Vanish (2 page)

My gaze drifts, brushes over the pale version of my sister, and I have to look away. Alarmed at the sight of my own twin, now as foreign to me as this desert.

I inhale a deep, shuddery breath. We’re going home, to mountains and mists and everything familiar. The one place it’s safe to be me. I’m going back to the pride.

Chapter 2

T
he shrouded township of our pride rises almost magically on the hazy evening air. The narrow dirt road opens wider amid the towering, mist-laced trees and there it lies. Cassian sighs beside me and the tightness in my chest eases a bit.
Home
.

At first it simply looks like an imposing tangle of vine and bramble, but on closer inspection you can see that it’s actually a wall. Behind it, my world hides in safety. The only place I ever thought I could live. At least before Will.

A guard stands on duty at the arched entry. Nidia’s mist flows in a thick vapor around him. I recognize Ludo at once. One of Severin’s flunkies, an onyx draki that likes to flaunt his muscles. His eyes round when he sees us. Without a word, he takes off into the township.

A guard is a peculiar sight. Nidia’s cottage is positioned at the entrance for a purpose—so she can mark the arrival and departure of anyone. We have her and the watchtowers. A guard is an added precaution, and I wonder at the reason. Did we do this? Did our unsanctioned departure trigger a hypervigilance in security?

Cassian parks in front of Nidia’s cottage. She’s already outside her door, waiting as if she sensed our arrival. And I guess she did. That’s her job, after all.

She stands so serenely; her hands clasped at her waist. The thick rope of her silvery hair hangs over one shoulder.
Hair almost identical to Tamra’s.
My gaze involuntarily swings to my sister in the backseat, now a shader, too. Mom touches a tendril of her hair as if checking to see that it’s real. I’ve watched her do this several times now.

“You’ve come home to us,” Nidia murmurs as I step from the car. The smile on her lips fails to meet her eyes, and I recall the night we slipped away from the pride—her shadow at the window and my certainty that she had let us go, let us escape. “I knew you would. Knew in order for you to stay, you would have to go so you could learn that this is where you belong.”

I soak up my surroundings, my skin savoring the wet air—and I guess she’s right. My body thrums at the reenergizing feel of the earth beneath me. This is home. I scan the streets involuntarily for Az, eager to see my best friend, but nobody is out.

Mom wraps an arm protectively around Tamra as they emerge from the car. Nidia moves forward to assist. My sister can barely walk. Her feet skim the ground between them.

“So you finally decided to come around, eh?” Nidia strokes a lock of silvery hair back from Tamra’s pale cheek. “Thought it was just a matter of time. Twins are such a rarity among our kind—I knew Jacinda couldn’t possess a talent and not you.”

Cassian gives my sister a measuring look, a girl that he—the entire pride—dismissed as worthless. I can only guess at his thoughts. Now, with one of the most powerful, coveted talents among our species, she represents the future security of the pride.

As though he feels my stare, Cassian looks at me. I shift my attention to the others and follow them inside.

Within the cottage, the familiar scents wash over me. The lingering aroma of sautéed fish mingles with the comforting smell of herbs drying by the kitchen window. An easy warmth curls through me, and I shake off the sensation, reminding myself that this is a strained homecoming. I still have Severin and the elders to face. When I left they were on the verge of ordering my wings clipped. That’s not something I can forget.

“There now. Aren’t you the chilly one? I remember the early days of my first manifest. I never thought I would feel warm again.” Nidia places a delicately veined hand against Tamra’s brow. “Let’s get you some root tea. Fluids will help restore you. And rest.” She moves into the kitchen and pours the steaming fluid from a kettle into a mug.

“Restore me to the way I used to be?” Tamra rasps from the couch, her voice rusty from disuse. These words are the most she’s said since we left Chaparral. I release a ragged breath, relieved to hear her talking again. Silly maybe, but my heart lifts, glad to hear that this part of her is unchanged at least.

Nidia holds the steaming mug to Tamra’s lips. “Is that what you want?”

Tamra’s gaze darts to me, Cassian, and then Mom, her icy eyes wary. “I don’t know,” she whispers before taking a sip from the mug and wincing.

“Too hot?” Nidia waves her hand over the mug, sending a cooling mist over the hot tea.

Mom lowers herself down beside Tamra, sitting close, almost as if she wishes to shelter her. Her gaze locks on Cassian. “What now?” Her voice is defiant, as if he were the reason and not I that we’re back. “They’ll be here any moment. What’s going to happen? Will you see us punished?”

As the son of the pride’s alpha, Cassian bears significant influence. He’s next in line, primed to take control of the pride.

Sinking into a chair, I watch his face. Something flickers in his liquid, dark eyes. “I promised Jacinda I would protect her. I would do the same for Tamra. And you.”

Mom laughs then. The sound rings hollow and dry. “Thanks for throwing me in there, but I don’t think for a moment you really care about me.”

“Mom—,” I start to say but she cuts me off.

“And that’s okay. As long as I have your word you’ll keep Jacinda and Tamra safe. They’re all I care about.”

“I give you my word. I’ll do everything in my power to protect your daughters.”

She nods. “I hope your word is enough.” Looking down again at Tamra, she seems full of regret, and I know she’s mourning the loss of her one
human
daughter.

I shift, slide a hand under my thigh, and trap it between me and the seat, suddenly uncomfortable in the conviction that she mourns
me
, too. That she has for years.

It’s a difficult thing, listening to my mother negotiate and plead for our safety—for mine. Because I screwed up. The memory of my final night with Will replays through my head. The pride has every right to be mad at me. I nearly killed us, all of us, everyone in the pride—and for a boy I’d known only a few weeks. If it wasn’t for Tamra’s shading, our secret would be in enemy hands—our greatest defense gone.

Cold washes up my back and slides over my scalp as a sudden realization presses down on me.
Will won’t remember.
Even unconscious in the car, he was in close proximity to the mist. He would have been shaded. I desperately hope that some part of our last night together remains with him, enough so he knows I didn’t just vanish from his life. He has to remember why I left. He must.

I’m still shaking, battling the idea that Will won’t know what happened to me, when the elders arrive, walking into Nidia’s little house without knocking. They fill the living room, overcrowding the small space with their towering forms.

“You’ve returned,” Severin declares, and I start at the deep sound of his voice even though I expected it.

Ever since we fled Chaparral, I’ve been hearing it in my head, imagining his voice ringing in my ears as he sentences me to a wing-clipping for my crimes. It’s with dull acceptance that I face him.

Several elders loom behind Severin, their postures alike in their rigidity. They wear nothing special to mark their status. Their inherent bearing, the features schooled into impassivity, identifies them. I can’t recall a time when I didn’t know how to pick out an elder from the rest of us.

Severin scans us in one broad sweep and his gaze comes to rest on Tamra. His eyes flicker, the barest movement, the only outward sign he gives that he’s surprised by her changed appearance. He examines her, missing nothing. Not the silvery gray eyes. Not the shock of pearlescent hair. It’s the same way he’s looked at me for so long. I’m seized with the mad impulse to move between them, to block her from his drilling gaze.

“Tamra.” He breathes her name as though he were tasting it for the first time. He steps near to rest a hand on her shoulder. I stare at his hand upon my sister and something churns in my stomach. “You’ve manifested. How wonderful.”

“So I guess she matters to you now.” It’s too late to take the defiant words back. They rip from my lips with the speed of gunfire.

Severin glares at me. His eyes cold, dark pools of night. “Everything—everyone—in this pride matters to me, Jacinda.” His possessive hand still lingers on Tamra as he says this, and I want to wrench it off her.

Yeah. Some of us just matter more.

“It’s very unfair of you to imply differently,” he adds.

I resist the urge to press close to Cassian, hating to appear intimidated as his dad stares me down. I hold my ground and keep my eyes locked on Severin. My heart aches, a twisting mass in my chest. I’ve betrayed my kind. I’ve lost Will. Let them do their worst.

A corner of Severin’s mouth curves upward with slow menace. “It’s good to have you back, Jacinda.”

Chapter 3

I
’m taken to my old house like a prisoner. Elders lead the way and follow at my back. It doesn’t seem to matter that I returned voluntarily. Cassian made a point to tell them this. He said it more than once. But it only matters that I left, that I had the nerve to slip away—a precious commodity who dared to flee when the pride has specific plans for me.

Stepping inside my childhood home—it feels strange. The space seems smaller, more confining, and I become angry at myself. This house had been enough before. I inhale the stale air. No one has probably been here since we snuck away in the dead of night.

I stare at the couch, at the center cushion with its permanent indentation. It’s Tamra’s spot, her sanctuary. Shunned by the pride as a defunct draki, she’d lose herself for hours in front of the television. It feels wrong without her here, but I understand that it has to be this way for now. Severin commanded Tamra to remain with Nidia. Mom didn’t argue, and I know it’s because she thought another shader would know best how to care for Tamra during her adjustment to her talent.

“Are you going to tuck us in, too?” Mom snaps at the elders lingering inside our house. The faces that had been so familiar and harmless to me growing up watch me with condemnation.

Slowly, they turn and exit.

“Did you see Cassian walk off with Severin?” Mom asks, hurrying to the window. I nod as she parts the curtain. “Hopefully, he’ll persuade him not to . . . punish us too harshly for leaving.”

“Yeah.” Recalling Severin’s delight over Tamra, I think it’s a distinct possibility he’ll be lenient with us.

With a grunt, Mom lets the curtain drop back in place. “Two of them are still out there.”

I look out the window and spy the two elders standing on our front porch. “They don’t look like they’re leaving any time soon. Guess they want to make sure we don’t sneak away again.”

“Tamra’s with Nidia.” Mom says this as if it’s reason enough for us to stay put. And it is. Even if I wanted to leave the pride, I would never go without my sister. Especially now. My chest feels suddenly tight at the thought of what she must be going through. She must be so confused, so . . . lost.

“I’d never leave here without Tamra,” Mom says, echoing my thoughts. Her heated gaze shoots to me like I implied we should.

I look away, down at my hands, back out the window, anywhere but at her. I don’t want her to see that I hear that
other
thing she’s not saying. That I understand what her angry gaze tells me.
But I would leave without you.

Maybe I’m not being fair. Maybe it’s my guilt and she doesn’t think that way at all.

Mom sighs, and I look back at her, watch as she tugs her hands through her hair. There are some gray strands in the curly mass. A first. “I can’t believe we’re back here,” she mutters. “Right where we started. Worse off than before.”

I cringe, feel this is a strike against me. Because it’s my fault we’re home again. All of this is my fault. I know that. And so does she.

“I’m tired,” I say. Not a lie. I don’t think I’ve slept since leaving Chaparral, my thoughts too twisted up in everything that’s happened. In all my colossal mistakes. In Will—wondering where he is, what he’s doing, thinking, remembering. Or rather, failing to remember.

I move toward my room, feeling older than I’ve ever felt.

“Jacinda.”

I stop and look over my shoulder at the sound of my name. Mom’s face is indecipherable, cast in shadow. “Are you . . .” I hear her take a breath before she continues. “That boy. Will—”

“What about him?” Even if Will is the last thing I want to talk about right now, I owe her answers. Even if it means prodding a fresh wound.

“Are you going to be able to forget him?” The ring of hope in her voice is unmistakable.

My thoughts drift back to Big Rock. To the sight of Will sliding down the rocky slope, straight into the grasping, waiting night. There had been no choice. I had to manifest. Had to save him. Even if hunters witnessed me doing it.

I had no choice then. And I have no choice now. “I have to forget,” I reply.

Mom’s amber gaze glows with knowing. “But can you?”

This time I don’t answer. Because words mean nothing. I’ll have to show her, prove to her that she can trust me again. Prove to everyone.

Turning, I head toward my room, passing framed photos of the family we once were. Complete with a handsome father and smiling mother and two happy sisters who never knew how different they would be. How could we have known the reality that awaited us?

Kicking off my shoes, I change into an old T-shirt and shorts from my dresser drawer. My eyes barely glimpse the glowing stars dotting the ceiling before my lids drift shut.

It seems only minutes later that someone is shaking me, ripping me from the comforting embrace of sleep.

“Jacinda! Wake up!”

I shove a pillow off my head and peek blearily up at Az. Thrilled as I am to see her, I would rather pull the pillow back over my head and sink back into sleep, where guilt and heartache can’t touch me.

“Az.” I rub a sleep-crusted corner of my eye. “How’d you get in here?”

“My uncle Kel is on duty on your front porch. He let me in.”

That’s right. Az’s uncle was one of the elders staring at me like I was some sort of criminal. And I guess I am. In effect. I am under house arrest, after all.

“Good to see you,” I mumble tiredly.

“Good to see you?” She whacks me with a pillow. “Is that all you can say after bailing and leaving me here alone while you run off to who knows where?”

“Mom was kind of insistent.” Now wasn’t the time to explain why we left—what the pride had intended for me. Maybe still did.

Then I remember Az was with me that morning I nearly got captured by Will and his family. We both broke sacred rules sneaking off grounds to fly in the daylight. I sit up, stare at her with concern, looking her over. “You didn’t get in trouble, did you? For sneaking off grounds with me?”

Az rolls her eyes. “They hardly spared me a thought after waking up to find you gone. Other than grilling me, that is.”

I exhale and drop back on the bed, relieved. At least I don’t have that on my conscience, too.

Az shoves a long hank of blue-streaked black hair over her shoulder and leans above me, her eyes bright with emotion. “You have no idea what it’s been like since you left.
Because
you left!”

I roll over and hug a pillow. “I’m sorry, Az.” Apparently, my conscience wasn’t to be totally spared. Admittedly, I’d thought little of Az while I was away. I’d had enough to worry about trying to get through every day in Chaparral.

A tired sigh wells up inside me. Apologizing seems to be all I do lately.

Az sniffs. “Well, at least you’re home. Maybe things can go back to normal now.”

I think of Will and how I betrayed my own kind for him, of my sister and how lost she must feel, of the elders standing guard on my porch. I doubt if anything will ever be normal again. And yet, for all of that, I am relieved to be where my draki can thrive.

“It’s been really suckish around here. Severin imposed a curfew. And he’s tightened the leash on our rec time! Can you believe it? We’re permitted to play airball once a week.
Once!
It’s just school and work, school and work. He’s a dictator!”

All this because of me? Because Mom took us and ran? Were they worried that others would do the same?

“At least we still get to fly,” she mutters. “Don’t know what I’d do without that. Scheduled group flight of course, though. That hasn’t changed. But he’s limited our air time.”

“Have you seen Cassian?” I ask.

Az arches an elegant eyebrow. “Since when are you keeping tabs on him?”

“Since he’s the one who found us and brought us back.”

“
Cassian
tracked you down? That’s where he’s been all this time? The word going around was that he took his tour.” She chuckles lightly. “Man, oh, man, he’s still got it bad for you.”

“Not
me
,” I quickly correct. “He hasn’t got it bad for me. If he ever even wanted me—”

“If?”

I glare at her and continue, “
If
he even wants me it’s only because I’m the pride’s fire-breather.” A commodity, the pride’s great weapon.

But then, not anymore. That’s changed. Now there’s Tamra. Tamra, who has always pined for Cassian. Maybe he’ll finally return those feelings. Hope swells in my chest at the possibility. And some other emotion. Something I can’t identify. Something I’ve never felt before.

“Whatever the reason, every girl in this pride would kill to have Cassian look at her the way he looks at you.” She pulls a face and flips onto her back on my bed. “Maybe even me.”

“You?” I blink.

“Yeah. Don’t worry. This isn’t a guilt trip. I never really thought I had a shot. No one did.” She winks at me. “Not with you around.”

I groan. She sounds too much like Tam. The old Tamra. The one who longed for Cassian’s attention and the pride’s acceptance. The one who watched from the sidelines as I got both. Until we moved to Chaparral and she found a new life there. Which I took from her the night I dived off a cliff after a draki hunter.

Az glances around as if she’d heard my thoughts. “Where’s Tamra?”

“You mean you haven’t heard?”

“Heard what?”

“She’s with Nidia.” My lips twist into a smile even as my stomach gives a sickening lurch at the upheaval sure to come now that my sister’s on her way to becoming the pride’s next shader. “Recuperating.”

“Recuperating from what?”

“Tamra manifested. She’s a shader.”

Az’s eyes round. “No way!” She whistles through her teeth and tugs on her lip. “Guess you’re not the only prize around here anymore then.”

“Guess not,” I murmur, suddenly not sure whether this is a good thing or bad. I used to want to be a typical draki. Nothing extraordinary. Not the pride’s great fire-breather under constant scrutiny and pressure. Now I appreciate that my uniqueness might be the only thing keeping me safe. But I also know Tamra’s newfound talent means the pride will clutch both of us all the more tightly.

Az continues, “Wonder whether Cassian will give her a second glance now.”

The floor creaks, alerting me to someone else’s presence. I look up, my face growing hot that Mom may have overheard our conversation.

Only it’s not Mom. It’s worse.

The heat descends to my neck. “How’d you get in here?” I demand, knowing Mom wouldn’t have let him waltz into my room. At least not without warning me.

Cassian looks at me intently, his eyes more black than purple right then. The purple only shows itself when he’s feeling emotion. A rarity it seems.

“How did you get in here?” I repeat. And then I realize it’s a dumb question. He’s one of them. One of my captors. The future leader of this pride, the
prince
can come and go as he pleases. “Where’s my mom?” I ask, straining for a glimpse beyond his large frame.

“Talking to my father.”

My skin shivers at this. Severin and my mom were never a good mix. I fight the urge to rush from the room, to find Mom and shield her. It’s laughable really. Mom’s the great protector—always looking out for me. Even when I don’t want her to.

So I stay put, eager to hear whatever Cassian has come to say. At least I hope he’ll tell me what’s going on. What’s going to happen to me. I’d rather hear it from him than Severin. Since Big Rock, we’re in this together. I have to believe that.

He looks at Az pointedly, like he expects her to leave. So I can be alone with him? No thanks. I slide closer to her on the bed. His gaze narrows. Message received.

“Well? You talked with your dad. What’s the verdict?” I draw a deep breath, ready to end the agony and find out whether or not I have to endure a wing clipping. Does Severin know that I revealed myself to hunters? Did Cassian tell him that? My skin goes prickly hot at the very idea. No way Mom would volunteer
that
information.

“It’s going to be okay, Jacinda.”

I angle my head. “So I won’t be punished?”

“I convinced them that you wanted to return. I told them you’re eager to fall back into pride life. That you’ll behave yourself and be more compliant.” His top lip curls faintly, and I remember what he told me back in Chaparral when he found me, that he liked me because I was different from everyone else here. Now he wants me to be the same.

I inhale sharply through my nose.
Compliant
. Submissive. Meek. Biddable. Do I even have it in me?

“Compliant? Jacinda?” Az giggles, unaware of the tension. “They bought that?”

Cassian flicks her a hard glance, then looks back to me. Waiting. What? Does he expect to hear my agreement?

“Oh.” Az sobers, looking between our two serious expressions. “Well, of course. I’m sure Jacinda will be more . . . I mean, I’m sure she realizes she belongs here. Your dad has to see that. Why would she want to stay out there—in a world she can never fit in?”

At my silence, Az swings me a questioning look. I wish I could explain to her that I might have found a reason to live out there among humans. It will take some convincing for Az to understand how I could have fallen for Will, and for whatever reason, I don’t want to talk about it in front of Cassian.

The way Cassian’s nostrils flare, it’s not far from his thoughts anyway. Beneath the swarthy skin of his face, charcoal flashes—like a creature swimming beneath the water’s surface. A beast I must placate.

I’m reminded of his animal strength, of his large frame colliding with Will on top of Big Rock. The unchecked violence as the two rolled in a twisting, tangled pile off the edge of that cliff—I shiver and press a hand to my stomach, a little sick at the memory. They wanted to kill each other. They almost did.

“You’ll stay here with your mom,” Cassian announces when it becomes clear I’m not going to give him the agreement he seeks to be a meek and compliant little draki. It’s not that I don’t want to say the words. I’m simply afraid of promising something I
can’t
do. “You can start attending school again. And work. School, work, and home. Your sister will stay with Nidia.”