have to give him some time.”

I don't speak. I just let him hold me while I cry. How can I admit that it really is my fault?

He holds me around my waist with one hand and smooths my hair with the other. “It will be fine. I know.”

Of course, he doesn't know. How could he? He hasn't been around, and he doesn't know what I've done. Still, his words make me feel better. I finally stop crying and sit with him in the grass. He holds my hand, stroking it lightly with his thumb.

“Is it true that you were arrested because you were trying to meet Fischer?”

My heart picks up speed, and I feel like even the world spins faster. “Not only Fischer,” I say quickly. “The whole group. My dad doesn't know that, of course.”

He nods. “I figured as much. What would possess you to do that?”

I glance at him quickly.

He's grinning at me. “You
have
changed, haven't you?”

I turn away from him and stare at my back door, wishing Dad would walk through and tell me he loves me. “Yes,” I say. “For the good, I hope.”

“Definitely for the good, and your changes inside have changed your looks outside. You're more beautiful than ever.”

I'm suddenly very aware of his hand holding mine. No one has ever called me beautiful before. My throat closes in, and I gently pull my hand from his grasp.

“There are still some rules I'm not willing to break,” I say softly.

He watches me, his eyes questioning.

I can imagine what he thinks. What about Fischer? Would I break the rules for him?

But I doubt he can guess the real reason I refuse him.

Jamie.

Instead of questioning me, he leans away. “So tell me about your Test.”

Chills race down my arm and I shiver. “They locked me in a room.”

“What?”

“They locked me in a room,” I say with a shrug. The grass beneath my fingers is smooth and soft. I rub it slowly, enjoying its neutral presence in my life. “I sat in a cold, metal chair while my tester stood in front of me tapping on some type of small machine.”

“My Test wasn't like that at all,” Keegan says, looking up at the blue sky.

“Yeah, well, you didn't go breaking a bunch of laws I guess.”

His eyes meet mine dead on. He watches me for what feels like ever, and then he turns away.

 

 

 

 

47

 

Keegan sits with me until it gets dark. My dad is nowhere to be seen, so I assume he left. I don't understand how he could blame me, but I try to remember what Keegan said. I can only hope he'll come around. I have to admit I haven't made it easy on him—sneaking out after curfew and messing around with illegal religion.

But what if he doesn't come around? What if he never forgives me, and worse, what if he never believes in God?

Keegan and I say goodbye, and he promises to come first thing in the morning. I lay on my bed with a sigh. Is there anything I can do for Dad? I don't know, but maybe Fischer will.

Fischer.

I smile, because I realize now he wasn't caught. It didn't register at the hospital, but now I let the warm relief wash over me.

What will Fischer think of my Test?

Fear boils in my stomach for the first time. What would demotion bring? I considered it with Jamie, but this is different. This is me.

I haven't heard Dad return, and worry creeps into my thoughts. I let Fischer's name slip, and with Dad in such a rage, what if he's gone to the guards to tell them?

I need to see Fischer, to make sure he's OK. Besides, I want to ask him how Mom did after we left.

I'm not sure when I make the decision, but before I know it I'm dressed all in black and I slip out the back door. I almost expect guards to be patrolling my house on a regular basis, but the street looks empty enough. They must figure if they're demoting me anyway it doesn't matter all that much. Adrenaline shoots through my limbs as I weave in and out of alleys. I'm not even sure where I'm going until I find myself heading toward the education district, toward the university dormitories.

A sliver of a moon dots the sky, and I'm thankful for the darkness. I reach the university campuses and hurry onto the huge lawns.

Laughter drifts on the breeze and I freeze. I slip behind a tree just as a couple sneaks past. Hands clasped, they giggle into each other's faces. They can't be so foolish, can they? Don't they know they'll get caught?

But then I hear more laughter, louder this time. Two guys, obviously students, toss a football across a lawn. The more I look, the more I see. Students are everywhere!

Don't they have curfews? Do the students have different rules? Obviously, they do. This is something I'll have to ask Keegan or Fischer about.

What little fear I have of the Greaters fades away, and I walk boldly across the lawn toward the dorms.

I reach the first tall dormitory building and the stupidity of my plan hits me. How am I going to find Fischer? Go door to door?

I rub my eyes, weary from a long day. The thought of everything that's happened today overwhelms me. My Test, possible demotion, and Mom. “Mom,” I whisper. My lip quivers, and I stubbornly bite it. Pain shoots through the sensitive, soft skin, but it doesn't matter. I won't cry or mourn. I will find her instead.

I square my shoulders and march into the first building. Narrow hallways and doors line the space, and a wide staircase leads to the next floor. Dim lights glow down the hall, casting shadows on the people inside. I notice something about this dorm—it's full of girls. Some hold hands, others laugh together. Smoke lingers in the air, and many of the girls pass dark bottles around.

I hurry outside, sure Fischer won't be in this building. Obviously, the dorms are separated into buildings for guys and girls.

The fresh air doesn't help get the disturbing images out of my head, though. I wrap my arms around my stomach and start looking for someone who can help me.

A couple comes from the bushes, giggling and holding hands.

“Excuse me, which building is the boys' dorm?”

The couple stops and the boy watches me. His eyes scan me from head to toe. I have to force myself not to run away. “It's that building over there,” he says, nodding behind me.

“Thanks,” I mutter, glad to hurry away.

It's much louder in the boys' building. Guys jog up and down the stairs, some shout, and others wrestle in the floor.

A group near the door hushes when I walk in. At first they just stare at me, but then one brave soul steps over to me. “Do you need something, honey?”

At first I think he's serious, but then he breaks into a barking laugh. His buddies howl with giggles, too.

“I'm looking for Fischer—,” I freeze. Fischer who? I realize I don't know. I've come all this way and I don't even know his last name.

By now most of the guys on the first floor have noticed I'm there. Despite the couples roaming out in the lawn, it looks like most of the students keep the rule about not being alone with the opposite sex.

The din quiets, and they stare.

“Fischer who?” the first guy asks. “You can call me Fischer if you want.” More uncontrolled laughter.

“He's a medical student,” I say, raising my voice above the noise. “He works at the hospital.”

The boy puts his hand over his heart. “You're breaking me, honey. Tell me you want me.”

Words escape me—I've never been the wittiest person at school. Instead, I shake my head.

“Are you talking about Bible boy?” someone calls out.

Some of the other guys groan.

“Bible boy has a girl coming over?” another guy shouts. A few people whistle, but the first guy answers.

“He's in room 314. Third floor.”

“Thanks,” I say, weaving in and out of bodies to get to the stairs.

“Save a little for me!” he calls.